the big book of nlp techniques by shlomo vaknin "NLP is all about learning how to think of things differently; particularly negative things that drag you down. Buy this book and you own THE sourcebook on how to think differently and change yourself effortlessly with NLP. It is now the only practical book in my practice and I give it to all my students." Is_c Gozlan, NLP Trainer "This is by far the most practical manual on neuro linguistic programming. It lists hundreds of patterns, methods and advanced concepts. It is definitely the book we were all waiting for, and after 35 years ofNLP, it is really about time!" NathanielJ. Varna, Author and NLP Master Practitioner "Shlomo is giving us exactly what we asked for - all the good stuff, without the fluff. I can curiously predict, that this outstanding work is going to be an essential, perhaps even mandatory, textbook in any NLP training around the globe. All my students, in the past, present and future, are going to have to get their hands on The Big Book of NLP Techniques." Deborah Eizenstein, NLP Trainer and Researcher • • AT LAST, A CONCISE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF NLP PATTERNS! The Big Book OfNLP Techniques contains over 200 patterns, strategies and methods, written in an easy to follow, step-by-step format. All the fundamentals are included, as well as advanced and unique patterns, which cannot be found in other publications. Whether you're a novice or an advanced ISBN learner of NLP, this is going to be your j most valuable practical resource. 7 Copyright © 2008 Shlomo Vaknin All rights reserved. ISBN: 1-4392-0793-3 ISBN-13: 9781439207932 Visit www.booksurge.com to order additional copies. The BIG Book of NLP Techniques • 200+ Patterns Methods & Strategies of Neuro Linguistic Programming Shlomo Vaknin • Table of Contents Acknowledgments Disclaimer Introduction How To Use This Book Applying NlP - What, How & When NlP Patterns & Strategies 1. The Swish Pattern 2. The Failure Into Feedback Pattern 3. Well Defined Outcomes 4. The E & E.P. Formation Pattern 5. Pacing & Matching 6. Finding Positive Intention 7. Behavior Appreciation 8. Mirroring 9. The As-If Pattern 10. Eliciting Subconscious Responses 11. Ecology Check 12. Physiomental State Interruption 13. State Induction 14. Accessing Resourceful States 15. The Kinesthetic Swish Pattern 16. Anchoring 17. A Script For Self Anchoring 18. Downtime 19. Collapsing Anchors 20. Perceptual Positions v xiii xv xvii 3 33 35 38 43 49 52 54 57 60 68 71 73 76 78 81 84 86 94 95 98 102 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 21. Conflicting Beliefs Integration 22. Belief Out-Framing 23. Colliding & Colluding Beliefs 24. Parts Negotiation 25. Dis-Identification 26. Resolving Internal Conflicts 27. Making Peace With Your Parents 28. Six Steps Reframing 29. Content Reframing 30. Context Reframing 31. Reframing Beliefs & Opinions - Examples 32. Basic Inner Conflict Integration 33. Mistakes Into Experience 34. Hierarchy Of Criteria 35. Aligning Perceptual Positions 36. The Allergy Pattern 37. Calibration 38. The Autobiography Pattern 39. Congruence 40. The Phobia Cure Pattern 41. Pleasure Installation 42. Exploring Causes & Effects 43. Applying logical levels 44. Pleasure Reduction 45. Developing Sensory Acuity 46. The loving Yourself Pattern 47. Abandoned Predisposition 48, Chaining States 49. Pragmagraphic Swish Design 50. Collecting Resources 51. Advanced Visual Squash 52. Digital Vs. Analogue Submodalities 53. Submodality Overlapping 54. External Stimulus Threshold vi 108 115 118 121 124 127 129 134 136 140 142 145 149 153 162 170 174 176 182 184 188 191 193 196 199 200 203 205 207 211 213 216 218 220 55. Decision Destroyer 56. The Godiva Chocolate Pattern 57. Using Rep Systems 58. Auditory Rep. System Development 59. Visual Rep. System Development 60. State Of Consciousness Awareness 61. Non-Verbal Cues Recognition 62. Compulsion Blow-Out 63. Creating Positive Expectations 64. Breaking limiting Associations 65. Secondary Gain and Personal Ecology 66. Whole System Ecology 67. Meta-Model Challenging 68. Meta-Model Intentional Usage 69. De-Nominalizing 70. The Forgiveness Pattern 71. Aligned Self 72. Circle Of Excellence 73. Assertiveness Installation 74. Self Esteem Quick Fix 75. The Smart Eating Pattern 76. Boundaries Installation 77. Criticism Analyzer 78. The Excuse Blow-Out Pattern 79. The Basic Motivation Pattern 80. The Winning Over Internal War Zone Pattern 81. Inducing Amnesia 82. Thought Virus Inoculation 83. The Inner Peace Questionnaire 84. The Relationship Clarifying Pattern 85. Building & Maintaining Rapport 86. The Falling In-love Pattern 87. Avoiding Counter-Productive Suggestions 88. The Cyber-Porn Addiction Removal Pattern vii TABLE OF CONTENTS 224 228 232 238 240 243 245 249 252 254 258 259 260 262 264 266 268 272 275 280 286 290 294 300 304 306 310 311 314 315 317 322 325 326 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 89. The Spelling Strategy 90. Elicitation Of Learning Strategies 91. New Language Rapid Learning 92. Rhythmic Learning 93. Commitment 94. The (Accelerated) Learning Chain 95. Apposition (Of Opposites) 96. Identifying Self Sabotage Elements 97. Problem Definition 98. Problem Solving Strategy (I) 99. Problem Solving Strategy (II) 100. The Walt Disney Strategy 101. The Binary Code Of Forgetfulness 102. Conflict Resolution 103. Co-Dependency Resolution 104. Meta-Programs Identification 105. Limiting Meta-Programs Challenging 106. The Meta-Programs Change Pattern 107. The Analogical Marking Method 108. Persuasion By Chunking Up/Down 109. The Classic Confusion Method 110. Applying The Law of Reversed Effect 111. The Nested Loops Method 112. A Sample Nested Loops Story 113. Subliminal Persuasion 114. Intonation 115. The Embedded Command (I) Method 116. The Embedded Command (II) - Advanced Method 117. Erickson's 55 Hypnotic Phrases 118. The Frame Of Agreement 119. TDS Manipulation 120. Values Hierarchy Identification 121. New Behavior Generator 122. Active Dreaming VIII 332 334 339 342 344 345 348 349 352 355 358 362 365 374 377 382 384 386 389 392 394 396 398 404 407 410 411 414 417 422 425 427 430 433 123. Emotional Pain Management 124. The Inner Hero Pattern 125. The Wholeness Pattern 126. The SCORE Pattern 127. Life Transitions Tracking 128. Transformation Archetype Identification 129. The Grief Pattern 130. The Pre-Grieving Pattern 131. Self-Nurturing 132. Awakening To Freedom 133. The longevity Pattern 134. Change Personal History 135. The End-Of-Day Pattern 136. Negative Associated Emotions Dissolving 137. Core Transformation 138. Mapping Anyone's Brain 139. Undetermined State Integration 140. Choice Expansion 141. The FIB Pattern 142. Memory De-Energizing 143. Somatic Fractal 144. Resource Fractal 145. Changing Beliefs - The logic Approach 146. logical levels Co-Alignment 147. The Embedded Command In A Question Method 148. The Double Bind Method 149. The Ambiguity Method 150. The Presupposition Method 151. The Metaphor Method 152. Shared Resource 153. The Dancing SCORE Pattern 154. Advantageous NlP Beliefs 155. The D.V.P Pattern 156. Belief Systems Dis-Integration ix TABLE OF CONTENTS 435 437 442 448 451 454 457 460 463 466 470 475 480 483 486 496 499 502 504 509 511 513 515 518 521 523 526 528 530 532 534 538 549 553 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 157. Criteria Installation 158. Kinesthetic Criteria 159. The Spinning Icons Pattern 160. Basic Belief Chaining 161. Advanced Belief Chaining 162. Gentling 163. Meta Transformation 164. Re-Imprinting Modeling Excellence With NLP Introduction To NLP Modeling The Key Elements of Modeling Once You Have a Model, What Do You Do With It? 165. Basic 2nd Position Modeling 166. 2nd Position Intuitive Modeling 167. Basic 3rd Position Modeling 168. Basic States Of Excellence Modeling The NLP Meta-Model Introduction 169. Generalizations 170. Universal Quantifiers 171. Lost Performatives 172. Modal Operators 173. Deletions 174. Lack of Referential Index 175. Comparative Deletions 176. Distortions 177. Nominalization 178. Mind Reading 179. Cause and Effect Distortions 180. Presuppositions 181. Complex Equivalence How to Use the Meta-Model for Therapeutic Purposes? The Milton-Model Why Use Hypnosis in NLP? x 555 559 562 565 567 571 574 577 581 583 586 588 589 591 593 595 597 597 600 601 602 603 604 606 607 608 609 611 612 613 614 615 617 617 Milton Erickson Your Subconscious What is Hypnosis? Defining A Trance Experiencing Rapid Trances Conversational Hypnosis Benefits Of The Milton Model Transderivational Search 182. Meta-Model Violations 183. Pacing Current Experience 184. Pacing and Leading 185. Linking words 186. Disjunction 187. Implied Causes 188. Tag Questions 189. Double Binds 190. Embedded Commands 191. Analogue Marking 192. Utilization 193. Nesting 194. Extended Quotes 195. Spell Out Words 196. Conversational Postulate 197. Selectional Restriction Violations 198. Ambiguities 199. Phonological Ambiguities 200. Syntactic Ambiguities 201. Scope Ambiguities 202. Punctuation Ambiguities 203. Metaphors The Satir Model Introduction Satir categories 204. The Blamer xi TABLE OF CONTENTS 617 618 620 621 622 622 623 623 625 626 627 628 630 631 632 633 634 635 636 638 639 640 641 642 643 644 635 646 647 648 651 651 652 653 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 205. The Placater 206. The Computer 207. The Distracter 208. The Leveler 209. Utilizing Flexibility 210. Category Rapport-Building Meta Programs Introduction To The NLP Meta-Programs How Does A Meta-Program Work? How to Learn and Practice the Meta-Programs Perception and Interest Styles Meta Programs Behavior Styles Meta Programs Outcomes Alignment Styles Meta Programs Additional Resources Appendix A: Modalities Abbreviations Appendix B: The Submodalities Visual Submodalities Auditory Submodalities Kinesthetic Submodalities NLP Contributors Appendix C: Logical Levels Begin! xii 654 655 656 657 658 659 661 661 663 668 669 670 671 673 677 679 679 687 689 693 695 697 Acknowledgments F IRST AND FOREMOST, big thanks to my friends and colleagues at the NlP Weekly Community. Their support and encouragement are the main reasons this book exists, and it is written with their needs and suggestions in mind. Special thanks to Robert A. Yourell, who has contributed his considerable editorial and psychological talents to this project. His experience in the mental health field began in the 1970's, and his training includes NlP, Ericksonian hypnosis, somatic psychotherapy, and other areas. He provides writing and editorial assistance to a variety of psychological and grant-related projects. His current biographical information, including organizations he has presented or provided clinical services to, is available at his website, Yourell.com. Robert shares our vision that NlP training materials can be greatly improved, and worked tirelessly with us to ensure a readable and practical result. The author and editor drew from many sources, so we wish to offer a limitless thank you to all the trainers named as originators of the patterns, as well as the many others who have influenced the development of N lP. We have made every effort to ensure that all the patterns give proper credit to their developers. Refer to the Resources section at the end of the book to get in touch with any of these contributors. last, but not least, to Tad & Adriana James, two of the most fruitful and hard working NlP Master Trainers. Tad and Adriana are the biggest supporters of the NlP Weekly Community, and they have been an inspiration and a resource for the creation of this book. And, of course, many thanks to you! For buying this book, for reading it, for trying out a pattern and reporting back to us, so that the next edition will be even better. xiii Disclaimer NLP Is Not An Alternative To Professional Help ... T HIS BOOK DOES NOT provide medical, psychiatric or psychological diagnosis, treatment, or advice. It is for informational purposes only. The material is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice or professional clinical training. Never disregard professional clinical advice and never delay in seeking it because of anything you read in this book. It is the responsibility of the reader to gain competent consultation as to their fitness to utilize the techniques disclosed in this book for any purpose, and as to what training, certification or licensure the reader may need for any application of the techniques. The author has attempted to accurately represent the opinions and techniques expressed by NlP trainers and their documentation in a useful manner, however, the author provides the material on an "AS-IS" basis. The author disclaims all warranties, either express or implied, including fitness for a particular purpose. The author does not warrant that this book can be relied upon for complete accuracy or applicability to any purpose or situation, including those resembling any listed as typical applications for any given technique. Although this material is believed to accurately reflect the techniques of the NlP community at the time of publication, the possibility of human error and changing standards for utilization of such techniques, the individuals involved in the production of this book do not warrant that the information contained herein is in every respect accurate or complete, and thus are not responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. The author makes no representation or warranties, express or implied. xv THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES In no event shall the author, any contributors or editors, or anyone referenced as a source or authority be liable for any claims or damages (including, without limitation, direct, incidental and consequential damages, personal injury/wrongful death, lost profits, resulting from the use of or inability to use this book, whether based on warranty, contract, tort, or any other legal theory, and whether or not the author is advised of the possibility of such damages. The author is not liable for any personal injury, including death, caused by your use or misuse of this book. Attributions We apologize in advance for any errors or omissions regarding the persons responsible for the NlP patterns. Because of the large community of NlP developers, and the rapid rate of development of the techniques, it can be difficult to be certain who originated a specific pattern. We relied on documentation from various dates, and members of the community familiar with the work of many developers. XVI Introduction If there was one really useful book on NLP ... ... it would be full of NLP patterns. Everyone who learns Neuro linguistic Programming knows the power of the patterns and strategies that employ the skills and knowledge of NlP. Whether you have just been introduced to the basics, or you have mastered advanced material and patterns, this work provides you with more than 100 patterns in a concise reference format. I have selected each pattern for its value and relevance. If you know the pattern, you can refresh your memory; if you want to learn it, you can do so without wading through any "fluff" such as ridiculously long explanations of NlP terms, or "magical stories" of healing and success. I chose to make this book clean of theories and fiction stories, and packed it with the most practical guidelines and advice. I have selected patterns that you can use for your personal development, coaching sessions, clinical work, and business applications such as persuasion, sales, leadership and management. If you would like to use these patterns on yourself, you can follow the steps, or use your own voice to create a recording with gaps that you feel are the right duration for you to work through the procedure; or you can pause your player for the exact time that you need. I would recommend the latter approach. It also saves time in recording. A very serious problem with quite a lot of the published materials on NlP is that they are poorly written or contain an enormous amount of "fluff". I have read more than 90% of the books in this field by now. Much of the material presented in those books is vague, makes a lot of assumptions about what the reader knows and what he or she can interpret, and even contradicts itself at times. Since NlP developed for the most part outside of an academic or scientifically informed process, many of the contributors to NlP xvii THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES developed their patterns without necessarily knowing about already existing interventions, or without making use of information available from clinical or research communities and literature. On the other hand, it's a bit of an irony that much of what is now taken for granted by psychotherapists originated or was successfully developed into training by NlP developers, but without those developers receiving any credit from the mainstream for their revolutionary research and contributions. The power of NlP lies in its base of presuppositions and practical experience. N lP developers have leveraged this base to create powerfully effective patterns. However, these writers often neglect to tell the reader whether they have successfully applied a pattern with a large number of people. This work attempts to improve the situation: 1) by carefully selecting patterns that have solid reputations in the NlP community, and which the author knows of first-hand, 2) with the help of a team of professional editors, painstakingly and unambiguously writing the patterns with very specific steps, so that they can be followed by a broad readership that includes people with only a basic understanding of NlP, and 3) re-engineering the patterns liberally, to take advantage of current knowledge in areas such as psychotherapy and learning theory. In many patterns, significant changes are made, simply by applying existing knowledge and the experience of the author and consultants. However, they remain very much in alignment with the presuppositions of NlP and the intent of the pattern. This is certainly not the end of my outcome in creating this book. It is, by all means, a published work in process. It is also where your involvement and contribution can be seen-while you read this book, practice the concepts and methods and apply them on yourself and others, keep an open mind. Find what works best, when and how, and write back to us. Tell us about your successes with these patterns or others you have come across, and by that you will help us make future editions of this book even more useful and powerful. Feel free to email me at editor@bigbookofnlp.com with any question, suggestion or comment. You can also visit the largest and most affectionate NlP community online at BigBookOfNlP.com. Enjoy the experience! - Shlomo Vaknin, C.Ht xviii How To Use This Book The Big Book is only a modest beginning ... HIGHLY EXPERIENCED NLP practitioners will have no trouble making immediate use of this book. They will recognize many of the patterns, and be curious about the ones they haven't learned seen before. We recommend that these practitioners eventually work their way through all the patterns, at least by looking them over, because they will see some improvements to many of the patterns, and may even get a clearer understanding of the pattern because of how the steps are laid out. The beginner will appreciate the structure of this book because the first section has the more fundamental NlP patterns. These will round out their repertoire and build confidence. The patterns come in three main flavors. Those that you can easily try out on yourself, those that you can try on clients or other people that you interact with, and those that require some structured participation of two or more people. Each pattern states what is needed early on. All readers will appreciate that credit is given for each pattern whenever possible. Each pattern has an introduction that explains its purpose, and is divided into steps. Once you know a pattern, the titles of the steps will be enough to guide you in practicing or in refreshing your memory of the exact steps. As you build mastery with these patterns, we encourage you to also build flexibility and creativity. In performing these patterns, you are, most importantly, applying the presuppositions and knowledge of NlP and every other source that is available to you. This ultimately transcends steps, because your mastery will enable you to improvise as you encounter new challenges and opportunities with clients. A pattern should never keep you back from overcoming an obstacle, and it should never blind you to an opportunity. Just THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES as a jazz musician practices scales and time signatures to support improvisation that goes well beyond those structures, NlP practitioners are informed by the principles of NlP as they gain subconscious mastery. As you get started with this book, have a pen or highlighter handy and mark the patterns that you want to learn or review. Highlight any words in the steps that will help you gain mastery. Be sure to stay connected with life, and have a good time. Joy and humor are great facilitators of learning and creativity. And one last advice, perhaps the most important of all-learn with others. NlP has been around for more than three decades now, and there are surely peo2 pie around you who are excited about learning NlP as you are. Find new colleagues and practice with them, share resources and knowledge, challenge and inspire each other. Join the largest international NlP community forum at BigBookOfNlP.com (free access, always!) to meet thousands of likeminded individuals and enjoy the success that comes from learning and growing together. "Two basic rules of life are these: (1) change is inevitable. (2) everybody resists change. The only person who likes change is a wet baby'~ - Roy Blitzer Applying NLP-What, How & When MAKING a change is as easy as 1,2, 3 ... 10 ... The first and most important lesson I learned in the Hypnotherapy College is this: "Accept and use whatever happens and make it work for your outcome." Here's an example of what this means. let's say that you're with a client, and someone interrupts your session. Act as if it was all planned in advance. When you're a therapist, a coach, a consultant, a motivational speaker, or any other "agent of change," your outcome is to get the client the outcome he's paying you to help him achieve. Therefore, anything that happens during the process you two are going through is OK!I have learned this lesson in the Hypnotherapy context, but it applies for NlP change-work as well. You have to understand, that it is not YOU who is making new understandings for your client, it is your client's brain that is making them. You are not changing your client's behavior. Your job is to direct the 3 client's mind through a certain process and let flit"~ do the work. To make NlP work for your client, you must assume that your client's mind is already in the process of changing that discouraging thought pattern or disabling set of behaviors. Once you assume that, all you have to do is to choose the right pattern, work with your client through that pattern, accept and use whatever happens and make it work for your outcome (sounds familiar?), compare the feedback to the given outcome, and proceed accordingly. If the feedback and the outcome are aligned, which means the client has achieved what they asked for, then your job is done. If not, you re-evaluate the session, choose a better (or stronger) pattern, perhaps also induce hypnosis in the client to reduce subconscious secondary gain based objections, and you aim for the same outcome again. But you have to remember to keep a high level of sensory acuity while you're with the client. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Be "out there," observe, absorb, constantly evaluate the direct and indirect messages coming from the client, and work with whatever it is to facilitate the change your client is paying you for. Another lesson I learned quite early in my training is that you should never make your client a friend. Yes, of course, you can have social relationships with your clients, but AFTER you've done the change-work. It is much better not to accept relatives, close family members or friends as clients, because of many reasons. The main reason is that no matter how well your intentions are, your relationship with them is in the way of their therapy and progress. On the other hand, it is also not for the client's benefit if you become friendly with them early on in the sessions. Stay formal. Be the authority they might need to be "commended" and lead, in order to change themselves. Avoid humor in the first session at least, and never ever tell jokes or lose control over the session. You are paid to help the person produce new or renewed results, not to be a comedian or just another friend. Even subconsciously, if the client suspects that your lack of skill is covered by humor and needy be4 havior, your prospects of success with them will be dim. Stay focused on one outcome at a time. Don't spread yourself too thin or work on 10 different issues in one session. Give their mind some time for processing, for re-organizing, for venting, for recovering, for grieving (usual with ex-addicts) and so on. Give them the time to see results from one or two outcomes first, so that when they return to you their motivation and confidence in your skills are high and strong. How to work with a pattern This book lists over 100 NlP patterns. You cannot realistically memorize them all, and frankly, you don't need to memorize them at all. When you choose a pattern to work with, go through the steps carefully and make sure you understand the process. There's wisdom behind every procedure in Neuro linguistic Programming. There's a logic to the way steps are organized. Try to uncover and understand that logic. Because it is a reference work for NlP patterns this book does not cover NlP theory, but we encourage you to grasp the "why" behind the patterns. The best way to do this is by reading the steps and imagining yourself saying them out loud to a client, and remaining in your imagination as an observer. That's the perceptual position you want to be in as you learn what makes a pattern work. Once you have the gestalt of that pattern, you actually own the process! Now you can work with it comfortably and with confidence without memorizing steps or scripts. You can allow yourself to experiment with a pattern, change a few things and see how it works out. You cannot harm your client if you ask him to Swish an image from bottom right to bottom left instead of the actual written instruction, so feel free to experiment and explore. In addition, you might want to record your trials and errors and successes, and make this a part of your work journal. NLP is ever-changing, just like our world, our societies and cultures. NLP evolves all the time, and you need to make sure you're always informed of the new developments. We can help you with that. Just sign up to our free newsletter at BigBookOfNLP.com. Secrets Of Successful NLP Interventions There are many reasons for why a change-work session succeeds. N LP has the reputation of a "one time therapy", which usually 5 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN means that a client will only have to see you (and pay) once for resolving a specific issue. From my experience in private practice, the one and most important factor of session success is the client's cooperation. If the client is not cooperative, there is no use to keep the session going. If they refuse to "do" things in their imagination, as an NLP pattern dictates, you ought to make it clear to them that without their full participation it is not going to work well. In other words, you are not a magician or a therapist that is forcing his clients to get better. You could, in a way, but that would leave you exhausted, frustrated and distressed, which will lead you ... into therapy yourself. Now, full cooperation is the success secret on the surface. In the deeper realm lies a very interesting therapeutic "fact": in many cases, as I've seen in my practice and noticed in more than a handful of other people's case studies, the change the client desires starts to take place as soon as he or she becomes aware of the purpose or structure of their undesired behaviors or thought patterns. In fact, I've been a witness to the whole process being completed and sealed in that phase alone! THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES The most common example is the client who comes in suffering from severe pain, which every physician concludes to be a "phantom pain", and before you even complete a "chunk down" exercise, the pain disappears. By facing the pain, by describing its modalities and submodalities, its subtle characteristics, and most importantly-its "message" or "intention", it is as if that subconscious process (inducing pain to protect the core or get attention) has been "caught" and revealed, and therefore has no longer control over the nervous system's responses to its signals. In other words, once you see how a trick is being done (what the pain was for), there's no power to the illusion (the pain without the physiological reason). This is a "fact" that you need to remember when you work with clients. Expect it to work, anticipate it, and you will soon notice that your work is much easier this way. Yes, you need to make your work as easy as possible, because your clients expect to get results and get them fast. NLP is a rapid change-work, not a tool you use when you're done with listening for hundred of hours to your client's issues. Content Vs. Content Free Another secret that would work well for you as an active practitioner is to avoid working with content as much as possible. As an NLP practitioner, your job is not to provide your client a setting in which he or she can vent out their troubles and miseries. That's what good friends are for, and you are being paid for something completely different. 6 In fact, it would be more helpful for your session if you prevent your client from venting out the negative emotions. One reason for this is, that you want your client to be fully absorbed in the process, for example if you use the States Chaining pattern or even the Swish pattern. You want their minds to be influenced and sometimes akin to make the resolution that lies within each NLP process. With most of my clients I spent 10-15 minutes, and not more than 45 minutes. I do not let them dwell on the details of the issue, certainly I would not be willing to hear gossip stories, interpretations of reality and endless amount of sorrow. I am not a psychologist and in my training I was educated to be dealing with the end result, not with what happened when they were 3 years and 10 months old, on a rainy day in Boston. The best setting for a successful NlP procedure is content free. That is, without taking actual details unless you need them. Most of the patterns and method you can find in this book are content free style. Their mind knows why they're there, and in a subconscious level all the details are being figured out as you move ahead with the process. So your control over which detail goes where and why has no meaning. More than so, dwelling on details might prevent the client from actually getting results. You cannot perform the Swish pattern, for example, by letting your client telling you the meaning of the color blue in the negative image or the reason that his hand looks dim in the positive one. These details have no meaning and if you give your client's brain a chance to doubt the process, there's a very high chance it will fail. Your Level Of NLP Experience This work assumes that the reader knows the basics of NlP. We're referring to words like "state" "pattern" and "outcome." Our website and online NlP Community, BigBookOfNlP.com, is an excellent and detailed, but 7 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN fun, introduction to NlP that includes powerful guided experiences, resources and support that will help you learn much more. It does not end here ... We know that NlP is more than just a collection of techniques. We know that we cannot contain its spirit in a cook book. But we have done our best and beyond to make sure that this reference work has selected from the best of hundreds of NlP patterns and strategies. This work will help you add to your abilities. Beyond that, it is up to you to continue developing the personal abilities that bring NlP to life: your own ability to size up a situation and choose your approach and timing; your ability to recognize what thoughts and behaviors that appear troubling, but can be utilized; your own flexibility, creativity and ability to connect the dots. This equates to a flexible, innovative attitude that takes you beyond blindly applying instructions. The more you practice this, the more you will intuitively create or modify patterns in response to new situations. After all, that is how the patterns in this work were created. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES An overview of the NLP patterns, strategies and methods listed in this book: 1. The Swish Pattern Break an automatic thought or behavior pattern, and replace it with a resourceful one. Use the Swish pattern for problems such as smoking cessation, anger management, public speaking, nervousness, self-confidence, and self esteem. 2. The Failure Into Feedback Pattern Change an attitude or belief into one that supports your excellence and success. Turn "failure" into valuable feedback and into a winning state that includes curiosity and motivation. G!0 3. Well Defined Outcomes Since most of our behavior is designed to achieve certain outcomes (goals and desires), it is very important to define these outcomes in advance. If you know where you want to be, you will be in a better position to construct the right maps to guide you. Better yet, you will be able to come up with new, easier, or faster ways to get there. 8 4. The E It E.P. Formation Pattern Determine when you have achieved a desired outcome by watching for the indications or clues that tell you. We'll call these "evidence." Develop a procedure for making sure that you perceive the evidence when it arises. G!0 5. Pacing It Matching Pacing and matching are important to modeling and rapportbuilding. Practicing this pattern sharpens your awareness of people and their unconscious communications 6. Finding Positive Intention Transforming self sabotage into success. By discovering the positive intent behind a negative behavior or attitude, you can release tremendous energy and positive commitment. 7. Behavior Appreciation Improve your performance and self care by developing a positive approach to change and personal development. 8. Mirroring Enhance your ability to establish rapport and to model excellence. This pattern builds a useful "second position" with another person. This skill is key in modeling others and for becoming intuitive in understanding the internal experiences of those you model. 00 9. The As-If Pattern Create useful states by envisioning excellence. It is a way to use imagination for success in the spirit of Milton Erickson's famous quote, "You can pretend anything and master it." This is an important skill for using modeling to achieve excellence and success. 10. Eliciting Subconscious Responses Become a master communicator by learning to recognize and utilize subtle changes in others' physiology. This pattern involves the valuable skill of eliciting unconscious resources, a skill that serves you best when it, too, is unconscious. 9 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 11. Ecology Check Induce change with this flexible and important pattern. It prevents self sabotage by making sure a change will be acceptable to all parts. 12. Physiomental State Interruption Master the art of change by learning to clear a space for a new state. You can do this by breaking or interrupting the current state. You can guide a person to the state of your choosing much more easily from a state of confusion than any other. 13. State Induction Apply one of the most fundamental NLP skills; state induction. This tool helps us induce a needed state such as confidence, prepare for an event, or take steps in many N LP patterns. 14. Accessing Resourceful States Learn state mastery. Elicit resourceful states such as confidence and creativity that will move you toward your goals. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 15. The Kinesthetic Swish Pattern Utilize feelings to generate constructive motivation and drive. 16. Anchoring Anchoring is how we get into the right state for what we want to do. You connect a symbol with the desired state, or resource state. 00 17. A Script For Self Anchoring A helpful word by word anchoring script you can record and listen to. 00 18. Downtime Learn to create a light, momentary trance in people for various uses. When your conscious awareness is focused entirely on internal experience, NLP refers to this as downtime. 19. Collapsing Anchors 21. Conflicting Beliefs Integration Conflicting beliefs can cause self-sabotage and prevent people from assertively pursuing their goals. They can undermine relationships of all kinds. This pattern assists in aligning beliefs so that they are accurate and synergistic. GI2) 22. Belief Out-Framing Question a limiting belief or assumption and consider alternative opinions. This pattern uses the law of requisite variety to accomplish this create excellence in this skill. 23. Colliding It Colluding Beliefs Replace stress and frustration with empowerment and confidence, by resolving conflicting and colluding beliefs. This pattern is primarily for interpersonal situations. 00 This pattern helps in changing 24. Parts Negotiation a dysfunctional response. Win the battle for will power 00 and succeed with inner alignment. 20. Perceptual Positions Perceptual positions are a bit like the persons in grammar, but, of course, these positions are used in NLP for visualization. 10 Eliminate self-sabotage and liberate energy for commitment and innovative problem solving. Enjoy the pleasures of life, knowing that you are leading a balanced life. ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN This happens when your parts are 28. Six Steps Reframing working together effectively. Elicit subconscious resources GI0 in order to change a habit by pro25. Dis-Identification Gain new freedom and capacity by dis-identifying with limiting beliefs. Sometimes we over-identify with some facet of our life experiences-our beliefs, body, gender, race, etc. This is limiting in itself, but we may also over-identify with even more seriously limited aspects of ourselves. This pattern serves to correct over-identification. 26. Resolving Internal Conflicts This pattern helps with the very common problem of disagreement between parts. When you struggle with yourself to do or not do something, when you procrastinate and seem to be arguing with yourself in your mind, this is the pattern to use. GI0 27. Making Peace With Your Parents liberate a great deal of energy, creativity, and personal development by resolving old issues with your parents. This is done IN your mind, not necessarily in direct contact with your parents. GI0 11 ducing alternative behaviors. 29. Content Reframing Create dramatic improvements in yourself and others by applying one of the most fundamental methods for getting a change in perspective. 30. Context Reframing Build awareness of context, and build mental flexibility and creativity. It helps you imagine "importing" a behavior, state, belief, or other aspect of yourself into various contexts. 31. Reframing Beliefs It Opinions - Examples A real life example of a conversational reframing (content and context). GI0 32. Basic Inner Conflict Integration Improve mood, motivation, and success by resolving internal conflicts between states. Generate resourceful states more consistently by resolving habitual (automatic) negative states. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 33. Mistakes Into Experience Update a behavior that has not been re-evaluated, but that is not working optimally, or is dysfunctional. 34. Hierarchy Of Criteria Resolve inner conflicts so you can engage consistently in a desired behavior. This pattern uses logical levels and NLP resources in an interweave that deserves some explaining. 35. Aligning Perceptual Positions Get dramatic improvements in your relationships with others and with yourself by correcting bad habits in perception. This pattern addresses the tendency for people to become stuck in a particular perceptual position. 36. The Allergy Pattern This pattern has a reputation for reducing or eliminating symptoms of allergies. G10 12 37. Calibration Improve your ability to observe and respond to the physiological and behavioral cues of others. "Calibration" involves linking behavioral cues to internal cognitive and emotional responses. G10 38. The Autobiography Pattern Build deep self acceptance with this hypnotic script, byexperiencing it through multiple perspectives and sensory channels. G10 39. Congruence Alignment, as occurs when your parts are aligned, brings much value to NLP, because it empowers our resources. 40. The Phobia Cure Pattern Eliminate unrealistic, habitual fears (such as the fear of flying) that can limit people's lives. It can even serve for trauma recovery, reducing or eliminating symptoms of post traumatic stress. This is also known as the visual-kinesthetic dissociation pattern. G10 41. Pleasure Installation Rebuild your happiness. Many of us have lost our connection to happiness. It may be because we need to recover from something that was psychologically overwhelming, or from the frog-ina-kettle death of happiness that creeps up on us as we become over-invested in superficial things. 0i0 42. Exploring Causes It Effects When a client comes in and seems to have a hard time to pinpoint the triggers or causes to unwanted behaviors or thought patterns. 0i0 43. Applying Logical Levels The Logical Levels concept in NLP was first introduced to the field by Robert Dilts, one of the most productive NLP master trainers and researcher. Dilts developed his logical levels to guide the process of intervention. 44. Pleasure Reduction Break out of addictions, compulsions, and obsessions by reducing the pleasure they create. It is for behaviors that are based on real needs, but that have become excessive. 13 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 45. Developing Sensory Acuity When you learn to observe people well you will notice that they make minute subconscious changes. 46. The Loving Yourself Pattern Enhance your ego strength and self esteem by improving your ability to love and appreciate yourself. 0i0 47. Abandoned Predisposition A predisposition is a tendency which is not yet a habit. It is when you hold a particular thought pattern and can't let go of it or when you act in a particular way and catch yourself "too late." This pattern helps you to abandon the predisposition by turning the compulsion into an aversion. In other words, it turns a specific thing or action you "like" into a "dislike." 0i0 48. Chaining states Make yourself immune to negative states. Create an automatic reaction that creates a resourceful and positive state instead. 0i0 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 49. Pragmagraphic Swish Design Resolve compulsive patterns; the acts that a person feels compelled to do, despite knowing better. This can include addiction, blurting out thing you thought only your parents would say, eating comfort food, switching on the television when you have paperwork to do, and many other behaviors. 00 50. Collecting Resources When you're in the process of achieving an outcome or goal, you are "consuming" or using resources. 00 51. Advanced Visual Squash Build your congruence and success by resolving parts conflicts. Integrate parts that are not aligned. 00 52. Digital Vs. Analogue Submodalities Utilizing digital or analogue submodalities and the differences between the two. 53. Submodality Overlapping Build up weaker submodalities to improve creativity and problem solving though as you represent things in a richer way. 54. External Stimulus Threshold A threshold is a line between two states of mind: bearable and unbearable. Sometimes, in order to change a behavior, you have to induce the triggers and resourceful states at the same time, making sure that the resourceful states win in each "threshold battle". 55. Decision Destroyer Exchange limiting decisions for constructive ones in order to improve success and mood. 00 14 56. The Godiva Choccolate Pattern Increase your motivation byassociating intense pleasure with a desired behavior. 57. Using Rep. Systems Thorough information on using rep. systems in communication and persuasion. 58. Auditory Rep. System Development Improve your auditory rep system in order to better perceive sound, its meanings, and subtleties. This can enhance your modeling and communication. 0i0 59. Visual Rep. System Development This pattern will help you refine the subtleties and perceptions of your visual representational system. It will improve your abilities to distinguish submodalities, which is a necessary skill when working with NLP patterns. It will also freshen-up your creativity and problem solving capabilities. 60. State Of Consciousness Awareness This pattern increases your awareness of your states and how they affect your perspective. This awareness is valuable in nearly every aspect of Neuro Linguistic Programming and life in general. 0i0 61. Non-Verbal Cues Recognition Practice recognizing non-verbal cues and getting to know you're your own face expresses emotions 15 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN that you experience, even when you are not trying to show them. This skill will help you function almost like you can read minds. 0i0 62. Compulsion Blow Out This pattern desensitizes compulsions that range from fingernail chewing to obsessing about being jilted. 63. Creating Positive Expectations How to utilize a very important tool for helping people to change faster. 64. Breaking Limiting Associations One ofthe most important ways out of stuck thought patterns is to develop a better-articulated sense of how our minds work. That is, to develop a more subtle and detailed recognition of our thoughts and rep systems and how they form interlocking patterns. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 65. Secondary Ciain And Personal Ecology Personal ecology means that you consider your personal needs, aspirations, and values in the outcome. Personal ecology gives an important edge to your plans because it brings about inner alignment. 66. Whole System Ecology Much like in personal ecology, applied to systems. By systems, we mean families, schools, regulatory government agencies, businesses and so on. 67. Meta-Model Challenging With this pattern, you will practice the fundamental skill that assists with modeling and with ensuring adequate communication. Refer to Appendix C for a full explanation of the meta-model and its violations in language. GI2) 68. Meta-Model Intentional Usage Produce constructive change as efficiently as possible with the very structured questioning of this pattern. It includes presuppositions in the course of asking metamodel questions. 16 69. De-Nominalizing Get much more control over your mind and your life, by resolving the meta-model violation known as nominalization. This works because nominalizations remove the actor from the scene. GI2) 70. The Forgiveness Pattern Rid yourself of the brooding resentments that can sap your creative energies. 71. Aligned Self Aligned self means heading in a strong direction because your values, beliefs, sense of identity and purpose in life are all working together. This pattern helps you achieve or reclaim that state. GI2) 72. Circle Of Excellence With this pattern, you can produce high-performance states. It helps you become more aware of the internal sensations and the behaviors that can help you produce a positive state. GI2) 73. Assertiveness Installation Assertiveness is a very important trait, yet people often fall into habits of being too passive or aggressive. These habits can be subconscious, and people often fail to realize how much they are losing and how many bad experiences come from poor assertiveness. ~ 74. Self Esteem Quick Fix This pattern can help you rapidly recover from an attack of bad self esteem. It is excellent for recovering from a failure, or from someone who had a toxic effect on your self esteem. ~ 75. The Smart Eating Pattern One of the key causes of excessive eating is poor awareness of when one is one is actually hungry as opposed to simply being tempted or using food as an antidote to stress. 76. Boundaries Installation Personal boundaries are the borders that we maintain between what is acceptable and what it not in how we are treated. This pattern helps people define and strengthen boundaries that are too weak or unclear. 17 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 77. Criticism Analyzer This pattern let's you experience criticism without taking it too personally. It uses the concept that words are not real. 78. The Excuse Blow Out Pattern This pattern helps you get things done by turning subconscious excuses into alignment. This stops procrastination. 0i0 79. The Basic Motivation Pattern The following strategy demonstrates how the various elements of imagination, expectation, criteria, submodalities and association can be combined into a simple strategy to help people better inspire and motivate themselves to take actions which will lead them to desired outcomes. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 80. The Winning Over Internal War Zone Pattern Resolve a problem that nearly everyone suffers from; inner wars. These are wars of internal self talk that turn your mind into a battle field. Often, this self talk explodes into vivid imaginings of worst-case scenarios. This kind of visualization all to often churns out selffulfilling prophecies. 81. Inducing Amnesia Amnesia is a very useful tool when you work with clients. Milton Erickson used to induce amnesia from the very first contact with the client. The idea is that if the client "forgets" (the client's mind actually pushes the given time period into the subconscious) a certain part of the change work, they will be less likely to interfere with the results consciously. Chunk Down range. From that point, you can either chunk up and generalize or chunk down and be more specific. 010 109. The Classic Confusion Method Confusion is useful for breaking state and producing "downtime," a very internal state that promotes hypnosis, reprocessing, patience, and introspection. The classic method, as demonstrated originally by Milton Erickson, is to use vague or otherwise confusing language. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 11 o. Applying The Law Of Reversed EHed This law simply states, that the harder you focus on something to do, the harder it becomes or even worst. 111. The Nested Loops Method 115. The Embedded Command (I) Method Embedded commands are typically marked out with analogical marking. This pattern and the next give more opportunity to practice this aspect of communication. Influence and persuade others 116. The Embedded Command merely by telling them stories. (II) Method 112. A Sample Nested Loops story Here is an example for a Nested loops story. 113. Subliminal Persuasion Subliminal refers to things that you do not consciously perceive. Although you don't perceive subliminals, they may have an effect on you. 114. Intonation In NlP we recognize 3 patterns of intonation, which assist in persuasion and trance induction. 22 . This is a more advanced embedded command pattern that extends the previous Embedded Command (I) and Analogical Marking. This one involves embedding the command in sections, spaced over a larger communication. 00 117. Erickson's 55 Hypnotic phrases Erickson used to combine numerous hypnotic suggestions while he spoke to his patients. Here we list a few dozens of them. 118. The Frame Of Agreement An ongoing disagreement, or a style of conflictual communication between two people can often be resolved be taking the discussion to a higher logical level (see appendix). This pattern uses logical levels to facilitate agreements. It can be useful in mediation and with groups. 119. TDS Manipulation TDS stands for "Trance-Derivational Search". This is a natural phenomenon, that is obvious in children when they play or learn. It is also very obvious in adults while they meditate or day dream. 120. Values Hierarchy Identification Identify the values you're holding currently and the hierarchy in which they are organized. G12.) 121. New Behavior Cienerator Develop a new and more adaptive behavior; a cohesive, outcomebased strategy. The power of parts makes this pattern effective. 122. Active Dreaming Get ideas, answers, solutions, and information through active dreaming. 123. Emotional Pain Management Resolve excessive emotional reactions to gain control, objectivity, and poise. This is also known as the "emo" pattern. 23 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 124. The Inner Hero Pattern Bring out the best in people who are not aligned with their higher values. This pattern is very important for working with people who act in ways that can get them into trouble, such as through violence or problems with authority or with social systems. G12.) 125. The Wholeness Pattern Experience symptoms in a profoundly new way. 126. The SCORE Pattern Solve problems more effectively by organizing information in a more useful way. The SCORE model drives this pattern with a flexible, multifaceted style of thinking. 127. Life Transitions Tracking This pattern uses archetypes to help us come to terms with a major change or perceived threat, and to leverage that new relationship in service of our well being. G12.) THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 128. Transformation Archetype Identification Continue the life Transitions Tracking Pattern (above) by determining which process archetype is most important in your development at this time. Before doing this exercise, do The life Transitions Tracking Pattern. G\0 129. The Grief Pattern Resolve grief in a comforting, healing way. 130. The Pre-Grieving Pattern Resolve fears of future losses, eliminating many worries. 00 131. Self-Nurturing Accelerate your maturation and emotional strength by drawing upon your adult resources to resolve unfinished emotional development. The value of good paren ting resources as conceptualized by NLP drives this pattern. 132. Awakening To Freedom Give and receive support for awakening through personal growth in this dyadic (pair) exercise. Enhance your vision, mission and spirit through this support for awakening. 133. The Longevity Pattern Develop positive beliefs and resources for almost any kind of issue. Directly install the beliefs and strategies of the vital elderly models. 134. Change Personal History Modify negatively-coded memories so that you can realize your potential unfettered by such memories. 135. The End-Of-Day Pattern 24 Make a daily habit of generating behavior and attitudes that are ever more effective and fulfilling with the power of the new behavior generator. 136. Negative Associated Emotions Dissolving Transform any mistakes you make from sources of shame and recrimination to sources of learning and empowerment. G\0 137. Core Transformation Live from a new center that comes from a practical, yet spiritual or expanded experience of life. By discovering the core state at the center of each part, overcome serious limitations. 138. Mapping Anyone's Brain Build your modeling skill with this form of analysis. 139. Undetermined State Integration Help your subject describe his or her state. 140. Choice Expansion Generate motivation by harnessing the power of choice points. You could say that choice points occur when you consciously or unconsciously make a commitment of some kind. 141. The FIB Pattern Create resource states in people who tend to focus on the negative or disabling aspect of a situation. 00 25 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 142. Memory De-Energizing Free yourself from troubling memories. Turn them into sources of wisdom. 143. Somatic Fractal Practice intuiting deep structure, and explore how this is a useful skill and understanding. This pattern draws upon Somatic Syntax. 00 144. Resource Fractal Enhance your problem solving, creativity, or simply your enjoyment of life by creating a synesthetic (multi representational system) expression of an optimal state. 00 145. Changing Beliefs - The Logic Approach A common sense format to change another person's belief without working with them traditionally through a pattern. 146. Logical Levels Co-Alignment Discover and align with your vision and values through the power of metaphor and logical levels. Help your team succeed when you form a common identity together through this kind of alignment. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 147. The Embedded Command In A Question Method When embedded commands appear in questions, they have the added benefit of priming a more open, curious state. 148. The Double Bind Method Improve cooperation in many situations. The double bind is a basic communication pattern that requires that the person you are communicating with accepts a presupposition. This is followed with choices. 149. The Ambiguity Method Learn to use ambiguity for motivational and healing purposes. 00 150. The Presupposition Method Learn to make your communication more persuasive with presuppositions. A presupposition is an assumption that your listener perceives from your communication. 151. The Metaphor Method Practice using metaphors to achieve therapeutic ends. Metaphor is essentially the use of symbolic events or items to symbolize something else 152. Shared Resource Improve the value of resourceful states by using various perceptual positions to experience and explore them. 153. The Dancing SCORE Pattern 26 Solve problems by enhancing your intuition and body wisdom through movement. This pattern promotes the mind-body relationship in a way that accesses and mobilizes deep resources, creating a self-organizing pathway toward a resourceful and relevant state. 154. Advantageous NLP Beliefs The NLP presuppositions (or core beliefs) are the most important guidelines for learning and doing NLP, and for being successful in life. 155. The D.V.P Pattern D.V.P stands for Distillation Plus Vision Plus Passion. This process allows you to take a cloud .of reactions and ideas, and turn them into very tight talking points, like the ones politicians and sales people have, in order to communicate in a compelling way. 00 156. Belief Systems Dis-Integration Improve automatic reactions that come from multiple rep systems firing off a negative state. This pattern separates the parts of a negative synesthesia pattern so that it can be addressed. ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 159. The Spinning Icons Pattern Prevent or escape negative states. Solve problems and be creative. This pattern draws upon the power of imagery to create a valuable meta-state. 160. Basic Belief Chaining Shift a belief from an unresourceful one to a resourceful one. 161. Advanced Belief Chaining Carry out the Belief Chaining Pattern with a Guide and in a more advanced form. 162. Gentling 157. Criteria Installation Build your inner "good parent" experience by bringing your adult Clarify your values to bring wisdom into your timeline. more alignment to an area of your 00 life that seems unclear. Resolve indecisiveness, procrastination, and waffling that stems from unclear or misaligned criteria. 158. Kinesthetic Criteria Start taking action by overcoming the criteria that get in the way. 00 27 163. Meta Transformation Create personality-wide changes by taking transformation to a meta level. 00 164. Re-Imprinting Upgrade your deeper beliefs and your behaviors by changing the influence of role models. Improve the effect of negative role models, and create a stronger influence from positive role models. THE BIG BOOK OF NlP TECHNIQUES NLP Modeling Methods: 165. Basic 2nd position Modeling Improve your ability to model excellence. For completing this pattern, you need four people. GS 166. 2nd position Intuitive Modeling Take more advanced steps in developing your ability to model. You need three people for this pattern: the Person Being Modeled, and two Modelers. 167. Basic 3rd Position Modeling Improve your capacity to model by using the third position. This pattern requires three people: The Person Being Modeled and two Modelers. 168. Basic States Of Excellence Modeling Model states of excellence. This pattern requires three people: The Person Being Modeled and two Modelers. The NLP Meta-Model Of Language: 169. Generalizations Generalizations happen when someone translates some experiences into a rule that applies to all similar experiences. GS 170. Universal Quantifiers Universal quantifiers are an all or nothing kind of generalization. GS 171. Lost Performatives lost performatives make a rule without anybody having responsibility for it. 28 172. Modal Operators Modal operators make a must out of a preference. GS 173. Deletions Deletions happen when the speaker leaves something out. When a person is being too vague or manipulative, deletion may be the culprit. 174. Lack Of Referential Index Lack of referential index is a deletion where there's an unspecified party or an unknown "they". 00 175. Comparative Deletions Comparative deletions happen when the speaker fails to say what they are comparing something to. 00 176. Distortions Distortions are based on real sensory data, but they twist it in some way to create the wrong conclusion. If it's extreme enough, it's a delusion in psychological language. 177. Nominalization Nominalization happens when we transform a verb or adjective into a noun. It also has to be something that isn't a real thing in the world. 178. Mind Reading Mind reading is an irritating distortion. This happens when someone decides they know what you are thinking. For some reason, it's usually something pretty bad. 00 ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 179. Cause It Effect Distortions This happens when someone thinks they know what causes something, simply because the two things happened together 180. Presuppositions Presuppositions are the hidden ideas in a statement. 181. Complex Equivalence Complex equivalence connects two ideas that don't belong together. The Milton-Model Or Conversational Hypnosis 29 182. Meta-Model Violations 183. Pacing Current Experience 184. Pacing and Leading Once you have done enough pacing, the person is ready for you to not merely MATCH their state with pacing, but to LEAD them into whatever state is necessary for what you are doing. THE BIG BOOK OF NlP TECHNIQUES 185. Linking Words Erickson used words called conjunctions, words such as "and" in pacing and leading. He linked the pacing with the leading in a way that made it all seem to belong together, and this gave his leading commands a lot of impact. 186. Disjunction Disjunction is a lot like linking, but it makes a contrast or choice while it slips in an embedded command or leading statement. CS0 187. Implied Causes Implied Causes is a technique that uses words that imply that one thing will lead to another. CS0 188. Tag Questions Tag questions help the statement get by the conscious mind by occupying the mind with the tag question. 189. Double Binds In double binds that are therapeutic or motivational, you give the person a choice between two forms of the very same presupposition. 30 190. Embedded Commands Embedded commands are statements that are inserted into larger sentences. CS0 191. Analogue Marking 192. Utilization Utilization is a technique that has opened up entirely new vistas in mental health treatment and personal life. 193. Nesting Nesting means that an idea is contained within another. That can happen in the form of a story that occurs within a another story. CS0 194. Extended Quotes Extended quotes are a type of nesting where you have nested quotations. 195. Spell Out Words 196. Conversational Postulate When someone asks you if you can pass the salt, they are actually asking you to pass the salt, but they're being nice about it. NLP calls this a conversational postulate. 197. Selectional Restriction Violation ApPLYING NLP - WHAT, How & WHEN 201. Scope Ambiguities In scope ambiguities, you wonder what part of the sentence applies to what other part. 202. Punctual Ambiguities It is a sentence where the word "physically" does double duty in the middle of two clauses. In the course of eliciting a state or creating a metaphor, you can 203. Metaphors ascribe feelings to things. Metaphor means creating 0:0 a story or idea that symbolizes 198. Ambiguities something. The double meaning of a vague phrase can contribute to trance, because of the transderivational The Satir Model searching that results. 199. Phonological Ambiguities Phonological ambiguity is uncertainty created by similar-sounding words. 200. Syntactic Ambiguities You can create ambiguity through violations of syntax. Now we're talking about actual grammar syntax, meaning word order. 00 31 204. The Blamer Blamer's externalize blame, and appear to be always ready to place the blame in a harsh or judgmental way. 205. The Placater The placater is also one for displacing blame, but they do it more diplomatically. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 206. The Computer The computer style can be pretty unemotional. They cover up possible emotions with extra words. 207. The Distracter They are seen as a mix of blamer, computer, and placater. Do -> Have? According to this model, you must first become the kind of person who is able to achieve your outcome, and then do the actions that are required to enjoy the fruits of your efforts. Since most of our behavior is designed to achieve certain outcomes (goals and desires), it is very important to define these outcomes in advance. If you know where you want to be, you will be in a better position to construct the right maps to guide you. Better yet, you will be able to come up with new, easier, or faster ways to get there. What is the difference between a goal and an outcome? 43 Goals can go a long way in helping you achieve excellence. Your goal may be to have a great time at a party, or become a billionaire within three years. There are many different kinds of goals. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Put your mind into that outcome as if you have achieved it, and open your thinking to means of improving that outcome. The time to rework your outcomes comes before you start investing a lot of resources. The way to align with your highest goals is to stay flexible about your outcome; to rework the outcome as needed; to shape the outcome into something even better. Now you are developing one of the hallmarks of NlP: ecology; where all parts of you agree with the outcome; where your desires, your values, and your needs are all aligned into one powerful direction. Here's what Anthony Robbins has to say about goals and outcomes in his masterpiece book, Awaken Tbe Giant Within: "AII goal setting must be immediately followed by both the development of a plan, and massive and consistent action toward its fulfillment. You already have this power to act. If you haven't been able to summon it, it's merely because you have failed to set goals that inspire you". Step • I. Cteate a positive, specific goal. step 4t2. State your outcome in terms of ability, not lade of ability. Step .l~ Context Step H. Sense Modalities Step #5. Objedives Step #6. Support Step #7. Perform an ecology check Step H. Cteate your mileStones. Step #9. Ktite down your goals. Step .70. Test 44 Step #1. Create a positive, specific goal. State your outcome/goal in positive, specific terms. Take the time to describe exactly what you want. A negative goal does not take you in this positive direction. Avoid goals such as, "I do not want to be a perfectionist." A "not frame" encourages the subconscious mind to create what you think you are resisting. If you erase a problem and replace it with something positive and resourceful, what would it be? Describe it. Include all key sense modes. Step #2. State your outcome in terms of ability, not lack of ability. Consider, "/ want others to support me." That is not a well-formed outcome. Actually, thinking this way will stop you from making progress! Make sure your outcome is formed by actions you are doing, not something others are supposed to do. Plus, it should and must be within your own responsibility and ability to act upon. Ask yourself or your client: What could you do on your own to make it happen? 45 WELL DEFINED OUTCOMES What actions would you take to increase your chances this week? Step #3. Context Meaning is usually defined by context. Describe your well-formed outcome in the context of the environment it will be in. This makes your goal more specific and motivational. It also helps to make sure that you have created an ecological goal. A more well formed, contextrelated outcome would be: "/ want to make $65,000 within the next T 2 months, starling July T sf, by selling my NLP skills to insurance agencies as a sales trainer for their telemarketing team." Add places, locations, geography, people and their titles, a budget, time frames and more. By making it specific and context related, you're making it real for your brain. Another thought on context: Where wouldn't you want that behavior to be acted upon? For example, would you want to play like a child with your kids everyday to make them feel more joyful with you? Great. You wouldn't want to act the same way with your spouse in bed, right? That's why context is extremely important. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES You can make a goal of talking with more passion and sexiness to your wife, but if you forget the context being "with the wife, you might slip the wrong tonality talking with your boss. Step #4. Sense Modalities Describe your outcome by using your five senses. A well-formed outcome is specific. By adding all senses, you are being more specific and, again, motivational. Add impact to your subconscious. If you have to use a word such as love, appreciated, or passionate, be sure to include the senses that we call this breakdown "chunking down." How do you feel when you think about writing a whole book? Or losing 60 pounds? Compare that to smaller pieces. "I will write a page a day to complete a 240 pages book. Today I will concentrate only on that one page." How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time. Step #6. Support Arrange the help you need in order to make this outcome form that emotion. From a sensory a reality. What resources do you point of view, what does it mean need? for you to feel more appreciated. How does 'appreciated' feel? In what part of your body do you feel it? Who is appreciating you, and what kind of expression is on their face? Step # 5. Objectives Break down your goal into manageable objectives (pieces), so that you will feel more motivation, and do better problem solving. Be sure to define the objectives in achievable terms. Smaller steps feel more achievable. This adds subconscious motivation. In NlP Make a list of the resources you will use in attaining your goal. Again. be specific: * Who are the people who can assist you? * What are their names? 46 * What is their profession? * How about their phone numbers? * What, exactly, should you ask them? * What emotions will you need to develop within yourself? * Do you need more confidence, resilience, joyfulness, or assertiveness? * How much money? * What information will be important? What questions must be answered ahead of time? * What else do you need? Step #7: Perform an ecology check What might be interfering with your goal? Are there any values, other goals, people, or laws that may be challenging? How might you accommodate or mitigate now in order to make your dream a reality? Consider any internal obstacles you may have. Is a part of you interfering with your goal? Step #8: Create your milestones. Determine how you will know that you are progressing in the right direction and at the right pace. You must know what signs of progress you will be observing along the way. One way to create milestones is to place the resources from 47 WELL DEFINED OUTCOMES your checklist onto a timeline. Vagueness about milestones is a warning sign. Mark on your calendar the dates that you will be checking each milestone. Note in your plan exactly what you want to see by that date. Being a great lover is an awesome goal. But what about learning to read body language of the person you're with? That would be excellent progress toward your goal. Even something that seems insignificant can be a good milestone. If you want to become rich, balancing your checkbook is part of your master plan, as trivial as it seems. Step #9: Write down your goals. There are many benefits to writing down your goals, objectives and milestones. Having a notebook or file for this gives you a place for problem solving and innovation. Sometimes a stray thought will turn into a gold mine when you come across it later. Having separate sections for these elements gives you a working reference for checking milestones, refining your goals, and working toward your objectives. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Unwritten goals aren't worth Additional Advice the paper they're written on. Also, the written word has commanding power. Wouldn't it worse to see your name on a rlMost Wantedrl poster than to hear about it? step #10. Test Monitor your progress on the goal and its milestones. Keep this in a conspicuous place to remind you. Notice any ways that this pattern has helped you make progress toward achieving your goal. Do this pattern as needed for other goals and for refining this goal. Notice any ways that this pattern has improved your willingness to be more conscious of your goals and milestones, and to commit yourself to them. Not all obstacles that you encounter and decide which N LP patterns might help you with them. Part of the beauty of this pattern is making obstacles more obvious so you can handle them. 48 In this modern world, with all the technology and comfort, it is quite easy to become a master procrastinator. My advice, as a major procrastinator myself, is that you do not fight with yourself when it comes to taking action on your goals and outcomes. Simply remember to keep the outcome in mind as a direction and not as a "to do" list. Make it a big outcome so it inspires you, and then let it be as you take small actions and celebrate each milestone. Treating outcomes as the end results is not much motivating. Thinking that all you need to do is to "get there" is not going to motivate you to really get there. You should accept your outcome as "means to an end", which means you are about to use them to express or fulfill a greater purpose! That's a true motivational force. Try to change your perspective and notice how it feels much better. 4. The E It E.P. Formation Pattem "Everyone wants to be a millionaire or a multimillionaire. The only question is whether or not you are willing to do everything necessary and invest all the years required to achieve that financial goal. If you are, there is virtually nothing that can stop you'~ - Brian Tracy, Goals! How to Get Everything You Want-Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of for making sure that you perceive this NlP pattern belong to the evidence when it arises. We'll various contributors. call this an "evidence procedure." Determine when you have For example, evidence in a learnachieved a desired outcome by ing situation is typically a test score. watching for the indications or The evidence procedure would be clues that tell you. We'll call these the test design and the procedures "evidence." Develop a procedure for giving and grading the test. 49 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step .,. Determine the goals of the Cl$SeSsment. Step .2. Note the purpose of the procedure. Step .3. Define the evidence in a concrete woy Step #4. Specify who is appmpriate for establishing and continuing to amy out the procedure. Step .5. Develop the timelrames and milestones that indicate progress. Step H. Specify what situations could be troublesome. Step .7. Test Step #1. Determine the goals of the assessment. Determine the goals of the assessment. (E.g., to determine how well the student has learned a topic.) State them in positive terms. (E.g., to establish a score and grade that accurately reflect the student's level of learning.) Give examples of ideal performance. (E.g., 100%, which equals an "N' grade.) step #2. Note the purpose of the procedure. What are its benefits? That is, why do you need the procedure? (E.g., students who learn Neuro Linguistic Programming concepts can communicate more effectively 50 with other NLP practitioners, and they can learn from the literature and teachers more effectively.) Step #1. Define the evidence in a concrete way Define the evidence in a concrete way as, for example, observable behaviors and other outcomes. How will you know when you have achieved the goal? (E.g., students who achieve 85% are reasonably conversant with NLP, and fairly well prepared to benefit from teachers and the literature.) Step #4. Specify what is appropriate for establishing and continuing to carry out the procedure. Make sure that any instructions or training for the procedure are complete and understandable. (E.g., trainers with at least five years of successful practice with NlP and achieve at least a 90% score.) Step #5. Develop the timeframes and milestones that indicate progress. This can include the points at which progress should be assessed and when the goal is expected to be achieved. Indicate what your criteria are for each step you specify. (E.g., a weekly quiz will help us determine how well the student mastered the most recent lessons.) Step #6. Specify what situations could be troublesome. For example, what problems might come up for someone attempting to administer the evidence procedure? This can include resistance and positive intentions that might give rise to resistance. (E.g., a trainer may have time management difficulties and forget to administer the quiz. A deeper look tells the trainer that he or she needs the ego boost that they get from teaching, so they 51 THE E & E.P. FORMATION PATTERN unconsciously avoid the tedium of administering the test. It is a big change from how they did things when they weren't affiliated with a grade-giving institution.) Step #7. Test Establish times and responsibilities for evaluating the effectiveness of the testing, the teaching, and the materials used. (E.g., at the end of each quarter, trainers will review student satisfaction with an assessment instrument and a discussion. The trainers will review this at a quarterly staff meeting set aside for improving the program. It will include the opinions gathered from students as well as the opinions of all staff). 'Winners, leaders, masterspeople with personal power-all understand that if you try something and do not get the outcome you want, it's simply feedback. You use that information to make finer distinctions about what you need to do to produce the results you desire'= Anthony Robbins, Unlimited Power 5. Pacing It Matching "You MEET people at their own level, just as you don't discuss philosophy with a baby learning to talk . .. you make NOISES at the baby': - Dr. Milton H. Erickson CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to John Grinder and Richard Bandler. Pacing and matching are important to modeling and rapportbuilding. Practicing this pattern sharpens your awareness of people and their subconscious communications. When you specifically pace a person's model of the world, you can better understand their perspective, as well as be much better able to build rapport. Pacing involves matching elements of another person's body language and speech in ways that tend to improve rapport. Pacing is not mirroring, because you are not attempting to fully imitate the 52 person. Rather, you are integrating various elements of their style into your own. For example, if you use the same levels of vocabulary, the person will feel more comfortable with you. If you fake their accent, however, they will feel offended. Because of the way this can help you build empathy and understanding of other people, you could say that you are pacing the person's model of the world. The other person's sense or intuition that you understand them and can relate to them obviously improves rapport. This improvement in rapport also occurs unconsciously. Pacing could be compared with method acting, in which the actor enters another person's reality, by finding it within him or herself. This takes pacing to a higher level, in which you are able to embrace the other person's frame of reference. Sandler and Grinder have found that you ca!l enhance pacing by matching predicates, that is, their primary rep system references. If they "see" your point, you would appreciate them "viewing" it favorably, because they are referring to their visual rep system. Practice pacing with people as you go about your day. Try it anywhere and everywhere. Start by erring toward being too subtle, and work your way into more complete pacing. That way, you won't offend anyone. If you are in an anonymous situation, where it doesn't matter if you appear eccentric, try more extreme pacing and see what it takes for people to actually give you a funny look. You may be surprised at how fully you can pace without a problem. Instead of following steps, you can practice this pattern by improvising from these instructions. The most influential hypnotherapist, the late Dr. Milton H. Erickson, 53 PACING & MATCHING described one of the classical examples of the Pacing & Matching pattern. Check out the quote in the beginning of this chapter, I chose this one on purpose. Dr. Milton H. Erickson tells about a client he had, an autistic child. In his words, from the book Phoenix Therapeutic Pattems Of Milton H Erickson, written by David Gordon: "And she brought the girl in, and introduced the girl to me and me to the girl. And the girl made a number of weird sounds and so I REPLIED with weird sounds, and we grunted and groaned and squeaked and squawked for about half an hour. And then the girl answered a few simple questions and very promptly returned to her autistic behavior. And we really had a good time squeaking and squawking and grunting and groaning at each other. And then she took the patient back to the hospital. In the night time she took the patient for a walk. She told me later, "that girl almost pulled my arm off, yanking me down the street, she wanted to see you ... the one man who could really talk her language". 6. Finding positive Intention "If you can change your mind, you can change your life. What you believe creates the actual fact. The greatest revolution of my generation is to discover that individuals, by changing their inner attitudes of mind, can change the outer aspects of their lives." - William James CREDITS FOR THE creation of Conversational Belief Change, this NLP pattern belong to master trainer and famous NLP devarious contributors. veloper Robert Dilts says: Transforming self sabotage into success. By discovering the positive intent behind a negative behavior or attitude, you can release tremendous energy and positive commitment. Other NLP patterns, such as The Parts Negotiation Pattern and The Behavior Appreciation Pattern, depend on this insight. In his outstanding book Sleight of Mouth - The Magic Of '~t some level all behavior is (or at one time was) "positively intended'~ It is or was perceived as appropriate given the context in which it was established, from the point of view of the person whose behavior it is. It is easier and more productive to respond to the intention rather than the expression of a problematic behavior'~ 54 Step #1. Define the problem. Briefly state the problem with enough detail so that it is clear in your mind. It may primarily be a situation, personal problem or a challenge. But focus on defining the unproductive behavior. Get clear on why the behavior is not useful. Step #2. Reveal the Underlying Motives Take a few moments to relax, breathe deeply and lay back. Now, go inside, imagine your mind has special internal messengers. In NLP, we call them "parts." These are parts of your personality, which have characteristic tendencies or habitual behaviors. Find the part that is responsible for generating the unproductive behavior. Bring this part into awareness as though it were a complete personality. Remember that a part is an aspect of you. It is a collection of aligned motivations. 55 FINDING POSITIVE INTENTION A part is like a little personality inside of you. In order to be aligned and successful, you must not work at cross purposes with yourself. This requires negotiating or working with your parts. Now imagine that you can do a role playing game with this part. Ask the part what it wanted to have, do or become, through the negative behavior or attitude. What value or benefit was to come from this. Ask directly, 'What did you wish for me to accomplish by doing thisr Take as much time as you need to imagine and listen to the part's responses. Step #3. Get to the core motives. Keep asking "why" and "what" questions to clarify the motives. Recycle each answer by into a new question. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Continue this until you feel that you have gotten to the core motives. You should identify a core belief along with the core value and 56 core reasons for the behaviors or attitudes that, at first glance, seem to be unsupportive of you. 7. Behavior Appreciation "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever'~ - Mahatma Gandhi CREDITS FOR the creation of pattern) underlying a negative this NLP pattern belong to behavior. various contributors. For example, if you burst into Improve your performance and self care by developing a positive approach to change and personal developme~t. This pattern uses anchors to find the positive intention (the underlying positive outcome-seeking 57 tears at times, you have better options than feeling inferior. Instead, this positive approach might help you decide to accept your need to release an emotional burden, and might help you find ways to live without unnecessary stress. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Identify the behavior. Select a negative behavior. It may be primarily a feeling, a thought pattern, or physical actions. Include the context in which you carry out the behavior. Step #2. Anchor the context space. a. Where in your visual field or body does this experience seem to belong? Imagine that this spot is a location that you can step into, and that when you step into it, you will see the location around you where the behavior has occurred. This spot now represents the behavior and its context, like a location or a space where you can stand in your imagination. We'll call this the "context space." b. Step into this space, imagining that it is the location where the behavior took place. Begin thinking of the behavior in its context. Recall this as vividly as possible. Anchor the behavior and its context to this spot. Step #3. Access your underlying positive motivation. Even the most negative or unwanted behaviors actually have a positive underlying purpose. 58 Think of the negative behavior that you selected as coming from a part that has a positive underlying motivation. This dramatic change of frame can liberate your creativity and motivation. However, set aside your first ideas as to these underlying motives. Get into the "mind" of the part that is responsible for the behavior. This can provide insights that will make this pattern more powerful. Step #4. Part Space a. Imagine that there can be a space that is just for the part; a space that does not include the behavior and its context. We will call this the part space. Step out of the context space, taking this part with you to the part space. You might want to visualize this space as being next to the context space. Remember to leave the behavior and context behind. This leaves you with the part dissociated from the context, so that you may have easier access to its underlying motives. b. Now you will clarify the part's motives with questions. At times, speak as if you are the part, speaking in first person. This will help you get an associated experience of the part's motives. When referring to the negative behavior, point to the previous (context) spot anchor as if it were an actual physical location. This helps you dis-identify from the prior behavior. 'What to I really want to get out of what I had been doing (referring to the negative behavior)?" Note: the past perfect tense of "had been doing" helps you mentally distance from the behavior by making it seem to be in the distant past, and implying that you have changed already. IIHow do I feel when that desired outcome does or does not occur?" 'When I get the desired outcome, what do I want to do with it?" IIWhen I get the undesirable parts of the outcome, how to I read to them?" 59 BEHAVIOR ApPRECIATION Typical reactions include: blaming others, rationalization , spacing out or ignoring it, manipulating others to escape the consequences, isolating, selfsoothing such as comfort food , distractions, etc. Continue asking questions such as these until you feel that you have brought out responses that are valuable to you and your part. c. Imagine yourself in the future, looking back upon the situation from a meta-state, at peace, fully able to enjoy the positive outcomes. Step #5. Test. In the corning days and weeks, notice any changes in your behavior when this kind of situation arises. Notice any ways that you are more resourceful or have more options. 8. Mirroring "The most effective way to achieve right relations with any living thing is to look for the best in it, and then help that best into the fullest expression'~ - Allen J. Boone CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Enhance your ability to establish rapport and to model excellence. This pattern builds a useful IIsecond position" with another person. This skill is key in modeling others and for becoming intuitive in understanding the internal experiences of those you model. Behavioral Mirroring In behavioral mirroring, you match behaviors that have symbolic meaning. They are mostly subconscious. In fact, the more subconscious they are, the better they are to mirror. After all, no one can think you're imitating them if you are imitating something they don't know they're doing, can they? But what about being either masculine or feminine with the opposite sex. I mean, aren't you supposed to be different? Doesn't the opposite sex expect this? Well, yes and no. Remember, you are not completely giving up your actual personality. You are just adjusting certain things. Did you know that when men talk to women, many tend to use a somewhat higher voice? 60 Apparently many people already do a certain amount of mirroring, whether they know it or not. It makes sense that we would evolve with some subconscious rapport-building instincts. After all, these abilities have contributed to our ability to survive and to procreate. We know that the brain's neurons that are in charge of empathy and connecting with other feelings are called mirror neurons. Autistic people have difficulty with rapport building because they have less mirror neurons. Autistic people that are high-functioning enough to be concerned about rapport-building have to work extra hard at learning these skills because they are not as good with this kind of sensory acuity on an instinctual level. It has to start out as a much more conscious process. Getting back to the idea of how we are supposed to be different across genders, consider this. Let's say a man is talking with a woman. She is a purchaser for a clothing company and the man is a sales rep for a textile mill. He picks up from her behavior that she has worked her way up, she did not get her job because she was a college graduate with an impressive grade point average. He also sees from her skin tone and scent that, although she tries to hide it, she smokes. Her accent tells 61 MIRRORING him that she is from a conservative and religious part of the country. She happens to make a couple comments that are a little judgmental about people, comments that tell you she feels that people who are different are that way because they want to be eccentric or difficult, or just irresponsible. This is not someone you admit to that you are taking antidepressants. The man matches her by displaying the qualities that she obviously respects, and mentioning items of personal history that match what she believes in. If he earned something through hard work, that gets mentioned in passing. If he has a degree, he completely drops the big words and abstract ideas from his speech, except for ideas that he can communicate in a very plain way. She is from the south of the United States, and he knows that there is a literary tradition of commenting on things with dry humor , like Mark Twain did. He uses his humor in a plain but insightful and a little bit cynical way. His humor is at the expense of the rich, not the poor, and at the expense of marginal people, not regular people. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES If he is church going, he drops a comment about his involvement. He may share things about going to visit family with his immediate family members so she knows he values family. Although he uses similar body movements, he does it with the kind of masculine quality that she expects, but in a gentle way that allows her to feel relaxed and connected. While he's at it, he does the other physical mirroring that we have talked about, such as posture and breathing. Symbolic Mirroring Notice how we have gone beyond physical mirroring to include things of symbolic value. This is symbolic mirroring, and the symbolic behavior is often subconwith the trimming and pearl buttons. This helps her have rapport with the cattle industry people that she works with. Since she is autistic, it is important for her to do what she can to improve her rapport. But it is an odd idea, an autistic person in a western getup. Yet, this person became so good with rapport skills, that she was able to get the cattle industry to adopt a very stringent set of rules for humane treatment of animals. Her name is Temple Grandin. She used her leverage with the McDonalds Corporation, which does business with so many of the vendors, as a powerful strategy for inducing change. This is a person who knows how to create well-formed outcomes. scious behavior. And we have seen As an engineer with an anathat you can combine symbolic Iytical mind, she got a head start and physical mirroring. on how to do a well-formed outcome. Isn't it interesting how she This combination of symbolic and physical mirroring is very powerful. This same sales person probably has a wardrobe that is quite different for each area of the country that he visits. There is an engineer who happens to have autism and who works in the cattle industry. She wears western clothes, complete 62 has serious weaknesses as well as powerful strengths. She chose to go with her strengths to create a career and even engage in transformational leadership. Anyone who saw her as a child, unable to speak for years, and throwing tantrums because of her frustrations, would never have predicted her success. We know of an individual who wanted to become more persuasive to conservative people. So he wrote a piece that expressed some of his liberal ideas, but using the same language as the conservatives. The result was that some liberals became angry at him for writing conservative rubbish. That symbolic aspect of the words he used was more powerful than the actual meaning of the words. Never underestimate the power of subconscious symbols and how they play with rep systems. For practice in looking for subconscious symbols, look to advertisements. For example, when there is an ad for a drug on television, notice how the commercial changes when they talk about the possible side effects of the medication. Notice how the music, acting, body language, colors and other aspects change to make that portion less memorable. Notice how they give the impression that the drug is highly effective, whether it actually is or not. In one commercial, the main character is a cartoon of a bee with large eyes. During the part about side effects, his eyes get very droopy. 63 MIRRORING Exchanged Matches Not all your mirroring has to use the same parts of the body, just as your symbolic mirroring does not necessarily use exactly the same words. For example, NlP teaches that you can make a motion such as finger taps that match the rhythm of the breath, rather than breathing to the breath timing yourself. This is called an exchanged match. You are exchanging body parts, but matching the rhythm or other mirroring aspect. If you are a man and you're matching a woman in front of you, avoid looking at her breasts, trying to figure out her breathing pattern! You will get caught, and using the excuse "I was trying to match your breathing" will not work in this case, I believe. look at her shoulders instead; those tiny movement up and down will give you a hint on the breathing pattern she is using, and by applying exchanged matching you can move your leg or hand up and down accordingly. You will be surprised to find out that in such a case of exchanged matching a breathing pattern, if you increase the speed of your matched movement, their breathing becomes faster! And if THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES you slow it down, their breathing also becomes deeper and slower. Did you notice that sometimes when there's an angry person shouting and making a fuss, someone will try to come him down by moving their hands palms-down in a rhythmic motion, "hey, slow down, it's Ok, we can find a solution to this problem ... " Here's a quote about Mirroring and Rapport from the book NLP: The New Technology of Step #,. Select the subject. Achievement, by NLP Comprehensive, Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner "Fitting in is a powerful human need. We all have many examples of these behaviors, because we do them already. They are all based on some form of being similar, familiar or alike. Finding ways to be alike reduces our differences, and so we find the common ground upon which to base a relationship". Step #2. Condud the conversation while mirroring the petSOn. Step fU. Exercise fO!Ir rapport: Test your intuition and understDnding of the person. Step .4. Exerdse your influence by shifting your attitude and physiology. Step #5. Test. 64 Step #1. Select the subject. Select someone for a conversation. Don't tell them that you will be mirroring them. Step #2. Conduct the conversation while mirroring the person. During the conversation, ask their opinions on various topics. Mirror their physiology, including factors such as the tenor and cadence of their speech, and body language such as gestures. Do this subtly. If you need help maintaining the dialog, use active listening. This involves showing that you understand what they are saying by rephrasing their contributions. Beginning with a phrase such as, #You mean ... " or #50 you're saying ... " As you mirror, add elements such as their breathing as much as possible. Notice how you feel as rapport between you two develops. Step I]. Exercise your rapport: Test your intuition and understanding of the person. Test your ability to understand through rapport. Try out your intuitions about what they are saying. Can you guess their opinion before they express it? 65 MIRRORING If you agree, try expressing the opinion yourself, and see how this affects rapport. If you express the opinion in a less certain manner, the person may gain pleasure from holding forth to reassure you that the opinion is correct, and to demonstrate their mastery of the subject. This helps establish you as a positive anchor. Highly effective rapport can gain information about the other person that you can learn to pull out of your subconscious, making you feel as though you are psychic. This is very useful in modeling. Step #4. Exercise your influence by shifting your attitude and physiology. Test your ability to influence others through rapport. Try shifting your attitude and physiology (e.g., breath pace, facial expression, body language) in what you consider to be a desirable or possible direction. For example, shifting from a resentful or angry state gradually into a more constructive or powerful state. If you do this with some care, the other party is likely to shift with you. This has enormous value in areas such as sales, leadership and coaching. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #5. Test. Explore these skills of "pacing and leading" in your relationships. Think of situations in which you could use these skills to improve your personal life or career performance. Notice what outcomes you get, and refine these skills as you go. Additional Advice When NOT to Mirror or Match There are things that you should not mirror. For example, if someone is getting aggressive and trying to be the alpha dog, you need to be more creative than just acting aggressive. However, if you show an aggressive attitude about something that the other person is judgmental about, this can form a very powerful bond, plus, it can be fun to shout. If you are comfortable with your aggressive side, you can adopt a posture that reflects that you are basically an aggressive person, yet not display aggression toward the person. Adopt a quality that is more like you are both on the same team. This is a little bit like dealing with people who need attention very badly and don't have very good emotional control, such as people with borderline personality disorder. Mirroring people with very intense needs is much more of an art form and not a good place to start practicing. If you need to, though, you can do mild mirroring of body language without giving the impression that you think your needs are greater than theirs. You can also, on the symbolic level, share the kinds of resentments and other things that the person tends to focus on. By staying within the world that they mentally live in, you do not alienate them by intimidating them with a larger world. These individuals can easily collapse into feeling very threatened or inferior, and this can cause them to go out of their way to undermine you. This can include something called triangulation, where they pit other people against you. This can even include your boss, or legal authorities. Rapport is very important with these individuals, as well as being well-protected against any ways they might try to undermine you. 66 After you have general rapportbuilding skills, you will be ready do use them with people who have needs that are more intense than average, if you are so inclined. This is especially the area of psychotherapists, physicians, and other professionals who tend to deal with people in distress. For example, you will learn that once you can gain rapport, you can use this to lead people or alter their state in ,positive ways. The pattern or mirroring and changing behavior of others is called pacing and leading. With people who are suffering, you do not mirror their suffering, you just stick with mirroring the general physical and symbolic items that make them comfortable with you, so that they can feel okay about expressing themselves. If you feel some of the state they are in, that is enough to you to feel more empathy, and for them to know that you do. Some of you listeners, however, are already highly empathic, and can even be overwhelmed by others feelings. This can go two ways. You may find that mirroring is technical enough that it helps keep you from being overwhelmed or distracted by the other persons feelings when they are in distress. 67 MIRRORING On the other hand, if this is not so; if you still feel too much of their feelings, then you are probably already mirroring them so much that you are inducing their state in yourself too strongly. In that case, you will actually need to learn how to tone down your mirroring in at least some aspects, especially the physical aspects. Better yet, you can use NlP to find and change your strategy for feeling overwhelmed. You can start with what internal representations you have about the suffering of others. Nurses, therapists and social workers are often people who do a lot of subconscious mirroring without any training in it. But what if someone catches you mimicking him or her? If someone feels that you are mimicking him or her, they are probably aware of NlP and mirroring. If they seem uncomfortable or offended, the best response is typically to back off of the physical mirroring, but maintain the symbolic mirroring without getting carried away. 9. The As-If Pattern "We are all what we pretend to be, so, we had better be very careful what we pretend" - Kurt Vonnegut CREDITS FOR THE creation of second perceptual position (the this NlP pattern belong to other person's position) and John Grinder. imagine what it is like to be that Create useful states by envisioning excellence. It is a way to use imagination for success in the spirit of Milton Erickson's famous quote, "You can pretend anything and master it." This is an important skill for using modeling to achieve excellence and success. An excellent first step in modeling is to place yourself into the person, carrying out the excellence strategies that you wish to model. This strategy contributes to your intuitive understanding of their thoughts and actions. Of course, one must practice one's craft in order to master it. After all, you wouldn't expect to fly an airplane without sufficient practice. 68 THE As-IF PATTERN Step #1. Seled the goal you are might relate to you. If you have doubtful about. time, you can learn more about Think of a personal goal or cir- them to better do this pattern. cumstance about which you feel doubtful. If you're new to this pat- Step #3. Specify your limiting belief. tern, choose a small goal, such as producing more creative solutions Express your limiting belief in for something you need to brain- terms of the limits that it expresses. storm about. Step #2. Seled your imaginary mentor. Pick a person, living or dead, whom you feel would make an excellent mentor for you and who could help you believe in your ability to achieve this goal. The person should be very insightful. You should know enough about them to really imagine how they 69 Try beginning with a phrase such as, "I am incapable of (finding a good solution)," or "I don't deserve (a smooth, creative experience)." Step #4. Share this situation and belief with your chosen mentor. Imagine that you are speaking to your mentor, explaining the situation as well as your limiting belief. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #5. Imagine Encouragement from Your Mentor Imagine your mentor respectfully encouraging you to explore a positive "as if" perspective, with questions such as, I'What would happen if you could ... " Respond to these questions as they are asked. Have your mentor ask follow up "as if" questions based on your responses. Step #6. Act as if the Outcomes are Coming True Imagine that your mentor is having you act as if the doubtful outcomes were coming true. For example, I'lmagine that you have successfully resolved all the issues you had about this. With full confidence about it now, what will you be thinking or doing that is different?" Step #7. Handle Leftover Objections Notice any leftover objections or resistance you have. Continue steps two and three, focusing them on these residual issues. Step #8. Test As you go about pursuing your goal, notice any improvements in your state, behavior, or outcomes. What can you learn from the results? If the results are disappointing, are there ways you can improve your use of this pattern? For example, do you understand the imaginary mentor well enough? 70 Additional Advice This pattern is best done for a small skill or small margin of improvement. It is a good pattern for getting your foot in the door as a prelude to making major improvements in mastery. 00 10. Eliciting Subconscious Responses '7he important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." - Albert Einstein CREDITS FOR THE creation of serves you best when it, too, is this NlP pattern belong to subconscious. This skill deserves various contributors. serious study, so resist any tempBecome a master communica- tation to treat it like a magic tor by learning to recognize and trick. utilize subtle changes in others' We recommend that you pracphysiology. This pattern involves tice this pattern with a partner the valuable skill of eliciting sub- until you find yourself using it conscious resources, a skill that unconsciously. 71 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Get your partner to think about a pleasant memory in the first perceptual position. Find someone who will allow you to practice this exercise with them. Ask them to think about a pleasant memory. Encourage them to do this with eyes closed, and in the first perceptual position, as though they are experiencing it first hand. Step #2. Have your partner focus on the visual rep system. Once your subject has a pleasant memory in mind, have your subject focus exclusively on the visual aspect of the memory. Note all of your subject's reactions, including changes in posture, facial expression, changes in skin color, pattern of breathing, and so forth. Step #3. Have your partner clear their mind and focus on the auditory. Have your subject clear their mind and open their eyes. Have them bring up only the auditory aspect of the memory. Continue observations. making Step #4. Have your partner focus on the kinesthetic. your Once they have done this, have them bring up the kinesthetic aspect as you continue to observe. 12 Additional Advice You might want to record your observations on a form that you prepare. Use three titles to divide your operations into "Visual Reactions," "Auditory Reactions, " and "Kinesthetic Reactions." Once you have done this exercise, you can improve your powers of observations "in the wild," by being aware of subtle physiological signals, and how they are influenced by factors such as primary sense mode, emotional arousal, rapport, and anything else of importance. This power of observation will be valuable in many NLP patterns, even the ones you don't know you're lusing. 00 11. Ecology Check "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to John Grinder and Richard Bandler. Induce change with this flexible and important pattern. It prevents self sabotage by making sure a change will be acceptable to all parts. You can even apply this ecological approach to multiple systems, such those you notice in politics. This is an important pattern to use in some form whenever you induce change. It ensures that that change will be acceptable to all parts. This prevents self-sabotage. On a larger scale, you can apply ecological thinking to multiple systems, such as in politics. When you think "ecologically" you are taking every aspect of your outcome into account. You check to make sure that you are not going to achieve X on the expense of Y, if both are important to you. For example, an Ecology Check is in place when you help a client to stop smoking. Some people gain a lot of weight as a reaction to such a change. You want to make sure that your client is completely congruent about the upcoming change, and this pattern helps you do discover possible obstacles or disadvantages that must be addressed. 73 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step fl. Get mID an objecIiIIe.stme. Step '2. Ask good questions ID do on ecology c:hedc. $fep fl. Give this ~ ·mind share, • by making it an ongo- ing, recurring pattern in your mind. Step H. Evaluate Step #1. Get into an objective state. This pattern assumes you already have a pattern such as a behavior pattern that you are working to change. We will frame this pattern for a person problem in your life. To begin the ecology check, use any method that helps you gain objectivity, such as thinking like a journalist who must adhere to the facts of the situation. You may need to dissociate into the third perceptual position. From this objective frame of mind, think about your life as a whole, perhaps as if you could look down at your timeline. Step #2. Ask good questions to do an ecology check. A key to balance in your life is asking good questions. As a part of the ecology check ask: 74 • 'What areas in my life are being benefited from having this belief/behavior?" • "What areas in my life may get hurt because of it?" • 'Jllm I feeling completely assured that this is something I want to generate in my life?" • 'What are the specific immediate results of it?" • 'What are the specific long term results?" • "Who else is being affected by these outcomes?" Step #3. Give this pattern "mind share," by making it an ongoing, recurring pattern in your mind. This pattern can be even more powerful by maintaining it over a good period of time, even making it a recurring theme in your life. Keep these questions alive, entraining your creative energies through means such as writing them in your journal. (You do have a journal, don't you?) Read the questions before you go to sleep so that they will be on your mind. Once you have recruited enough creative resources, you'll get dreams, songs, words, flashes, memories, and voices... Don't ignore them. Irs important to notice, and acknowledge them. Your brain is highly motivated to solve riddles. Asking good questions and giving it time to find the answers with no pressure, is one the greatest talents you can develop. As answers emerge, note them down. Have a note pad or device at the ready so you can collect them in one place. Step #4. Evaluate Once you have accumulated answers, evaluate them. Realize that, right now, you have many valuable clues to success. What do they mean about the outcomes you appear to be 75 ECOLOGY CHECK headed for? Do you need to change course? As you can see, new questions can emerge from these answers. These new questions are even more directly valuable, because they are like tools that are more refined and designed for experts to use. Additional Advice You can apply Cartesian coordinates to decisions in order to check your ecology and refine your outcomes. You can try this on a decision you're considering. Here they are: If I do X, what will happen? If I do X, what won't happen? If I don't do X, what will happen? If I don't do X, what won't happen? Note anything that you hadn't thought of, or any way that these questions help you put things into perspective. 12. Physiomental State Interruption '7he truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers': - Morgan Scott Peck, M.D., author of The Road Less Traveled C REOITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Master the art of change by learning to clear a space for a new state. You can do this by breaking or interrupting the current state. You can guide a person to the state of your choosing much more easily from a state of confusion than any other. As you'll recall, state in NlP refers to your state of mind and body at any given time. States may be functional or dysfunctional. NlP makes extensive use of breaking state, and it has many ways to do it. Confusion is a guaranteed state breaker. You can guide a person to the state of your choosing much more easily from a state of confusion than any other. Step # 1. Identify the state you experience Step #2. Initiate an interruption by exaggerating a driving submodality Step #3. Test 76 Step #1. Identify the state you experience. Recognize what state you are in, and name it. It may not be a clear-cut as depression, boredom, or anger, but you can come up with a name that captures the essence of the state. To help you find a name, notice the feeling of the state or the direction it carries your thoughts. Step #2. Initiate an interruption by exaggerating a driving submodality. Notice how this state is represented in your sense modalities. Identify a submodality feature that is important to this state. Change that feature to make it absurd. For example, if you hear 77 PHYSIOMENTAL STATE INTERRUPTION a voice that says "1 am not worthy of love", change that tone of voice into that of a cartoon character. Or if you feel a throb of depression when you have a certain thought, take a break to do a rational procedure such as serial sevens (7, 14, 21,28 ... ) Step #3. Test. Notice whether your state has changed significantly. If not, the problem may be in your choice of submodality feature. You may not have found an impactful one. You also may need to experiment with how you change the submodality to make it absurd. 13. State Indudion "The emotions aren't always immediately subject to reason, but they are always immediately subject to action': - William James CREDITS FOR THE creation of the obvious passion and motithis NlP pattern belong to vation: Acceptance, Alignment, various contributors. Appreciation, Balance, Artsy, Apply one of the most funda- Forgiveness, Grounded, Purified, mental NlP skills; state induction. Purposeful, Chosen, Confessed, This tool helps us induce a needed Humorist or foolish, Enlighten, state such as confidence, prepare Curiosity, Inhibition, Compassion for an event, or take steps in many and my favorite - being joyful in NlP patterns. solitude. For example, once you have induced a helpful state, you will find it is easier to do mental rehearsal in preparing for a challenge. Here are a few useful states you might want to experience and experiment with while working with this pattern, besides 78 As you work with states and learn to manage them effectively, make yourself a list of your most favorite ones. Making such a list will actually encourage your mind to explore those states even further, when you're on "auto-pilot". STATE INDUCTION Step #1. Define a desired state aware of how it is occurring in one Think of a state that you would or two others. like to experience. As you do this, encourage the Pick one that is positive, and feelings of the state to collect and feels like a nice alternative to any amplify. negative feelings you've had lately. Step #3. Amplify the state with Think of how you would know more Rep System Kindling you were in that state. Describe something about it in the four primary sense modes: visual, auditory, verbal-auditory, and kinesthetic. Step #2. Kindle the State Recall a variety of situations, in which you have felt some aspect of that state. If this state is not very typical for you, it is okay to think of situation where you felt only a hint of it, or where you could only sense it in one modality. But remember, when people think something is only in one modality, they are usually just not 79 Notice what sense modes are beginning to "kindle" into this state. As you peruse your memories, work on collecting and amplifying the state in the weaker submodality. Include the verbal (auditorydigital, as it is called) mode, by saying to your self some phrases that are in line with the state. For confidence, it might be, "Piece of cake, this is easy," or, "The folks at the party I'm going to really want me to have a good time." THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Repeating one or more phrases for a while can help strengthen the state. Step #4. Expand the State kinesthetically (Kv) Once you have begun to sense the state in all submodalities, encourage the feelings to spread throughout your body, as though energy is flowing through you and carrying the state through you on all of its currents. Additional Advice You can rate your state in terms of its completeness or intensity on a scale of zero to ten. This can help you compare methods, and get a sense of what level a state must reach to be of value. States don't have to reach a nine or ten in order to be valuable. You can add constructed submodalities, as when you picture yourself walking or talking and gesturing in the desired state. This can be very powerful. Adjusting submodalities can amplify a state. For example, turning up the volume of the verbal aspect, or increasing the brightness of the visual. With practice, you will become intuitive and natural at this. 80 Discovering which submodaility is most powerful in "driving" the state can help you use your resources more efficiently. 00 14. Accessing Resourceful States "In bed my real love has always been the sleep that rescued me by allowing me to dream': - Luigi Pirandello CREDITS FOR THE creation of and creativity that will move you this NlP pattern belong to toward your goals. Steve Andreas. Managing states is one of the learn state mastery. Elicit re- most fundamental skills in Neuro sourceful states such as confidence linguistic Programming. 81 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Choose a situation that calls on you to be in an excellent state. What resources do you need to have in that situation? For example, if you are going to a job interview, eagerness, charisma, and confidence are valuable. If you are in a difficult negotiation, emotional buoyancy, charisma, and strategic thinking are important. Step #2. Name the most valuable qualities. Name the qualities that you feel are most valuable for the challenge that you have chosen for this pattern. Step #3. Select a memory of the resource state. Think of a time when you have experienced and expressed at least one of these qualities. Bring to mind all the rep systems for this memory (yAK, at least), until the memory is very rich. Go for the sense of actually going back into the memory. This means you need to be in the first position, as yourself. Step #4. Step into the resource state. Imagine that this resource (the resource state that this memory is bringing Up) is a force field that you can step into. Step into it and imagine in all rep systems what it is like for you to be fully in this state. This way, you are amplifying the state in the memory. You can spend some time in the third perceptual position, seeing your posture, facial expression, and behavior as you fully express this state. Do whatever you need to amplify this state, especially in regards to how it can be most relevant to the challenge that you have in mind. Step #5. Pick a model for this state. Experience it from second position. 82 Think of someone that you feel has an abundance of this resource state. It can be anyone from a character from a movie to someone that you know well. From third position, look at them and notice what in their physiology expresses this state. Move into second position so that you experience the state from inside that person, as that person. Access all rep systems. Step #6. Anchor. Anchor this resource. Step #7. Test. When the situation or challenge comes up, see how this pattern has changed how you handle it. Repeat this pattern, improving it based on what you learn. 83 ACCESSING RESOURCEFUL STATES For example, how can you make the resource state a more intense experience for re-anchoring? What submodalities do you need to add to make it more relevant to the challenge? 15. The Kinesthetic Swish Pattem "Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually': - Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People CREDITS FOR THE creation of We move away from negative feelthis NlP pattern belong to ings and toward good feelings. Robert Dee McDonald. This pattern builds a mindUtilize feelings to generate constructive motivation and drive. Ultimately, feelings are the force behind success and failure. body strategy for overcoming negativity in the face of challenges that have been daunting until now. Step # 1. Associate them into the feeling. Step #2. Break state. Step #3. Have them associate into and amplify a positive state. Step #4. Define the submodalities and amplify the feeling. Step #5. Break state. Step #6. Map aaoss to modify the negative feeling. Step #7. Test. 84 Step # 1. Associate them into the feeling. Have the person think of the situation or thoughts that produce a negative state. Ask them to specify the details of the feeling, especially sub modalities such as movement and temperature, and the location of the feeling. Step #2. Break state. Step #]. Have them associate into and amplify a positive state. Have them specify how they would like to feel. Step #4. Define the submodalities and amplify the feeling. Have them associate into this feeling, amplifying it through the most effective submodalities. 85 THE KINESTHETIC SWISH PATTERN Step #5. Break state. Step #6. Map across to modify the negative feeling. Have them recall the negative feeling and it's location. H~e iliem mo~ H i~o ilie positive feeling's location and get it to conform to the submodalities of the other feeling. Note: unlike the visual swish, the kinesthetic swish tends to be slower, so give the pattern time. Step #7. Test. In the coming days and weeks, see if your person relates to the situation or thoughts differently, getting improved results in life. 16. Anchoring "Never let formal education get in the way of your learning'~ - Mark Twain CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to John Grinder and Richard Bandler. Anchoring is how we get into the right state for what we want to do. You connect a symbol with the desired state, or resource state. It's called a resource state, because you are more resourceful when you are in that state. Of course, we mean resourceful for certain things. If you have intense confidence and desire for opportunity as a resource state, it would be very good for a job interview, and maybe not so good for being a grief counselor. other state to fully enjoy a Greek wedding. Once you have your symbol, you fire the anchor in order to trigger the associated resource state. This will be very clear once we have covered some examples. Perhaps the most commonly used anchor for personal use is a hand position, but you can get very creative will all aspects of anchoring. You can quickly induce a state when you have anchored that state in advance. Firing an anchor that you have established in connection with the state activates the anchor and, as a result, the anchored state. You'd want to be in a some- Anchoring is one of the most what different state for that. And well-known NLP techniques, and it you would benefit from yet an- is used in many patterns. 86 How Does Anchoring Work? Anchoring is related to something called behaviorism. Behaviorism tells us how to do behavior modification. This is the collection of methods used to train animals to do tricks; animals like dolphins in a water park that do back flips, and dogs in movies that put their paws up over their eyes. The amazing thing about behavior modification is that it does not require a conscious mind in order to work. After all, it works on all sorts of animals. This means that it uses very powerful and primitive aspects of your nervous system in order to work. Yes, it works very well on human beings as well, because we have the same brain components as animals do, though we have more. That's why were training them instead of the other way around. When an anchor is fired each time you are in a certain state, your body associates that state with the anchor. At first, the anchor is a neutral stimulus. It doesn't do anything much. But once that anchor is associated with the state, you can trigger that state by firing the anchor. The trick, as you will see, is to get that anchor associated with the right state. 87 ANCHORING In behavior modification, this is called associative conditioning. Conditioning means that you create a response that happens every time there is a certain stimulus. Associative conditioning means that the response comes to be associated with another stimulus, in this case, an anchor that you can use to your own benefit. Behavior modification is at the heart of problems like procrastination. That's why we combine communication with understanding the nervous system. With that, we can create solutions that run themselves. If you had to think about every strategy that you use for excellence, you'd run out of brain power very fast. That's why people don't usually get very amazing changes out of a self help book or TV show. What people don't realize, is that anchors are constantly influencing our behavior. Being in your workplace becomes an anchor for workplace behavior. Being downtown may trigger your desire to visit a favorite watering hole or ice cream parlor. Parents help their children get to bed and fall asleep by having certain things like music happen at certain times of the evening. It's called the evening ritual. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES That's a good choice of words, since rituals are anchors that help to trigger states. The soldier who pulls out the locket from his girlfriend back home and looks at her picture is firing an anchor. It gives him some feelings of security and warmth. The non-technical word here is solace. It gives solace. So an object can be an anchor. There is the action or ritual of manipulating it, there is the visual impression, the kinesthetic aspect of how it feels, and perhaps the sound. Can Anchors Be in Any Sense Mode? Yes, visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors are all used in NlP. Kinesthetic anchors involving a physical position or point to touch are very common, because you don't have to have anything with you in order to use it. Mental visual symbols or mental pictures are also convenient, as are inner verbal statements. Anchors can be external or internal. External visual anchors can include a ring or bracelet. However, they may be diluted by the fact that you may look at them a lot without being in the desired state. So when it comes to visual symbols, we recommend using an internal one. If you need to feel grounded, you might visualize a circle that appears to have been created by a Zen calligrapher. The nature ofthe symbol makes it easy to establish and recall, and it is not one that you would think of at random; it has a special purpose. A person such as a great historical or religious figure might serve the purpose. You would put them in a special frame or something so that the image is specialized just for this purpose. You might come up with special objects or places that have sentimental or symbolic value. When using sound as an anchor, again we recommend internal use. You can imagine any sound that you would not normally hear. 88 If you go digital, a special phrase can do the trick. Prior to doing something that arouses anxiety, you might say, "Piece of Cake!" meaning, it's as easy as eating a piece of cake. Kinesthetic anchors can be especially powerful. When you are going into a situation where you need to feel supported, you might imagine a hand on your shoulder, a hand that belongs to a historical or religious figure who is significant for compassionate leadership. You can lace your fingers opposite to the way you would normally do it, so that it feels different. You can make a pattern such as a circle with your fingers. You can touch a specific point that is not too awkward-looking to reach. You can even create combinations such as having a phrase and a hand position at the same time. Is Ice Cream an Anchor? This brings up the difference between a direct physical effect of a substance, and the associative conditioning involved in an anchor. You might be doing both with ice cream. Certain foods, including ice cream, trigger a reward center in the brain and create other physiological rewards directly. Chocolate contains a very pleasant stimulant, and the rise in blood sugar and the fat can be very satisfying. When a stimulus, like ice cream or a loud noise, cause an innate response, the behaviorists call this an unconditioned response. But an anchor is a conditioned response, so if someone jumps when they hear a loud noise, the loud noise is not an anchor. Then again, there is a way ice cream can also be an anchor. Let's say your mother gave you ice 89 ANCHORING cream when you had a sore throat, or you had ice cream with birthday parties and friends. Associations like this mean that ice cream, as an anchor, can trigger feelings of being nurtured, of being loved, or of celebrating. The main difference is that an anchor works because it is associated with a certain state, not because it chemically causes that state or because it triggers a natural response that is typical without creating an anchor, like an animal hearing an loud noise and startling. It's too bad more people don't know about creating anchors. Instead of using food or drugs to create feelings of an improved mood, there are many alternatives, and anchoring is one of them. The less resources people have to manage their states, the more risk there is of food addiction or drug abuse. In psychology, self-soothing is considered an ability that many people lack. Those people are at risk for addictions. Therapists attempt to help these people learn to self-soothe. Many therapists use anchoring to help this population. In addition to ice cream being high in fat and sugar, ice cream is hard to carry around with you. That THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES alone makes it a poor anchor. NLP other people have come up with on highly values independence. the fly, to use as needed. Many of them have actually been published. Anchoring With Intention Intention is an important aspect of anchoring. Intention can amplify the effect of anchoring. When rats were conditioned to associate a light with a loud, frightening noise, they learned to startle when the light went on. But when they became used to the loud noise and no longer startled, they stopped reacting to the light. This means that the significance of the stimulus carries a lot of weight. Your intention adds power to the anchor. When you trigger an anchor, be sure to use your intention to amplify the state. Don't just do the anchor and passively let it work on its own. Another reason for using your intention is that this helps to prevent extinction, because you are guaranteeing that each time you fire the anchor, the connection with the right state is reinforced. Anchors can go as far as your inventiveness can. NLP trained people have come up with countless patterns that use anchoring. Many of them are simply variations that practitioners, sales people, motivational speakers, ministers, supervisors, politicians and 90 Speakers and other who must use state presence can actually use their position on stage or their gestures or other things as anchors to promote the needed state in the audience as a whole. Not only are anchors being used in such a case, but emotions or states tend to be infectious in a group setting. If the speaker or presenter can just get that state going, it will kindle as part of the group process. You can even use positions on a stage to chain anchors. Imagine moving an audience from skepticism or apathy, to motivation and wanting more. Add to this your ability to model the desired state by triggering it in yourself, and you can have a profound effect on an audience. This method of positioning on stage has even been imported to the television environment. There is a famous political ad in which a frightening criminal was established on one part of the screen, with the politician on the other side. Then the politician he was competing against appeared in the same spot as the criminal. This is the famous Willie Horton ad used ANCHORING by George Bush Senior against better you maintain them, the lonMichael Dukakis in 1988. ger they last. In this case, they went beyond anchoring as NLP teaches it, and used human neurology in a cynical move to damage another person. This is a big reason why the public should understand NLP, they need to recognize when neurology is being used to manipulate people in negative ways. If you only use an anchor when you feel bad, it can lose it's power to help you feel good. A good way to maintain an anchor is to use it when you are in the state it is intended to t rigger. You will learn how to do this during the next section where we teach you how to anchor. How long is an anchor Behaviorism uses the word extinceffective? tion for when a conditioned reAnchors can be effective for the sponse fades out. rest of your life. The better formed they are, the longer they last. The Step #1. Select a state and and decide which trigger to use. Select a state that you want to have access to in the future. Select the anchor trigger you would like to use. As you'll recall, this can be a hand position, a point on your body 91 that you touch, or a word or phrase that you say mentally, among many others or some other UNIQUE action that you can dedicate to this state. That means it must be specific, such as pulling on you little finger. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #2. Elicit the state. For instructions on how to elicit the state, see the State Elicitation pattern.) Make the state fairly strong. Step #3. Calibrate. If you are doing this for someone else, have them tell you when they are in the state, and observe their physical cues such as body language, so that you can better calibrate them. Step #4. Anchor the state. Once the state is fully active and at its PEAK, anchor the state. Anchor it by doing the behavior that you selected in step one as your trigger. At this point, you are associating the trigger with the state, that is, anchoring the state to the trigger. In the future, activating this trigger will help you activate the state. Never use this trigger for anything other than this state from now on, and when you activate this state in the future, continue the practice of associating the trigger with the state in order to make this association even stronger. 92 Step #5. Test. Think of situations in which you will want to trigger this state, and make a reminder to yourself in your calendar so that you'll remember to practice using it and reaping it's benefits. Additional Advise It is important to remember the basic principles. Be sure that your anchor is unique so that other states and situations don't dilute it. Make sure that when you create an anchor, that the state is as intense as you can get it. An intense state creates the strongest anchor. The more pure the state is, without other things going, the better. The more precisely you focus that state, the better. You can use redundancy in order to make triggering more powerful. Do this by anchoring in multiple sense modalities. You can fire them simultaneously or in close succession. If your first efforts do not work adequately, you may need to sharpen your observational or problem-solving skills as you seek the reason. Does the anchor have another meaning? Did you adequately associate the anchor with the state? Repetition may help. Although some NlP materials make it sound like magic, it is a behavioral method that utilizes our nervous systems to create an enduring change. In many people, this may require experience and creativity. 93 ANCHORING Since one way of creating an anchor involves touching the client in order to establish the anchor, remember to explain this and get the client's permission first, so they aren't surprised. And, of course, you will want to use spots that aren't too intimate. 17. A Script For Self Anchoring D ECIOE WHAT state you want words that others said or that you to create an anchor for. could say that are most mentally Maybe you would like positive and compelling ... an anchor for that meeting and Feel what is most palpably posnegotiation state. itive and compelling ... Maybe you have something Feel whatever internal sensaelse you'd like to anchor. tions are most positive and comWhatever it is, chose one... pelling, like feeling very up or Now recall all the times that expansive ... you felt some aspect of that state. Watch yourself like you are in a movie, in third position. Every time you feel some aspect of the desired state, amplify it and expand it. Keep doing that until you feel as strong a state as you can ... Each time you think of a time in which you felt some aspect of that state, see what is most visually positive and compelling ... Hear what is most audibly positive and compelling ... Hear any See yourself now, standing in a nice place, fully feeling that state, and see how you look in that state; your facial expression, your posture, you can even add cosmic energy of just the right color streaming into your aura. Now create a sign with your hand such as an okay sign, one that you would not do very often, or interlace your fingers in the opposite way from normal, and hold that position while you savor the state ... 00 94 18. Downtime "One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular'~ - Anthony Robbins, author of Awaen The Giant Within CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Learn to create a light, momentary trance in people for various uses. When your conscious awareness is focused entirely on internal experience, NLP refers to this as downtime. The Downtime state is a subset type of trance phenomenon, and can help initiate or deepen trance. It can help you manage an interaction as a brief, light trance as occurs in a transderivational search. Many techniques are used to stimulate downtime, and they are used not only to produce trance, but also patience, introspection, and receptiveness. 95 Uptime, on the other hand, refers to a more worldly state of awareness that emphasizes external awareness that is effectively informed by internal awareness. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Restrict your environment Arrange a distraction-free environment, because this specific pattern requires concentration. Step #2. Internalize focus with Rep Systems Direct your attention inward, attending to each of your internal representational systems (the substeps below will help you). Attend to each of the modes as fully and as separately as possible. a. Notice your audio sense, including your inner voice, the sound of any memories or fantasies that arise. Remember something, and focus totally on the sounds involved. Notice the difference between those feelings compared to what you feel ABOUT the memory, and what you body physically feels right now as you recall the memory. For example, how hard is the surface you are on right now? d. Become aware of tastes. Come up with a memory of eating something tasty. Notice that you have various senses involved in the memory. Focus your mind entirely on remembering the taste. Notice how taste is more than one sensation, since much of what we associate with food has to do with its consistency, such as chewiness. e. Shift your awareness of this memory to smell. Notice how you can separate taste and smell. b. Direct your mental focus to Additional Advice the visual mode. Include memories and fantasies that arise. Choose a memory and focus all your awareness on the visual aspect. c. Attend to emotional and physical senses as they arise for a while. Now think of a memory, and direct your attention to your emotional and physical feelings as they occur in the memory. 96 You can anchor the experience of effective downtime. A good way to do this is to fold your hands and, as you experience all rep systems more fully, gradually increase the pressure of your palms pressing together. Once you have established palm pressure as an anchor, try using it for patterns requiring internal awareness, or with creating a basic trance or awareness meditation. You can get better with internal sensory awareness by doing the above tip, but by focusing on rep systems in sequence. Imagine running through an imaginary sequence of behavior, rotating through the above rep systems. You could first try this on a simple task, such as walking. Notice what rep system is your weakest one, and do this exercise 97 DOWNTIME additional times with your focus on that system. To enhance your ability to integrate your senses, go through this exercise while practicing attending to all systems at once. You might start with rotating through very rapidly, or explore dialing them in as a blend much as you would adjust submodalities. 0:0 19. Collapsing Anchors 'Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them': - Ralph Waldo Emerson CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern helps in changing a dysfunctional response. It involves triggering an anchor for a negative state and one for a positive state simultaneously. The result is an opportunity to reprocess the stuck pattern involved. The Collapsing Anchors Pattern may help resolve dysfunctional thought / behavioral patterns that have been difficult to change. The result is greater ease in bypassing the dysfunctional state, and spontaneous generation of more appropriate states for coping with the challenging situation that has been reprocessed. 98 Many people say that the anchor collapse kind of strange; but in a good way. The collapsing anchors pattern serves to free you from negative feelings that a situation or memory triggers in you. The pattern starts by establishing an anchor for the negative feeling. Then you create a different anchor that is loaded with positive states. Once the positive anchor is more powerful than the negative COLLAPSING ANCHORS one, you fire both anchors at one ger situation and the negative time. feelings. The result, at first, feels strange. The person's eyes may dart around, as if their mind is . trying to restore some kind of order or make sense of things. The end result is that the person is freed from the association between the trigSIep-:Miflel8a.se6e 8IIdIo$. Step .,0. Test)«lf MJIt.; The anchors are usually on opposite sides of the body, such as one spot on each knee. Placing the feelings in the palm of each hand, and then bringing the palms together also collapses the anchors. Step ., I. Strengthen the anchor. 99 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Select a problem involving a spontaneous negative state, and establish an anchor for inducing it. Choose a problem that is part of a stuck, dysfunctional pattern. Create an anchor for the negative state. Step #2. Break state Break the negative state. (For instructions, see the State Interrupt pattern.) Step #3. Elicit a positive state. Elicit a resourceful, positive state. Step #4. Amplify the state. Amplify the state with methods such as enhancing submodalities. Step #5. Elaborate on the state. Elaborate on that state, for example, by talking about what you would like to experience in that situation in each rep system. Step #6. Anchor the resourceful state. Once the state is firmly established, anchor it. Step #7. Break state. Break the resourceful state by clearing your mental screen, opening your eyes and moving around for a moment. Step #8. Trigger the states. Fire the anchor for the unresourceful state, then the resourceful state immediately after. Hold both anchors. This supports continued processing. It also helps to periodically remind the person to fully experience their current state. You are likely to observe physiological changes, including facial expressions and eye movements that suggest confusion or processing. Step #9. Release the anchors. Once you feel that adequate timeto process has take place (halting of the physiological changes usually occurs at that time), release the negative anchor first, then the positive anchor after a brief delay. Step #10. Test your work. a. Break state. b. Fire the anchor of the unresourceful state, or ask the person to attempt to call up their unresourceful state by thinking of the issue. If they are unable to easily experience the unresourceful state, then the pattern was successful. 100 Step #11. Strengthen the anchor. a. Break state. b. Trigger the resourceful state anchor. c. Enhance the positive state with submodality work and any other appropriate methods. d. Re-anchor the resourceful state. COLLAPSING ANCHORS Additional Advice You may need to repeat this a number of times. If so, consider this to be a learning experience that is helping you develop mastery. 0)2) 101 20. Perceptual Positions "No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong'~ - Albert Einstein P ERCEPTUAL POSITIONS CAN re- they should be when you are ally help you with visualiza- 100% in your body and in touch tion as a tool for excellence. with your senses. Perceptual positions are a bit like the persons in grammar, but, of course, these positions are used in NLP for visualization. Let's take a look at each one. lhefirstposition can really help you feel down to earth or grounded. It can help you tune into your own power as a person and feel whole. This first position is seeing the scene through your own eyes. It is called the "fully associated" position, because any other position is disconnected from your normal sensory experiences and your thoughts. In the first position, your seeing, hearing, and feeling are all where lhe second position can help you create a more convincing communication strategy. It can help you develop more empathy, understanding people's feelings in a richer way, by walking in the other person's shoes. In the second position, you see and hear yourself through someone else's eyes, and you imagine experiencing their reaction to you. lhe third position is a great way to see things more objectively; without emotions distracting you. In the third position you see yourself as if you are watching a movie of yourself. We have already done 102 a process from the third position. Now you know what to call it. You also see any other people from that more distant position. You can build inner resources from the third position, and you can analyze what's going on from a coolheaded point of view. "How would this conversation or event look to someone totally uninvolved?" Imagine yourself being out of your body and off to the side of the conversation between you and the other person. You can see both yourself and the other person. The third position allows you to step back, to gain a sense of distance, to observe, to witness, to feel neutral and to appreciate both positions fully. the fourth position can give you a view of the systems that are involved; systems like the family or organizations that are part of the situation; that are connected with it in some way. The fourth position can help you explore how the situation came to be as it is. This perspective can open up a new channel of creative solutions for any situation; even for situations that appear to involve only one person. That's because every individual is in a cultural and social reality. Remember the NLP presupposition that every communication derives its meaning PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS from its context. You could say that about every life as well. In the fourth position, you take on the collective point of view. It's a little like being the sap flowing through all the branches of a tree, you aren't just looking at the tree. As you look at the situation, try saying things like, "The kind of outcomes that would work for us are ... " or ''The way we should discuss this is ... " As you can tell, the fourth position is about us; it's about the collective good and the motives that run through the system, whether it's two people or a global corporation. the fifth position can give you a cosmic view that is like being enlightened and beyond the whole situation. This cosmic view comes about because the fifth position is more dissociated that any of other positions. Sometimes it can be healing simply because it gives you a transcendent perspective that can bring a sense of peace that you have not experienced in that situation. It can permanently change your experience and your reactions to it. Getting into the fifth position may take some practice, because it is so foreign to most cultures. Experienced meditators, though, may have already been there and 103 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES will appreciate seeing how it can be used in NlP. One way to get a sense of the fifth position is to come from the God place. This is where you imagine being the source of what is going on, whether it's an argument, cancer, or a law suit. At the same time, you hold the people involved, including yourself, in pure, loving compassion. Then you beam healing and hope into the situation, where that healing and hope are resources that those involved can absorb as they are ready. If you feel that the universe is a threatening place, or you hate your idea of God, you might appreciate getting a vacation from that state of mind. What Can I Do with Perceptual Positions? Here is an example of how you can use perceptual positions. Sometimes you need to imagine a situation without a lot of emotion distracting you. When you get out of first position you can get some of that distance. Sometimes the emotional charge can hold a person back. They may feel confused, or intimidated. They be close to a creative solution, but see nothing but desire for revenge. They may need to build confidence, but be limited because someone else's voice is in the foreground of their mind, a voice that attacks their identity and confidence. But that's just the beginning. I'm going to share with you an easy, but powerful way that the second position can help you generate a positive state; a state that can win you a job, a contract, or a date. By getting into the third position, and imagining how you look in a positive state, you can build and amplify that positive state. You can try this simple process right now. Imagine watching a movie of yourself walking to a meeting where you need a lot of charisma. While you watch yourself walking, feed a lot of golden charisma energy into yourself. Give yourself great posture and a swinging stride. See the energized confidence on your face. Remember, this is not to cast a magic spell. This is to help you generate a very positive state that is good for meetings and discussions. 104 Now imagine yourself in that meeting. But keep the sound turned off so that you can concentrate on the image and the state. See yourself really wowing them with your charisma. Your gestures, your face, your body language, everything. How do you feel doing this? Is it helping you generate a positive state within your real self? Now see the other people really responding well to everything you do. You can add handshakes, signing of contracts, whatever you like. Take a moment to enjoy the improvements to your state. The Aligning Perceptual Positions Pattern (which you can also find in this book) takes perceptual positions to another level. Here's what we mean byaligned perceptual positions: it means that all three major rep systems are in the same perceptual position at the same time. This ability allows people to do things with NLP that they were unable to do before they learned it. While some people get stuck in a perceptual position, most of us get our rep systems split out across more than one perceptual position. PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS How do I know if My Perceptual Positions are Not Aligned? Let's actually imagine something and see if you get the same thing; the same sense of properly placed senses as you did in real life. Let's see if, in a visualization, you are the center of properly placed senses. First, pick a situation that is challenging for you, and involves another person, like having an argument with someone ... Imagine yourself in that challenging situation. First, consider what you are seeing. Is your vision 100% exactly where it would be if you were really there, or would you say it is placed a little off from where it should be? Or do you find yourself looking at yourself? That kind of thing is not aligned with the first perceptual position is it? If vision is not coming from the right place, then it is not coming to you in the way that you experience vision in real life. Let's try this with hearing. In the imaginary and challenging situation, imagine the sounds you might hear in the situation or add some appropriate sounds... Do they feel that they are coming to you in the same position for real hearing does? 105 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Imagine what the person might say to yOU ... If they are saying what you are thinking, or saying things that are really how YOU feel about yourself, or what YOU feel insecure about, then you are hearing your own thoughts from a different perceptual position. But in the first position, your thoughts should come from where they normally would, not from someone else. But this can be tricky, especially if you tend to project, that is, if you tend to feel like other people are thinking things ABOUT you that actually come FROM you. If you are very self-conscious, that's probably what's happening, but without you knowing it; it's a subconscious habit. When people discover this, NlP has just given them a huge gift; the gift of regaining their powers in relationships; power that comes from owning their own thoughts. When you are fully aligned, your internal auditory digital, that is, your verbal thoughts, will be placed so that they very much belong to you and help you feel connected and grounded. You can't feel shy or self-conscious in that state; a fully aligned state. You can do the same thing with feelings. Do you have emotions in this challenging situation? Tension? And any other feelings? If you are aligned, they are coming from the part of your body that they should come from. But if your kinesthetic rep system is not aligned, then your feelings may seem to be coming from elsewhere. They might be a little off, or way off, like when you project feelings onto someone else. A more common problem, though, is when people pick up other people's feelings as their own. This makes a person too easy to manipulate. Con artists, addicts, and other destructive people are drawn to these overly empathic individuals. Codependency involves this problem of being at the mercy of other people's feelings. How does this work in other perceptual positions? Other aligned perceptual positions work in pretty much the same way, except from a different point of view. let's consider the third perceptual position, where you are looking at yourself. let's use the movie theater again. You're seeing yourself in that challenging situation, while seated in the seat in the movie theater. When the other person speaks to you in the movie, you don't hear them talking directly to you in your 106 theater seat. Their voice is over near the you that is in the movie. Your vision of the movie as you watch it should be aligned with your eyes as they would be sitting in the theater. If you are emotional in the movie, you do not feel the emotions, but you might feel empathy. If you are upset in the movie, you might feel sad about it. Audiences feel all sorts of feelings while they watch movies, of course. You might even feel the same kind of feeling, but from your observer point of view. If you get as angry as your movie self, the anger probably has a little different quality. You might feel something more like wanting to see revenge or wanting to protect your movie self somehow. This is a very important point, this idea that you can't feel the feelings of your movie self. If you are truly in third position, you will not feel those exact feelings. Can you see how this could be useful for processes in which the person needs some distance from their feelings? When a person is not associated into their feelings, they will be less distracted. We use the word "dissociated" for not being associated into your feelings or thoughts. PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS When people experience extreme dissociation, they feel very disconnected. With perceptual positions, you can kind of regulate your amount of dissociation so that it's just right for whatever you're doing. Now here is an advanced secret. When it comes to challenging situations, very few people find that their perceptual positions are aligned. This is true no matter which perceptual position they explore. This is the secret to the power of perceptual position alignment. Once you align your perceptual position, you will have an edge that is rare for people in challenging situations. Very often, it is the misalignment itself that is the cause of the challenge in the first place. You could say that once you have aligned perceptual positions, you have drained the swamp so you can see whether there really are any alligators to worry about. 107 21. Confliding Beliefs Integration "Nothing is so firmly believed as what we least know." - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne CREDITS FOR THE creation of very mature in his or her own perthis NLP pattern belong to sonal work. Robert Dilts. Conflicting beliefs can cause NOTE: Unless you are already a highly experienced NLP practitioner, this pattern may inappropriate for you to try on your own. We suggest that you work with a very competent N LP practitioner who is self-sabotage and prevent people from assertively pursuing their goals. They can undermine relationships of all kinds. This pattern assists in aligning beliefs so that they are accurate and synergistic. 108 Step #1. Select and state an issue that involves confliding beliefs. a. Examine your personal issues, and identify one that has conflicting beliefs. State the beliefs as specifically as you can. One of the beliefs is likely to be irrational, so it may be a little embarrassing to express it. For example, you might, deep down at a gut level, believe that an intimidating person that you have to deal with is capable of destroying your self esteem. Your increased heart rate when you encounter this person is a good sign that there is an irrational fear. CONFLICTING BELIEFS INTEGRATION b. State the beliefs as specifically as you can, starting with the words HI believe that , but at the same time I also believe that _ _ _ _ H. State any irrational beliefs without censoring or altering it. The more irrational it sounds, the better. Step #2. Identify the ideal outcome for this issue. a. Identify an ideal future outcome and time frame for it. Clearly identify the ideal future outcome of this issue. The best outcome for this purpose is an outcome that one of the beliefs is interfering with. 109 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Select a good time in the future for the ideal outcome to take place. b. Generate and anchor a related resource state. Imagine that you are stepping into that point in the future. What are you like, as the person experiencing that outcome? What other changes have taken place? Especially notice what it is like to have the more successful belief fully liberated and engaged. Select a trigger for this state and anchor it. c. Imagine what you overcame to achieve the outcome. Now look back and see what obstacles you overcame to reach that successful point in time. d. Identify the point of origination of the obstacles. look back even farther to the time or times that the obstacles originated. Imagine stepping back into the most significant point in time. Notice especially what it is like to have the more unsuccessful belief inflamed and active at that time. For many of us, it is better to think of a point at which a number of negative patterns came into focus as a belief that could be put into words. A history of patterned abuse or neglect, developmental problems, drug abuse, chronic difficulties such as ADD, a serious career crash, or a toxic relationship that ruptured your self-esteem over time can be considered a theme. You can identify a point at which a dysfunctional or unresourceful belief and physiology emerged as an identifiable state. The point at which things were at their worst and it was difficult to see a positive outcome might be a good point to select on your timeline in this case. e. Notice the polarity comprised by the two beliefs. Notice howthe future successful belief, and the past, less successful belief comprise two opposing elements, such as logic versus emotion, or rationality versus intuition, immature versus mature beliefs, and so forth. For example, the belief "/ can't succeed or people will expect too much from me," versus, "/ thrive on meaningful challenges and enjoy expressing my drive to succeed," could be divided into drives for security and avoiding embarrassment versus adventure and risk. 110 f. Identify the two beliefs as parts with states. Notice the differing physiologic manifestations of each conflicting belief. Your thought patterns, emotional feelings and other physiology comprise two different, conflicting states. Pay special attention to asymmetry in the feelings or related body language such as gestures you would make differently in these two states. Think of them as two "parts" for this NLP pattern. Step #3. Step into a metaposition Select a meta-position located off your timeline and dissociated from the beliefs and identities. Step into this position. Step #4. Elicit the opposing divisive beliefs. Have each part express its beliefs regarding the other part. They CONFLICTING BELIEFS INTEGRATION past part as reacting to inappropriate judgments by adults that as a child you were highly motivated to avoid. This suggests a part that needs help unfolding its potential, rather than a part that is disgusting or just a threat to success. b. Identify the positive motivations of each part. Identify for each part the underlying positive motivations. Have each part recognize the positive intentions of the other. Step #5. Identify the shared mission of the parts. Still in your meta-position, identify the mission that these parts share according to your higher values. For example, achieving success with adequate preparation and effective strategies. This example captures the positive essence of both pa rts. are likely to express distrust, disgust, Step #6. Explore the resources and other charged judgments. of each part that can help crea. Have the parts face each ate the positive future. other. Think about the resources and Have the parts turn to face each other. Notice how this causes the perception of each part to shift. capacities that each part has to offer, and that can help the other part in achieving the positive future that you already explored in You might notice, for example, this process. that the future part can see the 111 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Reviewing the positive motivations and common mission of the two parts can help you come up with more of these resources and capacities. For example, your future scenario will rely upon your analytical skills as well as your passion for the most meaningful elements of the positive outcome and the path to that outcome. a. Gain an agreement from the parts to work together. Gain an ecologically sound agreement from the two parts to combine their resources and accomplish their common mission. You have already harmonized their resources, so your previously conflicting parts are ready for a new, powerful alignment. b. Work with deeper limiting beliefs as needed. This is the point at which you may discover limiting beliefs that are even deeper or more neglected than the ones you have unearthed so far. If this process has good momentum for you, it may be possible to refine and update these beliefs. If they are challenging, then you may want to subject them to this process from step one at another time. The anchor you have established can help you do this more effectively. Step #7. Re-Anchor the resource state, and work with the anchor. Return to the point on your timeline representing your desired future identity. Re-anchor the state that is aligned with this identity. This state includes your positive intent and the sense of your parts' common mission. The state you are re-anchoring is actually an expanded and enhanced version of the first future state that you anchored. a. Holding the anchor, move to a point prior to the less successful identity. Hold the anchor, moving off of the timeline and back to a point that is just behind (earlier than) the past, less successful, identity. b. Move your future successful self to that point, and act as a mentor. Have your future successful self step back along your timeline to that past point. Have this successful self act as a mentor to you in that past point, providing any needed support and resources. c. Receive this mentoring in the first perceptual position. 112 Associate into that past identity and experience that point in time while receiving mentoring and resources from your future, successful self. d. Take the resources into the future point, causing the parts to contain the resources of both parts. Maintain your focus on the resources of the two identities and the positive changes that are taking place now. Slowly move forward in the timeline, carrying these resources, until you step into the point that you established in the future. This way, each part has the resources of both parts within it. Notice all changes in you that result from the integration taking place. Step #8. Step into a metaposition opposite (across the timeline) from the first metaposition that you created. Recall the meta-position that you established off of your timeline. Create a new meta-position on the opposite side of the timeline from that one. Step into this new meta-position. a. Have yourself (from your meta-position) and the two parts walk together. CONFLICTING BELIEFS INTEGRATION Imagine the past and future parts walking towards each other along the timeline, as you move from your meta-position toward your timeline at the same pace as the parts. b. Bring the identities into you. When the two parts meet, reach out with your hands and gather both identities, bringing them into you. c. Step into your timeline and face forward in first perceptual position, perceiving things with your parts fully integrated as a single entity. Step into the timeline, in the first perceptual position (associated), and associate the two parts into your perceptual position, so that you are facing forward, fully integrated as a single rich identity. d. Walk forward in time to the desired state you had established. Walk forward until you reach the point at which you had established the desired state. Step #9. Test Notice what it's like to think about the conflicting beliefs that you started with. You should feel much more resourceful and unified that you did in the past. 113 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Additional Advice If the conflict involves more that two parts or issues, you can include those issues or do these integrations in sequence, one pair at a time. Remember that this is an advanced pattern that may require further training and assistance before it is appropriate to carry out. 114 11. Belief Out-Framing "The idea that seeing life means going from place to place and doing a great variety of obvious things is an illusion natural to dull minds." - Charles Horton Cooley CREDITS FOR THE creation of of states of its control mechanism this NlP pattern belong to must be greater than or equal to Robert Dilts. the number of states in the system Question a limiting belief or assumption and consider alternative opinions. This pattern uses the law of requisite variety to accomplish this create excellence in this skill. being controlled". Ashby states the law as "only variety can destroy variety'~ In NlP we use the Out-Framing approach to doubt an existing non-resourceful belief and loosen Introduced to the cybernetics its neurological "fibers". By dofield by W. Ross Ashby, the "Law ing so, we weaken the belief and Of Requisite Variety" says - "If a make room for a more resourceful system is to be stable the number one. 115 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step .,. C'ieCIle tIii jrkl Step . 2. Move Into First PtiSJtIon (Sell). Step .3. Move out of the grid. Step H . Repeat with the temdnIag cells. Step .5. From The Other Cells Step .6. From the Fitst Ce4 integrate the M:IIuabIe new information. step #1. Create the grid. Imagine a two-dimensional grid with Past, Present, and Future timeframes on one axis, and Self, Other and Observer perceptual positions on the other axis. Step #2. Move into First Position (Self). Associate into the Self position, Present timeframe cell on the grid. Note any limiting beliefs pertaining to your goals that arise in this cell. Step #3. Move out of the grid. Move outside of the grid, leaving the limiting beliefs in their cell. Step #4. Repeat with the remaining cells. Do steps two and three for each of the surrounding cells. Unless the situation dictates a different order, use the one offered below. Before you proceed, become familiar with the meaning of each cell. a. First Position, Future: Treat it as a future in which the limiting beliefs and related issues are resolved. b. Second Position, Future: Imagine a mentor that fosters your resourcefulness and totally believes in you and your ability to transform. c. Third Position, Future: Picture a wise, compassionate being who is observing your future. d. Second Position, Present: Imagine a mentor in the present. 116 e. Third Position, Present: Picture a wise, compassionate observer with a detailed but bigpicture grasp of your present. f. First Position, Past: Imagine yourself in the past, with a positive perspective of your accomplishments, gifts, and skills, as well as the dreams that had already come true for you by that time. g. Second Position, Past: BELIEF OUT-FRAMING or meaningful message to help the "you" in First Position, Present become better able to doubt the limiting beliefs you found in that position, and to become more open to alternative beliefs. Step #6. From the First Cell, integrate the valuable new information. Associate into your First Person, Present, along with those limiting beliefs. Think of a real or imaginary This time, receive the alternaperson who is a past and signifi- tive beliefs and meaningful mescant mentor. sages from each cell. Imagine this person as having Notice how this alters your exa valuable perspective of your situ- perience of these limiting beliefs ation now. and your state in that cell. h. Third Position, Past: Think of an observer who has an objective, compassionate perspective on your past and how it is connected to your future. Step #5. From The Other Cells From each cell, see yourself and the limiting beliefs you found in the First Position , Present, but from the perspective of each of the other cells , described above. From each of those perspectives, provide an alternative belief Directly state that you are experiencing more openness to these alternative perspectives, and describe them as you receive them. "/ am open to the idea thaL" Additional Advice You will need to create the grid in order to keep track of these alternatives, resourceful messages. If you are prolific, just write them as you go, preceding them with the name of the cell you are in at the time. Start with your limiting beliefs. 117 23. Colliding It Colluding Beliefs '7he opinion prevailed among advanced minds that it was time that belief should be replaced increasingly by knowledge; belief that did not itself rest on knowledge was superstition, and as such had to be opposed': - Albert Einstein CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. Replace stress and frustration with empowerment and confidence, by resolving conflicting and Step #1. The Situation Step #2. Your Belief Step #3. Their Belief Step #3. Colluding Belief Step #4. Meta-Position Step #5. Positive Foundation Step #6. Resourceful State colluding beliefs. This pattern is primarily for interpersonal situations. By colluding, we mean beliefs that unconsciously interfere with our success in a way that is interlaced with other beliefs. 118 Step #1. The Situation Identify a situation in which your beliefs conflict with those of another person. Step #2. Your Belief COLLIDING & COLLUDING BELIEFS e. I do/don't deserve to attain this goal. f. lam/am not responsible for this goal. Step #]. Colluding Belief Describe your beliefs that col- Move out of your conflicting lide with this person's beliefs. belief state. Step #]. Their Belief Describe the other person's beliefs that collide with yours. Associate fully into these beliefs. Identify which belief is the primary focus of the conflict. Below are generic beliefs. One of these is likely to apply here. Mark it with "OT" for "other" (meaning the other party's conflicting belief), and circle the word choice that applies (i.e. "is/is not''). Remember, you are identifying the other party's limiting belief. a. The objective is/is not desirable and worthwhile. b. This goal can/cannot be achieved. c. The actions necessary to achieve this goal are/are not sufficiently detailed, understandable, appropriate, or ecologically sound. d. I do/don't have the skills or talents that I would need in order to reach this goal. look for colluding beliefs, that is, beliefs of YOURS that in some way reinforce the OTHER person's limiting belief that you perceive as troublesome. Use the list above. Mark the applicable belief with a "C~' for "colluding." Step #4. Meta-Position Move out to a meta-position where you can be free of the conflict/collusion reality. From this fresh position, find alternative frames of reference and concepts that can help you find innovative and practical solutions. The following steps are helpful Neuro linguistic Programming maneuvers intended for transformational processes such as this one. a. Presuppositions Note the presuppositions that underlie the beliefs. Typically, these are not conscious, so you will need to be sure you are thinking 119 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES outside of your current, conventional frame. The following presuppositions can help you here. 1) 'There is no single correct map," versus, "/ have the one true map." 2) "There is a positive intention behind every behavior and belief," versus, "The behavior (or belief) is negative and must be eliminated." 3) "People have the capabilities they need," versus, "Some people are just defective." 4) "We are all part of the larger ecosystem," versus, "We are independent entities, and context does not matter." b. Positive Intentions Associate back into the three belief states, and clarify the positive intentions underlying each of them. c. Meta-Program Level Move back into the meta-position that you established, and identify the similarities and differences at the meta-program level that exist between these beliefs. Refer to the meta-program appendix as needed. d. Supportive State Associate into each belief position again, this time identifying the state that most supports each of the beliefs. Step # 5. Positive Foundation Return to your first metaposition, and answer these questions for each of the beliefs you have identified: How could you fill in the missing NLP presupposition? How could you realize the positive intentions of the beliefs in a constructive manner? How could you align and balance the meta program patterns? How could you alter your state or that of the other party so that it is more open to a constructive and ecologically sound resolution? Step #6. Resourceful State Develop a resourceful state that embraces the emerging positive beliefs. Maintain that state as you step into your first position. From there, mentally role play new ways of responding to the other party. 120 24. Parts Negotiation "But I do nothing upon myself, and yet I am my own executioner': - John Donne C REOITS FOR THE creation of This happens when your parts are this NlP pattern belong to working together effectively. various contributors. A part is a constellation of moWin the battle for will power and succeed with inner alignment. Eliminate self-sabotage and liberate energy for commitment and innovative problem solving. Enjoy the pleasures of life, knowing that you are leading a balanced life. tives and attitudes, and can be largely subconscious. It may be irrational according to your consciously-held standards. It includes a state that you can recall experiencing and associate into when needed. 121 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Select the behavior. Select a behavior that you feel is detracting from your success or excellence, and that represents to aspects or parts of you. confrontation of some kind) from the negative outcomes, then that is a clue as that the part may be causing (or at least failing to prevent) these negative outcomes. Step #4. Identify the meta-outcomes that the Determine what part primarily part is contributing to. supports this behavior and preStep #'2. Identify the parts. vents alternative behaviors. Also identify the partthatcreates your concern about this behavior. This second part is expressing your distress at not achieving something or at being poorly aligned with your higher values. Step #3. Specify the outcomes that the parts desire. Describe what each part wants. Think in terms of outcomes. You can identify with (or associate into) a part, and speak from its point of view to get a rich expression of outcomes in terms of VAK, values, and situations that trigger the part. Do this for one part at a time. What outcomes is it supporting? This can include positive outcomes, even if it is failing to produce them. Don't assume that a part actually intends to produce negative outcomes. They may merely be side effects. However, if there are gains (like avoiding effort or As you'll recall, a meta-outcome is a higher-level outcome. For example, if a part wants an outcome of eating carbohydrate-rich food before bedtime, the meta-outcome might be that it has learned that this will reduce your anxiety from having unstructured time at night, and even help you sleep. If you thought the metaoutcome was to make you fat, this is probably actually an unintended out-come. On the other hand, some people feel vulnerable when they lose weight. In that case, the meta-outcome for getting or staying fat would be to feel less vulnerable, and perhaps attract less interest from the opposite sex as an immature means of being protected from child abuse that actually ended a long time ago. Step # 5. Create inter-part understanding. Makesureeach partunderstands the positive values and roles that the other part is responsible for. 122 Convey to each part how their behavior interferes with the activity of the other part, and how this lies at the heart of the problem. Step #6. Negotiate an agreement. Negotiate an agreement between the parts. Start with a question such as, "If the other part agrees to refrain from interfering with you, will you refrain from interfering with the other part?" Get an internal sense of the response. Work with these parts until they reach an agreement. The better you understand the needs that these parts fill (by understanding their positive intentions and roles), the for effective PARTS NEGOTIATION you will be at facilitating this negotiation. Step #7. Seal the deal. Ask each part for a trial period during which it will commit to cooperating. Also, get a commitment to signal you if it is dissatisfied for any reason. That will be a point at which negotiation will be needed again. Step #8. Test. In the coming days and weeks, see if your problem behavior improves and if you have new, more resourceful behaviors. Notice any ecological problems or other nuances that require you to do more parts negotiation. Notice if there are any additional parts that need to be involved in negotiating on this issue. GS 123 25. Dis-Identification "Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose'~ - Kevin Arnold CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Gain new freedom and capacity by dis-identifying with limiting beliefs. Sometimes we over-identify with some facet of our life experiences-our beliefs, body, gender, race, etc. This is limiting in itself, but we may also over-identify with even more seriously limited aspects of ourselves. For example, we may identify with behavior or thought patterns that construct a victim, dependent, or otherwise unsuccessful self. Terror organizations are known to be very thorough in their propaganda, leading individuals into a state of overidentification with the organization's distorted values, perspectives and beliefs. No wonder that young somnambulistic individuals are willing to strap a suicide bomb to themselves and kill innocent people only to keep their learned deformed identification in tact. This pattern serves to correct over-identification. 124 DiS-IDENTIFICATION 0&wwIe.-"" ......... ." ......... Step '1. SuppOrtins Be/;et > "l ')'4 $i J Step .~ Dls-klintify with language. Step 'l. ~thtocJgb~ Step #4. AIt.emate Self & Func:tion Step *s. Ttansc:endentol ~ step 8 Amplify in HIgher Sell Step #1. Supporting Belief Try this belief on for size: "You have a self that is beyond your circumstances, your familiar abilities, behaviors, creative expression, speech, strivings, and even your thoughts'~ Step #2. Dis-Identify with language. Change the frame for all the things about you, such as those in step one. the things in step one. "If I lost (fill it in), my core self would remain '~ Step #4. Alternate Self & Fundion Notice how you can think about these traits of yours as being functions; a way of getting a result or making your way through the world. Notice how you have a sense of self that transcends functions. Step #5. Transcendental Identity Use this phrase, "I have (say the thing about you, such as "talent''), but I am not (the same thing, e.g. "talent,,). Tune into your sense of a greater self that exists beyond the things Include thoughts, ("I am not that you identify with. my thoughts.") Step #]. Dis-Identify through trance. By accessing a deeply relaxed state, sense yourself as bigger than Notice how you can sense a state of pure consciousness, as you have in trance or meditation. Represent this with a word or phrase that captures the essence of 125 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES that experience, or see what symbol comes to mind. The words or symbol that emerge spontaneously may be the most significant. Step #6. Amplify in Higher Self Notice the submodalities of this sense of higher self and amplify them in any way that enhances it and strengthens your connection with and identification with it. Move it to the center of your existence and place your consciousness in the center of this higher self Imagine what it's like to live and express yourself from this sense of higher self. 0:0 126 26. Resolving Intemal Conflicts "It's important to realize that we define ourselves not only by who we are, but by who we are not': - Anthony Robbins, Awaken The Giant Within CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern helps with the very common problem of disagreement between parts. When you struggle wlth yourself to do or not do something, when you procrastinate and seem to be arguing with yourself in your mind, this is the pattern to use. 127 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. The Conflict Select a personal conflict. It may be something you're ambivalent about, or some way that you sabotage yourself or cannot accept yourself. Step #2. A Memory Recall a memory of experiencing this inner conflict. View it from the observer position. Step #]. Take a Side Get into the first perceptual position with one side of the conflict. Be sure to include beliefs, values, and objectives. Step #7. Meta-Position Move to a meta-position above both parts. From there, ask the parts to propose solutions or outcomes that they expect to be satisfactory to both sides. Elicit concerns from either side about these ideas, and note any ecological issues. Do as much brain-storming as you need to in order to come up Step into the experience. with a good collection of ideas. Review the OTHER side of the Step #8. New Part conflict from this position. Notice what comes up during this in all sense modes. Step #4. positive Intention Still on that side, ask the other side to express all of its positive intentions, including any beliefs and goals that it can express to your side. Step # 5. Switch Now step into the other part. From this position, repeat steps three and four. Step#6. Repeat Repeat this switching and receiving until both sides have a good understanding of each other. Notice how this new collection of ideas is an amalgam of the values and higher intentions of the two parts. It is also an agenda. Experience how it could be considered a part all on its own. Bring this part into your body and accept it as an important part. Step #9. Future Pace and Test Imagine a future with this part creating results for you. Redo this process as needed for any ecological concerns or problems. Test it out in real life and come back to this process as needed. 128 27. Making Peace With Your Parents "Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them'~ - P. J. O'Rourke CREDITS FOR THE creation of life or internally as representations. this NLP pattern belong to Some notice that they speak to Robert McDonald. their children with the same conLiberate a great deal of energy, creativity, and personal development by resolving old issues with your parents. This is done IN your mind, not necessarily in direct contact with your parents. This may go on quite unconsciously, but it is no less harmful that way. A deeper issue is that many of us have absorbed the attitude that a parent (or other caretaker) held toward us as children. This not only limits us directly, but also makes it difficult to fully express the resources that our parents gave us. Many people continue to struggle with their parents, either in real tent and in the same tone of voice as their parents did with them, but they cannot control it. Even though they promised themselves many times to "never be like my father" or "never be like my mother", they get caught again and again in the same thought patterns and behaviors as their parents did with them. The first strategy you will notice in your client's behavior, as they come to you with such an issue, is that they use their will power to control their automatic behavioral responses. They may succeed from time to time, but eventually our "programming" (which some people mistakingly call, "genes'') 129 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES wins over. They cannot avoid it because they keep thinking about it. You should first explain to your client that their parents must have done the best they could, given their limited resources in education, competence, knowledge on parenthood and finances. Their parents must have treated the children (your client) the same as their parents (your client's grandparents) did with them. The heritage of conflict and poisonous criticism and harsh discipline does not have to move on to their children. The most elegant and mind easing way to help them overcome this situation is if they agree to forgive their parents for mistakes they could not control. Onrwf8r. ......... "... ."" ftNr"", .... """.,. Step 11. Select a conflict With your parents fOr this pattern. Step 12. Tune into your negative maternal representations. Step .3. Concenttrtte these representations. Step *4. Constellate these into a shape. Step :IS. Break state. Step :16.. Do steps tMO through five for your father representations Step :17. Sid your maternal and patemal positive intentions. Step:l8. Thank the parts. Step :19. Hove the parts appreciate each other. Step :110. Combine the parts. Step :Ill. Store the new port. Step .,2. Future pace. Step :113. Test 130 Step #1. Select a conflict with your parents for this pattern. MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR PARENTS Continue until you have them all represented in your palm. Think of a conflict with one or both parents or caretakers. The Step #4. Constellate these into conflict does not have to be cur- a shape. rent, and your parent does not have to be living. Pick a conflict that you would like to resolve, or that you feel is limiting you in some way. For example, it may be absorbing your mental or emotional energy. In these steps, we will work with your internal representation of a male and female parent. If your situation does not match, you can select an appropriate childhood authority figure or influence for the missing gender parent. Step #2. Tune into your negative maternal representations. Focus on the areas in your body and mental space where you find feelings and other representations related to the conflict and negative aspects of your mother figure. Step #3. Concentrate these representations. Imagine these feelings and other representations flowing from your body and mind into the palm of your left hand. Invite these representations to function like energy that can coalesce into a solid, visible shape. Step #5. Break state. Distract yourself with an activity such as thinking about a travel route or by tying your shoes in order to break your state. Step #6. Do steps two through five for your father representations. Tune into your negative paternal representations, concentrate them into the palm of your RIGHT hand, and constellate them into a solid shape. Break state. Step #7. Elicit your maternal and paternal positive intentions. Ask your mother image what positive intentions she had underneath the negative actions that led to your representations. 131 Continue to solicit these metaintentions until you feel that you have a complete sense of this. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES The intentions may not have been rational, but you have many hints from your childhood as to her underlying positive intentions. You might phrase your question as, "What good thing were you trying to do for me with these behaviors and attitudes?" Repeat this with your father representation. Step #8. Thank the parts. Directly thank the parts for participating in this pattern, and validate their positive intentions for you. Step #9. Have the parts appreciate each other. Have the parts face each other and express appreciation of each other's participation in this pattern, and their positive intentions. Step #10. Combine the parts. Tell the parts that they can not become a single, more positive and powerful force by combining into a single entity. Ask them if they are willing to proceed with this. If not, resolve any ecological issues. Then slowly bring your hands together and allow the images to merge into a single entity. Keep your hands closed together until you have had some time to integrate this change. Then open your hands to reveal the new entity. Step #11. Store the new part. Discover where in your body or mental space that you would like to place this new part so that it can become an integrated aspect of your resources. Touch the area where you will store these re-sources. Maintain contact with it to establish an anchor as you bring the image into that area. Allow the feelings to carry you back through your childhood and into your mother's womb and infused with these positive feelings. Now allow these resourceful feelings that are resonating throughout your body and mind to carry you through your live, literally growing you up to this present moment in your adulthood. Step #12. Future pace. Continue to touch the anchor and step into the future so you can imagine your future with these re-sources. 132 Step #13. Test. In the coming days and weeks, notice any changes in your relationship with your parents if they are alive, and any authority figures or intimate relationships. MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR PARENTS Notice any ways that you feel yourself powered by these resources. 133 28. Six Steps Reframing "/ am a world-class weenie when it comes to letting people stick needles into me. My subconscious mind firmly believes that if God had wanted us to have direct access to our bloodstream, He would have equipped our skin with sma//, clearly marked doors". - Dave Barry,Author of Dave Barry's History of the Millennium (So Far) CREDITS FOR THE creation of this Elicit subconscious resources in NLP pattern belong to John order to change a habit by producGrinder. ing alternative behaviors. Step #1. Select the behavior. Step #2. Establish the signaL Step #3. Elicit the positive intentions. Step #4. Produce alternative behaviors. Step #5. Solicit the signal that the behaviors are selected. Step #6. Future pace and ecology checIc. Step #1. Seled the behavior. The behavior should be one for Select a behavior of yours that which you can say, "I need to stop you would like to stop or change. (behavior}'ing," or "I want do to 134 (behavior) but I just can seem to do it." Step #2. Establish the signal. Ask the part that creates the behavior to give you a signal (such as lifting a finger) that will mean yes. If the part does not provide a signal, trust for now that there are positive underlying motives for the problem behavior. Step #3. Elicit the positive intentions. Ask the part to bring to mind the positive intentions of the behavior that you'd like to change. Step #4. Produce alternative behaviors. Ask your creative part to produce three alternative behaviors that would fulfill the needs revealed in the prior step. Step # 5. Solicit the signal that the behaviors are selected. Ask your part that produces the problem behavior to give the signal when it is satisfied that there are three behaviors that will fill the needs it revealed in step three. If the part did not cooperate in step two, then ask it now if it will participate by providing a yes signal. If not, then assume for now that you have come up with good alternatives that you will test in the next step. SIX STEPS REFRAMING Step #6. Future pace and ecology check. a. Future pace the behaviors several times each. Detect and mitigate for any ecological difficulties. Re-run this pattern as needed. b. Try out the behaviors in real life and see if the behavior change you desire takes place. If not, think in terms of ecology (such as parts conflicts) and re-try this pattern in order to refine your behavior change work. Additional Advice If you would like to do a version of this pattern that is more conscious (less "new code") because of the circumstances or because you'd like to do more intensive brainstorming, then you can write down the motives (from step two) and alternatives (in step three) as quickly as possible until you feel you have satisfied each step. As soon as you are done with the basic pattern, you should jot down the new behaviors and place the note someplace where it will remind you to try them out. Perhaps it belongs in your appointment book or on the refrigerator. 135 29. Content Reframing "How many of you have broken no laws this month? That's the kind of society I want to build. I want a guarantee - with physics and mathematics, not with laws - that we can give ourselves real privacy of personal communications'~ - John Gilmore CREATE DRAMATIC improvements in yourself and others by applying one of the most fundamental methods for getting a change in perspective. As you'll recall, a frame in NlP is the way you limit what you consider. It's impossible to consider every piece of information in your world in order to made a decision, so no matter what you think about anything, there is a frame. In NeuroLinguisticProgramming we do reframing in order to change the existing frame and get a better outcome as a result. let's use a reframe to help someone who feels very 'defective'. They tell you that they hate getting out of bed in the morning and their self esteem is terrible because they have no motivation. let's say that the person needs to realize that they are in the wrong job. You could ask if they'd have trouble getting out of bed if they were about to go on a vacation to their favorite place in the world. They would say that would be no problem. Your response: "So it isn't that you can't get out of bed, it's that your still in that crappy job." Now the issue is not that the person is defective, but that they need to mobilize their resources for job or career change. We got there by expanding the frame to include 136 situations in which they could easily get out of bed. Here is another example. In this one, we actually state the bad frame out loud, and let the person recognize what's wrong with it: A smoker says he thinks he doesn't need to be a purist, even though he has been quitting smoking. He feels there's no harm in a few drags once in a while. He needs to recognize that he has created a false frame of control to under-define a deadly addiction. CONTENT REFRAMING If you say, "So you have complete control over tobacco now, then," he is likely to say something like, "No way, I'm all or nothing, that would get me smoking again in no time!" It's helpful when the person states the reframe on their own, since they feel ownership. For the following steps, we are going to use a pattern of behavior of yours that you don't care for, but you can reframe anything. 137 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select a behavior you Try to find submodality shifts dislike. that will have an impact on this. Select a pattern of behavior of You can also ask what the behavior yours that you don't care for. and intentions mean to you. You can simply ask, "What else could Step #2. Identify the part. this mean?" Note the aspect of you that pro- Step #6. Reframe the behavior duces this behavior. and intention (content). Think in terms of parts. Name that part. Step #]. Identify the positive intention. Figure out the part's positive intent in producing this behavior. Step #4. Identify the frame. What is the frame around the intention and behavior? You can see this by discovering the presuppositions behind the part's sense of mission and it's behavior in service of that mission. (In the examples we provided, one person thought he was defective because he couldn't get out of bed, and another seemed to think he had complete control over tobacco in order to justify a small amount of smoking.) Step #5. De-frame the part. As we ask in the De-framing pattern, how can you expand the part's perspective? Find the way, however slight, that you can react positively to the part's intentions or to the behavior. Step #7. Reframe the usefulness in terms of situations (context). How might this behavior actually serve you in some situation? Connect with how this might feel good or appropriate. Remember that the behavior may need to take a different form, or even cease, depending on what it is. You may also find that the underlying motivations can be expressed very differently, so that the behavior is easy to change or eliminate once you learn to satisfy the underlying motivation. Step #8. Integrate the reframe. Give yourself permission to make use of this new reframe. Although you may not approve of 138 the way the intention is expressed in some situations, you can now make a good connection with the reframe, because it highlights the positive aspect of the behavior. Think of ways that you can express the motivation in a more useful way, or that you can direct the behavior in a more useful way. Step #9. Test the reframe. How do you feel now when you think of the behavior? How do you feel about the part? CONTENT REFRAMING If your self esteem has improved or you feel less in conflict with yourself, that is a good sign that the pattern has been useful. If you have actually come up with a revolutionary and positive way to utilize the underlying motivations, that's even better. 139 ]0. Context Reframing 'When man learns to understand and control his own behavior as well as he is learning to understand and control the behavior of crop plants and domestic animals, he may be justified in believing that he has become civilized': - Ayn Rand BUILD AWARENESS of context, imagine "importing" a behavior, and build mental flexibility state, belief, or other aspect of and creativity. It helps you yourself into various contexts. Step #1. Identify a resourceful state Step #2. Ask context questions. Step #3. VIVidly imagine yt?urself expressing this aspect in a typical appropriate context Step "". Pick a variety of contexts at random and imagine yourself expressing this aspect in each of them. Step #5. Test 140 Step #1. Identify a resourceful state Choose a state, behavior, belief, emotion, aspect of commitment, or some other aspect of yourself that might be helpful for building context awareness. Step #2. Ask context questions. Ask yourself where this aspect would be useful. Where would it be an expression of your higher values or self interest? Step #3. Vividly imagine yourself expressing this aspect in a typical appropriate context. Step #4. Pick a variety of contexts at random and imagine yourself expressing this aspect in each of them. Imagine what results are likely to come from expressing this aspect in each context. What are the effects? For example, what would come from you taking a negotiatCONTEXT REFRAMING ing mindset and applying it to a loving relationship. If at first it seems awkward or objectionable, ask yourself how you would fold it into your other, more typical, forms of self expression as you express this aspect. For example, negotiating very skillfully, but in a fully loving way. Another example, what would it be like to use highly evolved NLP skills as a prison counselor with a kidnapper? Step #5. Test In the next days or weeks, notice any ways that you are thinking more creatively about what aspects of yourself to express in various situations. Are you more flexible or creative? Are you more conscious of how you use yourself as a resource for outcomes in any situations? e0 141 31. Reframing Beliefs It Opinions - Examples "Stiff in opinion, always in the wrong'~ - John Dryden HERE ARE A FEW examples of reframing. When you read the conversation below, notice how one simple shifting of perception can change a person's belief or opinion. This script is a transcript of a recorded conversation between two of my friends in one of our NLP practice group meeting. We recorded all meetings, and luckily for us, we got some great materials out of. This is one: George: "I can't imagine living in China, everything there is disgusting !" Natosho: "What do you mean, disgusting? Have you been there?" had quite a lot of warnings on the Chinese strange habits" Natosho: "What kind of strange habits?" George: 'Well, they spit everywhere, in front of you, on the street, in restaurants, on the bus .. . " Natosho: '7hey spit everywhere. And you know why?" George: '7he article didn't say" Natosho: "I've been in China. I lived in Beijing for about a year. I started spitting everywhere myself after a few weeks" George: "WHY?!" Notosho: "Too much rapport, I guess" (laughing) George: "No, but I read a tour- George: "No, seriously, why istic article about China, and they do they spit? That's a disgusting 142 manner, certainly not something tourists would be happy to experience" Natosho: "Well, I'm sure your article mentioned the extremely polluted air in China. Yes, the Chinese government is the source for this hazard, but the Chinese people are there to suffer it. In such a high polluted environment, you get quite a lot of mucus in your throat. .. what should they do, swallow it?" Geol'ge: "There's no Kleenex in China?!" NDfosho: "There are more than 1,500 million people in China! Can you imagine how many tissue papers they would consume in a day this way?! There would be no trees left after a year!" Geol'ge: "Alright, so maybe that's reasonable ... still disgusting, but reasonable. I guess that's why they don't use diapers ... " NDfosho: "Exactly why! You'd have million of dirty diapers standing around" Geol'ge: "Alright, toilet paper is one thing. But the article said they eat blood! And bones!" NDfosho: "Of animals, George! Not of human ... " REFRAMING BELIEFS & OPINIONS - EXAMPLES Geol'ge: "Yes, of course, but why?!" Natasha: "Same reason as before, it's really economical. Imagine how many animals would have to be butchered if they only ate the animal parts that we eat... they use the blood, by the way, for hotdogs, and they don't really eat the bones, they put them as extra flavor in soups" Geol'ge: "Yes, I can imagine how it saves money, and it's probably better without all the biological waste" Notosho: "Indeed. Did you change your mind yet?" Geol'ge: ':4 bit. Still strange though. They don't have normal toilets. .. they have holes instead of a bowl?" Notosho: "Yes, and this is for hygienic purposes. This way even the public toilets are relatively safe because there is no contact between your skin and the toilet.. You don't need to worry who was there before you. Even the handle for water is operated by foot" Geol'ge: ':4lright, so many itv's not that disgusting there'~ Did you make note of the simple reframing Natasha used here? She didn't even use "facts" as the 143 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES basis for convincing George. She used known shared values, such as saving the environment, reducing excessive waste and so on. Did you notice the presupposition Natasha gave George in the middle of their short conversation? 144 ]2. Basic Inner Conflid Integration "If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?'~ - Laurence J. Peter CREDITS FOR THE creation of this to an external impasse, we maintain NlP pattern belong to Richard our focus on the outcome, inhibit any Bandler/John Grinder. "antithetical ideas" and continue to Improve mood, motivation, and success by resolving internal conflicts between states. Generate resourceful states more consistently by resolving habitual (automatic) negative states. attempt other avenues or strategies in order to attain the goal. If there is an internal conflict, however, the "debate ground" shifts inward, and a battle begins between the two parts of one's self. As Freud points out. the external frustration is supplemented Robert Dilts, a well-known NlP by internal frustrotion. It is as if the researcher and master trainer, ex- person is "caught between a rock plains the issue of inner conflict: and a hard place." And when the "In a typical situation, if we are prevented from reaching a goal due fight is between two parts of one's self, one can never 'win"= 145 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Notice incongruencies between conscious and subconscious communication. This is done while working with a client on an issue that involves conflict between two directions, but has poor awareness of one of the opposing states. When exploring the conflict, observe incongruence between the person's conscious and subconscious communication. By this we mean what the person says versus what their body is giving away. For example, if the person shows anger but denies being angry, you will see body language that contradicts their denial. Anger physiology will show as jaw and lip stiffness, squinting of the eyes, shoulder tension, and maybe even resentment or tension in the voice. Step #2. Sort into polarities Some of these incongruencies will have something in common with other incongruencies. If the person really was not angry, they would have relaxed shoulders and other physiology of a "not angry" state. This observations provides you with a polarity involving two states. On one end of the polarity is shoulder tension, and, on the other, is relaxed shoulders. The polarity is that of a range of shoulder tension from high to low. Simmering anger is high tension, not being angry is low tension. Discover more incongruities between these two states, and sort them into polarities as we did with shoulder tension. To find these incongruities, you are seeking physiology clues. A good way to detect them, is to have the client enter the very state that their body language is telling you they are not really in. For example, with the "not angry" state that the angry client insists that they are in, you could help them align with that state by remembering, in first person, what it is like to watch a child play with a very friendly dog. Once they are fully in the "not angry" state, find out what is happening with every submodality associated with that state. In other words, what they are experiencing in that state. Now you have moved beyond body language to include submodalities that the client is able to describe for you. This would not have been possible with a client who is not aligned with the state they claim to be in. 146 This technique is important, because, when people are out of alignment, they can have difficulty being verbal or detailed, or, instead, unconsciously create distractions in order to evade being aware of their schism. The subconscious mind is very creative when it is tasked with this kind of deception. Sort these incongruencies into their polarities through means such as spatial sorting, symbolic sorting, rep systems, roles, and Satir Categories (i.e., blaming, placating, or rationalizing). If you don't know about all of these, stick with what is more obvious too you, such as how the client positions them in their mental space and what submodalities they associate with each state. How the state feels is often the easiest one to elicit. As the client talks about what these states mean to them, note what beliefs appear to drive each state. Thinking of the states as parts may help you derive beliefs that are empowering or limiting. You are likely to find more than a few negative or limiting beliefs. To summarize by using an example, fix "depression" in its "space" by having the client recall a recent time that they felt deBASIC INNER CONFLICT INTEGRATION pressed, and enter into that state for a few moments. During that time, elicit submodalities and any other aspects that distinguish these states from each other. For example, list the predicates, key words, eye accessing cues, and physiology that they use in connection with that state. As you explore the original issue, you will discover additional states with aspects that can be placed onto polarities. As you do the sorting, you eventually get to states that do not share enough polarities or similar attributes. At this point, you begin resorting. On the other hand, some states, such as depression and passion, will be competitive, that is, so incompatible that they cannot be placed on the kind of polarity that we are working with here, because they would be too incongruent. Step #3. Integrate the incongruencies. Put each state where it belongs. For example, place depression and happiness in their unique spots, (i.e., their respective spatial locations). Then group similar states in these locations. 147 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES a. Make a connection between the polarities. Have your client group the sensations of the states. To do this, the client must focus on the kinesthetic aspect of the state, bringing it to the foreground, rather than the imagery, sound, and concepts. In doing this, the client is moving all of the feeling of depression, for example, into a limited space, thereby experiencing it as something that they can control. This makes these states and their feelings less overwhelming and builds in the client a sense of empowerment and hope. b. Be sure that the client is in a very positive state before proceeding. Your client should be in a very confident state. Be sure that their positive states are stronger and collectively larger than the other polarities. Have the client move into a meta position. From there, bring the polarities together in a way what can create new solutions. 148 ]]. Mistakes Into Experience "The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship'~ - Deborah Tannen C REOITS FOR THE creation of Update a behavior that has this NLP pattern belong to not been re-evaluated, but that Robert Dilts. is not working optimally, or is dysfunctional. 149 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select a behavior that needs to be updated. Choose a recurring behavior pattern that causes some kind of bad outcome. An example: attracting people who violate your boundaries (like someone who shows up to your birthday drunk and starts a fight--it ends up being all about them instead of your birthday). Step #2. Elicit the limited beliefs that are part of the behavior. What beliefs encourage this behavior, or limit you from alternative behaviors or outcomes? Example: "Believing" that you should ask "Why?" over and over instead of coming up with a solution such as setting definite limits with a person who violates your boundaries. Step #3. Think of a negative outcome of this behavior. What is a bad outcome of the Step #4. Compare the negative outcome to a worse potential outcome. Think of something that is even worse, and that actually could have happened as a result of your behavior pattern, but didn't happen. Step #5. Identify positive things that resulted from the negative outcome that you identified in step three. Although the negative experience from step three was unfortunate, ask yourself what positive outcomes you can identify. For example, you may have discovered which one of your friends is the most insightful, because they clearly saw what was going on. Or perhaps you have gained a lot of knowledge through experience that, once you have put it into action, will constitute tremendous wisdom that you can use to enhance your life and the lives of others. behavior that has a lot in com- Step #6. Express the positive mon with other bad outcomes of intentions underlying the negthe behavior. In other words, it ative behavior. is a fairly predictable type of bad Your behavior pattern is outcome. based on positive intentions of For example, having a special some kind, despite the bad outday ruined by a person that you comes that have been resulting have not set limits with. from it. 150 Clarify these positive intentions and find a way to express them. They are worth writing down. Come up with positive intentions of the other people involved, even if they create negative outcomes or intervened in a way that you did not like. step #7. Discover the positive significance of the bad outcomes. What meaning can you take from the bad outcomes that have come from the unresourceful behavior pattern? For example, you may have realized that you have some very good resources that, once they are used for the right purposes, will serve you well. You may have realized that there are limits to your stamina or capacity for boundary violations that are worthy of your respect and assertive protection. You may have realized that, once put into action, this wisdom will prevent a tremendous amount of suffering. Step #8. Re-experience the negative events while in the positive insight state. Connect fully with the sense of wisdom, putting any feelings of MISTAKES INTO EXPERIENCE hopelessness or cynicism aside for now. Realize that this is a positive state. Imagine taking that positive state through the memories you have of those bad experiences, seeing them from a new, resourceful perspective. Step #9. Mark and store the wisdom gained from this pattern. Take all the good energy of the positive state, and everything that you have learned from these experiences, and imagine transporting this to the place in your mind where you store the elements of your wisdom. Tag them in some way that makes them available to you when you encounter situations for which they are relevant, so that you can prevent bad outcomes and generate excellent outcomes. step #10. Test Over the next days or weeks, notice any ways that the problem behavior changes. For example, do you have better ways to prevent the typical bad outcomes that would come from the behavior. 151 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Example strategies might include being more effective at managing the expectations of others, being more realistic about what you can do, sensing risk factors early enough to take evasive action, and responding more objectively to a situation by keeping things in perspective. GS 152 34. Hierarchy Of Criteria liThe whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. Just do it. Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation. And then, guess what? After you start doing the thing, that's when the motivation comes and makes it easy for you to keep on doing it'~ -John C. Maxwell, author of Talent Is Never Enough CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. Resolve inner conflicts so you can engage consistently in a desired behavior. This pattern uses logical levels and NlP resources in an interweave that deserves some explaining. We encourage you to study this thoroughly. In essence, you will learn to leverage higher levels of criteria in order to produce your desired behavior, despite the resistance, distractions and temptations that have typically sabotaged your efforts in the past. The Hierarchy Of Criteria pattern addresses a fundamental problem. Often inner conflict arises from the way higher logical levels override lower ones. This is possible because a desire often gets its drive from more than one level. When these levels work at cross purposes, we can end up sabotaging our higher intentions though procrastination, misplaced priorities, and other self-defeating behavior. Consider this example: If you derive personal meaning from helping others, and you have made a career of it, then your Identity level (one of the logical levels) provides much of the drive for your career choice. At the same 153 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES time, you desire to express your skills and knowledge and to act on habitual behavior. These desires drive your career actions on a dayto-day basis. This example shows three different logical levels driving behavior: Identity (as a helper), Skills/Knowledge (applied to helping), and Behavior (helping). But what if you want to get a better job so that you can make more money and contribute more by gaining more responsibility in your chosen field? Let's say the answer is that you need to return to school to learn more and get an advanced certification or degree. Although you may be able to say that this goal is connected to your Identity level, it is not enough if that understanding is only an intellectual, conscious one. If you're strongest connection with going to school is only happening at the skills/knowledge level, then you'll have a problem. That's because your identity level is currently filled with actually carrying out helping behaviors on a day-to-day basis. This "Identity override" (the Identity level overriding the Behavior level) leaves you procrastinating on going back to school, while your current work absorbs the lion's share of your energies and creativity. The Hierarchy of Criteria Pattern is designed to help you connect a higher level, such as your identity level, to an important goal, such as going back to school. This creates a strong subconscious drive that causes you to move forward much more easily and creatively. As you'll see, the power of this pattern comes from its clever integration of several different NlP resources. In addition to logical levels, this pattern can use spatial sorting and the counterexample process. The Hierarchy Of Criteria pattern will also sharpen your awareness of rep systems and cognitive strategies. It has broad applicability and much flexibility in the hands of an experienced Neuro linguistic Programming practitioner. 154 Step #1. Prepare the page On a piece of paper, in landscape (sideways) position, create five columns with the following headings. HIERARCHY OF CRITERIA engage in, but that you somehow prevent yourself from carrying out. For example, studying as much as you need to. Step #]. Note the motivating Leave room at the top of the fadors. page for two items: Behavior and Override. Column 1) Capability Column 2) Belief Column 3) Identity Column 4) Identity Step #2. Note the desired behavior. In column #1, Capability, list the factors that give you the most motivation to engage in the positive behavior. Emphasize factors related to skills, possessions, and knowledge that build and result from your capability to do this behavior. At the top of the page, write For example, getting into a topdown a behavior that you want to notch grad program, getting into 155 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES a great career, or having a nice house. Note the strategy, meta-program patterns, and submodalities that tell you that each criterion is motivational. For example, the idea of a great career goes along with the eager excitement in the solar plexus. The things that feed into that positive feeling include the desirable challenge and desire for prestige. Refer to the meta-programs appendix as needed. Step #4. Note the preventing factors. In column 41=2, Belief, list the factors that prevent you from carrying out the desired behavior. Emphasize thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and values, including any that seem irrational. Include any resistance or objections that pop up and take you away from your desired behavior, even if you have never put them in words before. Take yourself through the process of getting pulled away from your desired behavior and analyze it as though it was a formal decision-making process. look for strategies, meta-programs, and submodalities that drive these decisions. Look for the criteria that the decisions are based on. For example, "/ do not study as much as / need to because it is stressful and / run out of time." Another would be, 'When / study and the phone rings, it seems important to answer, even though / know it will be a friend who will distract me from studying. The submodalities are that the ring is in the center of my attention (auditory), and gives rise to feelings (kinesthetic) of relief and excitement that are a very attractive alternative to studying. This creates a sense (kinesthetic) of urgency, so / fail to think (self talk) about setting limits on this. / don't think of myself turning off the ringer (visual)." Step # 5. Note the Override criteria. Carefully think about your criteria for your desired behavior from column 41= 1. Think about how these criteria make you aware of criteria at higher levels, including the Identity level. Jot down any ideas that occur to you in the appropriate column 156 or on a separate sheet if you like. Continue until you are able to select one criterion that is the highest and most powerful of all. Write this one down in the space just below the behavior and put a big star beside it or highlight it. In seeking this high criterion, it might be helpful to ask, "What strikes me as being so important that I would always have time for it, and that stress would not prevent me from doing?" Note what personal value of yours that it satisfies so that it achieves this superior level of importance, (e.g. "preventing tooth decay is a value that means I never forget to brush my teeth twice a day.''). Elicit the strategy, meta-programs, and submodalities that drive this criterion. For example, preventing tooth decay is represented as seeing bad teeth (visual constructed) and getting a bad feeling about it (kinesthetic). Refer to the meta-programs appendix as needed. let's discuss how these levels play out in the example of the student. His problem was that his context contained a convenient temptation (phone calls from friends) HIERARCHY OF CRITERIA and an aversive (the discipline required for studying). As a result, the student's behavior appears to be at odds with his identity as a student, and even with his higher values and vision. Since the conflict is coming from the lowest levels (behavior and context), you can intervene at any of several higher levels, and at the same levels. For example, students often intervene at the behavioral level by using behavior modification to "outgun" the effects of temptations in their environment. For example, one student made a rule that he could not leave his study area without doing twenty chin-ups. The chin-ups served as an "aversive stimulus" that reduced his drive to escape to the kitchen for snacks. He enjoyed the side benefits of losing weight and building up his arms. Prior to this intervention, the snacks tempted him away from his studies too often and he gained weight. This intervention uses context (the chin up bar and the requirement to do chin ups) to affect behavior, just as the problem caused context to affect behavior. 157 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES However, unlike the problem, the solution was driven by his identity as a student and as a physically fit person. You could say that he used leverage from his identity level in order to produce success at the behavioral level. In this case, he did not directly confront his behavior with beliefs about the value of studying. Instead, he used the identity level, and a rather superficial version of it, pertaining to his physique and attractiveness, in service of his desired behavior, which was actually studying, not building up biceps. It doesn't matter much where the motivation comes from, so long as you are able to engineer the behavior you desire. Also note that, by using behavior modification principles, the student gained leverage over his behavior at the subconscious level. You will see in the remaining steps how to engineer the most effective behavior, because we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here. Step #6. Leverage the process by anchoring the behavioral content from Override. Go back to column # 1, Capability, and anchor the behavioral content there. Really get in touch with carrying out the behavior in a positive state (use the Override criteria to help you). Anchor that positive state. Step #7. Apply the highest Override criterion. In column #4 (Identity), use the highest level criterion that you found by applying it at the Identity level. With the school example, you might say for the Identity level, "My identity as a helping professional is expanding and becoming more meaningful because / am attending the program / have chosen." On the belief level, you might say, "/ believe in life-long education, and / believe in the craft / am learning." Brainstorm, and review what you have done so far to determine how your high-level, override criterion applies to your Identity level. Step #8. Engineer the desired behavior so that it is in harmony with all criteria levels, and fulfill the objectives of the desired behavior. This step may mean a dramatic change of course, or some sim158 pie refinements to your desired behavior. Most likely, it will involve adding supportive activities and perspectives to make it ecologically sound and highly motivating. Bring your attention to column =#1=3, and draw a line below what you have written so far. Write down a behavior here that fulfills (or at least does not violate) the criteria of all columns. You might want to start by brain storming all measures that you can take in order to enhance or add to your desired behavior so that it fulfills the criteria at each level. This way, you will come up with a main behavior for this column, as well as a collection of supportive behaviors and adjustments that will help to ensure that you succeed. Remember that brain storming means you open your mind to many possibilities. You may want to start on a separate sheet and exhaust your ideas, then return for more after letting some time pass. You might want to call some friends or a mentor to discuss this step. HIERARCHY OF CRITERIA In making sure that your ideas are in harmony with your criteria, you might ask questions such as, "What ways are there for me to do a school program that will (from column # I, Capability) improve my income, skill, and prestige, and (from column #2, Belief) allow me to continue the work I am doing now in a meaningful way and keep making a living?" Pick out the best idea for column=#l=3. step #9. Map and adjust the Override criteria and limiting beliefs. Review your Override criterion that you noted above the columns. Notice what submodalities give it power. b) Also, note what strategies it implies. c) Observe what meta-programs give this criterion it's shape. (Metaprograms are the higher level programs that affect how we think and perceive. For example, some people focus more on what they are avoiding, while other focus more on what they want) b) Now take your revised desired behaviorfrom column =#1=3, and adjust the strategy, meta program, and submodality features of the 159 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES criteria of the desired behavior to match the strategy, meta program and submodality features of the highest level, Override, criterion. c) Do the same thing for the column #1 Belief criteria (the values and conditions that give the limiting beliefs a sense of legitimacy). This may seem like an odd request, but remember that you are harmonizing your desired behavior with criteria from all columns, and this adjustment will actually help to drive your desired behavior now that you are no longer waging an internal battle between conflicting levels of criteria. Step #10. Test Discover and correct any ecological or other conflicts. Additional Advice This pattern can go very far in helping you achieve very useful depth of insight as well as valuable, creative, fresh solutions. It helps you develop capacities that are quite under-realized in most people. We strongly suggest that you make a project out of this pattern for any really challenging or complicated situations in which you are trying to cultivate or engineer behavior that is more appropriate that what you seem to be automatically drawn into. By keeping it handy and revisiting it from time to time, you are likely to find that it can go much farther than one time can achieve. Reviewing Dilts' neurological levels can help generate ideas. Over the next few days or weeks, notice if you carry out the desired behavior enough to achieve the positive outcomes you intend it for, such as getting good grades so you can get into a good graduate program. What additional support or inHow well have your interven- terventions might help you secure tions worked and how might you this new behavior? improve them? Use your environment to reAre there other logical levels at inforce what you come up with. which you should intervene? Posters, sticky notes, and record160 ings can all help reinforce and remind you. Remember the behavior modification example above. It takes advantage of context and behavior modification principles. It is not an obvious strategy, because it does not directly or obviously address the desired behavior or confront the undesired behavior. In working with a client, you can keep track of the details by writing them down yourself, while guiding the person to step into areas that represent each of the elements on the paper. In this approach, the original one suggested by Dilts, the person steps into spots on the ground that correspond to each of the columns. This assists with anchoring and eliciting states. HIERARCHY OF CRITERIA A common problem is to find that the criteria preventing your desired behavior occur at the same or higher levels than the criteria that support your desired behavior. When that happens, people feel mystified as to how to sort things out. Keep thinking it over and you will find a way. For example, put criteria that are on the same logical level sideby-side and keep asking what makes them different. At first it might just appear to be that the desired behavior is more relevant to your long-term status, or it might bring a better version of the same benefits or a larger quantity of the same benefits. But if you keep asking why that matters, you will come to values at a higher level, even at the identity level. Get as many as you can, and explore ways to make them more compelling as indicated in this pattern. 00 161 35. Aligning Perceptual Positions "There is an old saying that, you can't kill a frog by dropping him into hot water. As you drop him into the hot water, he reacts so quickly that he immediately jumps out unharmed. But if you put him in cold water and gradually warm it up until it is scalding hot, you have him cooked before he knows it. The encroachment of bad habits in our lives is very much like this'~ - Annonymous CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Get dramatic improvements in your relationships with others and with yourself by correcting bad habits in perception. This pattern addresses the tendency for people to become stuck in a particular perceptual position. For example, the person who is always stuck in the second position may have difficulty hanging on to their own reality, and be too easily manipulated. But this pattern goes much farther than that, by correcting poor representations of perceptual positions. When people discover and correct problems such as misalignments or jumping into the wrong position, they may experience great improvements in long-standing interpersonal problems. What Happens When Perceptual Positions are Not Aligned? Here's a great example. let's say someone is a bit self-centered or narcissistic. They have trouble tolerating it when someone else has more expensive clothes than they do, or is more important than they are in some way. When they work with perceptual positions, they may find that 162 when they try position number two, which is looking at themselves through the other person's eyes, they discover that what they are hearing is not really the other person's voice. Instead, they hear what seems to be their own voice telling them that they are inferior, that someone else is better than they are. But they go on to another discovery. Those thoughts add an emotional energy to that judgement. Those thought are loaded with the feeling that it is not acceptable, that it is horrible that this other person has a better car or whatever. This person has been so busy trying to push away those feelings that they have been preoccupied with gaining status in any way they can. This mean they have not realized how they are being driven by a voice that they have lost in the second perceptual position, and that they are being attacked with feelings lost in the second perceptual position. It gets a little farther out than even that. They realize, doing this work, that the thoughts are not really exactly their own. Those thoughts about inferiority and superiority were the best thing they could come up with when they were a child with a parent who humiliated them and who was very harsh. ALIGNING PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS You could say then, that they kind of inherited the voice from the parent; the voice was primarily coming out of second position. That judgmental voice had gotten assigned to random people, but is was not from them, it was from the parent, who was very judgmental. And the feelings? Those are first position feelings, and that's good, because we are imagining from first position, from inside our own skin. But these intolerable feelings aren't really a reaction to other people having nicer things. Those feelings are the terror of a child who fears the big harsh parent. It's just that those thoughts and feelings were a defensive or protective posture. Defenses tend to stick around, because they are there to protect us. Unfortunately for this fellow, though, they went out of date long ago. However, he didn't know what they were, so he became lost in a struggle with what they had become. For him, they had become a drama of who is best, who has the nicest things, who is superior and inferior. The fear of the parent became the fear of anyone being superior. This, in turn, became a struggle for prestige; a struggle that seems like 163 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES an adult struggle, but is actually a holdover from the past. It's very difficult for someone to untangle himself or herself from a drama that masquerades as a grown-up pursuit. Aligning perceptual positions can rescue people from such suffering, and it can unlock maturation that has been frozen, maybe for decades. The beauty of aligning your perceptual positions is that it makes it much easier to let go of feelings and thoughts that don't belong to you. When you are aligned, the misaligned aspects feel out of place. You want to put them where they belong: in the past, or given back to the person who started them in the first place. Many Neuro linguistic Programming practitioners work without talking about the past. That can work, because alignment happens in the present, and you can let go of thoughts and feelings without knowing where they came from. Most are practical and work with or assess past experience as necessary. They don't, however, get lost in the past; the focus is on outcomes. What do Aligned Perceptual Positions Feel Like? Let me give you a sense of aligned perceptual positions. Imagine yourself listening to these words. As you listen, with your eyes open, notice that you can see out of your own eyes, feel your own body, and hear with your own ears. You know that each of those senses are yours, because of where you sense them. You are the center and they are in the right positions. So what we have done is use a real experience with your rep systems that you can refer to when you do visualization or a perceptual position alignment exercise. To sum up, when all your rep systems are in the same perceptual position, you see, hear, and feel your senses in the right physical location. If you are imagining yourself in the first perceptual position, then it is like you are actually in your own body, looking through your own eyes. You feel grounded or connected, even more powerful as an individual. You will start your alignment by finding where the misalignment is. This means you'll imagine a challenging situation. Then you'll check each primary perceptual position, seeing, hearing, and feeling. Once we know where the misalignment is, we will use that for the alignment. We'll start by finding whether you have any misalignment 164 in your first perceptual position. Let's actually imagine something and see if you get the same sense of properly placed senses Step # 1. Pick a challenging situation. Pick a situation that is challenging for you and involves another person, such as having an argument with someone. Imagine yourself in that challenging situation. Step #2a. First Position, Visual Consider how you are seeing; how your imagination is representing the visual sense. Is your vision 100% exactly where it would be if you were really there, or would you say it is placed a little off from where it should be? ALIGNING PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS as you experience real life. Let's see if, in a visualization, you are the center of properly placed senses. Step #2b. First Position, Auditory Let's try this with hearing. In the imaginary and challenging situation, imagine the sounds you might hear in the situation or add some appropriate sounds. Do they feel that they are coming to you in the same position for real hearing does? Imagine what the person might say to you. If they are saying what you are thinking, or saying things that are really how YOU feel about yourself, or what YOU feel insecure about, then you are hearing your own thoughts from a different perceptual position. 165 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES That is a significant misalignment. This type of misalignment can make people feel self conscious, or jump to the conclusion that people are judging them too much. Aligning a problem like this is very empowering, because you are owning your own thoughts; feeling much more grounded and confident. Include your thoughts as well, as though you "hear" your thoughts. Ask yourself if those thoughts are really yours. Do they feel like they are really from your values and from the core of your mind, or is there anything alien about them, such as a resemblance to someone else's style of speaking. Or are some of your thoughts actually what you think the other person is thinking. Adjust so that you are hearing your thoughts as your thoughts. If someone else's thoughts or thinking style has intruded, turn this into thinking about what they think, instead. If you have a judgmental voice, see what it feels like to try to own that voice. See what it feels like to place that voice in your throat and speak those judgments. Many people find that it seems awkward. They sending those thoughts off to some mean school teacher or bully that isn't even in the scene. That means those thoughts should be gone and no longer even audible. Step #2c. First Position, Kinesthetic We will do the same thing with feelings. Do you have emotions, tension, or any other feelings in this situation? If you are aligned, your feelings are coming from the part of your body that they should come from. But if your kinesthetic rep system is not aligned, then your feelings may seem to be coming from elsewhere. They might be a little off, or way off, like when you project feelings onto someone else. A more common problem, though, is when people mistake other people's feelings as their own. This makes them easy to manipulate. Con artists, addicts, and other destructive people seek out these overly empathic individuals. Codependency involves this problem of being at the mercy of other people's feelings. Step #3a. Third Position (Observer), Visual As you look at your challenging situation, move your point of view out and away, so that you are 166 looking at yourself and the other person. Now you are in third position. Place your point of view so that you and the other person are both the same distance from your point of view as observer. Have them be at eye level. Notice any changes in your experience from this perspective. See if you find it helpful move closer or farther away, to feel like you have a good sense of perspective. Is there anything else to adjust such as any submodalities? For example, is your view dark or fuzzy? Step #3b. Third Position, Auditory Explore your auditory sense. Are you hearing what is going on from where your point of view is? Remember that any thoughts are of you as the observer. So you might think about how you are reacting to observing yourself and this other person, but you are not "hearing" the thoughts of the "you" that you are observing. You might feel emotional about what is going on, but only as an observer who might feel empathy or some other emotion about what they are observing. ALIGNING PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS Remember, as the observer, any thoughts that belong to the other person, or to yourself in your imagination, should just be in them, not in your mind as observer. You only know for some degree of assurance what they are thinking when they say it. It can be very powerful, when you find yourself distracted by what you think the other person is thinking; to get it out of your mind as the observer, and have them speak the words, instead. This helps secure you in the observer position, and to see if those words are coming from the right person. Does it really sound like what they would say? Remember that, as observer, you would not use words like I and me, but rather, they and them, or him or her. Step #3c. Third Position, Kinesthetic As you look at the situation as the observer, with the "you" and the other person at the right distance from you, you are hearing from the observer position. You arealsothinking as an observer who has some distance from the emotions in the situation. 167 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Notice what feelings you do have as the observer. If you have strong feelings that belong to someone in the scene, place them back in that person and feel what it is like to really be the observer. If you need to, adjust your feelings so that they are in the appropriate areas of your body. Notice what feelings are the most resourceful. What feelings best support you as an observant, curious, creative person; a person who generates solutions and excellence? This process can really liberate your subconscious mind as an empowering and problem-solving force. Allow yourself to relax in the observer mode for a few moments, creating some space for your subconscious mind to benefit from this objective point of view, and to feed in any of its wisdom as it becomes available to you. upon whenever you like. It is not only a position for a fresh perspective, but also a safe position that can give respite from raw personal feelings, because it is a relatively dissociated state. step #4. Return to First Position (Self) Lastly, we will return to the first position, in order to fine tune its alignment. Bring your perspective back into yourself in the scenario. After all the work in third position, do you notice anything different about being back in your self-position. a. First Position, Visual Check each rep system. Are you looking directly out of your own eyes. If there is any kind of offset, any misalignment, correct that, by shifting directly into your normal vision, seeing directly out of your eyes. You should now be viewing the other person as you normally would. Adjust any submodalities you care to, such as brightness, clarity, and size. b. First Position, Auditory The novelty of this can trigger subconscious resources, because the subconscious is always looking for ways to connect the dots; to help you pursue a meaningful agenda, even when you aren't sure what it is. How is your voice? As you speak, make sure it is coming from And now, the observer perspec- your throat. tive is a resource that you can draw 168 Of course, any internal dialog, thoughts and judgments should really belong to you and be coming from your mind, emanating from you. Make sure your thoughts are in first person, saying, "/ think this," and, "/ think that." Your thought are not talking about you, they are coming from you, they are yours. And your hearing should be coming directly into your imaginary ears. Adjust the placement as needed, so that it sounds natural and normal. c. First Position, Kinesthetic What has changed about your feelings? Do you have your own feelings, coming from the normal areas of your body that such feelings come from? ALIGNING PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS Step #5. Final Check Do a final check and see if you feel aligned in the first position. Make any final adjustments as you like. You do not need to spend time trying to make it perfect. You are learning just the same. Since were finishing, and we know adjustments can spread, spend a few moments back in the third position as the observer, and see if there have been any other improvements. 169 36. Tbe Allergy PaHem ':<:\ recurrent emotional state always appears together with the attitude of the body and the vegetative state with which it was conditioned earlier. Therefore, when an individual emotional complex has been resolved, a specifically individual body habit is resolved simultaneously." - Moshe Feldenkrais CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. This pattern has a reputation for reducing or eliminating symptoms of allergies. Please remember that Neuro Linguistic Programming does not claim to cure to allergies. The originator of the Allergy Pattern, the NLP master trainer and developer Robert Dilts have worked with numerous people to elicit a strategy that can help reducing the symptoms of allergies. Step #1. Imagine being exposed to the allergen. Step #2. Anchor a symptom-free state. Step #3. Enhance the anchor. Step #4. Anchor several counter-example reference experiences. Step#S. Fire the dissociated anchor Step #6. Test 170 Step #1. Imagine being exposed to the allergen. Recall being exposed to the allergen. Attempt to elicit some of the symptoms. Find out what submodality changes change the intensity of the symptoms. Step #2. Anchor a symptomfree state. Achieve a state that is dissociated from the allergic state, and anchor it. A good way to do this: a. Relax a bit, tilting your head and eyes upward. Imagine that now there is glass between you and the thing you are allergic to. Imagine being able to float up so that you can observe yourself from above. b. When you are free of allergic responses, and truly relaxed, create a second, different anchor. Step #3. Enhance the anchor. Imagine fully a symptom-free state, and the ideal way you would like to respond to the item that typically caused an allergic response, when you have no allergic response. THE ALLERGY PATTERN Imagine this in some detail, describing it. Imagine this in an associated perspective. Use the submodalities that you discovered were key to your reaction in building your new response. Step #4. Anchor several counter-example reference experiences. a. Associated Memory Access an actual memory in which you have been near something that is, as much as possible, like the thing you are allergic to, but that does not produce an allergic response. For example, if you are allergic to cats, you might imagine a clean, processed rabbit pelt or plush toy that causes no response. b. To help disrupt your frame regarding allergies, do something that will show you that your immune system can tolerate substances that seem as though they should be intolerable. 171 You can accomplish this by thinking of one or more substances that you think of as being toxic, but which you don't have an allergic response to. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES This shows that your immune system can keep your body safe without allergic responses. For someone allergic to perfumes, the odor of gasoline might be an example. Not that we recommend actually sniffing gasoline fumes outside of your imagination. It is also useful to identify some substance that is potentially even more "toxic" than the substance which causes the allergy, but to which the explorer's body has learned a more appropriate type of immune response. Someone may have an allergy to perfume, but not to gasoline, for example. This demonstrates that the immune system can keep the body just as safe, but without the allergic symptoms. c. Be sure that you observe the appropriate physiology before setting the anchor. It should match the desired state. d. Are there any problems with ecology or secondary gain in connection with the allergic response? e. You can enhance this by using re-imprinting, reframing, change personal history or your three anchors to add resources. step# 5. Fire the dissociated anchor Fire A 1, the dissociated state anchor, and have the person imagine being close to or in contact with the allergen. Simultaneously fire anchors A2 and A3, for the desired state and the counter example. Be sure to hold the anchors long enough to see the person's physiology shift fully away from the allergic response. Step #6. Test If there is no risk of a medical problem, expose the person to a small amount of the allergen. Increase the amount bit by bit. Repeat the procedure as needed until a typical exposure produces no allergy symptoms. Before each increase, simultaneously fire A 1, the dissociation anchor, and then A2 and A3, the desired state and counter-example anchors. You can make this new response stronger by using the critical submodalities from step one. Let the person be in full control of how the allergen is handled. 172 If there is any concern, consult an appropriate physician, don't work outside of your scope of practice and create risk. This pattern can have durable effects. Sometimes, it may need to be repeated to restore its effect. THE ALLERGY PATTERN Exposure to other allergens or sensitigens may restore an allergic response. 173 37. Calibration '7his is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness': - Dalai Lama CREDITS for the creation of and behavioral cues of others. this NlP pattern belong to "Calibration" involves linking bevarious contributors. havioral cues to internal cognitive Improve your ability to observe and emotional responses. and respond to the physiological Step *,. Understanding Step *2. Observe Step *3. Confusion Step *4. Observe Step *5. Pidc Step *6. Observe Step *7. Guess Step *8. More Step *9. Explain and observe. 174 Step #1. Understanding Ask your partnerto think of some concept that your partner feels she or he knows and understands. Step #2. Observe CALIBRATION Step #7. Guess Guess whether your partner chose the understanding or confusion concept. Check with your partner to see if you were correct. Observe your partner's physiol- Step #8. More ogy closely (as if you were Sherlock Have your partner think of othHolmes for a moment). er concepts that she or he underWatch your partner's eye move- stands or finds confusing, and see ments, facial expressions, hand if you can guess which category they fall into. movements, etc. Step #3. Confusion Then ask your partner to think of something that is confusing and unclear. Once again, watch your partner's eyes and features carefully. Step #4. Observe Notice what is different now. Observe changes in appearance and patterns of behavior. Step #5. Pick Now ask your partner to pick either concept and think of it again. Step #6. Observe Observe your partner's features. Look for changes in appearance or behavior that match the understanding or confusion states that your partner has shown you. Confirm your guess by checking with your partner. Step #9. Explain and observe. Explain a concept to your partner. By observing his or her features, determine whether your partner has understood the concept. See if you can determine the moment they understand your concept. 175 38. Tbe Autobiography PaHem "I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange'~ - Paulo Coelho CREDITS FOR THE creation of other than your own, you might this NlP pattern belong to ask a trustworthy friend to read it leslie Cameron Bandler. aloud to you. Build deep self acceptance with this hypnotic script, by experiencing it through multiple perspectives and sensory channels. Taking the original concept for this script from leslie Cameron Bandler, I have created a special version for this book. Read the script below aloud to yourself, giving enough time to complete the steps and allow yourself to fully participate in the exercise. Recommendation: try to speak out loud the full script and record it. Then, listen to it before you go to bed. If you prefer to hear a voice One of the most common questions about self-hypnosis scripts is "How many times do I need to go through the script?". The answer is very simple - as many times as it takes to see results. This is a very powerful pattern, however, and I suggest that you would work on it once only, thoroughly, and then let it be for a few weeks. Write in your journal new insights and other life improvements you encounter during that time. The power of self-hypnosis is not in the words you say in the script, but in the images your mind 176 THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY PATTERN keep on producing after the script self FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE, has long been forgotten. MORE RELAXED NLP Autobiography Pattem - Full Hypnotic Script (Note: this script is copyrighted. For permission to reprint or to create and sell recordings, please contact the author). "Let's begin by finding a nice warm position in which you can lie down or sit in a comfortable, yet soothing, way. While you adjust your posture to make yourself even more comfortable, maybe you can even take a few deep breaths, slowly and tenderly, and allow yourself to become more and more relaxed. You are doing this exercise to enjoy and feel better about yourself, not to fulfill other people's wishes. These twelve minutes are for you and only you and only you deserve your next twelve minutes of re-Ia-x-a-tion. And some people believe that in doing twelve minutes of Neuro Linguistic Programming, they are not allowed to move, but not you. You can move, you can stretch, and you can keep adjusting the way your body can REST to make yourMore thoughts that are coming your way are respectful of your wish to stay calm and relaxed, and they pass by as you guarantee you'll get back to them later. A bit later, after you experience the great appreciation and acceptance your loved ones have for you. Even when you can't really see it or hear it, and it's there. And while you can imagine or picture to yourself what kind of unconditional love you can create an image of someone who loves you as you are. It can be a relative, your father or mother, a brother, a sister, your spouse, a friend from the past or the present, someone you know or even someone who died a long time ago. If you cannot imagine someone close, allow any memory to come to you of someone who helped you in some way in some day which has left you with a feeling of being appreciated and worthy of love. Take a few minutes, let your mind scan your memories, finding an image. You can continue enjoying the sense that comes from allowing scanning that enhances the 177 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES relaxation that some parts of your body have begun to experience. Place aside the image that you found, to let it rest off to the side for a little while, knowing that we'll return to it soon enough. Now, as you feel some increase in your natural wish to close your eyes, you can also let your shoulders feel their natural weight, feeling your breath as it finds a restfully deep and slower arc, and as you experience a moment, you can almost hear the serenity within your mind. And as you do, imagine a wide screen, like in the movies, a big white screen spread in front of you, and on that screen you can see an image, a movie, of you sitting at an old wooden desk, writing your autobiography. And you can choose whether you are using a pen or a pencil, maybe even a feather with blue ink, maybe you're typing your autobiography on a computer or on a typewriter ... ... but you see yourself there writing your autobiography with the enthusiasm of telling your life story to the world. The story of your life is being written by you. And that image of you shows the calm, the relaxing, as you enjoy discovering the hidden treasures in your life, the legacy that you will leave behind, the lessons you have learned, the good and varied experiences that have formed who you are today. And you can also choose other details in the image of yourself sitting at that desk writing your autobiography. You can choose the colors of the room, the comfortable temperature, that comfort and ease, as the surface you are on presses up to support you in space. You may even have a glimpse of the words that you see yourself writing, good words, and as you focus on that image, you might want to imagine yourself really sitting there yourself, moving your fingers writing your autobiography. And you can begin to get a sense of someone, just like in childhood, when someone who loves you dearly enters the door and you just know for sure who that person is. The same feeling can come to you now as you allow the image of that person to come to you and ... As you are writing your autobiography and you look at the other corner of the room, to notice someone standing there, on the other side of the glass door. 178 You get that feeling again, that this is the person you thought about moments ago. The person who loves you dearly and who accepts you just as you are. And you can notice that the person who loves you is looking at you sitting at that desk writing your autobiography, and right then and there you choose to include this person in your book of life. As you experience this inspiration, you can now describe this person and write about this person, about how wonderful and precious the unconditional love and affection are that you feel around that person, about how you cherish the time you had together. Taking as much time as you need and want, you are allowed to remain in a deep relaxed state of mind and body and now ... ... as you think about you, and give yourself a few moments dissociating yourself from the image, thinking about you sitting at a desk writing your autobiography, seeing yourself in that image. Seeing from a point on the side of the room, from where the loving person is standing. Imagining what would it be like standing there next to that person, looking from behind a glass winTHE AUTOBIOGRAPHY PATTERN dow, looking to you writing there at that desk ... as you, standing on the outside, with the person who loves you, unconditionally, as both of you are looking at an image of you writing your autobiography, sitting there in the room ... ... while slowly and surely you can experiment further with that feeling, stepping over and entering into the body and mind of the loving person who is standing right next to you, while you are both looking at the person inside who's writing his autobiography, you and your autobiography, at a desk ... In becoming that loving person you can begin to discover the pleasant feeling of that love, and the expanding sense of the world inside that room from their eyes, feeling a special appreciation, a certain respect and that kind of unconditional love that person feels and offers you ... And can you imagine what it would be like, being that person for a little while, to know what it is like thinking lovingly and dearly about you, how it is all about you and your life right now, loving you as you really are, respecting you, appreciating you, enjoying how unique you are. Experiencing life through their eyes, you can have a sense of you through their eyes, through their full 179 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES acceptance and hope and wishes for you. You can even allow those feelings to be named, as words occur to you to name those loving feelings, taking all the time you need for a good word to emerge, to name those feelings. As you let it come to you, with the time and space for that, you can simply savor the appreciation and love that you are getting to know so well. So well that you find yourself carrying them with you as you again stand beside that person, both of you looking at you writing your autobiography at the desk inside the room ... ... and you begin to drift back through the glass window, back into your body, into you who is writing, able to write all about this experience, inspired to add it to your book of life, thinking about sharing this with the world, this complete love and appreciation, this joy you increasingly can take in your unique, special ness. This joy of fully understanding yourself, appreciating yourself, actually loving yourself more and more in this new way. As you step back into yourself, into the you who is writing your autobiography, you actually experience holding the pen or pencil or typing, and letting the writing flow through you with complete freedom and ease. This way, all your experience pours from you into this book, so that you richly describe your new feelings, your memories of knowing complete love through this other person, your glimpse of the future with such full joy in your unique being, writing about imaginary memories of this future as real life experiences, real events with your subconscious mind guiding you through them, guiding you with those rich feelings of respect for yourself, rich feelings of truly accepting yourself, this knowing that you brought along with you, that makes room for your greatness in all senses. In these moments a year's worth of writing has poured out, so that as you finish, you can enjoy softly, gently closing your eyes, with your breathing deeply and deeper, slowly and slower, and with this satisfaction sending a hint of a smile to your lips. Now, as you begin counting up toward enjoying feeling fully refreshed and alert, you stretch your arms forward as you count up toward five when you will fully awaken, opening and closing your hands, 180 moving your head and stretching your neck gently upward, and when you reach numberfive, opening your eyes for fully refreshed, alertness. As you finish this experience, notice the changes that you feel in your body and mind right now. How great is your appreciation to yourself in this moment? Take a few moments with to experience just how important that feeling is, how great it is to use it and make it a permanent part of the life you are living, your life, the life you have described in your continuing autobiography ... " Additional Advice At the end of the session, give the client a few minutes to rest 181 THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY PATTERN silently, and then discuss the possible future consequences of the mental change. During the post session talk, let the client speak most of the time (use silence to encourage speech), and make notes of possible hidden agendas or mental blocks. In the next session, address any such issues without exposing your findings to the client. My personal recommendation is to end the session with installing the anticipation of seeing small but meaningful differences in their appreciation of self and of the attitudes other people have toward them. 00 39. Congruence 'JI\re the bones of your sins sharp enough to cut through your own excuses?" - J. Q'Barr, The Crow. ALIGNMENT, AS OCCURS when your parts are aligned, brings much value to NLP, because it empowers our resources. The most basic alignment occurs when our sense modalities are in harmony. If there is a mismatch, then we have internal contradiction. On a larger scale, we become congruent when our parts harmonize. As you'll recall, parts act like little personalities within us, or clusters of motivations that work together. And ecology refers to parts or other systems supporting each other. So you could say that in congruence, your parts play well together. On an even grander level, coherence happens when our alignment points in a constructive direction that matches our self interest. The highest order of congruence takes place when we align all the way up to and including our higher values and aspirations. This extreme alignment brings perhaps the greatest satisfaction a human being can experience. When you meet someone who is not congruent, or we could say who is I Ncongruent, they tend to say things that don't quite match up, or their behavior doesn't match what they say, or their outcomes don't match what they are trying to do. If you explore this with someone who is incongruent, they will reveal deeper and more obvious incongruities; deeper mis-matches. They may show ambivalence about the results they say that they want. 182 They may get a lot of benefits from the status quo that they say they want to change. They may reveal insecurities about what they are trying to do. They may somehow dislike the kind of person they say they are trying to meet, like maybe feeling angry with all members of the opposite sex. They may have mental health or neurological problems that they have not fully accepted or learned to cope with. They might deny their serious problems with alcohol or other drugs. CONGRUENCE The list goes on. Many things can cause incongruence. If you are consulting or coaching someone who has some kind of incongruity, you will want to use NLP strategies that help this person resolve these mismatches. We call this ability to get parts to mesh well "reintegration". Alignment provides the foundation of NLP. Alignment makes personal excellence and healing possible. 183 40. The Phobia Cure PaHem "He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life': - Ralph Waldo Emerson CREDITS FOR THE creation of medication sometimes resolves this NlP pattern belong them. Trauma to the front of the to Richard Bandler/John brain even got rid of a fear of Grinder. social activity in one documented Eliminate unrealistic, habitual fears (such as the fear of flying) that can limit people's lives. It can even serve for trauma recovery, reducing or eliminating symptoms of post traumatic stress. This is also known as the visual-kinesthetic dissociation pattem. It uses dissociation, moving you to a spectator vantage point, to alter your reaction to the problem stimulus. Fears, also known as phobias, can be irrational, but bother people for years without letting up. Psychology has various ways of working with these phobias, and case. But we don't recommend hitting anyone in the head; they could end up with a phobia of you. Getting rid of phobias is important, because phobias prevent people from doing things they need to do. Also, people with anxiety can have slower reaction times when they are supposed to deal with a threatening situation. At first, that sounds strange, because you would think anxious people would react to a threatening situation very fast, as a top priority. 184 With too much anxiety, however, mental processing can end up being slower than normal. This means they may not handle fearful situations well. That can amplify their fear, creating a vicious circle. The NlP has come to the rescue for many people with phobias. Researchers have learned that virtual reality can create the same fears as a real situation, but NlP practitioners have been using the imagination therapeutically from the beginning; and your imagination is free, it even comes with it's own software. THE PHOBIA CURE PATTERN In this pattern, you will use the third perceptual position, and some basic steps from something new; time line therapy. Note: Play it safe. This pattern is designed to be easy on people. However, if you suspect that the person has a mental disorder, have them evaluated by an appropriate specialistto determine ifthis pattern will cause destabilization. It is possible that in extreme cases, it's focus on a negative memory could be re-traumatizing. 185 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step # 1. Select the stimulus or situation, and go to the third (dissociated) perceptual position. Have the person select a stimulus or situation that they react to with excessive anxiety or fear. Have the person imagine sitting comfortably in a movie theater, about to watch some video of their life. Have them imagine that the video is searching backwards for a point just before their first experience of fear pertaining to the situation. The primary purpose of this step is to help them experience what it was like not to have the problem. That is the value of using the third perceptual position (dissociated, watching from the position of an objective observer). This can be used to create a valuable resource state. Although it is not necessary, this step may also may help them pinpoint how the reaction pattern began. Step #2. Run the movie once normal and then backwards Then have them run the movie backwards to the point where it started. Step #3. Run the movie again inBltW Now have them change the movie from color to black and white, and run it again. This time, when it ends, have them freeze the image and fade it to black, the way some movies end. Step #4. Move into 1st position, run the movie backwards in full color Now have the person move into first position (seeing through their own eyes). Tell them to experience the movie first-hand and in full color, but backwards to the beginning of the clip. Step #5. Repeat until the person is desensitized. Repeat these movie steps until the client no longer has the fearful reaction. To summarize the steps, get them back into the movie theater, run the movie backwards, switch to black and white, and run the movie forwards. Have them watch the situa- Finally, switch to first position tion play out from this dissociated with full color, and run the movposition. ie backwards to it's starting point, 186 THE PHOBIA CURE PATTERN where it freeze frames and fades you could turn an intimidating perto black. son into a little bunny with a party hat, and give it a child's voice. step #6. Optional: Enhance the procedure with strategies such as submodality modification. If this basic version of the method is not successful enough, you can modify it with strategies such as addition additional dissociation. For example, you can have the person move into the projection booth, and watch themselves sitting in the theater, watching the video. You can also use other submodalities. As you know, people vary as to which submodalities have the greatest impact. Another strategy with this pattern is to trigger a resourceful state and maintain it while watching the video from a dissociated position. You might trigger the state by thinking of a time when you felt very secure and confident. If the memory or stimulus is extremely triggering, you can "code" the memory, by turning elements of it into symbols or outlines, so that your body is not imagining the actual stimulus to respond to. You can also "humorize" the memory, by changing elements to make them ridiculous. For example, Consider doing a swish pattern in addition to the phobia cure pattern if necessary. Step #7. Re-associate, do an ecology check via future pacing. Consider additional work as needed to support continued success. Once the phobia is not strong when they think of the situation, bring them back to the present, aware of their surroundings, and check the ecology. How does the client feel that they will be without this reaction, now that they can feel what it's like to be unafraid? What images of the future do they come up with? You may need to work with parts if the person does not feel fully aligned with this success. That will help prevent them from sabotaging their success, and it will help them come up with more effective and creative ways to live without this phobia. 187 41. Pleasure Installation HUes are essential to humanity. They are perhaps as important as the pursuit of pleasure and moreover are dictated by that pursuit': - Marcel Proust CREDITS FOR THE creation of in-a-kettle death of happiness that this NLP pattern belong to creeps up on us as we become various contributors. over-invested in superficial things. Rebuild your happiness. Many of us have lost our connection to happiness. It may be because we need to recover from something that was psychologically overwhelming, or from the frogWhatever the reason, this pattern can be instrumental in restoring that connection. It also helps you better grasp the values that you hold and that affect how you can expand your life happiness. Step # 1. Make your happiness list Step #2. Select one of the items. Step #3. Mind map your happiness values. Step H. Place a second tier on your mind mop. Step #5. Enjoy the enhanced happiness state. Step #6. Corry your enhanced happiness into other activities. Step #7. Expand your pleasure activity zone. Step #8. Test 188 Step #1. Make your happiness list. Make a list of many things that bring you happiness. If you think of happiness as being what hap-pens when you consciously enjoy experiencing pleasure, this opens up a world of pleasurable sensations that you can enjoy. Anything from a thrilling sport to a meditative environment can go on your list. Step #2. Select one of the items. Select an item that is especially good. It must be one that you can clearly tie to sensory experience. Taking a hot herbal bubble bath with epsom salts and is an example that involves several submodalities. Step #3. Mind map your happiness values. PLEASURE INSTALLATION Draw a line from the experience, and write the answer at the end of that line. An example is, IIThis is a time for stress management that is good for my health, I know I'll feel relaxed and flexible after this, and a like that it symbolizes class and luxury.1I Keep creating answers like this until you are satisfied with this exploration. Step #4. Place a second tier on your mind map. For one of the answers, ask another question: 'What personal value and meaning makes this answer a pleasure for me?" Draw a line from the answer and write the new answer at the end of the line. Generate as many answers as you like. Do this for each of the first tier of answers, so that you have two layers of answers, one around the other. Step # 5. Enjoy the enhanced happiness state. You can do this in your mind, but we suggest that you take a piece of paper. In the center, place the happiness experience that you selected. Take a few moments to relax Askyourselfthe question, IIWhat and take in the meanings that you personal value and meaning turns have noted and that drive your this pleasure into happiness?" pleasure state. 189 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES This is sensory pleasure expanded into happiness through your values. Step #6. Carry your enhanced happiness into other adivities. Amplify your pleasure state and step into it. Imagine other pleasurable activities and what it can be like to bring this state into those activities. Step #7. Expand your pleasure adivity zone. Think of other sensory-based experiences to which you could anchor this pleasure state. Imagine being involved in these activities in this state. Notice how it can change how you participate and what kind of creativity or other positive traits come from you. Imagine how it might expand your involvement with learning, work, or interpersonal situations. Step #8. Test Over the coming days and weeks, notice any ways that you are able to experience activities, situations, and relationships with constructive pleasure. Return to this pattern to refine your skill based on the results. Using this pattern can make it much more obvious where you really need to use it, once you get a feel for it. 190 42. Exploring Causes It Effects "When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another': - Helen Keller T HE "L" IN NlP stands for language, and we do use a lot of linguistic models and tools in our work. When a client comes in and seems to have a hard time to pinpoint the triggers or causes to unwanted behaviors or thought patterns, we use a linguistic tool called "Connectives". Connectives in language are words and phrases that connect or link between ideas, making an association one statement and another. Milton Erickson was using connectives a lot, inducing a trance by connecting and associating between vague ideas or facts and hypnotic suggestions. Here are some examples of connectives in the English language: "and", "before"/"after", "therefore", "because", "although", "whenever", "while"/"meanwhile", "if', "or else". There are more connectives, of course, but for our purposes in NlP we really don't need a lot. 10 help a client define exactly what it is that prevents them from behaving the way they want or forces them to behave the way they do not want, simply ask them to make a statement of the Effect and insert a connective word. For example, if a client comes to see you for smoking cessation but cannot pinpoint the trigger/s for his smoking habit. You can ask him to make a statement and complete the sentences: 191 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES "/ smoke when ... " - revealing location or time related triggers - "I smoke when I drink coffee". "/ smoke if. .. /I - revealing emotional reasons - "I smoke if I am upset! concerned/annoyed/happy". "/ smoke because ... ", "I smoke after/before ... ", "I smoke whenever ... ", etc. 192 43. Applying Logical Levels 'jq man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else." - John Burroughs T HE LOGICAL LEVELS concept in NlP was first introduced to the field by Robert Dilts, one of the most productive NlP master trainers and researcher. Dilts developed his logical levels to guide the process of intervention. Rather than focus on physiology and behavior, or emotional states, Dilts tells us to focus directly on strategies, sub-modalities, beliefs and identities. His levels help to put them in perspective. Lets apply this to a phobia and see how it works. The first level is about where, when and with whom the phobia occurs. That is the environmental level. It is the context of the behavior. You can't really understand a behavior without context. After all, there are times that the phobia does NOT occur; there are people with whom the phobia does not occur. What is special about the times, places, and people connected with this phobia? The second level is the specific behaviors that occur. This is the behavior level. This level helps you get specific in defining or identifying the behavior. It helps you escape the trap of vagueness that can help keep people in a neurotic tangle. 193 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES The third level is capabilities and strategies. How does the phobia get expressed as far the person's existing skills go. If they panic in an airplane, what skills do they use to channel that energy constructively. How to the prevent themselves from screaming and running up and down the walkway? Or are their energies expressed in utter chaos? The more capabilities that a person has that can serve as resources for coping with the phobia, the more complex and functional the person's behavior can become. Chaos looks more complex than organization, but that is because organizations use complex rules and abilities to stay organized. On the surface, they are usually orderly and appear easier to understand. In reality, they are complex and require exploration and study to understand their complexity. The fourth level is beliefs and values. What can the client tell you about their conscious values that guide what they do around this phobia. The phobia itself may seem to the person to be very much counter to their values, but there is more going on that just the phobia. There is how they react to it from this higher level. A good place to start is to simply ask the client why they do what they do. Don't just ask about the phobia itself, but what they do to cope, or how they avoid situations, or how they explain their behavior to themselves and others. You can clarify their values further once you have this. You can ask them what they are trying to accomplish, or what they feel are their obligations or responsibilities in the situation. From there, you will see that they have heartfelt values, and other values that seem to have been attached to them by their parents and others. Their values exist along with beliefs. They have beliefs about where their values come from and what would happen if they did not have their values and act on their values. The fifth level is identity and mission. How does your client perceive himself? How does having the phobia affect his identity? How does his identity affect the phobia? That one is especially interesting because the phobia doesn't happen in a vacuum. The person's identity 194 is kind of like an environment for the phobia. The client might say, 'Well, I'm a very private person and I keep these things to myself. I will never fly on a plane because no one should see me like that. I'll tell my relatives that I'm helping a sick friend and can't come out for the holidays." One way to get at the identity level is to ask who the person feels they are when they are dealing with the phobia, or what roles they are acting out; roles like parent, role model, employee, airplane passenger, and so forth. 'lbe sixth and final level is spirituality and purpose. This level addresses the client's connection to a higher reality. What is it that they believe about spirituality or the universe that guides them. This is an expanded version of the two levels that precede this level. The previous two were of beliefs and values, and of identity and mission. This spirituality and purpose level exists because people tend to have this level of belief. ApPLYING LOGICAL LEVELS Even non-religious people usually have values that they feel extend beyond them and define their place in the world. Those values tend to shape their behavior as strongly as religious beliefs shape a believer's behavior. If nothing else, this level helps to summarize the way that beliefs and identity work together to create another level of meaning. Does this all sound like too much to think about for a silly phobia'1 Well I'll wager that you already think about these levels more than you realize. But these six levels help you to put such thoughts into perspective, and to ask some questions to round out your understanding; understanding that will help you provide a relevant response. You don't have to spend an hour asking all the questions that go with each level. With experience, you'll get better and better at knowing what questions to ask which people. You will develop an efficient approach. 010 195 44. Pleasure Redudion "Addiction is a symptom of not growing up. I know people think it's a disease ... If you have a brain tumor, if you have cancer, that's a disease. To say that an addiction is a disease is not fair to the real diseases of the world': - c.c. Deville BREAK OUT OF addictions, com- create. It is for behaviors that are pulsions, and obsessions by based on real needs, but that have reducing the pleasure they become excessive. Step • 1. Select an Moverused pleasure: Step '2. Determine the meta-state levels that give this meaning for you. Step '3. Repeat this to derive higher levels of meaning. Step '4. Take in the full enjoyment gestalt Step #5. Reduce the meaning and enjoyment Step #6. Future pace this reduced meaning and enjoyment Step #7. Generate other sources for the highest meta-level meaning states that you identifieO in step two and three. Step #8. Test. 196 Step #1. Select an ""overused pleasure:' Pick something that you need to reduce or eliminate. Step #2. Determine the meta-state levels that give this meaning for you. In the center of a sheet of paper, write down the pleasurable activity. Draw a circle around it. Think of the pleasure, and ask, "What positive meaning and values to I give to this pleasure?" Write each answer briefly in the space immediately around the circle. Think of each answer as a kind of state that embodies feeling and meaning pertaining to this pleasure. Step #3. Repeat this to derive higher levels of meaning. For each of the answers, ask the same question, and surround it with the answers you get. Step #4. Take in the full enjoyment gestalt. Review aIJ the answers, experiencing them as a complete profile for a kind of happiness that drives the behavior in question. PLEASURE REDUCTION Step #5. Reduce the meaning and enjoyment. Determine which of the meanings are the most important in driving you to excess. Do this by placing your hand over one answer cluster at a time. For each cluster, ask, "If I could take away this cluster of metastates, how much would it reduce the pleasure?" Continue to do this, until you clearly see which meanings exaggerate the importance of the pleasure, and which are more intrinsic to the pleasure, that is, more essential or basic to it's real meaning. For example, health is a core value for eating, while having something to do while watching television is not a core value for eating. Step #6. Future pace this reduced meaning and enjoyment. Think of something that can reduce the pleasure of the activity. For example, seeing yourself getting fat by eating too much. Imagine yourself engaging in the activity, and say to yourself, for example, 7his is only food I can enjoy it nourishing me, but that's all." 197 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES When another kind of pleasure or meaning slips into your mind, imagine the negative factor, such as getting fat. Ifthe behavior is something that you need to eliminate completely, that you would say something like, /JThis meth-amphetamine is only a way to try to feel more joy and vigor. I can allow healthy alternatives to fill my mind." Of course, this pattern is not intended to substitute for any treatment that is required for addiction or compulsion. It is intended to help. Step #7. Generate other sources for the highest metalevel meaning states that you identified in step two and three. Step into the higher-level meta state, which is a combination of all the highest level meanings you found in steps two and three. Fully experience the pleasurable nature of this state. Invite your creative part to show you other ways to experience this pleasure, and to create the meaning that these pleasures come from. Generate the sense that it is fully possible to live a life filled with this pleasure, but without excess. Step #8. Test. See how well this pattern reduces the selected behavior to an appropriate level, and how well it helps you create pleasure and meaning through healthy pursuits. 198 45. Developing Sensory Acuity "No two equals are the same'= - Principia Discordia WHEN YOU LEARN to observe people well you will notice that they make minute subconscious changes. They are not aware of most of their involuntary movements or minor appropriate for the person you're interacting with. The physiological changes that you can notice in others can be considered to be on a continuum: changes in physiology. Skin color: Light Dark Investigators are well-trained in noticing the most delicate minor changes in people's physiology. They can tell whether the person is lying simply by noting the changes of skin color (blushing, for example, even for a second, is very noticeable). Even though you can improve your sensory acuity with eye accessing cues, sometimes they are not enough or are completely inMuscles tone: S y m met ric a I Asymmetrical Breathing rate: Slow Fast Breathing location: Low High Size of lower lip: With lines No lines Pupil dilation: Dilated Not dilated Eyes focus: Focused Not focused 199 46. The Loving Yourself Pattem "Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed': - Eileen Caddy Credits for the creation of this Enhance your ego strength and NlP pattern belong to Suzie Smith self esteem by improving your ability and Tim Halborn. to love and appreciate yourself. Step .,. Explore ~r memories for places where you had pleas- ant experience Step .2. Describe the attributes of this person Step .3. Work with the second perceptual position, in the loving person. Step .4. Anchor this appreciation state. Step .5. Receive the loving peteeption. Step .6. Anchor the lovable state. Step .7. Test and future pace this anchor. 200 Step #1. Explore your memories for places where you had pleasant experience Explore your pleasant memories for someone who intensely cared about you, and who had a positive effect on you. It most not be a person who misused any power or influence affecting you. This person will serve as a model for love. Step #2. Describe the attributes of this person To get a full sense of the elements that you feel contribute to being a loving person, describe the attributes or qualities of this person, particularly those that made them a loving person. Step #]. Work with the second perceptual position, in the loving person. Imagine floating over to this person, taking their perceptual position. See yourself through their eyes. Describe yourself from their perspective. What qualities of yours does this person appreciate about you? Notice how this expands your sense of yourself as a loving and lovable person. THE LOVING YOURSELF PATTERN Step #4. Anchor this appreciation state. Use an appropriate image, word, touch, or other stimulus to anchor this state. Step # 5. Receive the loving perception. Tune in to your sense of the person loving you. Imagine allowing this in as a form of energy. Fully experience your feelings as the person looks lovingly at you. Also experience your own feelings of self appreciation. Attend to your self talk and how it reflects these perspectives. Notice any ways that these experiences change how your perceive the world around you in this memory. Step #6. Anchor the lovable state. Filter out any distractions from this lovable state, and amplify the state. Anchor it with an appropriate stimulus. Now you have anchored a loving and lovable state that are also tied to qualities that you and others can appreciate about you. Take some time to enjoy any new ideas and perspectives that you have experienced about yourself. 201 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #7. Test and future pace situations might involve people this anchor. who are not loving people, or who Fire the anchor of being don't appreciate you. lovable. Future pace by imagining situations in which it would be helpful to be in touch with your own lovability. Remember that these future situation do not have to be situations in which you are guaranteed to be approved of. In fact, some Imagine being around people like that, but with an unshakable sense of your own lovability. Think about how much more difficult it is to manipulate or intimidate someone experiencing this high lovability level that you are amplifying. 202 47. Abandoned Predisposition "For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice. No paper currency, no promises to pay, but the gold of real service". - John Burroughs CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. A predisposition is a tendency which is not yet a habit. It is when you hold a particular thought pattern and can't let go of it or when you act in a particular way and catch yourself "too late." This pattern helps you to abandon the predisposition by turning the compulsion into an aversion. In other words, it turns a specific thing or action you "Iike" into a "dislike." Review your knowledge on submodalities before you try out this pattern. 203 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Determine the problematic predisposition. Think of something that you like doing/thinking but wish you did not like. Can you define it in a statement? Step #2. Elicit the current submodalities (Image A). As you think about this predisposition, elicit the submodalities of this mental image. Specifically check for driver submodalities such as Size, Light, Distance, etc. Step #]. Elicit submodalities from the aversion image (Image B). Now think of something you dislike and elicit the submodalities in that image. Again, specifically check for driver submodalities. Step #4. Change submodalities of the predisposition image. Take the submodalities you've elicited from Image B and use them on Image A. If in Image B, for example, the image was to the left and 3 feet in size, make Image A go to the same location and enhance (or reduce) to the same size as image B. Work through all driver submodalities. Step #5. Lock the new submodalities firmly in place. Imagine that you could "stamp" Image A as it is now with the copied submodalities of Image B, making the new submodalities locked in Image A firmly. Step #6. Test. Now when you think about the thing you used to like doing / thinking, how is it different? If there is still a tendency to like doing/thinkingX (image A content), go back through the steps and elicit more driver submodalities. Step #7. Future pace. Imagine a realistic and specific time in the near future, when you might find yourself tempted to do/think X (image A content), can you feel the aversion? 204 48. Chaining States MAKE YOURSELF IMMUNE to creates a resourceful and positive negative states. Create an state instead. automatic reaction that Step #1. Choose an unresourceful state. Select an unresourceful for this pattern. be one that tends to suck you into an increasingly negative state once state you are in that state. Unless you are a beginner, select one that poses a challenge when you try to shift into a positive or resourceful state. It should also Step #2. Identify a positive direction. Explore what would constitute a positive direction from this state, 205 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES based on the ideal state that you would like to go to. For example, if the experience of failure tends to have too much of an effect on your self esteem, pulling you down into self-recrimination and self-doubt, your ideal state might be one of total selfsupport and confidence. The direction that this implies can be something like "awareness of inner resources such as gifts, skills, talent, and positive self talk" and "memories of past successes." Step #3. Turn this direction Into steps to the positive state. Based on your ideal state and the direction that you selected, create intermediate steps that bridge from your negative state to your positive one. Step #4. Anchor each step. Experience each step as an increasingly positive state. Fully access each state and anchor each to a different knuckle that will serve as a trigger for the state. Step #5. Chain the states. a. Fully access the first state by triggering its anchor. b. When fully in that state, fire the next anchor to access the next state while continuing to hold on to the first trigger for a few seconds. c. Release the first anchor. d. Repeat this process five times. e. Do steps a through c for each remaining step in sequence from negative to positive. Do not rush this process. Attain a very full experience of each state. Step #6. Test. In the coming days and weeks, notice what benefits you experience from this process. See if you have an easier time shifting out of the negative state you worked on during this pattern, or if you avoid entering it in the first place. 206 49. Pragmagraphic Swish Design "Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure'~ - Earl Wilson Credits for the creation of this NLP pattern belong to Robert Dilts & Todd Epstein. Resolve compulsive patterns; the acts that a person feels compelled to do, despite knowing better. This can include addiction , blurting out thing you thought only your parents would say, eating comfort food, switching on the television when you have paperwork to do, and many other behaviors. Since is it much harder to change a compulsive behavior once your drive has reached a high level, this pattern is an opportunity to prevent the behavior before your drive becomes too strong, by helping you become aware of it on a more subtle level, before it is strong. It weakens the connection between the drive and the triggers that activate it, and replacing it with a constructive drive. 207 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step ",. Create a MmapM ofphysicDlloaJtions the states. Step ,,2. Step into the MAfUstF position. Step #3. Step bockword to the "Desire M position. Step #4. Step bodcword into the ..,. position (the trigger) Step "5. Get dear on the submodalities involved in ..,. Step #6. Step into "'Creatiw Choice.M Step #7. Do submodality work in the ?' position. Step "8. Repetitions of step 7. Step "9. Test Step #1. Create a "map" of physical locations the states. Choose physical locations for (A) "Must," (B) "Desire," (C) "?," and (D) "Creative Choice." Step #2. Step into the "Must" position. Choose a compulsive behavior. Physically stand in the "Must" location. Experience the feelings you have when you do the behavior. What does it feel like when you "MUST" do the compulsive behavior. Step #3. Step backward to the ··Desire" position. Move to the "Desire" position by physically stepping backward. This spot is the feeling that you have just before "Must" breaks into your awareness. Step #4. Step backward into the ··1" position (the trigger) Step back again, this time to the"? "position. This is the trigger that comes just before (B), "Desire." You may not have been aware of it before, but it is a feeling that triggers the "Desire." It may include thoughts, and the feelings or thoughts may be triggered by a situation, such as the smoker who always lights up in their car. 208 step #5. Get clear on the submodalities involved in "?" Notice the submodalities that are most influential in increasing the intensity of (C). Discover· which submodalities decrease the "?" feeling. Step #6. Step into "Creative Choice:' Step into the "Creative Choice" location. Attend to the feelings that stem from this state. PRAGMAGRAPHIC SWISH DESIGN Step #7. Do submodality work in the "?" position. Return to your "?" spot. Elicit the strengthening submodality for 'T' (e.g. bright and big), as well as the one that reduced the intensity of "Creative Choice." Notice how this creates a sort of pull into your "Desire" location. Gradually intensify the "Creative Choice" submodality. If it is dim and small, it will become bright and large. At the same time, slowly reduce You may have experienced this the intensity of the submodality state while exploring the submo- for "?" dalities that decrease the "?" feeling. You can think of other "Creative Choice" experiences as well. Notice which submodalities have little or no impact. a. Get clear submodalities. on the Keep going until their intensities have completely reversed. 'T' is now low intensity, and "Creative Choice" is high intensity. As you do this, move from your "?" spot into the "Creative Choice" spot. Experience the submodalities that give the most gusto to your Step #8. Repetitions of step 7. "Creative Choice" feeling. Step out of "Creative choice" and Notice which have no impact. repeat step seven as quickly as you can. Do this at least five times. b. Notice the submodalities Shared with "1" Step #9. Test Notice which of the submodali- Test your results by stepping ties intensified "?" and "Creative back into the '7" spot and discoverChoice." 209 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES ing which direction you find yourself wanting to move toward. Notice what occurs when you attempt to return to your prior compulsive feelings and behavior. 010 210 50. Colleding Resources "Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment': - Jim Horning WHEN you're in the process of achieving an outcome or goal, you are "consuming" or using resources. A resource could be anything, really. A resource could be a mental capability, such as knowledge, curiosity, creativity or perseverance. A resource could be a physiological trait, such as endurance or strength. A resource could be a physical entity, such as money or an office. A resource could be the help of others, such as your teachers, mentors or friends. There is one possible problem which you should be careful not to run into, while you're on your journey to fulfill your outcome. You see, when you look into the future, while working on your goal, you are usually very subjective about that image. Most likely, you will make "realistic" predictions based on what you know about yourself, your capabilities, your environment and worse of all -your past. You will judge how this outcome will affect you and the people around you. To stay objective in determining the real resources you already have, and the ones you would need to develop or reach, ask yourself the following questions: 1. What exactly do I want by having this outcome? 2. If this outcome was someone else's, what resources does that person need in order to achieve this outcome elegantly and rapidly? 211 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 3. Using the "As if" frame: If I look at myself from the point of view of X (someone who likes me), what are my current strengths and most important resources? Identify resources to work on - By looking at my answers to #2 and #3, which of these resources do I still need to work on in order to have/be able to use? Who can help me this week to accomplish this need? 212 51. Advanced Visual Squash "Success is not measured by what a man accomplishes, but by the opposition he has encountered and the courage with which he has maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds". - Charles lindbergh Build your congruence and flicts. Integrate parts that are not success by resolving parts con- aligned. 213 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Identify the conflict, and separate the parts. Choose an internal conflict and identify the incongruent parts. For example, if you have trouble saving money, identify the part that wants to spend liberally, and the part that is frugal. Step #2. Put well-formed sensory representations of each part in each hand. What would each part look and sound like? How might it move or gesture? Develop a well-formed sense of each part. Place one part in each hand. Select which part goes into which hand based on how you feel about them. Step #3. Understand the posiStep #4. Share resources between the parts. Notice what is similar between the two parts' positive intentions. Ask each part what resources it could use from the other part. Work with the parts until both have a good sense of this. Create an image of each resource. Imagine energy flowing from one hand to the other, and say, "Give a complete copy of these resources to the other part (list the resources to be copied)." Imagine an image of each resource flowing through that energy into the other part. Do all of this once for each part. Notice the changes in each part's behavior and appearance. (This is called submodality mapping across.) tive intentions of each part. Step #5. Develop an image Ask each part to tell you its pos- of the integrated, shared itive intentions in this conflict. resources. Relax and let ideas emerge. Note which seem to be the most important. A good way to phrase the question is, "What is the good that you desire from this behavior of yours?" Get an image of the combined resources of the two parts. Place this image in the center between your hands. 214 Step #6. Turn the parts to face each other, and observe the changes that result. Have the images in each hand turn to face each other. Turn the palms of your hands toward each other. ADVANCED VISUAL SQUASH hands in the same position as theirs. Then move your hands together slightly faster than they do. Invite and allow the parts to blend into and enhance the image of integration. let your imagination modify these images to express how they Step #8. Enhance the integraare changing. tion by experiencing it fully, and bringing it into your body. Step #7. Integrate the parts by bringing your hands together Once your hands come together, fully experience the feelings involved. Allow the image to morph as it expresses the changes in your feelings and resources. Allow your hands to come together only as fast as you can allow the integration of these parts into one special part that expresses the good intentions and resources of each. Bring the image and energy into your body by bringing your hands When working with a person, to your chest. use this phrase as you place your 215 52. Digital Vs. Analogue Submodalities "Well, the secret of happiness is that it's an inside job'~ - Stephen Pollen WHEN a submodality is of letters to it, the digital message digital, what we really will not be the same. Make a red mean is that it con- light brighter, it's still a red light. tains information expressed using known symbols. You can take words that you have heard, and write them. Now they are visual. Put them in Braille. Now they are kinesthetic, if you know Braille, anyway. Put them on a giant billboard in Times Square, and you have added the size submodality. light them up and you have added the brightness submodality. All those other submodalities were analogue. In other words, you can scale them up or down or in some other way, and they are still the same basic sound, sight or feeling. But if you take that billboard and add a bunch Add fifty letters at random to your marketing slogan, and it doesn't mean anything anymore. It's easy to break a digital modality. But you can scale analog modalities a lot before you can no longer perceive them effectively. For example, you'd have to make a color so bright that it is blinding, or so dark that it is invisible. It is important to choose the right digital submodality. For example, we don't recommend tasting Morse code. It would be very slow to get a message from caramel, strawberry ... strawberry, caramel, strawberry, strawberry ... Strawberry, caramel, caramel, strawberry. 216 That was NlP in Morse code, and it was slow just saying the flavors, much less tasting them. I supDIGITAL Vs. ANALOGUE SUBMODALITIES pose it could be fun, though. Even if you don't know Morse code. 6f2) 217 53. Submodality Overlapping "Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out': - Tina Turner CREDITS for the creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Build up weaker submodalities to improve creativity and problem solving though as you represent things in a richer way. The brain relies on representations that it can hold in various aspects of memory that it can move and manipulate as information. Improved submodalities improve this aspect of intelligence. Also, you can make your speaking and writing more compelling by using your enriched awareness of submodalities to generate enhanced and varied submodality references. Step # 1. Select a relatively weak modality that you would like to improve. Step #2. Desaibe or (magine something, relying primarily on your favored rep system. Step #3. Swftch over to the rep system you are improving. 218 Step #1. Select a relatively weak modality that you would like to improve. Think of which of your rep systems you most favor. Step #2. Describe or imagine something, relying primarily on your favored rep system. For example, if you are primarily visual, you might think of a nearby park in as much visual detail as possible. Also describe it verbally. Refer to several submodalities, such as color. SUBMODALITY OVERLAPPING Step #3. Switch over to the rep system you are improving. let's say you want to improve your auditory rep system. In the example above, you would recall all the sounds that happen there. In the above example, you would have birds chirping, children playing, and swings squeaking. As with the visual mode, include submodalities such as loudness, pitch, and sound reflections (echo and reverberation such as that which reflects from walls). Verbally describe all of this as well. 219 54. Extemal Stimulus Threshold "Our generation has an incredible amount of realism, yet at the same time it loves to complain and not really change. Because, if it does change, then it won't have anything to complain abour - Tori Amos ATHRESHOLD IS A line between This is a pattern to do just that. It two states of mind: bearable involves two practitioners and one and unbearable. Sometimes, client. The reason you want another in order to change a behavior, you person helping you performing this have to induce the triggers and re- pattern on a client is that you could sourceful states at the same time, concentrate on the client's abreacmaking sure that the resourceful tions while firing the anchors, and states win in each "threshold bat- your colleague will role-play the tie". undesired behavior's triggers. step #,. Id~ntify the unresourceful state and its most influential stimuH. Step #2. Break state. Step :fU. Anchor resourceful states and stade them. Step H. Role playing of the unresourceful states. Step #5. Trigger the stadced anchors. Step #6. Continue until no abreaction is present Step #7. Future pace the resourceful states. 220 Step #1. Identify the unresourceful state and its most influential stimuli. You should work with your client ahead of time to recognize exactly the series of events that take place right before they find themselves already engaged in the undesired behaviors or states. When questioning the client on internal events, make note of their eyes accessing cues. Your colleague will need those to induce the states later on. In addition, write down verbal communication scripts if they are important for the induction of the undesired states. For example, if the client has presented a problem of nonproportional or inappropriate anger towards his son, check if it's something that the son is saying verbally and write it down. If hearing the words "dad, are we there yet?!?!" is a trigger, note the tonality but a Iso the syntax of the words themselves, digitally. Focus on one habitual state or behavior, not more. step #2. Break state. EXTERNAL STIMULUS THRESHOLD do any other physical movement to forget about step #1. Step #3. Anchor resourceful states and stack them. Now work with your client and anchor as many resourceful states as possible. Use the problem state as a guide - what could be a good contradicting state to the negative one? Include comforting states such as "composure" or "gratitude". Stack anchors by using one master anchor for each one of the positive states. Stacking anchors simply means that you anchor the same way while inducing different states each time. What happens eventually is, that when you fire the master anchor, the client gets a rush of all the positive states "stacked" on that trigger. Be careful when you choose the location and manner of the master anchor. You want to make sure that this is not something that can cause an inner conflict later on in the session. Do not use popular anchor- Ask the client some neutral ing locations, such as the back questions to break the state. Ask of the hand or the shoulder or them to walk around for a bit or knee. These are known in Neuro 221 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Linguistic Programming, but you never know what has happened in your client's life and body until they met you. Anchor the master trigger where you are certain there is no way for disturbance by any other internal process. Test the stacked anchors a few times by firing a master anchor, breaking state, and repeating. This is a step you do not want to hurry up. Work slowly and thoroughly, maintain a high level of sensory acuity and take note of every abreaction you get from the client. Take special care if the abreaction appears when you fire the master anchor. If it does, you were too careless in choosing the master anchor! An abreaction at this stage means that the master anchor is also inducing some conflict in your client. When that happens, go back to step #2, stay there for awhile, talk with your client about anything other than the subject of the session, and then work on this step again. Do not worry, even the best NLP practitioners get these challenges, and as a flexibility test you should welcome it and work through them. You'd be a much better change-maker because of such incidents. Step #4. Role playing of the unresourceful states. Allow your colleague to step in and work with your client to recreate the scenarios which hold triggers for the unresourceful states and behaviors. Give your colleague the eye accessing cues worksheet and any other useful information that could be used in the role playing. step # 5. Trigger the stacked anchors. As your colleague keeps the role playing going with your client, fire the anchors! Do exactly what you did at the end of Step #3, when you tested the stacked anchors, and fire them all. Stay focused and maintain sensory acuity because this is a hard and long process for all of you. Step #6. Continue until no abreaction is present. Abreactions are those minute subconscious "hiccups", that signal you, the practitioner, that the client has some emotional reaction to whatever is going on in the session at that time. 222 When you cease to notice these abreactions, it means that the client has passed the threshold point and his mind is now pretty much set on using the resourceful states as a reaction to the events that used to trigger the undesired behaviors and states. EXTERNAL STIMULUS THRESHOLD Step #7. Future pace the resourceful states. First of all, break state. let your client rest for a few minutes, and then fire the anchors again and future pace for upcoming opportunities. 223 55. Decision Destroyer "When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons. In vital matters, however, such as the choice of a mate or a profession, the decision should come from the subconscious, from somewhere within ourselves. In the important decisions of personal life, we should be governed, I think, by the deep inner needs of our nature': - Sigmund Freud CREDITS for the creation of need (equivalent to skillieveillsubthis NLP pattern belong to conscious incompetence''). various contributors. These decisions may have Exchange limiting decisions for constructive ones in order to improve success and mood. We can view our behavior and feelings as expressions of many decisions that we have made during our lives. These decisions may be conscious or subconscious. In other words, you might be aware of the need to make these decisions (equivalent to skillieveillconscious incompetence'') or unaware of the profound effects on our development and continued functioning because they were made before we could even speak. These decisions can be about the nature of the world, of people, and of ourselves. Most of us have some habits deprive us of much success and happiness because of the way they affect how we relate to the world, to others, and even to ourselves. 224 Decisions that have such harmful effects tend to arise when we are psychologically overwhelmed. This can happen in adulthood, but it is especially troublesome when we make them in childhood. This is because of their effect on our development, and because of how deeply ingrained they are as "pre-verbal" decisions. When we make decisions before we have the necessary wisDECISION DESTROYER dom to make them with, we end up with destructive ways of relating to the world, to people, or even to ourselves. Patterns of dysfunctional relationships, poor self esteem, and sabotage can often be traced back to these unwise decisions. We can think of the collective nature of our decisions as a "mental map" of our world. We navigate our world and relationships using our mental maps. 225 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select and clarify a limiting decision. Think of a negative pattern in your life. Based on the introductory comment to this pattern, verbalize an underlying decision that has guided your behavior in a dysfunctional way. If it sounds irrational, that is okay. Step #3. Associate into the limiting decision and anchor it. Float back above your timeline to the point when you first recall acting upon the limiting decision. Observe it from this dissociated vantage point. Associate into this point in time and experience the time when you made the decision. Anchor the limiting decision state. Decisions made earlier in life sound especially illogical. Think about the decision to clarify things about it. Step #4. Float back to earlier For example, when does it experiences, seeking the first seem that you made it? How does one. it affect your life? Step #2. Develop and anchor a positive decision. Develop a constructive decision that would be an excellent improvement over the limiting decision. Enhance it until it is well formed. For example, it should be specific. Enhance it further by developing the positive feelings you have about it into a positive decision state. Enhance the positive state until it is strong. Anchor the state. Float to earlier points on your timeline where your behavior has expressed the limiting decision. Go back to the point where you actually made the decision. If you had already gone to the earliest memory in step three, then skip this step. Step # 5. Go forward, returning to your positive decision. Go forward in your timeline to your superior decision, and again access its positive state. 226 Step #6. Go earlier to your first limiting decision. Float back past your earlier limiting decision, to a point just fifteen minutes prior to that decision. Bring the positive state with you as you associate into that point in time. step #7. Experience that early decision while fully accessing the new resources. Re-experience the situation and early decision while maintaining full access to your positive resource state. Notice how your experience of this situation, and of yourself in the situation, are changed. DECISION DESTROYER Step #8. Quickly zoom to the present, integrate the experience, and future pace. Quickly zoom forward along your timeline to the present moment. Stop here and take some time to absorb what has happened. Future pace, seeing how situations similar to the pattern that was negative might play out with your new perspective and state. 00 227 56. The Godiva Chocolate Pattem "/ can charge a man's battery and then recharge it again. But it is only when he has his own generator that we can talk about motivation. He then needs no outside stimulation. He wants to do it': - Frederick Herzberg CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Increase your motivation by associating intense pleasure with a desired behavior. This is also the perfect place to introduce a concept of changework that will make your practice a whole lot easier and much more productive. This is the concept of staying out of your client's way! Inducing intense pleasure in a person is the most elegant outcome to be proven how this concept works in real life. You see, the more you talk during the initial stages of the trance in this pattern (step #2), the less effective it's going to be eventually. You have to give your client enough time to be convinced that what they feel is pure pleasure, and that they really do not need the physical object they imagine in order to feel such an intense level of pleasure. This approach serves two outcomes: first, you can work with that client much easier on unhealthy habits; obviously, if they have experienced the same pleasure without the original inducer (cigarettes, chocolates, cyber-porn, etc.), they can trust you enough to remove these ones completely and replace them with something that they can control. Secondly, you want them to go as deep in a trance as possible, on 228 their own. People are easily distracted. Unlike the myth, hypnosis does not give you full control over their senses. You should avoid speaking too much, especially in the early stages of trance, even if you mean well and speak slowly and quietly, you still have to let them go deeper on their terms. THE GODIVA CHOCOLATE PATIERN Once they are reminded of a source of pleasure, their subconscious mind will do the hard work for you. It will send them right into trance, because the need to feel again something so good is automatic. Do not disturb a natural process when you can use it for the successful outcome of the session. 229 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select a source of intense pleasure. Adjust your image or goal behavior as needed until it makes it through your ecology check. Step #5. Put image one behind image two. Think of a food or other thing that you have an intense craving for, and that you take immense pleasure in. The creator of this pattern must have chosen Godiva Chocolate. Use your imagination to place picture one (the compulsion) behind The more of a compulsion you image two (the desired behavior). have to enjoy this indulgence, the better. Step #2. Imagine indulging Now, picture one is hidden by picture two. in this pleasure. Step #6. Open a hole in picture Use all rep systems to imagine two so you can see picture partaking of this indulgence. one. Amplify the submodalities that give it its compelling intensity. Refer to this as image one. Step #3. Imagine the behavior that you want to increase. Select a behavior that you really want to increase. Allow yourself to see a little bit of picture one by opening a small hole in picture two. Expand the hole so that you get a good view of picture one. Fully enjoy the excitement that comes from this image. Picture yourself doing this, and Step #7. Shrink the hole back down. form a dissociated image of this. We'll call this one image two. Step #4. Complete an ecology check. Imagine what it would be like to be highly compelled to engage in this activity. What kind of outcomes might occur? Can you think of any reasons that you would not like this? Cover image one by shrinking the hole, so that you see image two again. Step #8. Repeat at least three times. Repeat steps six and seven at least three times or until you feel that you have associated compulsive excitement with the desired behavior. 230 THE GODIVA CHOCOLATE PATTERN Step #9. Test. If not, see if repeating this proOver the next few days, see if cess is helpful. you feel better about the desired Gl0 behavior, and see if it increases. 231 57. Using Rep Systems "Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis'~ - Ralph Waldo Emerson AREP SYSTEM IS how we perceive what comes in through our senses. We may see it, hear it, taste it, feel it, or even smell it. Whatever it is, we call it INFORMATION. The reason we call it information, is that your brain interprets it and uses it. If breakfast is burning, your first warning is the smell. The smell is information. The beauty of rep systems is that they go way beyond how things get into your brain. You can recall and think about your experiences, and create new ones, with the power of your mind. Much of the power of NLP comes from your ability to work with rep systems. Another phrase for rep system is sense modality. The rep systems include the obvious ones; the five senses. Here are the three main ones. They are what we see (called the visual rep system), what we hear (called the auditory rep system), what we feel (called the kinesthetic rep system). The other two obvious ones may be needed at times. They are what we taste (the gustatory rep system), and what we smell (the olfactory rep system). Those are the obvious rep systems; the five senses. But there are two factors that give rep systems great value in understanding and achieving excellence. The first is how we talk to ourselves, or hear what others have said. We call this the auditory digital rep system. Changing the talk inside our minds is a very powerful tool. 232 The other valuable factor is knowing which rep system a person favors. That is, which rep system do they rely upon most of the time. This is called the preferred rep system. Once you know what their referred rep system is, you can make a better connection by using that rep system more. You can also make more powerful tools, because that rep system is more powerful for that person. Rep systems are valuable because they are the way our experiences are coded. They are the DNA of our thoughts and behavior. They are where it all comes from. We encode or absorb our experiences and ideas with rep systems. We call up this information through our rep systems. This is called accessing or retrieving the information. It isn't always obvious. Ask someone how they know something or why they did something, and they will give you a pretty limited answer. Most people will tell you that they just "know" something, or "felt" like it. But advertisers don't spend millions of dollars figuring out exactly which sounds and images to put into a television commercial just for the fun of it. USING REP SYSTEMS And manufacturers don't spend millions on designing just the right shape, color, and smells of products and logos for their egos. It's all about representational systems, and how they are loaded with meaning and motivation. By decoding the rep systems of successful people, you can get access to secrets that have taken many years or generations to acquire. By decoding the rep systems of someone who is failing, you can become much more valuable as a success resource. The way a person sequences and selects rep systems is a strategy. There is a rep system strategy for everything we do. By becoming aware of this, we gain extraordinary flexibility and latitude for creating better strategies. One reason for this is that rep systems are so basic, that they afford us great leverage to influence the resulting behaviors AND the results in our lives. How do I Know What Rep System is Being Used? People will tell you what rep system they are using without even knowing it. The secret is in their words. If they talk about how things look, what they saw, colors, and other visual words, they 233 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES are thinking in pictures quite a bit. powerful feelings and images They are mostly using their visual involving fear of nuclear weaprep system. The visual rep system ons and grief over the Kennedy is the one that people use the assassination. most. If they talk about what they hear, how things sound, how loud they are, and other auditory words, they are emphasizing their auditory system. Same thing for feelings. If they sense that someone is dishonest, and have a gut feeling about what stock to buy, they are mostly accessing feelings. That is, they are in their kinesthetic rep system. Years ago in the U.S., a conservative politician named Barry When Hitler was creating his speeches, he spent a good deal of time learning what got the crowds really excited. Of course, we'd like you to use rep systems to do good things, not to invade sovereign nations and sport a bad haircut. Now, here is something fun and valuable that you can start doing to learn about rep systems. Whenever someone tells you about something, notice which rep system they use the most. Goldwater used a kinesthetic What Do I Do With a Primary phrase in his advertising: Rep System Once I Find It? "In your heart, you know he's right." That's pretty funny, because by the time he was campaigning, everybody knew that your heart pumps blood, and your brain knows things. But when people have strong feelings about something, they think they know it. This fact has been used by politicians throughout history. But Goldwater lost his 1964 bid for the presidency of the U.S., because the liberals used even more Let's say you want to sell me a vacation package. Listen to this, and ask yourself what rep system I'm using. "I just don't SEE how I can afford to take a vacation." You heard the word see, as in visual. I can't SEE how I'll afford it. Most people use the visual rep system more than the other two main ones, hearing and feeling. This tells you that you must create pictures in my head of your wonderful vacation package. You know that pictures will especially help to influence me. 234 But consider the internal aspect of seeing. I can't see it because my concern about finances won't let me see it. So when you talk financing, that is the most important point for the visual rep system. Show me how I'm locking in value while the cost will increase for everyone else. Show me a graph. Show me big, simple numbers. Make me see other people missing out and being jealous of me. Before long, I could be seeing a whole new opportunity. Now let's say my wife is along, and she has a great influence over my buying decisions, or maybe a total influence. listen for her rep system. "Honey, I'm UNCOMFORTABLE with us committing to something when your work is so FEAST or FAMINE." This wife of mine is all about feelings. No wonder she lights up the room. Uncomfortable, feast, famine ... When you're coming up with things to influence her with, you'd better touch her feelings. She needs to think about how she'll feel finally having some quality time with her feast or famine USING REP SYSTEMS husband. On our vacation, she can look forward to sunshine, warm sand, and the plush beds and carpeting of the air conditioned resort. Did you notice which of those things were not from an external sense? Warm sand affects your senses through your feet. But where does the feeling of quality alone time come from? Inside! Hey, remember feast or famine. You'd better tell her about the amazing food. This is a huge lesson for influencing with rep systems. You should appeal to the internal sources as well as external. In fact, the internal sources may be many times more powerful than the external ones. This is because they are often about motivations and values. NLP uses the term predicate for the clue words that tell you what rep system someone is using. Predicates, as you have seen, are words like see, hear, and feel. Predicates are not always so obvious, though. If I tell you I'm CERTAIN, I might be in the auditory digital mode. Thafs the one where my internal talk is very dominant. But what if I not only tell you I'm so CERTAIN, 235 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES but I also gesture forcefully with my fist. In that case, I'm telling you I FEEL strongly about it. Instead of knowing I'm right in my head, I know it in my heart; I FEEL it, and I want you to FEEL it, too. Are you with me, or against me? Feelings make choices very simple. So they can make your job simple. So there's another important tip. Body language can be very important. If someone cocks their head and looks kind of skeptical, that's a sign that they aren't hearing things that they can agree with. They may be taking apart what you said in their own heads, because you weren't being analytical or logical enough for them. In that case, you need to build more trust so they can get into the feelings or images, or you need to offer up your most compelling evidence, that is, the facts that show that you are right. And keep working on building that trust. You don't need to drop the other sense modalities, but you need to deliver the facts. And did I mention building trust? We'll teach you a lot about rapport-building soon. But here is a trust-building technique you can start using right away. It's called matching predicates. As you talk to people, practice using the same rep system that they are. See how this affect how they act toward you. Are they more open to your ideas? Do they show you friendlier body language? Do they smile more or give you a softer, kinder facial expression? Since body language is a nonverbal predicate, see what body language you can use that goes along with the rep system you are emphasizing. If they are hearing, cock your head, put your finger to your ear, lean forward a little bit with an ear turned a little toward them. If they are seeing, tilt you head up just a little and raise your eyebrows a bit, soften your eyes, like you're letting them in. If they are feeling, use more emotional gestures. Nothing too dramatic for now, just enough to show where your heart is; or at least where it is supposed to be. Keep in mind that people may change their primary rep system depending on the subject, or even the point of the conversation they 236 are in. So don't think people have only one rep system. Be flexible and follow them into different rep systems. Also, it's good to appeal to all rep systems during your discussion. In psychology, there is a thing called neurological recruitment. This big phrase means that the more brain cells you can get to think about something, the more powerful it is. If you're in an airplane, you want ALL the engines firing. Using more rep systems means you are influencing with more power. Emphasize one at a time, but use all of the three priUSING REP SYSTEMS mary ones: seeing, feeling, and hearing. Another valuable method is to watch for eye movements. These are called eye accessing cues. We call them accessing cues, because the eye movements tell you what senses the person is accessing, or tapping into, in order to think and express themselves. People have claimed that the research does not support NLP's use of eye accessing cues, but the research has some serious flaws. We suggest that you see for yourself. And remember, this is not always true for every person. 0)0 237 58. Auditory Rep. System Development "Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand': - Sue Patton CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. Improve your auditory rep system in order to better perceive sound, its meanings, and subtleties. This can enhance your modeling and communication. Step # 1. Usten to a sound. Step #2. Reproduce the sound Step #3. Compare You can practice this strategy also with a recording, but be sure to record your own voice as well. To make it even more useful, listen to your recorded voice a few times to get used to it. Step #4. Internal Representations Step #5. Submodolity Rating Step #6. Reproduce 238 Step #1. Listen to a sound. Notice an ongoing or recurring sound in your surroundings. Carefully listen to it for roughly ten seconds. Step #2. Reproduce the sound. Using your voice, reproduce that sound as closely as possible. If it is a sound that you can't imitate very well, imitate any aspect of it that you can. For example, rhythm, warble, grittiness, and any other submodality of the sound. Step #3. Compare Try this with a partner. Compare how you reproduce the sound. Step #4. Internal Representations Ask your partner what internal representations were used and in what ways they feel their voice resembles or does not resemble the sound. Give the same information to your partner. Step #5. Submodality Rating Take a look at the list of submodalities. AUDITORY REP. SYSTEM DEVELOPMENT Listen to the sound with each of these in mind, but filter for each submodality, one at a time. Can you add any of the submodalities to your imitation of the sound? Refer to appendix B for a list of submodalities. As you do this, compare with your partner where you feel the sound belongs in the range of each submodality, on a scale of zero to ten, with zero being "not at all" and ten being the highest level, or 100%. Include in your discussion what you used as a reference to rate the submodality. For example, take volume. Louder or quieter than what? Consider grittiness. Grittier than James Brown, or smoother than Enya? Step #6. Reproduce Reproduce the sound again. Notice any improvements, and how your awareness has improved. What submodalities had the biggest effect on your discernment? Compare with your partner. e2) 239 59. Visual Rep. System Development '7he man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them': - Mark Twain MUCH UKE THE Auditory Rep. System Development pattern, this pattern will help you refine the subtleties and perceptions of your visual representational system. It will improve your abilities to distinguish submodalities, which is a necessary skill when working with NLP patterns. It will also freshen-up your creativity and problem solving capabilities. Thevisual rep. system is memory based. Visualization, in essence, is a big word for saying that you remember what a certain item looks like. Step # 7. Take an onion and put it in front of you. Step #2. Close your eyes and imagine exactly the same onion. Step #3. Open your eyes and take another good look at the onion. Step H . Close your e)'eS again and multiply the onion's size. Step #5. Return to normal size and change colors. Step #6. Retum to normal color and change structure. Step #7. Repeat 240 Step #1. Take an onion and put it in front of you. In many traditional and oldfashioned visualization guides you would find the instruction to imagine an orange or a banana. We believe that this is no test to your imagination, and it does not provide any value in imagining something you've seen 10 thousands of times in the past. Normally, you wouldn't take an onion and observe it intensely. You would do so with an orange just before you're about to peel and eat it. Concentrate now on the onion and try to grasp the "big picture", how it looks like, the colors, the shades, and so on. Step #2. Close your eyes and imagine exactly the same onion. Now, with your eyes closed just keep the image you've seen with your eyes open in your mind's eye. That's all. It's easy, and it takes almost no effort to see something and recalling it the same second you close your eyes. Step #3. Open your eyes and take another good look at the onion. What you do now is confirming that the image in your head VISUAL REP. SYSTEM DEVELOPMENT matches, more or less, the image your eyes are getting from the surrounding. The reason for this step is that further on in this pattern we will manipulate the mental image the same ways you subconsciously manipulate other images that affect your emotions. This will also convince you how powerful and in-control your imagination can be. Step #4. Close your eyes again and multiply the onion's size. Now you're doing some image manipulation. Your brain is better than any version of Adobe Photoshop and much faster than any quadruple Intel processor on the most elegant Mac computer. Close your eyes and imagine the same onion. As you do so, double its size. You could simply "bump" the image closer to you; when things are closer, they seem bigger. Here's a more complicated request - double the size again. Now the onion would probably be much closer and almost "in your face". If it isn't close enough to make your eyes tear, double the size again! 241 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step # 5. Return to normal size and change colors. Open your eyes and look at the onion again. Close your eyes and imagine the same picture you've seen with your eyes open. The onion is now back in its normal size. As you look at the mental image, imagine that the onion is changing colors. Go randomly and fast. Choose any color you wish and for 30 seconds or so, keep changing the color every second. Go beyond the usual colors like blue, black, yellow, white, green or red. Try purple, army green, beige, cinnamon, coral, lavender blue, orange-peel, pink, yellow-green, smooth violet, tyrian purple, teal, tangerine, spring green, sapphire, salmon, rose, rust, pale blue and so on. Step #6. Return to normal color and change structure. Now open your eyes again and take a good look at the onion. Close your eyes and imagine this normal looking image. This time you are going to manipulate the onion's structure or "physics". Imagine the onion becoming elongated, thin and long. Now back to normal. Imagine it become fat or chubby. Now back to normal. Imagine it becoming like the digit 8, fat on the edges and very thin in the middle. Now back to normal. Imagine it with a huge hole in its middle, big enough so you can look through it. Now back to normal. Imagine the onion having a chunk been taken off it, much like the Apple logo. Now back to normal. Imagine the onion becoming flat, completely flat. Now back to normal. You can keep these mental experimentations going as far as your creativity takes you. Step #7. Repeat. One crucial element to any skill development outcome is repetition. If your visualization skills are not as good as you'd like them to be, repeat this pattern every day or every other day. 242 60. State Of Consciousness Awareness ':4 human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty'~ - Albert Einstein CREDITS for the creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern increases your awareness of your states and how they affect your perspective. This awareness is valuable in nearly every aspect of Neuro Linguistic Programming and life in general. Any effort you make to enhance your states and patterns calls on your awareness of these things in order to make the discriminations called for by the pattern. 243 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step # 1. Review today's staCes. Step #2. Represent t#HtstaCes. Step #3. Annotate the staCes. Step #4. Test Step #1. Review today's states. Note the states you have experienced today. Review your day, taking note of the major states that you have experienced so far. Step #1. Represent the states. Draw a circle to represent each of these states. Inside the circle, draw a simple face, like a happy face, to represent how you felt. It can be as simple as happy and frown faces. Step #3. Annotate the states. Rate the intensity of each state with a number from one to ten. Underneath, note the main internal representations and changes in physiology that you experience in this state. Put an asterisk (*) next to the main triggers of the states. For example, if you were treated rudely this morning, what was it that really triggered your feelings? looking at submodalities, it might have mainly been an aspect of the person's tone of voice. Remember to include meanings, not just sensory experience. Perhaps it was what the person was implying with their tone, rather than the tone itself. Step #4. Test. See if doing this exercise enhances your ability to detect the changes and subtleties of your states, and how your thoughts and circumstances can trigger them. I2) things in new ways." 263 69. De-Nominalizing "But behavior in the human being is sometimes a defense, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication': - Abraham Maslow CREDITS for the creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Get much more control over your mind and your life, by resolving the meta-model violation known as nominalization. This works because nominalizations remove the actor from the scene. If I say, "I have to go visit my stupid relatives," I'm not saying who is in charge of the "have to." If I decide to be empowered, I can say, "I'm going to make my mom happy by visiting my stupid relatives," or, "I decided it wasn't worth going through that misery." Even better, if you can say it honestly, "I'm going to create a completely new and mind-expanding experience with my relatives." We nominalize when we turn verbs into nouns. If you talk about "the relationship," it seems to have a life of its own. Where is your (and the other person's) leadership and vision? 264 Step #1. Seled a nominalization from your own thinking. Think about situations in which you feel less powerful. You might feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or coerced. Find a nominalization in the way you talk about the situation. Step #2. De-nominalize by turning at least one noun into a verb. Find a way to turn at least one noun into a verb. This change puts DE-NoMINALIZING Step #3. Talk about it without nominalization. Explore ways to talk about the situation without nominalization, and by including the verb(s) you identified. Instead of, '7his job is killing my soul," you might have, "/ am super motivated to get a different job, and fast. I'm networking and telling everyone / meet to keep an eye out for good opportunities in my field." someone into the driver's seat. The Step #4. Test. more challenging or empowering Do you feel that you are in a it feels, the better. more meaningful, connected, emIf it challenges you to take re- powered state? sponsibility in some way, that is a special challenge to embrace. 265 70. The Forgiveness Pattem "Don't tell your friends their social faults; they will cure the fault and never forgive you': - logan Pearsall CREDITS for the creation of Rid yourself of the brooding this NlP pattern belong to resentments that can sap your crevarious contributors. ative energies. Step .,. Associate into your higher values and seN esteem Step #2. Sense the difference between the fundomentol human essence of the individual as opposed to their behavior. Step #3. Feel your anger over harmful behaviors that some pe0- ple engage In. Step #4. Take pemJission to sense the humaniJy of a/~ including people who engage in hurtful behaviOr. Step #5. Expand ~r state to include a sense of releasi~ and associate it with the hurtful behaviors. Step #6. connect with the tISpf}Ct of yrJUrseIf that is capable of responding to these hurtful behaviors. Step #7. Test 266 Step #1. Associate into your higher values and self esteem Include a sense of sacredness or human dignity to all people in this state. Step #2. Sense the difference between the fundamental human essence of the individual as opposed to their behavior. Step #]. Feel your anger over harmful behaviors that some people engage in. This anger is not at the fundamental humanity that we protect with civil rights. You are sensing anger that arises from certain behaviors, especially behaviors that violate those rights. Step #4. Take permission to sense the humanity of all, including people who engage in hurtful behavior. THE FORGIVENESS PATTERN to these behaviors. This attachment may consist of ruminating about them, over-focusing on how they must be punished, and other ways of being attached. This step is not intended to reduce your capacity, commitment, or responsibility for addressing such behaviors, of course. Step #6. Connect with the aspect of yourself that is capable of responding to these hurtful behaviors. This can include your power of speech and ability to cultivate it over time. It can include your awareness and understanding of the boundaries that these hurtful behaviors cross in order to be hurtful. It can include your preparedness to defend those boundaries under certain circumstances. Step #7. Test. Notice if this process has reduced your resentment and expanded your forgiveness. Step # 5. Expand your state to include a sense of releasing, and associate it with the hurtful behaviors. Notice in the coming days or weeks how any changes in your Allow your self to conjure a forgiveness are playing out. sense of releasing, and imagine releasing, for now, your attachment 267 71. Aligned Self 7he truest wisdom is a resolute determination" - Napoleon Bonaparte C REOITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Aligned self means heading in a strong direction becauseyourvalues, beliefs, sense of identity and purpose in life are all working together. This pattern helps you achieve or reclaim that state. We say "reclaim" because many people complain of falling out of alignment for various reasons. Self-alignment creates a wonderful snow ball effect, in which the more you are aligned, the better your results in life, and the more you are able to align because of the positive feedback, empowerment, and support that results. This pattern uses Dilts' logical levels, listed in the appendix. 0NwIer. JfIe AIIgaed SeN,..".", Step # 1. Select a resource. Step #2. Create visual space anchors for each neurologicalleve1. Step #3. Focus on each space, exploring how it will contribute to your alignment Step H. From the bottom tbehavior} step into each SP.Ot:e work- ~ng up. Enhance the state Of etich space, ana cany it into the next space. Step #5. rake time for integration. Step #6. Future pace. Step #7. Test. 268 Step #1. Select a resource. What would help you in becoming more aligned in your values, beliefs, sense of identity and purpose in life? What would make you feel more purposeful or hopeful? States such as calm resolve, creative joy and appreciation of developing mastery systematically are good candidates. Step #2. Create visual space anchors for each neurological level. Select a visual space for each of what will become six anchors: environment, behaviors, beliefs and values, capabilities, identity, and spirituality. Step #]. Focus on each space, exploring how it will contribute to your alignment. Start at the highest level (spirituality) and work your way down. a. Focus on the environmental space. Ask, "When and where do I wish to express X (the resource you selected)?" b. Focus on the behavior space. Ask, "What behaviors will help me ALIGNED SELF express X in those times and places (from the previous step)?" c. Focus on the capabilities space. Ask, "What capabilities will help me express X in the form of those behaviors in those times and places?" d. Focus on the beliefs & values space. Ask, "What beliefs and values will help me express X through these capabilities, the feed those behaviors at those times and places?" You are asking as to what beliefs and values will support you and direct you toward you highest goals, as well as what is meaningful and valuable about the capabilities from the previous step. e. Focus on the identity space. Ask, "What kind of person has these beliefs and values? What kind of person expresses X?" f. Physically stand in the physical space. Ask, "What is my overarching purpose in life? What is my life mission?" Take some time to verbalize these thoughts, but without becoming mired in creating the perfect mission statement. 269 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES e. In the behavior space, enhance your potential for taking action. Step #4. From the bottom (behavior) step into each space working up. Enhance the state of each space, and carry it into the next space. Notice how your spirituality, identity, capability, and beliefs and a. Enhance this spiritual space values support this kind of action. by amplifying and enriching the state. Take that state with you as you step back into the identity space. b. Enhance the sense of identity. Notice how the spiritual state helps you do this as you experience your sense of identity and highest values or spirituality at the same time. Take the identity and spiritual states with you as you step into the capability space. c. Enhance your sense of capability. Notice how the spiritual and identity states support this sense of capability. Take that state with you as you step back into the beliefs and values space. Notice how the spiritual state puts you in connection with the universe and humanity. Discover howyour sense of identity puts the behavior in the context of who you are as a person. See how your capability state puts more power into your action potential. Finally, see how your beliefs and values give meaning and importance to this behavior. Take all these levels into your environment space. f. In the environmental space, explore how all the preceding levels support your ability to harmonize with the context of the behavior, as well as to derive resources from the context. Resources can be as airy as inspiration, or as palpable as concern about upsetting the boss. d. Enhance your sense of beliefs and values. Step #5. Take time for Sense how your spirituality, integration. identity, and capability states con- Spend some time experiencing tribute to your beliefs and values. all of these levels blending into a Bring this state to the behavior superstate. space. 270 ALIGNED SELF Notice any new insights, ideas, or scenarios coming to mind. Notice ways that you are more aligned in these future scenarios. Keep an open focus so that these thoughts can flow Step #7. Test. through as you process this new In the coming days or weeks, experience. notice any ways that you are more direct and empowered in pursuing Step #6. Future pace. meaningful goals, or in developing Imagine moving through life or changing your goals. with this state engaged. 00 271 72. Circle Of Excellence "Excellence in any department can be attained only by the labor of a lifetime; it is not to be purchased at a lesser price': - Samuel Johnson CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to John Grinder and Judith DeLosier. of the internal sensations and the behaviors that can help you produce a positive state. It also helps you perceive cues from others. The technique includes establishing an internal anchor for a state of With this pattern, you can produce high-performance states. It helps you become more aware excellence. 272 Step #1. Choose your resourceful state. Select a resourceful state that you wish to experience at will, such as creativity. Step #2. Choose a time to trigger the state. Think of a time when you experienced a rich version of this state. Step #3. Create a symbol for an excellent state. Imagine that you have a circle before you on the ground. If you prefer, you can select a specific color, symbol or other visual or CIRCLE OF EXCELLENCE auditory cue to associate with the state. Step #4. Step into this symbol and recall the memory. Step into the circle or symbol. Fully associate into the state and relive the experience, amplifying the state. Experience the memory from first position. Step #5. Observe internal patterns associated with the state. Notice the patterns you produce that are associated with this 273 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES state. To do this, internally focus your attention, noticing all relevant internal representations, characteristics of submodalities, patterns of breathing and tension, and anything else you can experience. Step #6. Amplify the state. Amplify and enrich the state by increasing the submodalities in all rep systems. This includes things such as the clarity and compelling qualities of your own inner voice, as well as brightness and size of images. Step #7. Step back and break the state. Step back out of the circle or symbol and break this state. Step #8. Test Test this circle of excellence that you have created, by stepping forward into it. How well do you access the state? Step #9. Repeat Repeat the first seven steps until you trigger the state easily. Step #10. Extend this work to appropriate situations. Think of some situations that you would handle better from this state. Imagine taking your circle of excellence into these situations, using future pacing to prepare for them. 274 73. Assertiveness Installation '7he basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others'~ - Sharon Anthony Bower ASSERTIVENESS is a very These habits can be subconimportant trait, yet people scious, and people often fail to reoften fall into habits of be- alize how much they are losing and ing too passive or aggressive. how many bad experiences come from poor assertiveness. 275 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Analyze the nonassertive behavior. this step, because that might determine the success of the whole Determine what the person procedure. does instead of asserting himself! herself in a specific situation. Step #1. Assess what stops the assertive behavior. In addition to the behavior, uncover the chain of thoughts and other internal representations that take place prior to and during the non-assertive behavior. For verbal thoughts (self talk), get a good sense of their position. Notice any ways that an impulse to be assertive is stopped. One way to derive this is to simply mention two or three assertive behaviors that might apply to the situation. Then ask, "When you think of For example, how much are doing this, what happens?" their thoughts acting as a broadcast for someone else's thoughts. And how much are they trying to preempt what other people might think. Dynamics such as these show problems with perceptual position misalignment. And this is a clue for you, by the way, to notice issues that you might want to handle with other patterns before continuing a process. As for the stronger sensory elements, look at submodalities as well. You are looking at what drives the person toward the nonassertive behavior. Do not just assume that the submodalities have to be from the known driver submodalities (size, location, etc.). It could be any type in any modality. Be thorough in your investigation of submodalities in The person is likely to describe a dominant rep system, such as the kinesthetic sense of feeling fear in their stomach, along with some thoughts. Help the person express these thoughts and develop them into specific beliefs such as, "If I asked for that, it would mean that I was a needy person. People like that are disgusting." (Notice the nominalization regarding disgust. Who is disgusted, and why?) Clarify the ways that stopping assertiveness can be useful. Step #3. List ways the assertive behaviors can be useful. Develop with the person a list of ways that one or more of the assertive behaviors can be useful. 276 Make sure that this list appeals to the broadest possible spectrum of values that the person holds dear. Make sure that this includes as many selfish motives as possible, as well as any ways that the results of their assertive behavior would benefit any people or groups that the person feels are deserving. For example, if self care makes them more productive, they will be able to contribute more to the world in the long run. Also, their medical bills will be lower, so they can contribute more to their favorite cause. Be sure to include the pleasure of experiencing an assertive state that is free of guilt or other causes of shyness. As you are doing this step, be sure that you are using each element to foster a state of easy, confident assertiveness in the person. Another issue to consider is morality and ethics. Your client might have other parts that object such a stream of thoughts, making oneself more important in one's eyes. Allow these parts to speak up and use the Parts Negotiation pattern is needed to make sure they do not interrupt in the rest of this procedure. ASSERTIVENESS INSTALLATION Step #4. Expand the assertiveness state. Bring the person's attention to the ways they are beginning to experience an assertiveness state. This includes any rep system elements, including thoughts. Ask elicitation questions, such as - what do you see, hear, feel? Elicit submodalities as well, and maintain a high level of sensory acuity. Notewhichrepsystemsaremost compelling, and of the thoughts, which values expressed by the thoughts are most compelling. Begin future pacing by, for example, having the person imagine carrying out assertive behavior buoyed by this state and fully expressing this state. What kind of posture, gestures and facial expressions would be expressed? Again, if you maintain a high level of sensory acuity, you would notice their posture, gestures and facial expressions and give them verbally as feedback to the client in order to prove that the process is already working. Include a fantasy of people reacting very normally and favorably to this behavior in order to reduce the fear and create posi277 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES tive expectations on the subconscious level. Since voice is so important in assertiveness, have the person imagine vocal tone, volume, and pacing that are likely to gain cooperation and make the assertive requests. Again, bring up the positive feelings that go with the assertive state and behavior. Be very supportive of these feelings, and help the person amplify them. Use the submodalities that were most influential on this specific client. Step #5. Cio through the timeline, generating examples of assertive behavior. Have the person go through their timeline, thinking of many examples of assertive behavior. This includes any times that the person expressed an aspect of the assertive behavior. For example, they may feel badly about having said something meekly, but if they used the right words, have them focus on this very intently. The purpose of this is to modify the person's self concept into that of an assertive person. This way they will have a greater expectation of being assertive, more permission to be assertive, and better competence at being assertive. They will also express assertive cues such as body language that set expectations in others. This will cause people to respond in ways that elicit more assertiveness in the person. Step #6. Diminish the images of non-assertive behavior. Bring the person's awareness to their images of not being assertive. These images may include memories and fears. Ask them to send those images behind the assertive images. Have them imbue the nonassertive images with the qualities of the assertive images. For example, if the assertive images have a more lively, colorful quality, have the person modify the nonassertive images to have that quality. Have them do the same with other modalities and submodalities, such as vocal tone and accompanying thoughts. Move unassertive feelings to the same location as the assertive feelings, and modify the unassertive feelings to match key aspects of the assertive feelings. 278 Continue making these adjustments until the person feels very congruent with assertiveness, even though these unassertive elements were being processed. Step #7. Future pace. Go back to future pacing, having the person imagine carrying out assertive behavior in various situations. Be sure that they bring the assertive state into the situation, and ASSERTIVENESS INSTALLATION that their future images have the qualities of the assertive images that have been developed. Step #8. Test. Have the person give you feedback over the coming days or weeks about any changes in their behavior that have to do with assertiveness or anything else that they think is important. 279 74. Self Esteem Quick Fix "Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves': - Nathaniel Branden CREDITS FOR THE creation of self esteem. It is excellent for recovthis NlP pattern belong to ering from a failure, or from somevarious contributors. one who had a toxic effect on your self esteem. This pattern can help you rapidly recover from an attack of bad Step #1. Select a negative seH-esteem image. Step #2. Dissociate from the experience. Step #3. Create powerful seH-esteem imagery. Step *4. Practice shrinking and restoring the self-esteem image. Step #5. Set up the swish. Step #6. Swish ten times. Step #7. Challenge yourseH to handle extreme pleasure. Step #8. Future pace. Step #9. Finish the pattem. Step #10. Test 280 Step #1. Select a negative self-esteem image. Think of a time in your life when you felt bad about yourself, when your faults and weaknesses were totally in the foreground of your mind. This first step is the only one that is unpleasant. The most powerful memory may be one in which other people were trashing you, and this negativity infected your self esteem. Step into the experience. Notice where in your body these negative feelings are located. Intensify them and notice anything else about them, such as their size and shape. Notice the images that come up for you as you do this. Whatever image most symbolizes this experience will be your "cue image." We will use this for a swish. Notice any sounds associated with this image. Step #2. Dissociate from the experience. Now, we'll step out of this experience. Stand up, move around, and open your eyes. Do other things to break state. Blink faster, move your facial muscles, wave your right hand, SELF ESTEEM QUICK FIX stretch your left, think about what a UPS truck looks like. Continue with state-breaking activities until you are full extracted from the negative self esteem state. Step #3. Create powerful self-esteem imagery. Now you're going to create an image that represents the strong resourceful and positive self esteem you're about to own. Imagine seeing yourself with profound self esteem. Use all major rep systems. How would you appear in terms of your expression, gait, gestures, and posture? How would you sound? How would people react as they are enjoying your pure self esteem? When this has some momentum for you, imagine yourself in a new situation, propelled by this self esteem. Notice how it is stimulating and motivating to be in a new situation. Add to this the sense that this reality is in the very near future. It crowds out any previous caring 281 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES that you had about past attacks upon your self esteem or well being. This state is very much in the moment and involved in creating a bright future. Now amplify the submodalities of this state. Enlarge and brighten it. Saturate the colors in your mind. Include the submodality of attitude and thoughts by becoming aware of your resources such as you sense of choice, support, and creativity. Notice how this image and state are attractive. Connect with this attraction, becoming more drawn to it. Build the attitude that you need this and must have it. Build your sense of the possibility of it, and the ways that is already real, whatever they may be. Put a mysterious smile on that image of yourself. Imagine you can her him think, /II feel good to be me./I If you find any negative feelings about anyone saying that, set them aside for now, and tune into the ways that you can appreciate someone enjoying being themselves, and the ways that we all can benefit from and enjoy such a feeling. Punch up the submodalities of this voice, making it resonate all around you. Step #4. Practice shrinking and restoring the selfesteem image. Make a mental frame around that image of you with the high self-esteem. Shrink it so it becomes a tiny little picture in the open space in front of you. Make it sparkle at you. Very quickly, take that sparkling little dot in the distant space in front of you and jump it right back to its previous size and aliveness. Include the, "It feels good to be me," attitude and actual voice in all it's richness. Open your eyes for a moment, then close them and think of a black screen. Now see that high self esteem image again. Shrink it again, into that sparkling dot. Now take it back to full size. Alternate this shrinking and expanding with a lot of intensity. step #5. Set up the swish. Shrink the high self esteem image and place it right in the middle of the horrible disturbing image 282 you discovered in the beginning of this pattern. Shrink the negative image quickly into a tiny gray dot in front of you, and at the same time quickly, blow up the tiny dot into your full-size self esteem image, so that it completely covers the negative image. Amplify the submodalities of this positive image. Repeat this swish pattern, beginning with the negative image and the dot-size self esteem image. Say SWISH as you do this. When you bring back the negative image, don't say swish. When you swish back the positive image, include the verbal, "It feels good to be me," coming from that image. Do it again, snapping your fingers at the same time. When you swish in the positive image, let the good feelings wash over you and flow through you. Step #6. Swish ten times. Open your eyes and move around a bit. Close your eyes, imagine a blank screen, and we'll start the real change. Do the swish ten times, as fast as you can. Do it with as much emotion, enthusiasm, and determination as you can muster. SELF ESTEEM QUICK FIX Remember: The negative image is a black blinking dot. When you swish, say swish and snap your finger. When the bright, colorful self esteem image is full size, have it blast out the, II/ feel good to be me," sound and see your mysterious smile. Each time, before repeating the swish, open your eyes, close your eyes, and see the blank black screen. As you do the ten repetitions, see how fast you can make the swish happen. Step #7. Challenge yourself to handle extreme pleasure. Positive self-esteem can dramatically enhance every part of your life and make it much more pleasurable. This step attaches your compelling image of high self-esteem to all aspects of your life. Self-esteem affects every single detail in your life. Since memories are such triggers, we'll start by attaching this positive state and image to the past. Then we will do new situations, since they are your opportunities to trigger effective states. Finally, we'll do the future in order to make your goals and plans more attainable. 283 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Reach out with your hands and grab the strong image of high self esteem, just like you would grab a big mirror. Grab it, lift it and notice something new: there are thousands of thousands of high self esteem images behind it! These images are of you being successful in everything you do in life. In these images, you are strong, committed, powerful, happy, thrilled, excited, and pleasurable. As you lift the image, all the other images are lifted with it. Smile to yourself and throw it up high above you. Everything spreads out in the open air above your head. A split of a second later, they all fall down, spreading all around you. In front of you are thousands of future images covering the ground. To your sides are thousands of opportunities that you seize. Behind you are thousands more showing you valuable energies of the past. That leads to the sparkling points along your past timeline. Imagine them, each framed with a blinking, shiny frame, yelling for your attention. Get in touch with the growing internal state of confidence in facing challenges. This state is supported by the memories of your power. Send any remaining images of you that are negative back behind the positive images. Have the positive images so intense in their submodalities and added elements of blinking and brightness and yelling for attention, that they fully command your attention away from any negativity. These images continue to interrupt any negative or wandering thoughts with, 'look at me. I feel GOOD being me!" Step #8. Future pace. Imagine yourself waking up tomorrow and finding that these images are still all around you, blinking and yelling for attention. See yourself with that mysterious smile. Imagine people enjoying this quality of yours, and how you affect them in positive ways. Step #9. Finish the pattern. Do whatever you'd like to complete the pattern, and open your eyes, cultivating a fresh, eager readiness for the rest of your day or evening. 284 Step #10. Test Bring up one of the negative images and see if it still has any power over you. If it does, you can repeat this exercise from time to time. If you have trouble getting the image, that's even better. Also, see if you notice any effects of improved self esteem over the coming days or weeks. This SELF ESTEEM QUICK FIX may include opportunities coming your way, people reacting to you in better ways, and feeling more motivation and optimism. It can even mean being more comfortable or at peace with being realistic about negative situations or challenges, and more creative about finding solutions. 285 75. The Smart Eating Pattem "Now, good digestion wait on appetite, and health on both!" - William Shakespeare C REOITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. One of the key causes of excessive eating is poor awareness of when one is one is actually hungry as opposed to simply being tempted or using food as an antidote to stress. Another problem is that, although it can be appropriate to eat a number of smaller meals rather than three large meals per day, those small meals have excessive carbohydrates. Students and knowledge workers use a great deal of blood sugar because the brain consumes it for thinking in surprising amounts. Thus, they must be careful to avoid snacking beyond their actual needs, and to avoid a blood sugar roller coaster that is caused by consuming refined sugars and starchy food. The current "diabesity" (diabetes and obesity) epidemic (also known as syndrome X) is directly related to over-consumption of refined carbohydrates through products such as soft drinks. 286 Step #1. How do you know it is time to eat? Determine how you know that it is time to eat. Carefully look for the rep systems and submodalities involved. THE SMART EATING PATTERN Notice your most subtle feelings. You can find a range of feelings such as healthy and balanced, bogged down and sleepy, and very satisfied, but in a gluttonous way. Include your internal feelings, Keep trying different foods until such as tension, mental fog, and you find at least onethat makesyou irritability. feel very balanced and healthy. Be sure to include the feelings of your stomach. What does "empty" really feel like? Step #2. What would be best to eat? Ask your inner wisdom what would feel best to have eaten. That is, what would make me feel good after I ate it, in the short-term? Consider various foods that are available to you right now, and imagine that you are finishing eating them. Inspect the rep systems and submodalities that tell you it is an idea food. How do you "know" that you feel balanced and healthy. If none do this for you, then consider additional foods that are not available right now. Step #3. Compare the before and after. Compare this "ideal food" feeling with the feeling you had before you ate it, that is, the feeling that tells you it's time to eat. 287 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Which one feels better? If the "before" feeling seems better, perhaps you should try out more imaginary foods to find something better. Or does it mean that you should simply wait longer before eating your ideal food? step #4. Contrast with an unhealthy item. Try comparing the "after" feeling with a not-so-healthy item, such as a candy bar. Carefully inspect the difference between these feelings. Go forward in time a few hours to see how the unhealthy item "after" feeling is. Go forward a few days and feel that result. How do these sensations compare to the feelings of step three? Step # 5. Future pace. Once you have found food choices that make you feel balanced and healthy, see how many more food items you can think of that provide healthy, balanced feelings. Imagine making those food choices into the future. Amplify the healthy, balanced feelings and imagine them growing over time as you make these food choices. Imagine yourself as a very spry, active, bright elderly person with those healthy, balanced feelings surrounded by young people who are eager to gain wisdom from you. Step #6. Test. Over the coming days and weeks, notice how this pattern influences your food choices. Sense how those choices make you feel. See how you can enhance this patter so that it works best for you as an individual, getting the best effect upon your food choices and resulting energy and mental clarity. Additional Advice Making it less comfortable to reach the type of food you want to avoid craving for is one very easy task. Simply stop buying it! Skip it when you get to the candies section in the supermarket. Another well-known nutrition trick for sweet craving is fruit juices and smoothies. I don't have enough space in this book to explain it thoroughly, so just give it a try and see how it works for you. Do not buy concentrated juices and always read the labels. Even when it says "100% juice", it might say "from concentrated" in small print. 288 Another tip that helps me a lot in the morning - for an energetic wake up drink one glass of fresh orange juice, the squeezed type of course. It's a rush, I guarantee it. One last advice - do not give up or avoid the foods you really love. If Pizza is your favorite food, go for it once a week. If your mind knows that you're not going to THE SMART EATING PATTERN become a health freak (which is, on its own, a health risk as well), it will become more and more patient through the week and let you lose the weight, knowing that once a week you're giving in and enjoying your most favorites. Of course, don't go overboard here! But don't make it a stressful change. e2) 289 76. Boundaries Installation "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect" - Marcus Aurelius CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Personal boundaries are the borders that we maintain between what is acceptable and what it not in how we are treated. Boundaries that affirm us, but that are flexible enough to allow meaningful interaction with others are considered healthy boundaries. Boundary crossings occur when someone does not respect our dignity, power, and well being. A comment or joke that is sexist but not directly insulting can be considered a subtle boundary crossing. People who have weak boundaries may take on others' problems. It happens when a person thinks he or she is a good friend, while in reality they let themselves to get overwhelmed and absorbed with another person's emotions and problems. A good friend should be there to stay strong for you, stay sensitive yet unaffected, so that they can pull you up and support you. This does not happen if that "good" friend is taking a part in feeling the pain or assuming responsibility for alleviating it. People with weak boundaries become victims of themselves, and by becoming miserable for other people's problems, they actually push them away. When those others are dependent or destructive, the per290 son with poor boundaries is called codependent. These people lose themselves in harmful patterns. Some of them are even consciously aware of that habitual self sabotage. They may not be able to act in their own interest until they get their partner to agree with them or stop having bad (manipulative) feelings about it. They tend to have perceptual position distortions in which they have other people's attitudes and BOUNDARIES INSTALLATION thoughts mixed in with their own. They wonder why their relationship is not getting better when they are working so hard, without fully considering that they are the only one working on the relationship. People with overly rigid or extended boundaries may place unreasonable demands on others to comply with excessive expectations. This pattern helps people define and strengthen boundaries that are too weak or unclear. 291 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select a pattern placing them in your imaginary reflecting weak boundaries. space. Think about the informa- Take the collective sense of tion on poor boundaries and these qualities and anchor it. codependency. Find a patter in your life that Step #3. Imagine the force field. bears some resemblance to at least one of the elements or something else that shows a weak boundaries. Step #2. Create a boundaryaffirming imaginary space. Imagine a physical space around your body that extends out about two feet. Fill that space with your boundary-affirming and boundaryenforcing qualities such as attitudes and personality characteristics. Consider qualities such as assertiveness, perceptiveness, commitment, honesty, ability to read others, and so forth. Be sure that these are not generic, they must be qualities that are unique to you. What is the quality of assertiveness that comes from you? What is positive about it? Include only the positive aspects in your imaginary space. If any of those qualities seem week, don't allow that to be relevant in Imagine that your boundary space is surrounded by a force field that is getting so strong that nothing can penetrate unless you allow it. It defines you as being a unique entity, separate from others in the sense of being an individual capable of interacting and benefiting from interaction. Be sure to sense this from the first perceptual position (first person). Anchor this strong, "boundaried" sensation. Step #4. See yourself in second position from a highly supportive perspective. Move to second perceptual position. Imagine that you are seeing yourself through the eyes of a person who is very supportive of your boundaries and thinks the world of you, even if you need to invent that person for this pattern. Discover what it's like, as this understanding person, to ex292 press strong approval for you as a unique individual and for your boundaries. Take a little time to clearly express this in a way that is fully connected and full of feelings. Do whatever you need to do in order to make this a powerful, valid resource. Step #5. Amplify your uniqueness in first position, and future pace this state. From first position, amplify and experience the validity and power of all that makes you a unique, "boundaried" individual. Future pace this state as a way of being in the world and a way of navigating life. Step #6. Elicit creative expressions of your uniqueness and boundaries by testing them with a boundary violating fantasy person. Imagine experiencing someone who is not respectful of your boundaries in some way. Allow your state of unique self and good boundaries to elicit creative responses from you. You can stop the fantasy to adjust your response, or loop it and try various responses each time through. BOUNDARIES INSTALLATION Be sure not to be caught in the trap of trying to change the other person or convince them of anything. If they are manipulative, they will not respond to that in a constructive manner. Step #7. Future pace. Imagine moving into the future with your healthy boundaries and unique identity. Allow imaginary scenarios to corne up as you enjoy projecting this state into the future. Step #8. Test. In the corning days and weeks, notice any ways that you express your uniqueness despite demands or manipulation from others that would turn you away from your unique self expression or meeting your needs in your own self-affirming way that connects you with supportive people and valuable resources. Notice any ways that you defend and enhance your boundaries, including maintaining your own thoughts independently from others' thoughts and attitudes. 293 77. Criticism Analyzer "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern let's you experience criticism without taking it too personally. It uses the concept that words are not real. If criticism sets of a chain reaction inside you that results in anger, shame, or defensiveness, you need to remember that such suffering is optional. This pattern gives you control over these reactions. Fear of criticism is one of the most disabling fears of all. The importance of learning how to accept criticism well can be seen in our most primitive need - to be liked. Social status and relationships with other people are very important to us. Human beings are social creatures; we need these connections for two main reasons - survival and pleasure. There is no real joy if you just have fun alone, is there? The greatest joy is when you share the happiness, when you win as a team and not just as an individual. Did you ever wonder how come men hug each other and cry on the football field? Did you see a player crying and hugging himself on his own? The survival aspect of social life is also obvious - we need the service and escort of other people to run our lives. You need the shopkeeper, the mechanic, the physician, the bus driver, the electric company technicians and so on. But you also need your family, to be supported and nourished; you 294 need your spouse to feel intimacy and love, which is also a basic survival need. You need other people in your life, nobody is an island. But with the gift of relationship comes also a catch 22 - you cannot be social without knowing how to handle criticism well. Yes, some people will want to criticize you for their own good, not yours. But many will not. CRITICISM ANALYZER Many will be careful and perhaps brave enough to let you know what you're doing wrong (in their opinion) or how your inaction or actions, behaviors, choices and emotional expressions are affecting them. Learning to accept criticism well and knowing how to handle it maturely is one of life's greatest skills and one that will boost your self esteem and self respect. 295 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select a situation in which you responded badly to criticism. The first time, do this exercise in your imagination. In the future, this can become like a reflex that you do rapidly. Then you will get to the point that you do it unconsciously, with your mind freed to be even more of a master. Imagine a situation in which you were criticized and it was either painful, or you do not care for how you reacted, or you did not like the results that came from your reaction. Step #2. Generate a state of safety. Create safety by sending the other person farther away until it feels comfortable. This might be an extra foot, or it could be so far you can't see them (like on the moon). Add a force field or tough Plexiglas shield between you and the other person. Once you feel safe, anchor this sensation. Step #3. Respond to the person with validation. Imagine saying something to them, such as, "(Name), thanks for telling me this." Change the words to fit the situation. If it's a formal business relationship, you might want to sound like this, "(Name), thanks for taking the time to discuss this issue with me. Your observations and ideas are very important to me, so I'll take this feedback very seriously." Or if it is a romantic relationship, try something like, "Honey, I'm really glad you trust me so much that you can share something like this with me. My vision for our relationship is that we can be this open and create even more support for each other and have really good times together while we're at it. It might take me some time and effort to really get what you need one hundred percent, but I will keep trying and listening. To me that's a sacred promise." Step #4. Ask for more information. The person will know that you care and that you can handle criticism if you ask them to offer more details. Also, the more you know, the better you can respond, whether you need to disagree, negotiate, or offer up a major mea culpa. You can use a phrase such as, "Tell me 296 more about this," or ask about something that you don't fully understand. Step #5. Imagine the response in an effective way that is not disturbing. Imagine the person filling in some details. Practice the perceiving of what they say as though you are watching a movie that plays out the details as they see them. Make the image small enough that it is not at all overwhelming or troubling. This gets you some distance or objectivity, but keeps you in a state of receptivity. Step #6. Reflect what you have received. Reflecting is very important in communication. Practice it here by restating what the other person has told you. It's best to summarize what you feel are the most important parts. This shows the person what stands out to you, and helps them know what to emphasize when they clarify their ideas and concerns. You can begin with a phrase such as, "/ want to make sure / CRITICISM ANALYZER understand you, so let me tell you what / stands out to me so far." You can end with something like, "How am / doing?" or ':4re those the main things?" Step #7. Get to an ··agreement frame:· You may not be able to do this justice in your imagination, but be prepared to have some back and forth in the real world. The person will probably want to add or repeat some things. Peoplewhodonotfeelvalidated will repeat points a lot of times, so the more you can help them feel valid, the more time you'll save. When they add points, summarize them as in step six. This is a good point at which to elicit exactly what they want from you or from the situation. Some people jump into criticism before they have figured this out, especially if they are assuming that they can't get what they want. Eliciting their wants can calm them down and get them into a more creative and even a more cooperative mindset. Once the person is comfortable with your level of understanding, you have achieved the agreement frame. 297 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #8. Generate your own representation in a top left position. Your understanding is probably different from that of the other person. At the minimum, you will have some different priorities, that is, you will feel some different things should receive the most emphasis. Create a representation in the top left of your mental and visual space. This representation shows your understanding of the situation. It should include sights, sounds, words, and feelings. Have it show not only details, but your priorities, needs, beliefs and values. It is powerful to visualize at least one ideal outcome. Emphasize the rep system that helps you gain the most clarity. For example, if it is self talk, the images may not be so important. step #9. Compare the representations of you and your critic. How do the movie you made of your critic's understanding contrast with the representation you made of your understanding and priorities? Step #10. Respond from your understanding, and do it in a classy way. Respond to your critic with some areas of agreement, starting with a phrase such as, "/ do agree with you on some important points ... " This time, emphasize what the other person wants that you can agree with, and that you intend to cooperate with. Then convey the ways that you disagree, starting with a phrase such as, "/ can't completely agree an a few point, though. Where (issue) is concerned, / think ... " This is a good time to indicate what you aren't willing to cooperate with, along with what you need to see happen. Use language that fits the situation. How hard or soft you sound is a strategic decision. Step #11. Seek closure. Bring the discussion to a focus on decisions. This can range from them being satisfied that you have acknowledged them, to a need to negotiate commitments, or agreeing to disagree and take the issue to a higher authority. 298 Step #12. Take this to the relationship level. Ask the other part what would help them feel better about your relationship, whether it is a working relationship, a romantic relationship, or some other kind of relationship. Offer your own needs in this regard, as well. Discuss it in a way that generates hope and optimism about your future together. Close by emphasizing your appreciation for their coming to you openly, rather than for the specific details. CRITICISM ANALYZER Step #13. Test As the situation unfolds, see if this has enhanced the relationship and your ability to respond in a way that fills the other persons needs, including their need to feel that you care and see their needs as valid and serious. See how well they are able to do the same for you. If there are problems, assess them. If you feel the person is strictly being manipulative and wants an unfair advantage, then you will need to shift to a different strategic frame that involves gamesmanship of some kind, limit-setting, and ways of gaining more power to protect your interests. (Sj2) 299 78. The Excuse Blow-Out Pattem "Nothing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible': - Francois De La Rochefoucauld CREDITS FOR the creation of this NLP pattern belong to Michael L. Hall. Step # 1. What's your excuse? This pattern helps you get things done by turning subconscious excuses into alignment. This stops procrastination. Step #2. Assess the excuse pattern Step #3. Preserve the Values of the Excuse Step #4. Reject the old excuse. Step #5. Test your anti-excuse response. Step #6. Future pace. 300 Step #1. What's your excuse? Choose something important that you want to accomplish, but have been procrastinating on. Think about what happens when you get close to doing the actions that are necessary for this accomplishment. What do you do instead? What feelings and thoughts come up just before you get detoured? Can you identify any conscious excuses? Perhaps instead of excuses, you have thoughts that redirect you. For this exercise, we'll call them excuses. If the pattern is not conscious, run through the sequence in your mind and listen for subtle thoughts, pictures, and feelings that you hadn't exactly noticed before. Look for vague, irrational ideas or feelings that sound silly when you put them into words. Those can be the ones that slip away from awareness unless you are actively looking for them. Old, habitual, irrational thought patterns tend to be the least conscious, yet they can pack a lot of power. THE EXCUSE BLOW-OUT PATTERN stand, but also as a state that you can feel. Explore the submodalities that give this state the power to divert you from your aim. Step #2. Assess the excuse pattern Answer the following questions: Is it really just an excuse? Do you want to keep this excuse? Do you need to have this excuse in your life? Does it serve your life at all? Does it enhance your quality of life or empower you to be a better person? If there is some part or facet of the excuse that you might need or want to preserve, what is it? What facets of the excuse may serve a positive purpose for you? (Find the hidden agenda.) Step #]. Preserve the Values of the Excuse The previous questions helped you connect with value in the excuse pattern. You can preserve the benefits, yet change the pattern so that you can get accomplish your goal. Get to know these excuses not Start by identifying any aspect just as something that you under- of the excuse that is valuable. for 301 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES example, are you trying to juggle too many things, and fear that you will lose other important priorities? Imagine that you can remove all of this value and set it on a spot that is separate from the excuse pattern. Now the excuse pattern is a useless, empty shell. Step #4. Reject the old excuse. Access a strong "NO!" state. Muster up an intense, inner "Hell No!" Remember a time when you felt absolutely against something that was completely, intensely unacceptable to you. The more disgusted you were, the better. Amplify this into a Hell No state. Expand the state so that you feel it throughout your body, even into your hands and feet. Anchor this state. Imagine the empty excuse immediately in front of you and step into that excuse with the NO! state. Stomp on the excuse with the power of your "Hell, No!" Hold it in your hands and smash it into the ground. Stomp it into pieces. Step # 5. Test your anti-excuse response. Imagine the desired activity. Notice what happens as you think about moving toward it. Notice what you feel, see, and think. Notice any excuses that remain in the shadows of your mind. See how they may interfere with your life, love, or success. Work on any remaining excuse patterns, beginning with step two. Step #6. Future pace. Remind yourself of your intense Hell No state and how you applied it vigorously to your excuses. Imagine the earliest upcoming time when you will want to work on this goal in some way that you would have typically ended up avoiding. Imagine yourself (in a dissociated image, as if you are looking at yourself from the corner), at the moment you would choose to start the activity. At that moment, start smashing the excuse. Say, "Hell no!" Access the most open, eager state that you can, and imagine starting the activity. If you feel like you what to actually do the activity now, go right ahead! 302 Additional Advice Go slowly at first and then repeat the pattern while speeding up the process. Go for weaker excuses first, just for training with the pattern. Don't take the heavy challenges up front. Make sure your whole body and mind are involved in the process of change. If you feel a twist in your THE EXCUSE BLOW-OUT PATTERN stomach when you remind yourself of the excuse, it's working! If you feel any discomfort or hesitation when you think of starting the activity, it means there is still an excuse lingering. Dig deep and get to know this feeling. Turn it into words so you can understand it better. Work on it with this exercise. 303 79. lhe Basic Motivation Pattem "Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what?! Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful." - Mark Victor Hansen, author of The One Minute Millionaire C REOITS for the creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. The following strategy demonstrates how the various elements of imagination, expectation, criteria, submodalities and association can be combined into a simple strategy to help people better inspire and motivate themselves to take actions which will lead them to desired outcomes. Step # 1. Imagine enjoying a key achievement Step #2. Enhance and anchor the state os a pleasure motivation state. Step #3. Future pace with this state. Step #4. Test 304 step #1. Imagine enjoying a key achievement. Imagine that you have achieved one of your greatest dreams in life. Imagine yourself fully enjoying it. Experience the sights, sounds, and feelings of this enjoyment. Step #2. Enhance and anchor the state as a pleasure motivation state. Amplify the compelling and motivational aspects of this experience. Do this by adjusting submodalities such as brightness and size. This is a pleasure motivation state. Anchor it. THE BASIC MOTIVATION PATTERN Step #3. Future pace with this state. Carry these feelings into imagining yourself taking steps that will actually move you toward your dream outcome. Trigger your anchor for the pleasure motivation state to enhance this state. Step #4. Test In the coming days and weeks, notice if you find it easier to take steps toward this or other dreams or desired outcomes. 305 80. The Winning Over Intemal War Zone Pattem "The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak'~ - Ralph (harell CREDITS for the creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Resolve a problem that nearly everyone suffers from; inner wars. These are wars of internal self talk that turn your mind into a battle field. Often, this self talk explodes into vivid imaginings of worst-case scenarios. This kind of visualization all to often churns out self-fulfilling prophecies. A common Internal War Zone consists of your imaginary arguments or fights with others. Such imaginings have a seductive power that engages your inner resources while forming a habitual inner pattern that takes over all too easily. Worse, this pattern can harm your relationships and success by souring your attitude. 306 THE WINNING OVER INTERNAL WAR ZONE PATTERN Step # 1. Let it come to you. You need to catch yourself in action. This method can only assist you if you can catch yourself right when this internal dialogue begins. You suddenly find yourself arguing with another person within your own mind, most likely while doing some everyday activity like driving or doing the laundry. Define it. Who's that person? What has initiated that internal argument and conflict? Give them a face, a name, a place, a situation and define your own outcome. Step #2. Dissociate. At this point, it is very important for you to dissociate yourself from the charged emotions. You need to "get outside" of that conflict in order to control it. If you stay associated, that is, within your own emotions, then you cannot really direct the whole situation. Now, as you dissociate yourself, taking a third person position, see yourself and hear yourself as if you're standing a few feet away from that battle zone. You're still in that Internal War Zone, but you're now in a mediator position, in between. 307 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #3. Soften. Step #5. Make The Picture Make that image softer. Make Go Away the voices sound softer. Internal War Zones are almost Do whatever works for you, whether it means going a bit slower, using softer words, a softer tone of voice, or any other modification that softens the effect. You might try making the image more pleasant and colorful, emphasizing browns and greens. You can even put soft music in the background. You're in charge. Step #4. Go Beyond Yourself Move to a position just behind the other party, so that you can see the back of his head and see yourself more or less from his point of view. Hear the arguments you're saying from this vantage point. Do your words really reflect reality, or do you find yourself exaggerating? How would that other person feel if you actually said these words? never useful, regardless of the outcome. Except for times that you are truly practicing a valuable skill or doing an effective desensitization process, you can dispense with this wasteful mental pattern. There's no point in practicing feeling bad. Make the picture go away. You did what you had to do. You understood your position, you saw the situation through an objective point of view and you know how the other person sees you as you put up your verbal fists and fight. It's over. let it go. You can let go simply by dimming the picture, returning to the associated image of yourself, and dimming again the picture until you can't really recognize what the argument is about or who is there. If you can't see it, it isn't real; that's the key point here. Step #6. Gratitude The feeling of gratitude is the Would it help you get what you antidote to making yourself feel really want? bad. 308 THE WINNING OVER INTERNAL WAR ZONE PATTERN Think of at least ten things that you can feel gratitude for. Count through them in order to keep track. The first might be your eyes and sight, the second, your sharp mind, the third having friends, the fourth, your skill to appreciate others as well as yourself. What else will you think of? If ten comes easily, keep going! One person told me he got to a 100 and he got stuck there. How much of a good feeling could it be starting within an Internal War Zone and getting stuck eventually in the Gratitude and Self Appreciation Zone? 010 309 81. Inducing Amnesia "Too many parents make life hard for their children by trying, too zealously, to make it easy for them'~ - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe AMNESIA IS A very useful tool when you work with clients. Milton Erickson used to induce amnesia from the very first contact with the client. The idea is that if the client "forgets" (the client's mind actually pushes the given time period into the subconscious) a certain part of the change work, they will be less likely to interfere with the results consciously. For example, if in the session you and the client have covered that he is binge-drinking alcohol because he wants to be more socially accepted, it would be more useful to use amnesia after you establish new and healthy resources for the client to be socially accepted. This way, when the client goes on with his life, the mind "forgot" why was it that he feels like binge-drinking at a moment, and once there is no good reason, the alternatives become more prominent. If the client would remember "why I binge drink'~ the emotional roller-coaster can lead him into binge-drinking again, regardless of your session's success. You can initiate amnesia with a simple confusion method - "and I wonder if you would remember that when you came in this door, you took your right leg in and if you could forget to forget that when you leave this door you will put again, your right leg out". This is a very simple suggestion to tie the entrance to the room with the exit, and by that "pushing down" the time period in between into the subconsciousness. 310 82. Thought Virus Inoculation "When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies". - John Gray T HIS NlP patterns was originated by Robert Dilts. This pattern creates a defense against destructive (toxic) thought patterns, conceived by Dilts as "thought viruses". 311 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Establish the following spaces on the floor. Step into each one and elicit the corresponding state. a. Neutral Space An objective state from which you can review the process. b. Prior Limiting Beliefs Space Experience a belief that you no longer have, and that was limiting or childish, such as believing in Santa Claus. c. Early Doubting Space Experience the time at which you begin to doubt a limiting or childish belief that you no longer have. d. Old Space Beliefs Museum Get in touch with all of your prior limiting or childish beliefs. e. Empowering Belief Space Think of a beliefthat is functional and ecologically appropriate. Experience the sense of empowerment that comes from this kind of belief. f. Open to Belief Space Connect with something that you previously were not open to believing, but are now open to believing. Get the sense of openness to belief. g. Sacred Space Elicit the congruent and committed feeling of being fully connected to your mission in life. Step #2. Test the spaces. Have the person step into each space from the meta-position space. Amplify and re-anchor the state for any spaces that do not trigger the corresponding state. Step #3. Process a toxic thought by taking it through this sequence. a. Come up with a toxic belief to take through the process. b. Have the person take this belief through each state in the sequence above. c. Continue cycling through this sequence until the person is ready to deposit the toxic belief in the Old Beliefs Museum Space (part d). d. Step into the meta-position and develop an empowering belief that can fill the void left by the old, toxic belief. The new belief must be functional and ecologically sound. 312 Step #4. Step through each space with the new belief. THOUGHT VIRUS INOCULATION Refine the thought in any ways that are necessary. Follow the sequence of steps as before, but this time with the Step #6. Test new belief. In the coming days or weeks, If the person begins to experience any confusion, have them step into the meta-position and clarify the belief so that it can function in the state where the confusion developed. Step # 5. Future pace, checking the ecology of the new belief. Take this belief into imaginary future situations and look for any ecological problems to address. notice any ways that this new belief influences your attitude and results in life. Notice any limitations or problems, and refine the belief as needed. 313 83. The Inner Peace Questionnaire P ROCRASTINATION - List the outcomes (big & small) that you have already started working on, but didn't continue ... In Adion - List the outcomes that you're currently working on, but haven't completed yet. .. Day Dreaming - List the outcomes you would like to achieve, but you weren't able to start working on yet. .. Self Sabotage - List the personal-change outcomes which you have not been able to achieve .... (ex. Stop smoking, exercising more, etc.) Communication Crisis - List the poisonous relationships you're still engaging in. It could be with a colleague, a family member / relative, a friend, a flight attendant. .. 00 314 84. The Relationship Clarifying Pattem j!I relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts; no one knows. Love can erase an awful past, love can be yours, you'll see at last. To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die. You hope you've found that special rose, 'cause you love and care for the one you chose': - Rob Cella CREDITS for the creation of this NLP pattern belong to Robert Dilts (under the name "Characterological Adjective'). This pattern helps you identity characterological adjectives (Cl1:s). Cl1:s encode basic characteristics of relationships. Each CA implies a counterpart. For example, the CA of "victim" implies the counterpart of "victimizer." Getting to the essence of a dyadic relationship opens the gateway to understanding the dynamics of the relationship and how the two parties contribute to enduring patterns, including patterns that are dysfunctional. 315 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select a difficult person or situation. Come up with a person that you have trouble communicating with, or a situation that gets in the way of you being creative and productive in getting desirable results. In such a situation, you would feel stuck. Step #1.. Get a typifying word from third position. Imagine that you are observing the situation from a seat in a movie theater. Allow your mind to come up with a word that captures the essence of the situation, such as "obstructive" or "narcissistic." Step #3. Place yourself onto the screen and into this situation. Observe your own behavior and come up with a word that captures the essence of your reactions and involvement with this situation or person. For example, "reactive" or "gullible." Step #4. Isolate the CA's Think of the two words or phrases that you came up with, such as "obstructive" and "reactive" or "narcissistic" and "gullible." Notice how these two words or phrases are counterparts to one another. You have gotten to the essence of the dyad by isolating the characterological adjectives. 316 85. Building It Maintaining Rapport "They asked Gandhi 'what do you think about western civilization; he said '/ think it would be a wonderful idea~ .. '~ - Robin Williams R APPORT IS A POSITIVE connection between you and another person, or you and a group. You have seen lecturers, comedians and others build rapport with an entire audience. Perhaps you have experienced a good connection with a sales person, and by relaxing into that connection, found it easier to make a buying decision. You've probably met people who had a strong, instant effect on you, either good or bad. What is it about the politicians and actors, the sales people, and the charismatic people you meet, that give them the ability to create rapport? Is it just natural chemistry? Sometimes. But professionals such as politicians learn to build rapport. Rapport is one of the first areas that NLP became fascinated with as it developed. The therapists that NLP studied early on had rapportbuilding abilities, but they had very different styles, at least they had very different approaches and personalities. But, as you have learned, NLP is not content to just look at the surface. It models, it analyses, and it finds the active ingredients that make things like rapport take place. This is what you will learn next; the active ingredients of rapport; the ingredients used by professionals in many areas of life to sell, to lead, and even to heal others. 317 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES This Doesn't Sound Ethical. Is NLP Just Manipulation? Although this is not a course in ethics or philosophy, we do want to share a couple ideas on this with you. NLP wants to see people develop meaningful values so that they can lead more fulfilling and meaningful lives. This does not happen at random. Except for the hero who is surprised by the heroic act that comes out of them in a crisis, most great people of history have done a great deal of sometimes painful soul searching. They have drawn from various sources of inspiration. They talk about the feeling of standing on the shoulders of giants, even though history regards them as giants. Except for a few with very large egos, most of the great people in history confess to feeling like anything but giants. But the things that they are proud of, are that they aspired to higher values, and that they worked to build the skills they needed to have a meaningful impact on the world. We see the same thing is people today; people who don't expect to be in history books, but who are fascinated by excellence; people who want to know how their role models do what they do. These people use rapport-building skills to achieve excellence in their chosen pursuits. The first lesson in rapport, much like other NLP skills is flexibility. If you think showing interest in people helps build rapport, consider the person who is too shy to handle you showing interest. If you think a dynamic, outgoing personality creates rapport, consider the person who would feel overwhelmed or pushed by that. If you think speaking from your heart and your vision generates rapport, consider the person to defends themselves with sarcasm and cynicism. What NLP has discovered about rapport transcends earlier efforts to build rapport with a list of personality traits. That is not flexible; that is a cook book approach. The master chef isn't glued to a cook book. The second lesson in rapport is conscious application. It is not simply a gift or a coincidence, it is a skill. Since most people prefer to think that rapport is only a natural thing, they may be uncomfortable with purposely creating rapport. We say that if you care about your mission in life, and if you care about your values, then you have a responsibility to learn to build rapport. Rapport is part of your mission. You may be surprised to find that being pretty technical about it at first is very important. It's a little like 318 a musician who practices scales for hours on end but emerges from this and other training with a great ability to play jazz. Rapport-building is the jazz of NLP. What Skills Should I Start With? Start your rapport-building skills with what we call sensory acuity. You have already started building this skill. We taught you to recognize what rep system people were using by listening to their predicates and watching their eyes and body language. Those are sensory acuity skills. Everything a person does is a message to you on how to build rapport with them. All you need is to know the code and the guidelines. Have you ever been in the same room with someone and felt uncomfortable, or known that something was wrong, but didn't know why? With sensory acuity, you can describe everything about the person that was telegraphing signals to you. For example, changes in posture can signal tension, extra skin moisture can signal anxiety or alarm, same thing with changes in heart rate that you can see from the carotid artery in the neck. The face creates brief flashes of facial expression that are not conBUILDING & MAINTAINING RAPPORT trolled by the conscious mind. This has been shown in research using high speed video. And those are just a few body language elements. Consider speech. On the physical level, you can hear stress in the voice. A dry mouth is a sign of anxiety or alarm. But also consider the hidden messages in what people say. Their accent not only tells you where they are from, but their accent and vocabulary tell you their educational level. They drop hints on things like their feelings about personal responsibility and what kind of people they trust and don't trust. As you connect with people during the week, pay attention to these signals, in fact, to all the different signals that people send off. A good cardiologist will tell you that when they started medical school, they only heard two things when they listened to a heart. Lub and dub. Lub dub, lub dub. But with experience, they came to hear all sorts of other things, like prolapsed valves, heart murmurs, and much more. So it is with sensory acuity. The more you pay attention, the more you will come to see, hear and feel. When you aren't building rapport, you can use this skill at parties reading people's palms as a diversion. 319 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES How Should I Practice This? A great way to start is with people that you already know something bout. Notice how the various signals they put out go with the things you know about them. Then think of as many people as you can who share one of those traits, and what they had in common. The next step is to rate in your mind the stress level of every one you see for a week. Notice how their stress level can change up and down in an instant. Watch for paleness, facial expression changes, tension, rigid body language, slight withdrawing in apprehension, how hard they are trying to act natural, and so forth. Here is something that will help you with this part. When people feel fear or excitement, they are activating a part of their nervous system called the sympathetic nervous system. This does a lot of things, and you can observe many of them. Here are the most obvious ones: pupil dilation, that is, pupils getting larger; thinning of the lips, more muscle tension, paler skin, more skin moisture, more aggressive or withdrawn body language (yes, it can go either way), a tighter voice, the face stretched somewhat more, and faster foot motions, perhaps even being more on their toes. These are all the things that the body does when it thinks it may have to fight or run away. Perhaps you've heard of the fight or flight reaction. Well, this is it, this is the action of the sympathetic nervous system. When you do rapport building, you will see a very different set of signals from people. They are similar to what you will see in practicing hypnosis. Then How Willi Adually Create Rapport? The key to rapport is to adopt an overall state that is similar to the other person. You start by using your sensory acuity to size up the various subconscious signals that they are putting out, and telling you what state they are in. This is called calibration. Calibration is basically using the persons subconscious signals to know about their inner state. Once you have done that, you can cultivate that state in yourself. After all, people tend to like people that are similar to themselves. They can relate and they feel that they will be understood. They also feel some security because that makes you seem more predictable. 320 It may be a little easier, though, to simply start gently imitating certain key behaviors. This is called mirroring, or matching. This helps build your sensory acuity, because you have to pay attention to the aspect that you are imitating. It also teaches you a lot about calibration, because, as you imitate their key signals, that will tend to produce a state in you that is similar to theirs. This is kind of subtle, but if you wanted to, you could go pretty far before anyone would think that you were imitating them. You will probably be surprised at how far you can go. The only reason you do not go too far is usually that you don't want to have completely different personalities and then be in the same room with two very different people that you have done this with. You would be wondering who to act like, or maybe you'd suddenly need to leave because of a family emergency just to get out of there. Let's go through each of the behavior-mirroring skills that are especially powerful ways to develop rapport. Posture Posture is pretty easy. Without mirroring every single thing about BUILDING & MAINTAINING RAPPORT other people's posture, practice adopting the basic stance or sitting position. Resting on the same arm (except as a mirror image, your right to their left) gives you a similar alignment. A more leaning forward, straight up, or leaning back posture match is good. This leaves out the more obvious things like crossing arms or legs. But you can try this as well, especially if it is not a person who would be looking for this kind of thing. Movement Movement is another. What is their general style of movement? How fast, how much gesturing, how open or closed. This sort of thing. Make your movement kind of similar to that. Breathing Breathing is very interesting. If you match the person's breathing, it can have a powerful effect. It's a little harder than the other things, because it is an ongoing concern about timing, but as you get more comfortable with mirroring, start developing this match up as well. This is used in hypnosis, and affects the timing of your verbal statements, speaking during the exhale. 321 86. The Falling In-Love Pattem "Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take': - Anthony Robbins, author of Awaken The Giant Within CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern shows how surprisingly easy it is to enhance your feelings of love and affection toward your loved one, to extend infinitely a familiar and endearing intimacy. These exciting results are produced with nothing more than anchoring. 322 THE FALLING IN- LoVE PATTERN Step #1. Clarify what you want Step #2. Elicit and focus on to feel toward a special person. this loving state Select a special person for this exercise, such as your significant other. list in your mind or on paper the feelings you would like to feel toward this person. Even though dynamics in the relationship may have caused some alienation, regaining these dear feelings can help you enhance the relationship. The usual way is to work on the relationship so that the feelings will return. This is a "bottom up" approach" because it emphasizes the somatic (physiology). Bring the feelings that you identified together into a loving state. Enhance that state by working with the submodalities that are most powerful in inducing this state. If the state is developing well, you will find it easier to forgive the other person's faults and transgressions, if appropriate. Step #3. Enhance the state with future experiences. Enhance the state further by imagining future experiences that you both enjoy together with a strong bond. 323 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Keep adding images, sounds, and feelings to these experiences until you get a sense of being in love throughout your body. Step #4. Anchor Once you have a strong state, anchor it. Step #5. Test the anchor. After repeating step three and step four a few times (usually 10 or 12 times is plenty), test the anchor. Do this by breaking the state, then firing the anchor. If the anchor works, then you should feel a loving connection with this person. If you are not satisfied with the results, a likely reason is that you did not associate yourself fully in step three, or there was a problem with the anchor you chose. Step #6. Test for results. Discover ways to use this process to enhance your relationship. For example, fire the anchor before working on communication with your partner. Notice how these explorations affect your relationship. Additional Advice Use good judgement in choosing who to work with. Relationships with a person who is typically manipulative, demeaning, or destructive is not appropriate. If you find that the state quickly evaporates as you interact with the person, this is most likely because aspects of the interaction trigger even more powerful negative states. You will need to change those anchors in order to elicit "antidote" states. For example, if you suddenly become defensive, then you will want to have that interaction generate an open, articulate state in which you are good at understanding, but also good at staying connected with your own reality. See The Boundaries Installation Pattern and the The Assertiveness Installation Pattern for help with this. 324 87. Avoiding Counter-Produdive Suggestions "Insecurity is the negative expected'~ - Merle Shain "you WILL NOT SMOKE anymore", "you are a smoke free person now", "you are a non smoker", etc. - all of these suggestions will encourage a person to do just the thing you want them to stop doing - they will want to smoke! The reason is, that our mind cannot negate negations. You know this one for sure - do not think about pink elephants. Now, what are you thinking about? PINK ELEPHANTS! Whatever it is you want the client to not think about, do not mention it at all in a suggestion, and definitely not in its negative form. Instead of "smoke free" or "non smoker" use something more appealing that confirms a better reality - "clean lungs person" or "clean breathing" or "easy breath" or whatever inspiring metaphor you come up with. There were more than a few cases in court, in which age-regression "specialists" have installed a false trauma in their clients! Look here - "and do you remember if you were raped when you were 6 years old and kept this secret in the dark?" ... this is a suggestion for the brain to invent a rape story at age 6 and become convinced that it really happened! Be careful of using such statements, especially with somnambulistic clients. 325 88. The Cyber-Pom Addidion Removal Pattem "I'm such a good lover because I practise a lot on my own': - Woody Allen T HIS IS ANOTHER VERSION of the swish pattern, formulated to eliminate cyber-porn addiction, a widespread problem that has a tremendous impact on productivity and peace of mind. It is not intended as a judgement about pornography, but rather as help for those who are experiencing a loss of control. This pattern is not offered as a substitute for professional help. If this may be necessary, we encourage you to seek it. Step #1. Cteate the unwanted associated compulsion image. Step #2. Break the state. Step #3. Create a healthier self image Step *4. Secure the new self image. Step #5. Begin the change. Step #6. Swish the images. Step #7. Do the change/ Step M. Generate pleasure. Step #9: Test or Toost 326 THE CVBER-PORN ADDICTION REMOVAL PATTERN Step #1. Create the unwanted associated compulsion image. Think of the last time you masturbated to online porn. Step into the experience, experiencing it from the first perceptual position. That means seeing what you saw back then. Hear what you heard, and feel what you felt. Imagine it as if it is happening right now. If this step is unpleasant, please understand that this is the only unpleasant step in the pattern. Notice where exactly in your body the compulsive feeling begins Intensify this sensation so that it tells you exactly where it is located in your body. Notice what images you see while you're feeling this. One image might be more repeatable than the rest. What sounds are associated with this image? Make sure that the pornographic media are included in this image. Make a mental note of this image and the associated sounds and feelings. Step #2. Break the state. Step out of feeling compelled to masturbate with online porn. To break state, stand up, move around, open your eyes, blink faster, move your facial muscles, wave with your right hand, stretch your left, lift your right knee upward, say your birthday date out loud, think of green, think how a UPS truck looks, and think about what you ate for breakfast today. Step #3. Create a healthier self-image Now you're going to create a strong, resourceful, and positive self-image. This resourceful image will restore your self control. Imagine how you would look if you had a better hobby, that is, a positive compulsion. The best way to destroy a negative compulsion is to replace it with a positive one so that you feel complete. You can choose any positive habit on your mind, preferably something you love doing but have neglected because of the online porn compulsion. How would you talk? What would your voice sound? 327 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES How would you dress, walk, run, and drive? How would you feel in new situations, when you own that positive compulsion? That image is the near future image of you; the person who has solved that big issue of changing a negative compulsion to a positive one. He or she doesn't care about who or what caused the porn compulsion. He or she can't tell why their past porn compulsion is gone, as they now have a favorite positive compulsion. We call this image the "near future you" to imply that you are already beginning to experience this new sense of self. Build that image right in front of yourself. Make it a life-sized, bright, colorful image of you as a person with so many resources and abilities and self esteem, that you can face the hardest challenges and conquer them all. Experience yourself as a person who has plenty of choices in life, and who has an amazing ability to create more choices. See yourself as a person who owns a positive compulsion; the one you selected during this pattern. look at that image, letting yourself feel its attractive power. Connect with how intensely you really need to be that way. This is important. If you cannot feel it at the moment, go back and make the image stronger. Make it larger, brighter, and more powerful. If you were to see that image of yourself in the same way that you view people that you admire, how would you appear? Imagine all the porn addicted people in the world looking at you with true admiration because of your self-respect, self-control, and resulting success. Imagine your positive interests leading you to increased health, better sexual relationships, and greater self-respect. Put a mysterious smile on that image of yourself. Imagine you can hear yourself think, /1/ feel good being me./I Imagine the tone of your voice. Experience the attractiveness of this person you have become. 328 THE CVBER-PORN ADDICTION REMOVAL PATTERN Experience the attractiveness of this way of feeling. Imagine those words, "/ feel good being me," happening all around you, bathing you in these good feelings as though you could soak them up. Step #4. Secure the new self-image. Make a mental frame around that image of you with your new positive compulsion. Shrink it down to a tiny little picture in the open space in front of you. Don't let it stand there quietly! Make it sparkle and flash at you. Take that sparkling little dot in the distant space in front of you and jump it quickly back to its previous size. Big, life-sized, and colorful. Enjoy experiencing the image (including your mysterious smile), and the words, "/ feel good to be me," surrounding you. Open your eyes for a moment, then close them, thinking of a black screen. Now see that dissociated positive image again. Shrink it again so it become a tiny black dot blinking in the distance in front of you. Now bring it back quickly to its normal size. Continue shrinking and expanding it, really putting your heart into it. Step #5. Begin the change. Shrink back the dissociated positive compulsion image and place it right in the middle of the disturbing image that you discovered in the beginning of this·process. Step #6. Swish the images. Shrink the negative image quickly into a tiny gray dot in front of you, and at the same time, quickly blow up the tiny dot into the full life-size image of your dissociated positive compulsion image, so that it covers all the negative image of the compulsion you are leaving behind). Make it larger and brighter, with the stereoscopic "I feel good about me" and your mysterious smile as before. Practice doing the two movements simultaneously. Put the negative image in front of you, with the black, blinking dot (the dissociated positive compulsion image) in the middle. Now quickly SWISH them: shrink the first one quickly, and as you do this, enlarge the tiny dot into the full-size confident new 329 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES positive compulsion image, along with its sounds and feelings. It helps you do this with speed and gusto when you say "SWISH!" and snap your fingers when you do it. IMPORTANT: Do not swish the images back! Open your eyes right after you've done the swish, and experience the positive image in full color and loudness, including the sound of, "I feel good to be me". Open your eyes, blink for a second, and close them again. See the negative image with the blinking dot on it - say swish while you snap your fingers - swish the images again, bringing the positive image to life. Let the good feelings of the positive image move all over your body. We're half way through. Step #7. Do the change! Open your eyes, move around a bit. Close your eyes. Imagine a blank screen. Do the swish ten times, as fast as you can. Do this powerfully, with as much emotion, enthusiasm, and determination that you can muster. Use your desire to put an end to the negative image in your life as you source of intensity. Realizing how much this compulsion has taken from you can generate intensity. Remember: Negative Image - Black Blinking Dot - SWISH & Finger snap - Big colorful positive image, stereo, "I feel good to be me", mysterious smile. Open eyes, close eyes - blank black screen - back to the beginning. Good! Step #8. Cienerate pleasure. Now, we will attach that new, pleasurable, compelling, dissociated, positive compulsion image to everything in your life. Reach out with your hands and grab the strong, dissociated, positive compulsion image like you would grab a big mirror. Grab it, lift it, and notice something new: there are thousands of thousands of high self esteem, dissociated, positive compulsion images behind it! They were hiding there all that time to surprise you! Experience images that show you successful in everything you do in life as a strong, committed, powerful, happy, thrilled, popular, excited, person filled with pleasure. As you lift the image, all the other images are lifted with it. 330 THE CVBER-PORN ADDICTION REMOVAL PATTERN Smile to yourself, get some momentum, and throw it up high above you. Everything spreads out in the open air above your head. A split-second later they all fall down, spreading all around you. In front of you, representing your future, there are thousands of them covering the ground. Just around you there are a couple thousand more. Around you, as you look back on your past time line hiding behind your back, are thousands more. Imagine each one framed with a blinking shiny frame, yelling for attention! Know that it will be amazing, facing challenges in your future where all that your mind can remember is how powerful and how strong your are. It's almost more pleasure than you can contain. Images behind you rule the earth and cover and hide the small weak negative images, they rule them, they control the past now, they blink for attention, anywhere you look. Because, as you try to find a negative memory, all the blinking positive images interrupt the search, they yell for you, "Look at me! I feel GOOOOOOOD being me!" Play around, pick one up, see the mysterious smile, hear the stereo effect voice around you, see the image as it grows and gets brighter. Now imagine yourself waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, and seeing your positive images all over the place, blinking and yelling for your attention. You can open your eyes now and look around. Step #9: Test or Toast Take a moment (not too long) and think about your computer. If you can, sit in front of your computer. Do you feel compelled to masturbate or to do something else? In the coming days and weeks, see if you experience your computer life differently. If you can't remember the negative image clearly, or you did but didn't feel off balance, then these are signs of success. If you still feel compelled to cyber-porn consider consulting a specialist. 331 89. The Spelling Strategy "Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teoching': - Oscar Wilde CREDITS FOR THE creation of There's a lot to be said about this NLP pattern belong to people who stubbornly cling to various contributors. their most favorite modality and This pattern improves your almost refuse to be flexible about spelling. it, but we'll leave it to online arguWe use a lot of the internal ments and discussions. Do not fall visual modality in this pattern. Even if you consider yourself to be more of an "auditory" or "kinesthetic" person, try this method and see how well it is working for you. Step #,. View the WOld. Step #2. Relax. Step #3. Picture the word. Step #4. Clear your mind. in this trap - even if your most frequently used modality is auditory, you can still use well successful strategies that depend mostly on the visual modality, such as this spelling strategy. Step #5. Picture the word and write it down. Chec/c it Step #6. Picture the word and write it badcwards. Chec/c it 332 THE SPELLING STRATEGY Step #1. View the word. This time, write it backwards, from Look at the word on paper or right to left. on screen, spelled correctly. Check the spelling and return Step #2. Relax. With your eyes closed, recall a familiar, relaxing experience. Once you have a strong sense of the feeling, open your eyes, and look at the word. Step #3. Picture the word. Look up and left, mentally picturing the correct spelling. Step #4. Clear your mind. Open and close your eyes rapidly, get up, move around if you have to. Step #5. Picture the word and write it down. Check it. Look back up and left at your mental picture of the word. Write it down, as if you were transcribing from that image. Check the spelling against the correct spelling. If it is wrong, go to step one. Step #6. Picture the word and write it backwards. Check it. Return your gaze up and left to your mental picture of the word. to step three if it is incorrect. Additional Advice Imagine the word in the color that most fits the word. Maybe ludicrous should be purple. When you form the word in your mind, form each letter one at a time, in a font that is very different from a typical font. If there is a letter or letter combination that you tend to get wrong when you spell the word, make those letter big and bright compared to the rest of the word when you picture it. As you picture the word, build it one syllable at a time. Make sure that as you imagine the word, it fits in you mental view. You can experiment with seeing the letters forming a circle and filling your view. Use your finger to trace the letters in front of you, picturing your finger actually painting the letters as if on a canvas. 333 90. Elicitation Of Leaming Strategies "Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning is where the miracle process all begins'~ - Jim Rohn CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Learning is the process of acquiring new thinking patterns and behavioral capabilities. In NLP, a learning strategy is the syntax of steps one takes in order to learn. There are many learning strategies, of course, and some of them are not very effective. Effective learning works within a feedback loop, or the T.O.T.E. model in NLP. In order to define a learning strategy, we would need to identify and organize the usage of representational systems (rep. systems) a person is using in order to learn effectively. More importantly, we should identify which representational system gets the most use during the learning session. This is modeling in essence, but on a much smaller scale than other skills. The reason that people differ as to what learning strategies are most useful to them is that people are different! I am not surprised that I could do so well in literature in high school but almost failed in math. My literature teacher spoke in a language that made sense to me. She spoke using visual predicates mostly and she used every metaphor she could in order to explain a theme. My math teacher, however, was a very stubborn kinesthetic oriented person. She spoke of numbers in the dullest 334 ELICITATION OF LEARNING STRATEGIES way, and the only explanation that has proven to be the wrong she had as to why an arithmetic approach. rule works as it is was, "that's the way it is." However, it was my responsibility to develop a learning strategy that would help me with math. Apparently I didn't, because I almost failed in that exam. My best friend in high school, though, had exactly the opposite experience. She was thrilled about math classes, couldn't wait to solve those complex trigonometric problems, and her aversion to literature classes was well known. She had a very different learning strategy than myself. The problem with both us was that we used the SAME strategy (each one respectively) on two different subjects. I used my successful literature learning strategy on math, which proved to be ineffective, and she used her successful math learning strategy on literature, and again The purpose of NLP is to elicit as many successful learning strategies as possible, so that you will always have the freedom and flexibility to move from one to another according to whatever is more effective for your outcome. The development of the awareness and ability to elicit your own successful learning strategies is called "Learning II" in NLP. It means, "Iearning to learn." The more you know about your own successful learning strategies, the more effective you will be in using, modifying and improving your capabilities. The Elicitation Of Learning Strategies pattern will help you uncover the syntax you're using to successfully learn something. You can also use it, of course, to model another person's learning strategy and try it out for yourself. 335 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Seled the learning subjed you were successful in. Any subject you're good at will do just fine. If you find it much easier to learn literature, as I did in high-school, for whatever reason, write that one down. If it's math, history, general knowledge, logic, languages, or whatever else, make sure you have only one subject in mind. If you can't find a specific subject that you're good at, chunk down to micro-skills. Search your past for times in which you learned anything fast and effortlessly. Step #2. List your goals and outcomes. What were your outcomes in regards to this subject? What were your goals when you approached the learning of this subject? Step #3. Evidence procedure. What was your evidence procedure to know that you have completed successfully the outcome in this subject? For example, if your strongest subject was math, how did you know you were successful in achieving an outcome? Was it the passing of an exam or simply the solution of a math problem within a given time? Step #4. List the adions you took. What were the actual steps you took when you started working on achieving this outcome? Did you do anything unique for this subject, that you did not do for other learning outcomes? 336 Step #5. Problem solving activities. As with any learning opportunity, problems and challenges are always present and might disturb our learning. What did you do in order to solve minute-to-minute problems that interfered with your excellent learning mode? Step #6. Consider which rep system you used the most. Look back at your answers to the steps above and see if you can notice which representational system you used the most. Step #7. Elicit your rep system's syntax. Use the following questions to elicit the actual strategy you have used. Refer to your answers to the previous steps, of course, since you've already done most of the groundwork there already: What has stimulated you to learn effectively? Did you see, hear, feel, or otherwise sense a cause? Perhaps you digitally said something to yourself (inner voice), and if so, what is the content of that message? ELICITATION OF LEARNING STRATEGIES How did you represent your outcome for learning this subject in your mind? Did you visualize an image of yourself "knowing" or "excelling an exam',? Did you visualize an image of yourself associated or dissociated (i.e. Did you see your notebook or did you see yourself looking at the notebook)? Did you remember the outcome as an image from past successful events? Did you say the outcome to yourself, and if so how did it sound? Did you feel the outcome or sense the assurance that this outcome is about to be reality? If so, how did it manifest itself in your body? How did you know that you're making progress (evidence procedure)? Did you perceive external visual information (physically) or internal visual information (imagination)? And what was it exactly? Did you need to hear that you've been making progress (perhaps a teacher congratulating you for accomplishing a task, or your parents being proud that you got an 'Wj? Was it something you 337 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES said to yourself or something that another person told you? Which actions did you take for reaching this outcome? Did you analyze, organize, reorganize, talk to yourself, have intuition, visualize, touch, sense, discuss, listen, move, draw, watch, take notes, or feel certain emotions? Was it in any combination of the above? What was the syntax or order of these actions in respect to the actual process of achieving the outcome? How did you respond to minute problems? You can use the long list above (analyze, organize, reorganize, etc.) What other questions could you ask yourself to complete this strategy and make it as accurate and close to reality as possible? Step #8. Test. Notice any improvements to your ability to learn the subject you chose. 338 91. New Language Rapid Leaming "Charles V said that a man who knew four languages was worth four men; and Alexander the Great so valued learning, that he used to say he was more indebted to Aristotle for giving him knowledge that, than his father Philip for giving him life': - Thomas Babington Macaulay CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern will help you memorize words in a foreign language very quickly. It uses the power of submodalities. 339 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step # 1. Select 5 new words. Select five words that you wish to learn from the language you are learning. Establish the intention to learn all five within the next five to ten minutes. Read through them slowly, pronounce each one and read its translation. Make sure you understand the translation (the meaning of the translated word). c) In this imaginary scene, I open the passenger door of that huge Volvo, and on the other side I see a Mexican clown (love them) who yells at me, ''Your Vu-olvo is empty!" In this image I have used personal images and meanings to link "vuoto" and "empty." Coming up with these can be a challenge at first, but people find that it gets easy with practice. Step #2. Substitute Keep practicing and you will Take the first word and make it build this skill while learning a lansomething familiar. Here's how: guage at the same time. As the example below shows, take the syllables of the word apart Step #]. Use Sub-Modalities in your mind. Use them to build a mental image that is memorable because it is wild and strange in some way. Draw from your own experiences to find imagery and meaning that are significant to you because they come from your personal likes and fantasies. Here is an example. For the Italian word ''Vuoto'' ("empty in English), a) I deconstructed the word to "Vu" and "Oto." b) InHebrew(mynativelanguage) the sound "Olo" means "car," so I imagined a huge Volvo. Submodalities are great for memory techniques. For those who are not familiar with the term, sub-modalities mean the "modes" of the experience. For example, let's take my strange Volvo image. Can the Volvo get any bigger? Of course, in my imagination, it can be as big as I wish it to be. Its size is a submodality of the visual sense mode, just as loudness is a submodality of the auditory sense mode (or rep system). The clown can honk the horn loudly to get my attention, breaking the car's windows showing that it is empty (the meaning of vuoto). 340 Sub-modalities for my made up scene can include the brightness of the image, the nearness of the car, its size, whether the imagery is in color or black and white, whether the Mexican clown has a high or low voice, and so forth. If you are not comfortable working with sub-modalities yet, you can still do this pattern without them. Step #4. Move mentally faster Run the image as fast as you can over and over again. Use your body. Move your arms. Move your eyes up and to the left when you say the foreign word. Say the foreign word out loud. Put your hand on your chest when you say the foreign word out loud and imagine as wild and as big and as strange as you can the image you came up with. Now do it again, faster. You can run the pattern faster than you think, because the brain can learn surprisingly quickly. Use repetition to improve your results. Repetition is very important for getting things into long term memory. By repeating it, imagining a wild associative image, and doing it faster each time, you are NEW LANGUAGE RAPID LEARNING embedding each word in your nerve system. Step #5. Compress in groups of 5's Once you feel comfortable with imagining wild stuff, do it with the rest of the words, in group of five. That is, go through the group, build a wild image for each one of them, and then repeat them in a row, one through five, repeatedly, faster and faster. This saves time, and makes it more interesting. Make sure you make up a UNIQUE image for each word. Variety will help your mind distinguish between the words. Step #6. Test After the first 20 words, rest for a minute; stretch or do something else. Then take only the foreign words and imagine the wild picture and then the meaning for each one. See if you can feel the meaning without translating. Do not be alarmed if you can't remember the meaning of all the words. All it means is that you should come up with better, more personal and wilder and stranger images for these words. The rest, which you did remember, you will remember for a lifetime. 341 92. Rhythmic Leaming "Rhythm is the basis of life, not steady forward progress. The forces of creation, destruction, and preservation have a whirling, dynamic interaction': - from the Kabbalah CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Here is a strategy that you can explore and adapt to your own learning adventures. It uses the power of rhythm to create attention and involvement. Rhythm exists in every cell of your body. There must be a deeper reason for our fascination and excitement when music grabs our attention intensely. If a song does not have a capturing rhythm, we lose interest. This strategy uses that natural tendency to seek a continuous cycle, i.e. Rhythm, in our absorption of knowledge. There is more to it, however, than just tapping your foot or hand. Step .,. While learning rote materia, establish a thythm that you will keep with your thumb, head, or foot, depending on your preference. Step #2. Chunk down Step #3. Test 342 Step #1. While learning rote material, establish a rhythm that you will keep with your thumb, head, or foot, depending on your preference. Use a typical rock rhythm that is a little faster than one beat per second. If the material is difficult to absorb, use a slower rhythm. Keep a rhythm that uses four beats, just like most songs, ONE, two, three, four, ONE. .. Run the item you are learning through your mind, keeping rhythm. If it is long, use several rounds of four beats (measures). leave room for silence so that it soaks in and conforms to the measures. Silence is a very powerful part of music and the dramatic arts. It is literally part of the communication, and essential to making it compelling. Here is a rhythm learning example. If you were learning cow anatomy, you might want to learn all the structures around the ear, the regio temporalis. That could be three beats with one left over to complete the four beat measure: RE-gio TEM-por Al-is (beat). A long word or phrase can take up more than one measure. For example processus zygomaticus osis temporalis could be PRO-CESsus-lY-GO-MAT-i-CUS (beat, beat). RHYTHMIC LEARNING The lower case syllables are on the "upbeat" that is in between the main beats. That means there are six beats for this one, plus two silent beats to finish the second four beat measure. That gives us eight beats, or two measures. Step #2. Chunk down Once you have done the category, such as the region we just mentioned, you can chunk down to the specific structures or items in that category, maintaining the rhythm and including silences that make it complete. Step #3. Test Stick with this for a specific set of words or concepts, and keep at it long enough to cover a definite area or topic of study, such as an anatomical region. See what effect this pattern has on your memorization ability. Additional Advice If you have music on that doesn't go too fast, you can experiment with keeping to the rhythm of the music, for variety. It might even give you rhythm ideas, especially rhythm and blues. If you are a musical person, you can add a unique melody to each item, or even string the items into a song or improvised melody. 343 93. Commitment "Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again': - James Cook MAKING A STATEMENT OF intention (i.e. Making a commitment) is extremely important when you want your client to see immediate progress and improvement. The commitment should be made by your client with your instructions. After inducing a light trance, try for example - "and now you need to make a firm decision - are you really willing to drop the smoking habit and look forward seeing yourself as a clean breathing person? Are you fed enough from this poison to let it go right here in this room? If you agree for this commitment, I will too, and to know if you are, lift your right pinky for saying YES ... ". This will inevitably install a new direction in their mind to follow - pay attention that I did not say anything related to "smoke" or "smoking" when I future paced the client - "clean breathing person", not "smoke free" or "non smoker". Refer to "Avoiding CounterProductive Suggestions" mentioned earlier in this book. 344 94. The (Accelerated) Learning Chain nOther people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path, but the lesson to be learned is always ours': - Anonymous CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. This pattern installs strategies for efficient learning. It uses chaining, a way to link experiences into a sequence that leads to a useful state. These experiences serve as transitional states that move you from a problem state to a resourceful one. There are many ways that you can assemble patterns like the one below, which serves as an example. 345 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Choose a challenging learning situation. Think of something that you would like to learn, but are having trouble with. Step #2. Choose a positive learning experience. Think of a good learning experience that has as much in common as possible with the problem you just identified. For example, if you are learning rote material to memorize, see if you can think of a very successful learning experience that involved rote learning. Be sure that the learning experience you choose is one that led to you learning something well. Step #3. Access the states of the positive experience. Access the states that were part of this positive learning. Explore the elements involved. List them. Here are some examples of submodalities that might be involved: feeling supported, feeling things IIclick" internally, experiencing lithe zone" internally, experiencing internal visually constructed images of what you are learning, or internally visually manipulating what you were learning, feeling excited, interested, and motivated, seeing and hearing your involvement in the learning experience, etc. Step #4. Sequence these states in time. Now think of the earliest states and the later states as a sequence, starting with inklings such as awareness and curiosity, and ending with more complicated collections of sense modalities such as deep involvement and mastery. List them as a sequence that begins with your exposure to the material and ends with your successful use of the learned material. Step #5. Turn the states into stepping stones, placed in order. Imagine a series of stepping stones in front of you, and mentally place each of these sequenced steps along these stepping stones. Place a note for each one and marked with a bold marker if this will help you keep the sequence in mind. Step #6. Anchor these steps by stepping through them. Spend some time on each of these steps in order to anchor them as representing each of these transitional states. 346 Step #7. Hold the challenging learning situation while stepping through. THE (ACCELERATED) LEARNING CHAIN back in the challenging learning situation. Bring the challenging learning Step #8. Test. issue to mind. Next time you are involved in Move through each step while the challenging learning situation, holding this in mind. see how this pattern has changed your experience of this learning. Go through these steps a few times, if possible, before you are 347 95. Apposition (Of Opposites) "Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it'~ - Michael Jordan APPOSITION OF OPPOSITES is a hypnotic suggestion used to enhance the quality of trance or deepen the client into hypnosis. The way it works is very simpleyou address one known physical condition the client is engaged in and instruct the rest of his body at once to fall deeper into hypnosis. For example, if you started using the hand levitation induction, you could use apposition of opposites by saying: "and perhaps you notice how your hand feels lighter and lighter and your body relaxes even deeper". With a client you've been working on for more than the first session, you can also push his hand down at once (but gently) as you say "deeper". 348 96. Identifying Self Sabotage Elements "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves'~ - Thomas A. Edison T HIS IS A LIST THAT I usually give to every client I accept. It will guide you to answer the most disturbing question: "Why does it always happen to me?". If you ever wondered why it is so hard for you to make a progress in your life or your business, go through this list. Mark the items that fit you best. Take this list with you for a week or two and notice thought patterns that keep repeating. Sometimes, just by being aware of a limiting thought pattern, it breaks down. Then, construct an action plan to overcome these blocks, one block at a time. Again, you really don't have to use a full NlP pattern on a small issue, such as occasional arrogance, for example ... you could merely use dissociation and future pacing to solve a relatively small disturbance in your behavior. Keep the "big guns" for the really big issues. 1. Addictions 2. Aggression 3. Anger 4. Anxiety 5. Arrogance 6. Attachment Z Judgmental Attitude 8. Over obsessive about own opinions 9. Reaction instead of Action 10. Scattered thoughts 11. Being Too emotional 12. Being Too intellectual 349 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 13. Not being grounded 14. Following blindly after another 15. Boredom 16. Carelessness 1 Z Complaining 18. Compromising 19. Compulsion 20. Envy 21. Fears 22. Feeling needy 23. Frustration 24. Futility 25. Future thinking 26. Delusions 2Z Greed 28. Guilt 29. Hate 30. Hopelessness 31. Humorlessness 32. Ignorance 33. Illusion 34. Impatience 35. Impulsiveness 36. Indecision 3Z Indifference 38. Inertia 39. Insecurity 40. Manipulation 41. Materialism 42. Mediocrity 43. Moodiness 44. Needing to please others 45. Negativity 46. No fun 4Z Obsessions 48. Pain 350 49. Perfectionism 50. Poor health 51. Low self esteem 52. Possessiveness 53. Poverty attitude 54. Prejudice 55. Pride 56. Procrastination 5Z Rationalization 58. Inner conflict 59. Confusion 60. Cowardice 61. Criticism 62. Cruelty 63. Defensiveness 64. Denial 65. Dependence 66. Depression 6Z Dishonesty 68. Disorder 69. Dominance 70. Doubt 71. Egotism 72. Insensitivity 73. Intolerance 74. Isolation 75. Jealousy 76. Lack of confidence 7Z Lack of creativity 78. Lack of discipline 79. Lack of purpose 80. Lack of trust 81. Laziness 82. Living in the past 83. Low energy 84. Repression 85. Malnutrition 86. Resentment 8Z Resistance 88. Ridicule 89. Self pity 90. Self sabotage 91. Selfishness 92. Shame 93. Shyness 94. Stress 351 IDENTIFYING SELF SABOTAGE ELEMENTS 95. Stubbornness 96. Suffering 9Z Timidity 98. Unexpressed emotions 99. Vanity 100. Withdrawal 101. Revenge 010 97. Problem Definition "/ am an old man and have known many troubles, but most of them have never happened" - Mark Twain CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern helps you find your way out of a problem that you are stuck in. It addresses our tendency to define a problem in a way that makes it seem impossible to solve. When you approach any technique of problem solving, be sure to experience a resourceful state of mind. The best techniques for problem solving will not do much good if you're not "in the mood" to find solutions, or if you're operating out of stress. Physical distance, when appropriate, can also help to quiet the mind and put you in a state of creative flow. 352 Step #1. Use meta-model distindions to analyze the problem. Think about how you have defined your problem. How would you succinctly state the nature of your problem? look for well-formedness violations in this definition. These include vagueness, over-generalization, and distortions of meaning, causation, and presupposition. look for ways that you define the problem as being outside of your control or like a thing instead of a process. What happens when you take the problem and treat it like a verb. For example, "How do you social anxiety yourself?" PROBLEM DEFINITION Step #2. Examine the ecology of the problem. look at the ways the problem can serve you. You are looking for things that may sustain the problem because they act as incentives. For example, social anxiety can cause you to reduce demands on yourself. Seeing how this happens can help you turn your attention to the problems that would make it difficult for you to tolerate those demands. With this expanded awareness, you can brainstorm solutions and get help. 353 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #3. Determine the presuppositions hidden in the problem definition. look for dysfunctional presuppositions that you have unconsciously embedded in the problem as you have defined it. Do your presuppositions make the problem somehow impossible to solve? Do they set up a condition for solving the problem that requires an uncooperative person to cooperate with yOU? Notice how these presuppositions are arbitrary and unnecessary. Challenge them. Step #4. Use the as-if frame to brainstorm alternative problem formulations. Generate "what if" scenarios in Use this as an opportunity to "massage" the boundaries that your mind has created. For example: "How would I think of this problem if I had amazingly high self esteem?" "What if I was a highly aggressive person?" "What if I had all the compassion, wisdom, and universal connectedness of a saint or the Buddha?" look at the problem in these scenarios, and see how it seems different. Step #5. Test In the coming days, see what new resources and solutions come to mind regarding this problem. order to come up with new prob- Watch for new behaviors and lem formulations. feelings. Since this is brainstorming, go for quantity rather than quality. Has this exercise led to you being more flexible in your thinking and behavior in any ways? 00 354 98. Problem Solving Strategy (I) "Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to solve them': - Henry Ford CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. This pattern is the first of a series of innovative problem-solving strategies. This one uses the power of metaphor. You will need to have a good handle on metaphor in order to do this pattern. 355 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select the problem, step into the problem position, associating into the problem. Consider a problem that you feel you need to approach in a fresh way. Choose a location in front of you to step into, that you will anchor to this problem situation. Step into that position and associate into this problem, experiencing how it happens in first position (through your own eyes). Step #2. Step into a metaposition. Select another position that will serve as your meta-position, where you will view the problem from a transcendent or distant position. Step into this position. Step #3. Experience a rich resource from a resource position. Think of a resource situation that is unrelated to the problem. The situation should help you access a very rich and compelling resource state. For example, it could be an activity that gives you a strong sense of self, mission, creativity, or passion. Step into a new position that will now serve as your resource position. Fully associate into the resource experience. Step #4. Create metaphor for the problem, but that is based on the resource position. Come up with a metaphor for your problem situation. In other words, create a new, fantasy problem that is a symbol for your real problem. Your new, fantasy problem should be inspired by the resource activity, its context, and your resource state. For example, if skiing was your resource activity, then a real problem such as difficulty concentrating could be symbolized by getting your skis crossed up. The ski problem is now a metaphor (symbol) for the concentration problem. Step #5. Imagine solving the metaphoric problem. Observe the resulting changes in your experience. Maintain your distance from the problem situation, and imagine solving the metaphoric problem. For example, you would come up with a solution to crossing 356 up your skis by developing good coordination for parallel skis by focusing on controlling one of the skis so that the other naturally follows. Notice how this solution calls PROBLEM SOLVING STRATEGY (I) For example, focusing on body language and controlling one of your skis to get parallel skiing is like clarifying you goals and reasons for focusing your mind on your studies. forth any changes in your physi- Step #7. cal state, internal strategies, TOTE's and so forth. Step #6. From your meta-position, apply the metaphoric solution to the original problem. Now step back into your metaposition. Explore how you would take the solution that you just created (for that metaphoric problem) and think metaphorically in order to translate it into a solution in the actual problem situation. Step into the problem location and check for results . . Step into the problem situation location, and see if you have dissolved your impasse. Step #8. Repeat, using other resource states. Repeat this process, using other resource states applied to the same problem. This brings in a variety of your resources so you approach the problem from very different angles. 357 99. Problem Solving Strategy (II) liND problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking'= - Voltaire CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. This pattern helps a team of 2 or more people resolve a problem by creating a shared experience of an appropriate resource. The idea here is that if all involved persons are aligned with each other, any conflicts they may have had between themselves are no longer a factor in their effort to solve a given problem. This pattern is not only for business teams; you can use it by working with members of the same family or even couples. When there's a problem to be solved by more than one person, their shared interest and alignment alone might give all of them a stream of creative ideas for solving the issue. Using such a strategy might also deepen a bond between people or help to mediate conflicts between them. 358 Step # 1. Identify a resourceful experience. Think back to a recent time in which you've had an experience you could define as resourceful. It should be an event in which you were fully congruent and competent, you've been acting like a master and you have achieved your outcome. Associate into this memory. See what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt and notice how this acquired resourceful feeling actually feels like. Feelings can be expressed in terms of movement, so where and from where does this feeling gol come from? PROBLEM SOLVING STRATEGY (II) Step #2. Pre-mirroring a shared resource. Stand up facing your partner. Demonstrate the movement of your resourceful feeling to your partner. Show him or her how it feels. Do not speak, just move your body to illustrate the feeling. Stay associated to the memory. Step #3. Post mirroring a shared resource. Remain in the 1 st position (associated) and mirror your partner's response to your movements. That is, mimic your partner's movements. 359 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #4. Move to 2nd position. Exchange places with your partner. Move to 2nd position and act as if you are him or her. Be sure to notice the movement you've elicited from yourself in step two, it will change. Step #5. Move to 3rd position. Move to the observer position (third position), and carefully observe the both of you. What is similar? What seems different? Note the similarities and differences in the expression of the resourceful feeling's movement that you and your partner show to each other. Step #6. Back to 1st position. facing same direction. Move back to the first position, fully associated in the resourceful memory. You and your partner should now face the same direction , standing side by side. Now both of you begin again the resourceful feeling's movement (each his own), and continue until you find a similar move. It can be anything, long or short, rapid or slow. This is the IIwe" lone. Step #7. For teams: repeat with pairs. If you're doing this pattern with mUltiple teams, work in pairs and then combine them. Repeat in the same manner so that all four, six, or eight, and so on, are eventually aligned in a shared movement that gives each his own subjective resourceful experience, but at the same time it is a shared one. Step #8. Test. Testing is easy. It involves the solution of the problem at hand! Team up and work on the problem; every time you face a conflict, re-group the same direction format and use the shared movement maneuver. If you feel a sense of IIwe are going to solve this one together", you have accomplished this exercise successfully. If not, it needs to be repeated, perhaps with a stronger subjective resourceful experience of each team member. Additional Advice When working with teams of people that you don't know personally, work hard first on establishing group rapport with them and establishing your position as 360 a leader. Even if the team's current leader (a boss, a manager, a supervisor) is present, make sure that he or she knows in advance that you're taking this approach in order to help the group come together and not to take over his or her responsibilities or authority. The best way to initially establish leadership is to use the oneup-man-ship concept. That's a concept that is in use by churches for years. Notice how the priest is standing always higher than the public, always in fancier and special PROBLEM SOLVING STRATEGY (II) clothing, always looking calm and in control, always moving with intention, and always speaking with confidence. You can do the same in any setting. In business situations, dress as if you own the place and you're the richest guy around. Walk in a consistent rhythm, not too fast and not too slow, look around and speak to mere strangers with confidence and never ever apologize. Even if you're late, do not say "I'm sorry I'm late, but I had this or that. .. ". Say something like, "1 know I'm late so we'd better start now." 361 100. The Walt Disney Strategy "Disneyland will never be completed. It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the wor/d': - Walt Disney CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of This pattern helps you use the this NLP pattern belong to creative idea-generating talent of Robert Dilts. the famous animator, Walt Disney. Step #1. Create four locations for states. Step #2. Step into Iocotion #1, Dreamer. Step #3. Step into location #2, Realist. Step #4. Step into position #3, Critic. Step #5. Select an outcome that you really want to achieve. Step #6. Step into position #2, ReaHst. Associate into your scenario of realizing the important goal Step #7. Step into position #3, Critic. Is anything missing or off track? Step #8. Step bacIc into position #1. Step #8. Repeat this cycle a few times. Step #9. Continue repetitions 362 Step #1. Create four locations for states. Start with your meta-position and step into it. The main three will be 1) Dreamer, 2) Realist, and 3) Critic. Step #2. Step into location #1, Dreamer. Think of a time when you freely and creatively dreamed up some great new ideas. Relive the experience. Relive this experience. Step #3. Step into location #2, Realist. Think of a time when you were in a very realistic frame of mind, and devised a clear, realistic plan that you were able to put into action. Relive this experience. Step #4. Step into position #3, Critic. Think of a time when you criticized a plan, but in a constructive way. THE WALT DISNEY STRATEGY It helps to have position #3 far enough from the other positions so as not to interfere with their anchored states. Step #5. Select an outcome that you really want to achieve. Step into position # 1, Dreamer. Imagine from third position (watching, dissociated) that you are achieving this goal. Experience and think about it in a free-wheeling way. Step #6. Step into position #2, Realist. Associate into your scenario of realizing the important goal. Experience, one at a time, the perspective of each person in your scenario of success. Now experience the events leading to your success as a storyboard (a series of images that are in order of occurrence, as in the pictures used to prepare for a movie). Step #7. Step into position #3, Critic. Is anything missing or off track? You had criticism that would be Turn any criticisms into quesput into use and in a positive or tions for the dreamer (the you that even an inspired state. Relive that you are observing). experience. 363 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #8. Step back into position #1. Brainstorm answers for the questions from your critic. Step #8. Repeat this cycle a few times. Once you are satisfied, finish by thinking of something completely different, and that you enjoy and are good at. While you do this, walk again through the three positions. Step #9. Continue repetitions Continue cycling through steps five, six and seven and eight until your plan feels fitting at each of the locations. Additional Advice according to whatever is suitable for the outcome you're pursuing. Walt Disney was known to be non judgmental when it comes to crazy ideas. The strangest stories and strangest most outrageous ideas can bring to life a new idea that will be successful. So do not put an X on any of your thoughts. You can use Edward De Bono's "Po!" strategy to come up with outrageous ideas. Simply step into the Dreamer perspective, think about the problem or challenge you're facing, and say, "Po!" + the strangest visualization you can come up with. Po! What if every person on earth could learn all of the NLP ideas and methods for the price of a book instead of 5 certification It is somewhat useful to use seminars... ooh, wait a minute, the perspectives of the realist, the that gives me an idea!!! dreamer and the critic in other NLP What if there was an NLP patterns. However, make sure not to identify yourself with any of them. Keep all perspectives as resources, not as belief systems. The reason is that you do not want to be a dreamer most of the time or a realist most of the time, or worse - a critic most of the time. You want the freedom and flexibility to use any of these perspectives sourcebook of all the successful Neuro linguistic-Programming methods?! There you have it, in your hands! Here's a glimpse to Mr. Disney's mind: "1 love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known". 364 101. The Binary Code Of Forgetfulness "Seven to eleven is a huge chunk of life, full of dulling and forgetting. It is fabled that we slowly lose the gift of speech with animals, that birds no longer visit our windowsills to converse. As our eyes grow accustomed to sight they armor themselves against wonder'~ - Leonard Cohen CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. If you can forget, and you can cause other people to forget (no matter what), you are in a very powerful position to change yourself to any degree. Your complete list of non-useful behaviors and destructive subconscious thought pattern issues can all be solved with the simplest skill of all: forgetting. We usually attach negative meanings to the skill of forgetting. When we forget, we are conditioned to perceive it as meaning that either you didn't care enough, your brain is not functioning properly, or you did not remember it in the first place. Most people believe that forgetting something is beyond their control, as if it is a matter of luck or coincidence or simply lack of neurological resources regarding specific areas of memory. While that can be true at times, it is not usually the real cause. You can forget on cue. You can remember anything you want to remember, for how long you want to remember it and then forget it again when you choose to. You can refer to our free memory improvement course and to our Accelerated 365 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES learning section to learn more about how to remember. Forgetting, however, is probably a new conscious skill for you if you are not a very skillful hypnotist by now. How many times have you heard the phrase, "oh, just forget about it. .. "? People have instructed you to forget something you were planning to remember. Sometimes you complied if it was not important, and sometimes you didn't if you thought that this person is thinking you're not serious enough for the job. In fact, you can come to this conclusion on your own; you can remember ABOUT forgetting. If you can forget little things like your keys or where you put your latest IRS return, one more little thing won't be that hard to forget either, right? How about if you could forget that your spouse were very annoying yesterday evening? Completely forget all about that event. Could it be useful for your relationship? Could it save some of the aftermath grudge? What if you could forget you had a headache? Do you really think you are not able not to do so on cue? Can you remember a time when you had a headache and then suddenly you had to be very focused or occupied about something, and you simply forgot your headache? In fact, that headache didn't bother you anymore; it seems like it has dissolved into darkness - or forgetfulness. Key point to remember: there is NO pain if you can't remember it. The nervous system is so sensitive that it sends a very nasty message to the brain when something isn't functioning right or when an organ is hurt. The pain is the response to make sure that you, as a whole, know something is wrong with your body and you're going to find the remedy for it. If you didn't have a pain associated with stomachaches, how would you even know that your body is trying to deal with substances that hurt it? How much damage does you body need to absorb before you notice it, has it not produced the pain? Pain is useful. Pain is not your friend but it is a trusted messenger. Once you have done all the actions needed to help your body get on the road to healing, you can plan 366 to forget the pain. And when you do, if you can't remember it, it is not a problem anymore. There are many war stories about soldiers that lose an arm or get hurt by flying bullets - and they do not feel the pain until hours later, until the battle is over. That is the power of being able to forget, whether for a few moments or for a lifetime, it is useful. Obviously you should use it with care. Some people make it a point to remember every single detail of their lives. I believe, sincerely, that this is a very bad mistake. First, since you already distort reality as you experience it (basic NLP if you haven't read it yet), how can you make sure you remember your life as it truly is? You cannot. Therefore, by making it a point to remember every single detail, good or bad, you're actually making choices as of which version of the event you would keep. Since that's true, isn't it obvious that who you are today is based on choices and distortions you have made all of your life, often subconsciously? In hypnotherapy, we call this "Iiving a lie." We are all living some kind of a lie. But some of us are simply living a better functioning lie/life. THE BINARY CODE OF FORGETFULNESS Being able to forget those things that are not extremely important but in their current version do disturb and ruin your present chances to succeed, that is a skill worth learning and perfecting. Now you may know within your heart that sometimes, when you are really trying very hard to forget something, you actually remember it even better. Forget the number "365." Forget it now. Last year I did that trick with my niece. She's 8 years old now, but even at that age she could not forget how many days are in one year, what is it then? You see? You can't forget. If you live in the U.S, try to forget the combination of these 3 numbers: 911. forget it now. That number actually has 2 distinctive but very powerful and permanent anchors: 911 (police) and 9/11. Is it going to be useful to forget how many days are in a year? (What was that number again?) No. Is it useful to forget that if you're in the U.S and need to dial the police emergency number that is 911 and if you're hearing the term "nine eleven" you should you forget what happened at that date? NO. It is not useful, and that is why people are not forgetting it. 367 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES If it is important enough it will stay, usually on its own. If it doesn't stay on its own (like thick biochemistry books you need to learn for your next exam), you should make a point to remember it. You can plan to forget. You can make a point to yourself that you want to forget something. It is so easy, that you don't have any idea how within the next hour you are going to posses an almost perfect that skill. In fact, at first I wanted to show you how you can forget you even read this article - but then, you wouldn't know how to do it later ... and it would be some kind of a vicious loop - teaching you how to forget and by that making you forget what you learned ... So I won't do that to you. Just yet. Helping Others To Remember Before we move on to the practical side of this lesson, let's talk just a little bit about helping other people to remember, and how useful that is. First of all, before you start daydreaming of your all-mighty hypnotist-powers, throwing suggestions around and making people forget stuff, bear in mind that, unless they approved it, you are not able to vdo so. "Approve it" means - they have approved the communication between you two (or more). That means that you have taken a position of "one-upmanship" in the relationship. You can certainly persuade people, change their minds and influence many aspects of their thought patterns, but to establish that authority, there must be a position of one-upmanship. That's the ultimate trusting state a client is putting himself "under" when he's allowing the hypnotherapist to work with him. Helping others to forget can be useful when: In some cases, therapists feel that it is in the client's best interest to forget the content of some work, so that they will not sabotage the work with their conscious minds. You are a salesman, and you want the client to ignore your competitors. You are a father or a mother and you want your kid to forget a traumatic episode or some unfortunate argument in the family, so he won't be influenced to collect 368 the non-useful beliefs in the future. "I am bad and that's why my parents yelled at me," is not the right frame of mind for a six-year-old to grow with. Making him forget it and implementing a new useful frame can mean a lifetime difference, literally. You were training a misguided, zealous NLP student, and you want to forget all the crap they taught that person that he or she has accepted as the ultimate truth. You are a stage hypnotist and you want to demonstrate the power of hypnosis to hundreds of people ... by making them forget they paid you $150 for an one hour show. The useful examples are endless. Now let's go directly to the juicy stuff. How could you make yourself or others forget whatever you wish? The Binary Code of Forgetfulness Instead of the usual steps, this is a transcript of an actual hypnotic session. You can try it out as is, as well as learn from it and integrate it into your hypnotic work. It works like the binary code of computers, 1 's and O's, just that when we use the O's we actually THE BINARY CODE OF FORGETFULNESS use minus 1. Confusing? I've just started to confuse, it gets stronger soon. You see, because it does make all the difference in the world when you discover, that even when suddenly all kind of things that you simply could remember simply to remember instead of forget to remember when you wanted to remember to forget what those things were not! It's easy to understand when you learn the Binary Code of Forgetful ness. Think for a moment of a situation in your past that would be useful for you to forget, maybe an event that left you with a bad stream of feelings and nasty thought patterns. There's a neurological process that holds the key, I am certain, and we call it the Forget Key. You can use that key when you know that just because, if you're trying to remember something right now, or even better, if you just stop and you start to think about that specific situation (whichever that is) in which you had that feeling, then, you must know, just before that specific situations started, you didn't even have that feeling, yet! 369 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES So how come you could remember to remember that feeling long after the event has dissolved into the past, into that place on your timeline that is almost always hidden? At least, you can hope because otherwise you'd be confused whether it is your past or your future lying there in front of who you are, if you are that person. Now, while all of the above sounds, or being read, very confusing, it is not confusing that much when you consider all these terms, forgetting, remembering and things that are not yet what you need them in order to remember them as you do remember. Confusion, however, and this confusion is included obviously, is the golden root to a more deeper and long lasting understanding of that very useful skill, Now, I don't know if you are already aware of it or just about to be aware of it, but if you think of WHERE you WERE in that situation, but instead, if you were (decided maybe) to forget to remember what it actually was and instead of that think, how would you do like to feel in that situation? Maybe all of a sudden, you can now remember what is that you wanted to remember instead of what it was that you couldn't forget! In fact, I believe it is the other way not-around. If you want to get more confused and blame me for that confusion, go ahead, because we're going to clear it all up for you. Very clean, even cleaner than what it wasn't just before. Think! If you do not remember what it IS that you don't want to remember, then isn't it clear that you're remembering to forget what it is that you shouldn't, or on the other end, it is very clear, that, what was left is for you to remember what it is that you want to feel exactly when you want to feel it. Isn't it not what I'm not saying? It gets better, just now: Because now, with that terrible feeling that you didn't have, well, you know, that you WON'T have but you didn't want to have, that you used to have until you simply couldn't remember of what it was, now, because if you did remember, it couldn't be logical, because if you remember what it is that you want to feel, then you will! How could you remember what it is that you couldn't remember not to forget to remember anyhow? 370 Now, before we move on, what would you rather feel in that situation, yet not again? Because if you think about it, can you remember what it is you feel about any thing, any time or any way, if you know you'd rather feel good or better, because you see there are times when you remember to feel bad, then you could forget to remember not to forget to remember any more about this idea. And you do need to do just that, because you already remember far too much so just forget about it! Listen, if instead of doing what it is that you weren't doing anymore because you remembered to forget about it, haven't you had to do something else? Instead of? And instead of what it is not, if you for example looked right at what is left, then it would not matter to you, because what is right (point to his right arm) and that is my right (point towards your right arm) but my right is on YOUR left. You see, it means that you would have to take the whole thing and turn it around from the inside out all the way through the middle, pull it up and throw it back down, and once you choose to do something new, it will grow into a new pattern. THE BINARY CODE OF FORGETFULNESS And it can sound confusing, but isn't it right? What's left for you is to be able to take the right thing and put it under the right perspective, because if you already have an idea that you don't want, then there's no reason to not remember to forget it! And in the future, when it is time to remember, then just remember to feel GOOD! How easier could we even make it? This one will be hard to test, because we'd have to remind you of what you forgot. But you could put the memory in an envelope and mail it to yourself if you really want to test this! Just don't try to bring up the memory right after the session. Now here's a step by step guide: let's go over the code and then demonstrate how to make it work for you: Plus 1 - to remember Minus 1 - to forget Plus 1 - not to forget (= remember) Minus 1 - not to remember (= forget) Plus 1 - remember to remember (= remember) Minus 1 - remember to forget (= forget) 371 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Plus 1 - forget to forget (= remember) Minus 1 - forget not to forget (= forget) Plus 1 - you know (= remember or the following is true) Minus 1 - But instead (= forget or cancel the previous) And so on. It's very easy to understand. If you want them to hold the piece of information or the conclusion or the suggestion you're giving them, you're ending your code as a sum of Plus 1. If you'd like their minds to forget a behavior, pattern of thought or other useful-to-forget things, you conclude at Minus 1 (or more). Step #1. Follow this example. Observe how we to the math. First we'll provide the text, then we'll break it down. simply to remember - Plus 1 forget to remember - Minus 1 remember to forget - Minus 1 what those things were not! - Minus 1 Sum = Minus 1 It's very easy after you practice for a while. I used to use my thumbs as indications - right thumb for the Plus 1 and left thumb for the Minus 1. When one of them is up I would know that the equation is not balanced and towards which end it influences the listener - if my right thumb was the only thumb up, it meant "remember", when the left was it meant "forget" and when both it meant balance. You end your Binary Code hypnotic suggestion with a balance when you just want to send the person into a very deep IDS. 'You see, because it does make Step #2. Try computing it all the difference in the world when yourself. you discover, that even when suddenly all kind of things that you simply could remember simply to remember instead of forget to remember when you wanted to remember to forget what those things were not! It's easy to understand when you learn the Binary Code of Forgetfulness." you simply could remember - Plus 1 Now, you can try it yourself. Here's another passage from the first part of the lesson, to see if you can mark down the binary code from it: "Now, before we move on, what would you rather feel in that situation, yet not again? Because if you think about it, can you remember what it is you feel about any thing, any time or any way - if you know 372 you'd rather feel good or better, because you see there are times when you remember to feel bad, then you could forget to remember not to forget to remember any more about this idea. And you do need to do just that, because you already remember far too much so just forget about it!" Plus 1, Minus 1 = 0 (balance) Plus 1, Minus 1, Plus 1 = Plus 1 (= remember) Minus 1, Minus 1, Minus 1 = nonsense, unless you want them to remember you're annoying There are almost no rules for the Binary Code of Forgetfulness. The only thing to keep in mind is that you should have a balanced set of Plus 1 and Minus 1 statements, and eventually be either Plus 1 or Minus 1 in the end of it, or at least balanced. That means, that going for 10 times of Minus 1 will not create the effect you would like. You have to create the illusion of balance so their minds won't be over protective and cancel evTHE BINARY CODE OF FORGETFULNESS erything you said. Once there are almost the same number of Plus 1 statements and Minus 1 statements, it would be extremely hard and complex for anyone to keep track of it. Say Minus 1 ten times and only once Plus 1 and it's obvious what you're trying to do. That's the ultimate power of this method. We use it in therapy for so many things from pain relief to trauma resolution and much more. Step #3. Pradice this in the field. Try this with clients or friends, getting good at keeping score. It does not require a complicated approach to be effective. Step #4. Test. See how well the method works in managing the material that your clients are dealing with. Practice inducing both forgetting and remembering. 386 Step #1. Identify your typical meta-programs. Determine any ways that they contribute to poor outcomes. Review the meta-programs in the appendix. Determine which ones you most typically use. Of those, which do you use with the least flexibility. THE META-PROGRAMS CHANGE PATTERN of mind. To illustrate with a metaphor, you might tend to stay 'away' from snakes on a regular day, but if the other option is to meet an alligator, you'd be keen to move 'towards' the snakes instead ... this is an extreme metaphor to get you to stay 'away' from tagging people according to a random meta-program you notice in their communication. Review the kinds of situations in which you tend to have the least Step #2. Explore alternate favorable outcomes. meta-program strategies. This will tell you a lot about any patterns of misuse, overuse, or erroneous use of meta-programs that you have been experiencing. Take notes on all of this. Remember that meta-programs are merely observable tendencies and none of them is fixed or permanent. When you notice a meta-program distinction, note the 'continuum' it has. Most meta-programs move from one extreme to the other, and you will notice that most, if not all, people you meet are almost never in the extreme. More important to remember is, that a specific tendency can, should, and does change over different contexts and different states For each meta-program you have identified, make some notes about how the pattern of use can be improved. An overused meta-program can lead you to think about expanding your use into more or different meta-programs. A meta-program being used inappropriately might work well in some contexts, while in other contexts, another meta-program would be more effective. When thinking about alternative meta-programs to use, consider ones that are the most different. Also consider using the opposite one, as in the "toward" and "away" example. 387 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #3. Future pace potential strategies, and select a new meta-program approach. Give your imagination a good workout as you imagine various situations in which you can apply these alternative strategies. In particular, imagine situations that resulted in poor outcomes. Run through the situation with different meta-program strategies until you apply one that results in the most effective ways of experiencing or responding. Meta-program change is such a high-order change that it may take some exploring in order to transcend your current style. The end result is that you have chosen a different meta-program to emphasize at this point in your life, or you have chosen a different meta-program strategy for a specific type of situation in which you now intend to produce better results, or both. Step #4. Do an ecology check. Once you have chosen your different meta-program approach, evaluate it for ecology. Run through each of the logical levels (see appendix). Give yourself permission to install it and see if any part objects. Refine your plan until you are satisfied with the ecology. Step #5. Install your new strategy. plan to re-evaluate it. Give your permission to "install" this new strategy for the time being, understanding that you can uninstall it or refine your plan at any time. You can even mark your calendar to remind you to reconsider or refine your new approach. Step #6. Test By the planned review date, assess your results with this new strategy. Refine it as needed. Commit to a new re-evaluation date. 388 107. The Analogical Marking Method "Few are open to conviction, but the majority of men are open to persuasion'~ - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Richard Bandler and John Grinder, modeled from Milton Erickson. Best known as a way to imbed commands into communication, analogical marking means that a portion of the communication is "marked" for greater attention by the subconscious. This marking is typically done through a change in inflection, tempo, body language, or volume. Bandler and Grinder observed this in the hypnotic work of Milton Erickson. Another use is priming. Priming is similar to embedded messages, but it is more general and vague in the sense that it helps to elicit a state or establish familiarity with something in order to increase the odds that the person will choose it or make choices in a particular direction. For example, secure base priming improves a person's ability to react in a less defensive or aggressive manner. 389 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step # I. Select a siIuation foE", «HJIogica/ marking. Step #2. Choose what you will communicate with this approach. Step #l. Prepare the communicaliens. Step #4. Practice the ~ Step #5. Apply the appIQ9dJ. Step #6. Assess the results. Step #7. Continue to refine and practice this method. Step #1. Seled a situation for using analogical marking. Select a typical situation in which you want to communicate more effectively, and in which imbedded messages or priming could be helpful. Step #1. Choose what you will communicate with this approach. Write down a number of things that you would like to communicate, but that might arouse inappropriate defenses. Continue accumulating these until you have a several that you feel can be converted into imbedded messages. Make sure that your approach is ethical. You must not attempt to manipulate a person in a manner that is not in their best interest. Step #3. Prepare the communications. Create sentences that could be normal-sounding parts of your communication with this person, and that include your imbedded commands or priming words or phrases. If necessary, review material on Milton Erickson's use of analogical marking. Step #4. Pradice the approach. Before using this approach, practice delivering these communications. Try them with several different types of analogical marking, including changing your inflection, tempo, body language, and volume. Step #5. Apply the approach. Once you feel that this can be done in a way that is very natural, 390 use this approach in the actual situation. Step #6. Assess the results. Notice how the person responds. Were there any awkward moments or looks? Did the person respond in any way that suggests your approach was helpful? THE ANALOGICAL MARKING METHOD step #7. Continue to refine and practice this method. Continue to refine and practice your use of analogical marking until you are able to do it without preparing in advance. Many people discover that they do it without even realizing it. 391 108. Persuasion By Chunking Up/Down "It's not the mountain that lies ahead of you that stops you ... it's the pebble in your shoe" - Muhammad Ali ( HUNK Up - or Chunking Up - means that you move from specifics to generalities. Chunk Down - or Chunking Down - means that you move from generalities to specifics. Chunk Up is answering questions such as, "what is this for?", "does it mean thatyou/I/we/this ... ", "what is the intention?", "what could be the purpose?", etc. Chunking up doesn't necessarily mean that you move all the way to the most general statement you can make about the subject. It means that you only move to a MORE general statement, not necessarily the highest/most general. Chunk Down is about answering questions such as, "how could we use it?", "is it...", "does that mean that we could do ... ", etc. Chunking Down doesn't' necessarily mean that you move all the way to the least general or most specific statement. But, you only move towards a more specific set of ideas. The Chunk Up -> Chunk Down pattern of persuasion can be described as a range: Whatever you say or hear can be marked as a point on that Chunk Up -> Chunk Down range. From that point, you can either chunk up and generalize or chunk down and be more specific. To enhance rapport and get a sense of agreement and unity between you and another person, chunk up! Rarely do people refuse to agree to nominalizations. When you say, "love is wonderful", how many people will disagree? That's a huge chunk. If you say, "your love 392 is wonderful", there's an opening for a debate and not necessarily an immediate agreement. You chunk up to get agreement. You chunk down to solve problems. How do you eat an elephant? Remember that joke, right... one piece at a time. That's chunking dowr:l - a person presents a problem to you and asks for your help to solve it. If you chunk down long enough, they will find their own solutions on their own, making their own decisions and thanking you for opening up their eyes. You don't have to know EVERYTHING, you just need to chunk down further. You chunk up to hypnotize. You chunk down to de-hypnotize. You don't need to be a hypnotist in order to hypnotize others. You see, just by using words and talking to people, you're already generate trance states in others. They don't have to close their eyes and quack like a duck. Hypnosis is everything between a day dream and moon walking. We move in and out of hypnosis numerous times during the day. When you're in any state of hypnosis, you're more suggestible to be influenced by your surrounding and obviously by your own inner world. When you chunk up, you get people to think about intentions, purposes, philosophy and meaning - by using a PERSUASION By CHUNKING UP/DOWN nominalization (a word that describes something you cannot physically point at, like love, influence, subconscious, etc.) you cause the other person to go inside and think about the meaning of what you said. He must make sense of it - and that inner search after the meaning, that's a trance! Sometimes you would want to de-hypnotize, take a person out of hypnosis. If your chat mate is spacing out too often, have a hard time listening and concentrating or is in pain (another form of self hypnosisconcentrating obsessively on the physical feeling of pain) - you can de-hypnotize that person by chunking down. When you dig into details, the present reality kicks in and the world of philosophy is faded. If you remember, in one of our articles about Milton Erickson's method to relieve pain, we spoke about chunking down. By analyzing the physical pain, wherever on the body it is, you make it smaller and less important. The brain goes from "oh, it is painful in my teeth" to "oh, there's that rough sensation in the 3rd tooth from the right, on its front side right above that small white dot". In hypnotherapy we use chunking down a lot when dealing with phantom pains - pains that are felt as if they are real, even though there is no physical reason or indication. ~ 393 109. The Classic Confusion Method "Communication works for those who work at it." - John Powell CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to Milton H. Erickson. Confusion is useful for breaking state and producing "downtime," a very internal state that promotes hypnosis, reprocessing, patience, and introspection. The classic method, as demonstrated originally by Milton Erickson, is to use vague or otherwise confusing language. This language most typically calls on the conscious mind to become occupied with interpreting it. can only write right from right to left, one cannot write right from left to right and write is not right nor is right write while left, though left can write though not be right, yet left can write right from right to left if not from left to right." Another example of the confusion technique would be to suddenly stop in the middle of a sentence , reach over and touch the subject in a number of places on the arm and then ask, "Which arm were you touched for more time than the time before you were last An example given by Erickson touched?" involved telling a patient, "One 394 Step #1. Seled a situation for using confusion. Select at least one communication situation in which you could make good use of confusion. Determine at which points confusion would be useful. Remember that it can promote hypnosis, reprocessing, patience, and introspection. Step #2. Construd communications that will use confusion. Construct actual communications that use one or more confusion strategies. Review material on Erickson's use of confusion as needed. THE CLASSIC CONFUSION METHOD Step #3. Pradice the approach. Before applying these strategies, practice them. Step #4. Apply the approach. Try them out as planned. Step #5. Assess the results. Assess the person's reaction. Did it go as planned? Step #6. Continue to refine and pradice this method. Refine and practice this method on an ongoing basis. Gt2) 395 110. Applying The Law of Reversed Effed "Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh'~ - George Bernard Shaw T HE HUMAN MIND HAS rules, natural laws that govern its ways of functioning. One of the most important rules we all should get to know is The Hypnotic law of Reversed Effect. This law simply states, that the harder you focus on something to do, the harder it becomes or even worst. For example, the harder you'll try consciously to encourage and keep an erection (considering you're a man of course), the harder it becomes ... not your penis, but the result you're trying to achieve. The harder you'd try to force yourself consciously (with reason, persuasion, etc.) to sleep, you'll just be more and more awake. Reversed effect ... you give more effort but get the reversed result. Why is it hypnotic? Because it works under the surface. You try to force a logic conclusion, like Itl need an erection now" or Itl have to sleep now because otherwise I'd be late tomorrow morning", and you force it on the part of your mind that understands it in reversed. The subconscious doesn't obey straight orders; it's not the army. You say Itl want an erection because there's none", and your subconscious is focusing on that fact.. There's none. Here's the direction - no erection. Confusing? I bet. It also works the other way around. You can formulate a suggestion according to the Hypnotic law of Reversed Effect. However, you must use indirect suggestions 396 to work the magic and not direct orders. Here are some examples: "and it seems to me you can concentrate on other aspects of the sexual experience while your body gathers the blood towards your penis. In fact, the more you concentrate on pleasing your partners, the HARDER IT BECOMES ... " That's a bullet proof suggestion made to a client who suffered ... guess from what. "Now you may have the idea of being able to open your eyes while in Hypnosis, but it may seem strange and how so that the harder you try the harder it becomes, because there's a sense of no urgency to take care of all the things you've left BEHIND you and above you can still imagine that crystal view ... and I dare you to make that poor attempt with your eyes, since the harder you try the tougher it becomes while you're keeping this sensation of coolness, freshness, relaxation... No need to rush ... make the attempt, and let it rest..." ApPLYING THE LAW OF REVERSED EFFECT "so you told me that the anger just builds up within you and in a split of a second it bursts out with rage and you have no control over what seems to be so trivial, your emotions, your body, your sense of wholeness and calmness ... and I wonder if you can force that anger right now, if you can create it with your own command, since the harder you try the harder it becomes and seems much easier to stay calm and quiet and absorb the world instead of reacting to it... nothing much left in life if not fulfillment and happiness and that anger that you have tried to build within you and seems like it's the hardest job in the world.. Can't even remember where it was the first time, however you can try and try and try and once you're tired of trying let it go ... there's are easier choices ... " Study the Hypnotic law of Reversed Effect well, since it can be applied to many things. Think where. The harder you think ... 397 111. The Nested Loops Method "We're all made of stories. When they finally put us underground, the stories are what will go on. Not forever, perhaps, but for a time. /t's a kind of immortality, I suppose, bounded by limits, it's true, but then so's everything': - Charles de Lint CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Milton H. Erickson. Influence and persuade others merely by telling them stories. This is one of the best, if not THE best, method of conversational hypnosis. It involves no inductions, no snapping fingers, no need to get an approval for a hypnotic session. It's also very easy to learn and practice. It can be used for almost any situation where you would want to implant hypnotic suggestions without being obvious (which also means almost certain failure), and without the need to induce a person into hypnosis. 398 - You can use this method to talk with your kids before bedtime, and install some positive suggestions that will benefit them and the family. - You can use it to talk with your boss about a raise (or to be precise, tell your boss when he'll give you a raise). - You can use it to talk with your employees to motivate them and to inspire creativity. - You can use it in training Gust like Bandler has been doing for years and years with his stories}. - You can use it in writing, like I do from time to time. - There is no end to the ways you can use The Nested Loops method. The Nested Loops method is another classic method that Milton Erickson has created and used successfully for many years. By using this method, you're building tension, just like they do in regular storytelling. You create five stories, that are interesting to your audience (which you should know, of course). You open one story after the other, and on a cue point you switch to the next story (the graphic below demonstrates it). Once you open the fifth story, you include your hypnotic suggestions in it and then you close story number five, and continue to complete and close the stories in reverse order. That's the classic application of this method, and it is thoroughly explained below. There are number of reason why this method works so well to influence people: 1. Our mind doesn't like loose ends, so your mind begins a TDS (Trance-Derivational Search) in order to close the open loop. THE NESTED Loops METHOD Your mind looks for the completion of it, and while it waits for it, more stories are opened, overloading the mind's attempts to keep track. It is all done subconsciously, of course. 2. Concentration on the content and entertaining details of the stories will confuse the listener, and will cause his mind to drift from the structure to the details; chunk- . ing down, in other words. By the time you get to the fifth story, your listener's mind has less tendency to resist suggestions and these will most likely be accepted immediately. 3. There is no "watch out" sign. When you induce hypnosis, some people will go into a defensive position, guarding their subconscious mind as though it were a precious fortress. Hypnotherapists work long and hard at bringing down these defenses, and it takes a lot of energy and time. By telling a story in a casual conversational style, without even mentioning the word "hypnosis" or snapping your fingers, the defenses are down (unless that person has a good reason not to trust you). 399 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 4. The loop is habitual. Our mind picks up patterns quite fast. Once one loop has been closed (story number five), the listener's mind expects that the rest will be closed too, and it is much more alerted to pick it up. Once another one is closed (number four or five), it forgets all about the suggestions and lets them sink into the subconscious with the stories. It is much more important to the mind to close the loops than to deal with the suggestion that has been "slipped" in between them. Step .,. Create a WeII-fotriJed outcome. Step .2. Come up with tilt int:Ik«t suggestion. Step .3. Build the fiVe stories tmd cue points. Step #4. Introduce the beginning of story ., Step .S. Tell the stories, open.the loops. Step .6. embed the suggestioi1s within story .S. Step *7. Close the rest of the loops. Step #1. Create a well-formed outcome. You must firmly decide what you want to accomplish and with whom. You need to know your outcome as well as your audience's needs, wants and desires. By knowing this information, it will be easier for you to construct your stories and suggestions in the most effective manner. Ask yourself questions such as: Who do I want to influence? What do I want to suggest to them? (Don't write the suggestions yet, just your outcome.) Who are they exactly? Is it better if I work with only one at a time? What are their needs? What do I know about their needs, wants and desires? If I could sum it up 400 in one word, how would I name what they want themselves? What type of stories would be most appealing to them? (You'll know the answer once you answer the previous questions.) When would be the best time to sit down and talk to them without interruption? Do they already trust me, or do I need to establish trust (and rapport, of course)? Step #2. Come up with an indirect suggestion. Since we're talking about a conversational hypnotic method, it would be much more effective to use indirect suggestions. Saying something like, "and you would find yourself passionate about cleaning your room," is a very direct suggestion. Saying instead, "and you know, I felt great after cleaning my room, just like you do with yours ... " provides an indirect suggestion. Since it takes time to master this method (as with every good thing), start with only one suggestion. Later on, once you learn to go through these steps without planning too much, you can use more suggestions. THE NESTED Loops METHOD step #3. Build the five stories and cue points. There are very few rules for these stories: 1. They must be entertaining, since we're using five of them. If they are boring, you'll have a sleeping audience. 2. The method will work better if you use real-life stories from your own past. Do not use stories that involve the person you're trying to persuade; they have their own version of this memory. Don't even include their role, as that is too obvious. If you must, you can make up your story. 3. Learn to tell those stories in an interesting way. Record yourself before you try it out on someone else. Fine tune your story telling until there is nothing in the content or in the delivery that is likely to annoy. Craft it into an engaging, thrilling tale. 4. The length of your story shouldn't be an issue, but don't say 100 words where five would be enough. Say it short but say it all, and in an interesting manner. You can repeat some key points if needed. Once you've chosen your five stories, break each into a Cue 401 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Point; a place where it would be appropriate to cut the story, but that does not give away the end of the story. Step #4. Introduce the beginning of story #1. Now comes the tricky part; how to get them to listen to you. It's hard to advise you exactly what to do, since every situation is different. The easiest situation is when you're have control over the environment as you do when you're a presenter in a training or a father putting his kids to bed. In a business meeting, where there would be normally several interactions between you and the listener, you can still use this method, but keep in mind that you will have to let the other party speak from time to time. I always introduce the beginning of story number one by saying, "You know what, I must tell you something that just popped up in my mind and reflects almost exactly what you said.,." Another option would be, "let me tell you a story" ,", or even better, "Did I ever tell you about the time I jumped from a bridge .. ," The first sentence is crucial because it is used to initiate the momentum of listening to your story. The the more completely you occupy their conscious mind with interesting stories, the better you will maintain the momentum. Step #5. Tell the stories, open the loops. A good idea (actually, a very good idea) is to remember the order of the stories you tell them. I do so by using my right hand fingers, and tie each story to a finger. I start with the thumb, and in my own imagination I picture a keyword from the story tied into my thumb. So for example, if story number one involves a monkey, I see that monkey biting my right thumb. If the second story involves a diaper, I can see my index finger covered with a diaper, hitting the monkey who's biting my thumb. That idiotic image will definitely remind me of the order of my stories. You tell story number one up to the cue point, and then you use some linking phrase to break it and go to the beginning of story number two. You can use almost anything here. "And the police man asked me about my uncle, who you know 402 is a carpenter. By the way, I never told you, but I did work for him for a couple of months when I was 1 Z In fact, in that summer, just after my birthday, he felt so sick that I had to do all of his work. In one client's house ... ", and they have the policeman story unfinished while hearing about your sick carpenter uncle. When you get to story number five, that's the time for the next step. Step #6. Embed the suggestions within story #5. That's where the juice is. You tell story number five from beginning to end, while in the middle of it, right after the Cue Point, you slip in a few suggestions. It is so easy you won't believe me unless you try it. "And you see, at that exact moment, what would you have done? I bet you get a feeling, a good feeling about doing it, and just like you would do your homework as fast as possible to get it done the same day you get them, just like when I went through that mission of ... ". They won't even realize what is going on. Your previous stories THE NESTED Loops METHOD have already overloaded their minds, now the suggestions are not being analyzed. Tie the loop of story number five (complete the story) smoothly, as though you had never interruptedit. Step #7. Close the rest of the loops. Don't leave their minds hanging there, searching for the end of the loops. Close each remaining loop in reverse order. After closing story number five, you have a way to go back to close story number four, becuase the Cue Point of story number four is what initiated story number five. Continue closing these loops until you finish story number one. If you like, you can drop in a couple of questions to encourage time distortion. After finishing story number one, ask questions like: "By the way, you told me before that you're interested in XVZ, tell me about it." Of course, XVZ has to be something that the person told you before you initiated the Nested loops method. 403 112. A Sample Nested Loops story HERE IS AN EXAMPLE for a Nested loops story. As you read, please remember that this method is most effective when used out loud. Therefor, try to imagine me speaking to you with these words: ''You know, this is amazing because for the last few days I didn't really get any question about this method, although it is quite an impressive and effective one. Everybody uses stories, you know, some are doing it well and some are doing it well but not in an effective or influence or both ways down ... and see, right as I write to you, I am reminded of that first time I ever read a story that have truly influenced me. I am not sure if you are familiar and know this one - the catcher in the rye. it is truly a lovely story that does influence you in many ways. Two of the ways that it has impressed upon me were exactly what I thought they would be, but much more - first, I started seeing people around me that acted exactly like that kid in the story ... now who wrote that one ... hold on, let me use my neurons well - wrote it, I believe, JD Salinger. what is that JD anyway? Is it a shortcut or is it his name? anyway, what I was saying, I read a lot of stories in my life and some were good and some were not. and you would think that all a good story needs is a good plot, but it isn't so, at least so I believe, because you see, I believe a story should challenge your own beliefs. doesn't really matter which beliefs, and if you do believe in them or only caught them for awhile, but it is for me an essential thing that you will be challenged. Otherwise, what's the point of paying 20 bucks for 300 or 400 (how many are those today anyway?) pages of a fiction. It's not real you know ... just like the subconscious ain't real. it's 404 a fiction, you probably know this by now but let me tell you how I thought of it: I think the subconscious is a fairy tail, because you see, no one can point out exactly where in our brain or even in the whole nervous system which lies all over your body, you know, where is it then? can you touch your nose with your right finger and tell me whether it's there? how about your eyebrows? neck? back? stomach? pancreas? little piggie? "and that little piggy went to the markeL.", my grandma' did this gig to me even when I was well grown up (in fact, I was 22 years old). She kept telling me I don't eat enough, though she only saw me like maybe once a week. A great woman she was, even as a nana (grandma') she kept telling jokes, even dirty jokes! you'd be surprised how funny it is that your grandma' is telling jokes like these ... and isn't that just not only amusing but gives a sense of youth-full-ness, gratitude and relaxation ... now double that because she did tell extensively funny jokes. anyway, I miss her. I was saying about the subconscious is not real. you know it isn't. can't point to it, can't put it in a barrell (old meta-model conspiracy) ... it's a nominalization. It's actually a process, or more so - A SAMPLE NESTED Loops STORY a group of processes that is just it - subconscious. In other words - all the processes of your nervous system that you are not aware of at this specific moment, because you don't pay attention to many different things at once as you read this. because you know, as you read this you have to first let your eyes catch the letters and form them to the words that I have written previously, and then let your inner voice form it to auditory conversation that is way inside your mind. that's consciousness. now add noticing you're blinking and your ever deeper breath, and friend - you don't have many conscious options ... all the rest is 'sub' of the consciousness. and because you don't pay much attention to whatever happens outside of this scope of reading these words and making sense of whatever I'm saying, it is surely important to us, I believe, to screen our reading list. Read the stories that worth reading, read things that challenge our beliefs - there, I said it again, didn't I? a challenge .. A story that will make you think if the way that you interpret reality is the reality itself. Harry Potter did it for many children. And Jerome David Salinger did that exactly in his Catcher In The 405 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Rye story ... oh, yes, that's it. JD is Jerome David ... ahhh, I remember. Right. Now... he wrote many books, but that was the book that got my attention. The Catcher In The Rye is marvelous, truly, go read it if you can. I can still remember its main character, Holden Caulfield, a 17 years old boy, who's also telling the story ... that boy is troubled with that transition from boyhood to adulthood. And he got me thinking so much you know ... Amazingly enough, not everybody are reading stories, and not everybody who are reading, are reading the right stories. And even those who are writing stories wonder why their stories are being read less than others who write even less-seemingly-interesting stories... and that's because the language these writers use is more effective and influence better. And my goal in the article you commented on was to expose one of many methods to influence others by doing a series of stories with Nested Loops. I can only assume you can see the effectiveness and power of this easy to learn easy to do method. Can you not?" 406 113. Subliminal Persuasion "Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." - Benjamin Franklin S UBLIMINAL REFERS TO things that you do not consciously perceive. Although you don't perceive subliminals, they may have an effect on you. People have various ways to make something subliminal. For example, they can make it appear too briefly or too dim for anyone to perceive it consciously. People can produce sound so quiet that no one can consciously hear it. For example, psychological researchers can flash words so quickly, that no one consciously sees the words, yet those unseen words or images can affect people. Another kind of subliminal, the kind commonly used in Neuro linguistic Programming, uses words or body language in a way that the person does not perceive, because they do not pay attention to it. This kind of subliminal is not invisible because you could consciously perceive it, if you paid attention to it. This kind of subliminal evades your conscious awareness. The speaker makes this possible by keeping your conscious mind busy paying attention to something else, or by getting you into trance, where you have little, if any, conscious mind to perceive anything with. The famous hypnotherapist Milton Erickson has given us many ways to use subliminal communication. For example, he used something called embedded commands, where words that form part of a sentence provide their own secret message. 407 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES You can also create subliminal messages with ambiguity. If you say something with two possible meanings, the person may not perceive the meaning that provokes their defenses. However, they will perceive the other message that does not provoke their defenses. Nevertheless, that message, the one that they aren't consciously aware of, can have a real impact. As we said, subliminals can't exert their influence with the strength of full commands or complicated messages. Subliminal recordings don't work in the way they are typically advertised. However, you can use subliminals as part of an approach that uses state management to get its results. Subliminals create more subtle effects than the old - fashioned subliminal recordings that people started creating back in the 1950's. In advertising, they have discovered that if something feels familiar to you, then you will prefer it over something you don't feel so familiar with. This happens even though you only got the feeling because you were exposed to the thing through a subliminal source, such as a brief image, or something you didn't notice that appeared in a movie. We want to make this point clear; a subliminal image or idea gets into the brain, but not into conscious awareness. This is like the difference between hardness and pitch or color. A coin has a certain hardness, whether you perceive the hardness or not. But light only appears to have the property of color because of three different light-sensing organs in the eyes that the brain uses to construct color. The same thing applies to the pitch of a musical note. The difference in wave lengths of two low pitches and two high pitches may sound like the same difference, but the actual difference, if you count the waves, turns out to be much larger between the higher notes. We are pointing out that perception, and effect are two different things. You don't need to be aware of something in order for it to affect your state of mind. lets return to the idea of things that have a subliminal effect simply because the person does not notice them. Consider product placements in the media. Even though people don't usually consciously notice product placements in movies and TV shows , advertisers spend enormous amounts of money to get product placements. 408 This provides an example of something that COULD be consciously perceived, but acts as a subliminal by going unnoticed. Similarly, you'll notice that TV commercials don't usually give you a lot of information about a product. Instead, they give you impressions, feelings, and exposure. Subliminals can also do something called priming. You can use subliminals to amplify a person's emotional needs or other states. This doesn't control them like a robot, but it does increase the odds that they will do something that EXPRESSES that state. For example, psychological researchers have shown that people are more likely to act secure and well adjusted when the researchers prime them with positive, secure messages such as "mommy and I are one." It may seem unbelievable that "mommy and I are one" could have an effect on people, but researchers have built up a good body of research using this very phrase. Notice the primitive nature of the phrase "mommy and I are one". Subliminals exert their influence with a few words, a very simple idea, or just an image. This happens because subliminals don't appeal directly to the more complex areas of the mind; they appeal to SUBLIMINAL PERSUASION the primitive areas. Even when, as with words, the subliminal message requires processing by higher brain areas for initial interpretation, they still exert their influence through the more primitive parts of the brain. When a message or experience primes people to feel more secure in some way, psychology calls this "secure base priming". Unfortunately, people who know how to control the masses use priming, but they attack the secure base. This causes people to act out of fear. This can get a population to go along with starting wars or discriminating against minorities. It can make people hyper-vigilant, that is, overly alert to possible danger, so they are more likely to watch news that covers alarming things. Viewers are so important to TV stations that the news broadcasts will go to great lengths, even creating false impressions. A news organization in Denver, Colorado broadcast a series of stories about violence Denver called "the summer of violence". However, Denver actually had less violence that summer. The station had used a cynical, manipulative way to get people to watch. In contrast, NLP serves to produce excellence wherever it can, not to steal peoples' time with dishonesty. 409 114. Intonation "Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger'~ - David Letterman HERE IS THE biggest secret of persuasion: intonation. This is one technique that nobody can detect, because it is a covert persuasion technique disguised as normal conversation. In NlP we recognize 3 patterns of intonation: Question When you form a question the end of the sentence is usually expressed in a rising pitch. Express out loud any question and you'll notice how the whole sentence might sound in your normal pitch, but the end of it, right near the questions mark, is always higher in pitch, isn't it? Statement When you form a statement, however, the whole sentence is usually expressed in the same pitch. You might have "ups" and "downs," but whatever you say can be easily distinguished from a question or a command. In persuasion, you might want to begin using only statements before moving on to questions and commands. Command The biggest mistake people make when they want to get another person to do something is to form a command in an authoritative voice. That's the wrong approach simply because nobody likes to be told what to do! When you form a command, the end of the sentence usually drops in pitch. To make it effective, use the "polite" hypnotic command forms, such as "could you please ... " (regular pitch) + "sign here" Oowervoice). w 410 115. The Embedded Command (I) Method "Plan the sale when you plan the ad': - leo Burnett "Somebody once said to me, 'your hand is beginning to lift with- C out you noticing'" REDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Milton Erickson, modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. "/ knew a man once who really As in the analogical marking understood that 'you can really be pattern above, embedded com- happy' if you 'put your mind to it'" mands are communications that are inserted into a larger communication. They are typically marked out with analogical marking. This pattern and the next give more opportunity to practice this aspect of communication. One way to insert an embedded command is as a quote or a question. Here are some examples, with the embedded command marked of in single quotes. "/ told the last person who was sitting in that chair to 'take a deep breath and fall asleep=" With analogical marking, you can highlight an embedded command that appears in a sentence that appears to say the opposite of the command. For example, "There's really no need to 'close your eyes and take a deep breath=" 411 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #7. Continue to refine and practice this method. Step #1. Select a situation for using embedded commands. Select a typical situation in which you want to communicate more effectively, and in which embedded messages or priming could be helpful. Step #2. Choose what you will communicate with this approach. Write down a number of things that you would like to communicate, but that might arouse inappropriate defenses. Continue accumulating these until you have a several that you feel can be converted into embedded messages. Make sure that your approach is ethical. You must not attempt to manipulate a person in a manner that is not in their best interest. Step #3. Prepare the communications. Create sentences that could be normal-sounding parts of your communication with this person, and that include your embedded commands. Remember, embedded commands are usually very short sentences or sentence fragments with the meaning that you want. If it's necessary, review material on Milton Erickson's use of embedded commands. Step #4. Pradice the approach. Before using this approach, practice delivering these communications. Try them with several different embedded commands. Add analogical marking (see the pattern above) such as including 412 THE EMBEDDED COMMAND (I) METHOD changing your inflection, tempo, respond in any way that suggests body language, and volume. your approach was helpful? Step #5. Apply the approach. Once you feel that this can be done in a way that is very natural, use this approach in the actual situation. Step #6. Assess the results. Notice how the person responds. Were there any awkward moments or looks? Did the person Step #7. Continue to refine and practice this method. Continue to refine and practice your use of analogical marking until you are able to do it without preparing in advance. Many people discover that they do it without even realizing it. 413 116. The Embedded Command (II) - Advanced Method "There are no two people alike ... no two people who understand the same sentence the same way. .. So in dealing with people try not to fit them to your concept of what they should be'~ - Milton H. Erickson CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to Milton Erickson, modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. "You can 'trust your subconscious mind' to know that it will never have to 'reveal to your conscious mind' anything that you don't want me to know, 'right now= This uncomfortable incident that you think is ruining your life is part of your past. You can 'come back next week' and 'talk about anything you want, in a direct and comfortable way~' Notice that you can string together the more impactful and state-related words to see what kind of priming is going on. As in the above example, you have trust, know, reveal, anything, right, now, past, anything, want, direct, and comfortable." This is a more advanced embedded command pattern that extends the previous Embedded Command (I) and Analogical Marking. This one involves embedding the command in sections, spaced over a larger communication. This pattern depends more on analogical marking as a subliminal cue than the simpler form of embedded command. The subconscious mind strings together the fragments of the embedded command and gets the message, especially when the person is in a suggestible state. Similarly, there is a focus on Here is an example of this self in this string: You, can, you're, pattern: know, your, you, want, know. 414 THE EMBEDDED COMMAND (II) - ADVANCED METHOD In service of causing downtime, there is a double negative plus immediacy to parse: never have to reveal, don't want to, right now. There is also manipulation of time and personal power through conjugation and implying an alternative to replace what is in the past, next week. It also casts doubt on their understanding of their problem: "that you think is ruining your life .. .is ... past...next week ... anything ... direct and comfortable way." You can use meta-models as filters to help you brainstorm as you create the more subtle embedded just covered, as well as to analyze and learn from the work of masters such as Erickson. (You can, use, help you, you create, analyze, learn from, masters.) Except when you are purposely using negatives, just shifting language into an exclusively positive frame is an excellent way to get into the embedded message creation mindset, because of how it forces you to see components of your text that you took for granted. (Purposely, shifting, positive, excellent, creation, see.) The subtle embedding falls more into the area of priming than actual commands such as the ones we commands. 415 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Select a situation for using embedded commands. (If you like, use the same material from the previous embedded command pattern to get through steps one, two and maybe three quickly.) Select a typical situation in which you want to communicate more effectively, and in which embedded messages could be helpful. Step #2. Choose what you will communicate with this approach. Write down a number of things that you would like to communicate, but that might arouse inappropriate defenses. Continue accumulating these until you have a several that you feel can be converted into embedded messages. Make sure that your approach is ethical. You must not attempt to manipulate a person in a manner that is not in their best interest. Step #3. Prepare the communications. Create sentences that could be normal-sounding parts of your communication with this person, and that include your embedded commands. Rememberthatyou areto break up your command into fragments that you will place in several parts of the communication. You must include analogical marking, such as including changing your inflection, tempo, body language, and volume, to ensure that the subconscious mind strings them together. Step #4. Practice the approach. Before using this approach, practice delivering this communications. Step # 5. Apply the approach. Once you feel that you can do this smoothly, use this approach in the actual situation. Step #6. Assess the results. Notice how the person responds. Were there any awkward moments or looks? Did the person respond in any way that suggests your approach was helpful? Step #7. Continue to refine and practice this method. Continue to refine and practice your use of embedded commands until you are able to do it without preparing in advance. Many people discover that they do it without even realizing it. GJ2) 416 117. Erickson's 55 Hypnotic phrases "It requires less character to discover the faults of others than is does to tolerate them'~ - J. Petit Senn MILTON H. ERICKSON, perhaps the most known, successful and sought-after hypnotherapist of all times (besides Mesmer which had the honor of hypnotizing kings), had a way to form hypnotic suggestions that didn't even seem hypnotic at all. Erickson used to combine numerous hypnotic suggestions while he spoke to his patients (and later on, after Bandler & Grinder did their research, it was known that he used hypnotic suggestions with almost anyone!). The best way to use and practice these hypnotic phrases is the simple way: say one and complete it with whatever suggestion you want to apply. Now, please remember: these are not magic tricks. You cannot simply go to strangers on the street and say something like "and wonder if you can wonder what it would be like having me as your boyfriend ... ". You'll get slapped, kicked, scratched or worst. Be careful. Hypnotic phrases won't work if the listener didn't agree in advance to either receive therapeutic intervention or to be hypnotized by you. The only other option is that the listener is someone very close to you who have a lot of trust and dependency feelings towards you. It can be your daughter or son, your husband or wife or parents. But that's also depends on the situation and the manner in which you use these hypnotic phrases. Let's begin. 417 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Hypnotic Phrase # 1 : "And you can wonder, if you would, that. .. " - you can complete this one in many ways. For example, you could work with a client on smoking cessation, and apply this line near the end of the session - "and you can wonder, if you would, that you have left the old smoke-inhalation habit behind you. If you would, you may also wonder how far it may seem as if it happened in a different life". Quick tip - when I worked with people on smoking cessation, I never said "you don't smoke anymore"; because this line is like saying "smoke! Smoke! Smoke some more!". I used to rephrase the habit 'smoking' to smoke-inhalation ... which almost never heard of in real life. This way, it becomes an un-known, something to be alarmed about. Hypnotic Phrase #2: "Can you pay attention to ... " - get creative here. This is a great induction phrase. "Can you pay attention to the sound of the air conditioning zooming, to the air breeze, to the smell of the fresh flowers on my desk, to the fabric of the recliner you're sitting in, to the depth of your breathing? And did you notice how little by little it may get deeper, as with each breath that you take even more air comes in slower than before as a sense of...". Got the idea? While their mind is waiting for the question mark in order to respond, their subconscious mind has taken the suggestions and acted upon them. Hypnotic Phrase #3: "And you can allow yourself to be pleased about" - ah, what a great way to end a trance work. That was one of my favorite suggestions. "and you can allow yourself to be pleased about all the things you've accomplished today. It has been hectic, isn't it? Getting INTO trance, doing all this important work devoted JUST for you, making all the changes, taking care of yourself and improving yourself so you can be more for yourself and for your family and for your country and for the community you live in, but mainly - yes, mainly - to serve your own sense of mission. It's ok, you can smile a little smile, some people choose to smile after I start to count, 1 2 3 4 5, but you can start now as you find yourself wide awake at the count of 5 (say 5 with a smile) .. And counting (with excitement) 1 2 3 4 annnnnd 5! Wide awake! Wide awake! You did a great job. Well done". Ok, I gave you a few examples, now it's your turn to free your mind and come up with your own sug418 gestions to complete these 55 hypnotic phrases: Hypnotic Phrase #4: "... it might be a way that meets your needs, when ... " Hypnotic Phrase #5: "and I wonder if you can enjoy the following experience, starting with ... " Hypnotic Phrase #6: "and don't ERICKSON'S 55 HYPNOTIC PHRASES Hypnotic Phrase #13: "so sooner or later, I just don't know exactly when, you ... " Hypnotic Phrase #14: "and I was just wondering if you will be surprised as ... " Hypnotic Phrase #15: "how much curious could you be if you'd know that.. ." be surprised when you get into ... " Hypnotic Phrase #16: "Perhaps it's time to take a little bit of joy on Hypnotic Phrase #7: "And you your way to ... " may begin to wonder when ... " Hypnotic Phrase #8: "certainly I have no idea what's going on inside of your mind right now, but may I guess that you ask yourself how powerful would it be to imagine that. .. " Hypnotic Phrase #9: "and you may be amazed to find out how much pleasure you can squeeze from ... " Hypnotic Phrase # 1 0: "Now I would like you to have a new experience ... " Hypnotic Phrase # 11: 'With your permission ... " Hypnotic Phrase #12: "and you most probably discover how it's like when ... " Hypnotic Phrase #17: "now, you already know how to ... " Hypnotic Phrase #18: "and maybe you wouldn't (spelled out - would ENT) mind noticing how ... " Hypnotic Phrase #19: "and wonder if I can ask you to, DISCOVER something ... " Hypnotic Phrase #20: "and I would like you to take note of the physical sensations that are taking place right now in your body, from the tip of ... " Hypnotic Phrase #21: "first, XYZ, but then later lYX ... " Hypnotic Phrase #22: "now, have you begun to notice that..." 419 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Hypnotic Phrase #23: "\ won- Hypnotic Phrase #34: "now der if you'd allow yourself to enjoy it's very likely, no actually, most how naturally and easily ... " likely ... " Hypnotic Phrase #24: "\ just wonder if you'd find joy in ... " Hypnotic Phrase #25: "and that thing that makes you curious right when ... " Hypnotic Phrase #26: "will you be surprised to find out that..." Hypnotic Phrase #35: "would you be willing to experience how ... " Hypnotic Phrase #36: "now don't be concerned if you don't go as fast as others into trance, because you see, some people take their time to ENJOY their time and we have as much time as you'd ask Hypnotic Phrase #27: "and for, even if before you know it..." while you notice ... " Hypnotic Phrase #28: "and perhaps you begin to notice that. .. " Hypnotic Phrase #37: "it's so nice to notice ... " Hypnotic Phrase #38: "and you Hypnotic Phrase #29: "\ won- shall know as you knew before, der if you have ever noticed ... " Hypnotic Phrase #30: "will you be surprised to find out that your arm is not even near your face anymore? because ... " that. .. " Hypnotic Phrase #39: "it may be the time you felt that joy with ... " Hypnotic Phrase #40: "and it H . Ph Jl.31·. "and \ appears to me that you are already ypnotlc rase n- in that place where ... " wonder if you can begin allowing your ... " Hypnotic Phrase #41: "give yourself that opportunity to ... " Hypnotic Phrase #32: "that only a decision you're about to make just when ... " Hypnotic Phrase #42: "perhaps sooner than you would expect. .. " Hypnotic Phrase #33: "most Hypnotic ·If Phrase #43: "and likely, you'd notice a few changes you wish you would ... " in the way you ... " 420 Hypnotic Phrase #44: "and wonder how soon you can wonder ... " Hypnotic Phrase #45: "there's a famous children song that I have forgotten about, and you may be able to record it, with the spider on the wall that..." Hypnotic Phrase #46: "it's most amazing when you find out how ... " Hypnotic Phrase #47: "now you know better than anyone that. .. " Hypnotic Phrase #48: "and it's comforting to know ... isn't it? .. " Hypnotic Phrase #49: "you might have a strong compulsion to act more ... " ERICKSON'S 55 HYPNOTIC PHRASES Hypnotic phrase #50: "I would like you to appreciate howonderful the ... " Hypnotic Phrase #51: "can you remember a time when ... " Hypnotic Phrase #52: "and while you remember I want you to hold another sweet memory of ... " Hypnotic Phrase #53: "so it's almost like knowing, really knowing ... " Hypnotic Phrase #54: "and you know you're going to learn, really learn, how it's like when ... " And the last one for now, which is also one of my favorites: Hypnotic Phrase #55: "and isn't it just amusing ... " 00 421 118. The Frame Of Agreement "/ start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers': - Ralph Nader CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. An ongoing disagreement, or a long lasting conflict between two people can often be resolved be taking the discussion to a higher logical level (see appendix). This pattern uses logical levels to facilitate agreements. It can be useful in mediation and with groups. Step .,. Elicit meto-model information. Step .2. ldentift.. higher Ioaicallevel elements to the arguments, and retied this. Attempt to get a solution from this. Step .3. If this is not ~ppssible, elicit a more productive state and move to higher-/evel motivations. Step H. Get dear expressions of these higher outcomes from the parties. Step .S. Confirm agreements that exist at higher levels, establishing a yes set Again, seek to resOlve the conflict. Step .6. Follow up as needed. 422 Step #1. Elicit meta-model information. The following elements of questioning will help you create a meta-model of each party's position, as well as to get the information you need in order to pace them and develop the rapport that you will need as a credible change agent. a. Ask each person to boil down their argument to the outcomes that the desire. b. Have them specify the values and beliefs underlying the outcome. c. Ask what is most important and valuable about those values and beliefs. d. Ask any additional questions THE FRAME OF AGREEMENT c. See if you or the other parties can propose a solution that everyone can agree on. Step #3. If this is not yet possible, elicit a more productive state and move to higher-level motivations. If it is too soon for such an agreement, consider the following: The more high-level agreements that you have bring to their attention, the smaller their disagreements will appear to them. The more you emphasize their most mature, intelligent agreements, the more you will be priming a mature, intelligent state for them to draw upon in resolving the problem. Help them come up with po- that will help create a well-formed meta-model. tential solutions by drawing upon these resources. Step #2. Identify higher logical level elements to the arguments, and refled this. Attempt to get a solution from this. Appeal to commonalities at a higher level than the one you previously appealed to in step two. a. Notice the elements that Step #4. Get clear expressions of these higher outcomes from their arguments have in common, and identify which of those occur at higher logical levels (see the appendix). b. State their positions in terms of their higher level agreements. the parties. Have the parties express their meta-outcomes, that is, outcomes at a higher level than the ones specified. 423 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES This process was started in step When possible, seek specific one, but was not made into de- agreements that will resolve the tailed outcomes. conflict. Step #5. Confirm agreements that exist at higher levels, establishing a yes set. Again, seek to resolve the conflict. Get everyone into a yes set, continuously confirming agreements at these higher levels. Step #6. Follow up as needed. Once you have achieved an agreement, follow up to see that it is working out. You can establish a timeline for follow up with the parties involved. 424 119. TDS Manipulation " .. .1 mean. .. in this day and age ... when the link between sex and pregnancy has been proven ... ': - Homer Simpson T DS STANDS FOR "Trance-Derivational Search". This is a natural phenomenon, that is obvious in children when they play or learn. It is also very obvious in adults while they meditate or day dream. The concept of manipulating the TDS phenomenon is relatively simple, but a bit more complicated in action. In terms of persuasion and influence, you expand the Trance-Derivational Search of another person by asking questions, that must be answered by"searching" the mind from within. "What is the color of your eyes, I can't really telL" - Brown, no TDS here since it's a very common knowledge for any person. 'When she said she loves you, in which direction her eye went to?" - that's a TDS question, since normally the other person wouldn't notice the direction ofthe eyes (unless he studies NlP of course). "Think about the most exciting experience in your life, that happened at least 5 years ago" - that's a deeper TDS request, since our short term memory still keeps significant experiences from the last few years, in order of priority. However, if you in advance ask for an expansion of the time frame, there are numerous experiences to be considered, hence - a deep search must be performed in order to give you the answer. How would you know if someone is going for a TDS? The signs of hypnosis are the same signs of a trance derivational search. To hypnotize anyone you would encourage a trance deriva425 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES tional search, that goes in the direction of From Outside To Inside. To wake a person from hypnosis, you would still use TOS but in the opposite direction, From Inside To Outside, while at the end of the outside statements you just use directions for physical perceptions. The signs of Hypnosis/TDS are generally: A change in the breathing pattern - usually they'll breath deeper and slower. A change in the skin color - the general rule (since we are people of different colors) is from darker to brighter or shinier. A change of the size of the lips - the lower lip would probably be more swollen. The upper lip may move upward and seem dryer. Achangeintheeyemovementsthe eyes would either close naturally or glazed or even fixed on a certain point with very slow movements. A slower movement pace of the body, something that resembles a slow-motion scene. A slower pace of responding to direct orders - in one case, when I said "move your right finger" it took 4 minutes before it happened really. Less sensitivity to pain - don't test it unless you're hypnotizing, though, you never know how strong the other person's brother is. In order to use that phenomenon in persuasion, you first need to recognize whether or not the other person is in a TOS. If he is, then your job is easy, just use Truth/False statements: "/sn't it true thaL" 'Wouldn't you agree that ... " "How often do you really see ... " If you get caught as being aggressively persuasive, use the Remember to Forget technique. Even resisting individuals within a TOS, those that protect their mind as if it was a precious castle, even they cannot keep up with the Binary Code of Forgetfulness or even some simpler TOS questions. The practical uses of manipulating TOS are endless. You can manipulate a trance derivational search in anybody, with anyone, in any situations and anywhere. Kids are less influenced by that effort, by the way. The reason is that their TOS is so fast, that it's you that have to keep up with their thoughts and might end up being influenced yourself ... 426 120. Values Hierarchy Identification "Strength and wisdom are not opposing values'~ - Bill Clinton VALUES ARE THE HONEST answer to the question, "what is most important to me?". Values define and refine your "intuition", feeling of what is right and what is wrong. Values provide the higher-level direction for your decisions making. Not knowing your values, and their relative hierarchy, can get you into a lot of troubles. Frustration and destructive behavior, self-sabotage and even crime are only a few symptoms of a simple, yet subconscious, problem - dis-alignment with your highest values. Not knowing and not conforming to your highest values does not have to lead you to prison. Consider the times of making hard decisions, or hardly making decisions at all! If you knew your highest values, and what is most important to you - and in which order it is important to you - the decisions would make themselves. You would only have to choose the actions and strategies that align with your values. That would make you, naturally, feel aligned, satisfied and confident Identify the values you're holding currently and the hierarchy in which they are organized. 427 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Get into a relaxed state. Whenever working with a higher level structures, such as beliefs or values, it is always advisable to do so in a state of relaxation and having positive expectations. You do not work here with strong negative emotions, and having any random emotional storm might cause a conflict and hinder your exploration of your true values in life. First things first - do anything you have to do to become relaxed and comfortable. If you work with a client, induce a light trance, use some relaxation script (progressive relaxation is good, but remember to wake the client up before proceeding). The client should be wide awake and not in hypnosis while working with this pattern. Step #2. Complete a list of values by answering the 3 questions. The 3 questions for eliciting existing values are: 1) What is most important to you? 2) If you had your 80th birthday tonight, celebrating with relatives and friends, what kind of words would you most appreciate them saying about your life? 3) If you had to give up on everything you have, but get to keep one characteristic of your 'old life', what would it be? Refer to the Additional Advice section below for a (huge) list of common values to get some ideas. Step #3. Determine the hierarchy by evaluating each value versus another. At this stage you take each of the values you chose in the previous step, and determine their importance hierarchy. You do so by taking each value, in order, and comparing it to each other value. Is 'Health' more important to you than 'Affluence' (most likely)? So now 'Health' is bumped up the list, before 'Affluence'. Now is 'Health' more important to you than 'Faith'? If yes, it goes up the hierarchy again. And so on, you take each value and compare it to each other value in the list. It takes time and patience. But when you're done you will feel a very unique emotion - decisive composure. Step #4. Perform an ecology check. In many NLP patterns we have a 'Test' step as a last one. In this 428 pattern we prefer to do an ecology check, since you cannot really test your values. Either you feel right about a value or you don't. But your current values and the hierarchy in which they are organized, might not be very useful for your current outcomes. Values and their hierarchy are changeable. Perform an ecology check by asking: "Does any of the challenges in my life seem logical now that I look at this list?'; "ls there a better way of organizing my values so that they would fit to my current needs?" Additional Advice Here's a list of common life values: Health, Love, Freedom, Contribution, Fun, Creativity, Family, Growth, Passion, Carefulness, VALUES HIERARCHY IDENTIFICATION Affection, Accomplishment, Decisiveness, Wisdom, Service, Talent, Simplicity, Virtue, Reliability, Friendship, Respect, Resolve, Originality, Openness, Mindfulness, Longevity, Leadership, Intimacy, Generosity, Gentility, Faith, Grace, Enthusiasm, Experience, Uniqueness, Endurance, Dominancy, Direction, Commitment, Security, Balance, Beauty, Care, Courage, Encouragement, Fitness, Agility, Helpfulness, Hospitality, Mastery, Impact, Modesty, Organization, Peace, Power, Privacy, Reason, Realism, Serenity, Sympathy, Toughness, Trust, Youthfulness, Wonder, Punctuality, Productivity, Perseverance, Intuition, Independence, Flow, Discipline, Selfactualization, Charm, Certainty, Awareness. 429 121. New Behavior Generator "If you want a quality, act as if you already had it". - William James CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Develop a new and more adaptive behavior; a cohesive, outcomebased strategy. The power of parts makes this pattern effective. Step # 1. ldent!fy an issue and the needs for a part that will handle that issue effectively. Step #2. EHdt a part for this role, eliciting an appropriate state and set of resources. Step #3. Have them aeate third position scenes in which they express the part Step #4. Do an ecology checlc. Step #5. Edit !he .scenarios to address all objections. Improve motivation. Step #6. Run through the scenarios in first position and anchor the state. Step #7. Instrud the subconscious to aeate a highly effective part from this. Step #8. Test and refine the part 430 Step #1. Identify an issue and the needs for a part that will handle that issue effectively. NEW BEHAVIOR GENERATOR Step #4. Do an ecology check. See if any part of the person objects to anything about these Based on a key scenes. issue, come up with a part that the person needs. Be sure to check in all rep sysBy part, we mean a functional, terns for parts that object. cohesive collection of strategies such as assertiveness. You can call the part by its function, for example, an assertive part. Step #2. Elicit a part for this role, eliciting an appropriate state and set of resources. Elicit an appropriate state that will support this part, and build up the person's connection to the specific resources needed for the part to fulfill it's role. An excellent strategy to include is having the person recall all situations in which they expressed this part in some way, even if it was incomplete. Be sure to expand this re-experiencing into all rep systems. This can be a good point at which to use finger signals in trance. Step #5. Edit the scenarios to address all objections. Improve motivation. Have them edit the movie (dissociated mental images from step three) to adapt for any objections raised until all are satisfied. As this is accomplished, repeatedly direct the person's attention to their growing senses of alignment and motivation. Step #6. Run through the scenarios in first position and anchor the state. Now have the person experience these new scenarios in first (associated) position. Have them anchor the state. Step #3. Have them create third position scenes in which they express the part. Step #7. Instruct the subconHave the person create de- scious to create a highly effectailed mental scenes of expressing tive part from this. this part. Instruct their subconscious to Have them experience the scenes from the third perceptual (dissociated) position. 431 extract the rules and motives from these scenes and construct a part that will be available as needed. THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES The subconscious is instructed to build a very effective, efficient, sawy, and elegant part for this purpose, and to give it the tools and authority to do the job with ease. Step #8. Test and refine the part. In the coming situations that need this part, notice any improvements. In particular, notice any ways that this part is being expressed. Take note of any ways you can enhance this part, and refine it through this process or other appropriate patterns as you go. Additional Advice When working on generating "new" behavior, you want to work with parts that are natural to the person you're working with. If the person is very shy and has social anxiety, you wouldn't want to begin your change-work with him/her by generating a "socially popular" part. This will cause unnecessary anxiety and internal conflicts. Given the last example, you would first work with behavioral change patterns, such as the Swish or Anchoring, and then when the person's feelings are neutral in regards to social settings, you can work on generating a socially popular part. In addition, do not confuse learning skills with behavior generation techniques. Here we try to emphasize natural human skills, not creating a whole new one from scratch. You are not going to teach a person how to excel in tennis through this specific technique, but you can certainly help them become more assertive and self-confident when they go on the tennis court (or anywhere else for that matter). For learning skills, you would need the full Neuro Linguistic Programming modeling process. 432 122. Adive Dreaming "Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . .. whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out." - Tina Turner CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Get ideas, answers, solutions, and information through active dreaming. The power of sleep and daydreaming to enhance our creativity drive this pattern. It starts with stating a general intention and moves on to induce a specific state that keeps you in control of the process. 433 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select an intention. Come up with an intention to get an idea, answer, decision, or problem solution. Choose a very general intention. For example, if you want to solve a problem, don't specify conditions for what qualifies as a solution. Step #2. Access an up time state while taking a walk. Take a ten minute walk, and focus on your peripheral vision. Focus on external sounds in order to reduce internal dialog. Foster a relaxed state, letting go of your worries for now. Step #3. Note what comes into the foreground for you. As you take your walk, notice what you spontaneously focus on; what your attention is automatically drawn to, in any rep system. Step #4. Take second position with each one, one at a time. For each thing that jumps into your attention, take second position with it. That is, experience it by identifying with it. What might it be like to be that thing? Whether it's a tree, the wind, or a rock, notice its attributes as though you could do this first hand. Explore things such as the sensation of time passing, your perspective and height, the effect of the elements on you, and so forth. Step #5. Explore the results from a meta-position. Adopt a meta-position, in which you can observe all the information that you explored from second position with various objects you encountered. Recall your original intention for this pattern. Experience your new information, understanding, and experiences in connection with this intention. Give your subconscious mind trust and time to process this experience and generate novel insights. Step #6. Test. In a few days, ask yourself if anything has changed about the topic of your intention for this pattern. Try this pattern on a variety of topics once successful. 00 434 123. , Emotional Pain Management "Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond the pain". - Saint Bartholomew CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Resolve excessive emotional reactions to gain control, objectivity, and poise. This is also known as the "emo" pattern. This pattern is especially helpful for highly emotional people, whose reactions can be out of proportion, or not appropriate to the context. "Contrastive analysis" and submodalities give this pattern its magic. 435 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Pick a situation in which you over-react with emotion. Identify the key kinesthetic submodalities. Pick a situation in which you have an emotional reaction that causes you to over- or under-react, to lose your objectivity, to experience emotional suffering such as high anxiety, or to lose your poise. Associate into that experience. Notice what kinesthetic submodalities are involved in that reaction. You may find submodalities such as pressure or pulsing, heat or cold, tension or depression. Step #2. Find key differences in submodalities between this state and a similar one that is positive. Think of an emotional state that has some similarity to the emotional reaction you are working with. However, the emotional experience must be positive. For example, excitement is similar to anxiety, but can be positive. Constructive motivation and passion for good outcomes can be similar in some ways to jealousy, but be positive. with a positive situation in order to come up with this positive state. The important thing is how the positive state is similar to the troublesome one. However, once you think of the positive state, it may help you to think of one or more situations in which you experience it in order to associate into it and review the kinesthetic submodalities that it contains. Step #3. Identify the driver submodality that links to two states. Review all the submodalities that you have experienced in each of these two states. Notice what submodality is most shared between the two; which is most similar. This is called the driver submodality. It remains the most stable when you move between these two different states. Step #4. Do the same process for the visual and auditory rep systems. Do this pattern for your visual and auditory rep systems, one at a time. Experience the kinesthetic sub- Use the same two reactions as modalities of this positive state. you used for the earlier steps. Hint: You don't have to come up GI9 436 124. The Inner Hero Pattem "All great masters are chiefly distinguished by the power of adding a second, a third, and perhaps a fourth step in a continuous line. Many a man had taken the first step. With every additional step you enhance immensely the value of you first'~ - Ralph Waldo Emerson CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of prime the person for a state of efthis NlP pattern belong to fort in service of their higher values Robert A. Yourell. in a non-defensive manner. Bring out the best in people who are not aligned with their higher values. This pattern is very important for working with people who act in ways that can get them into trouble, such as through violence or problems with authority or with social systems. One of Robert's most persistent gambits is to build rapport by recognizing the struggles of the other person in a way that highlights their highest values and their stamina and strength in pushing ahead, despite the obstacles, whatever they are. This helps to anchor a state of alignment with higher values, and I call this, "finding the inner hero." Everyone wants to be a hero, and they feel you have connected to a deep place in them when you acknowledge (in a natural way) their heroism and struggle. You have to do it without "blowing smoke" or otherwise coming off as artificial. That means you really have to connect with the reality of these things, not invent them. This way, you are not too distracted by their inappropriate behavior, their personality quirks, or the ways they bait you before they start to trust you. This makes you into an "en437 THE BIG BOOK OF NlP TECHNIQUES trainment effect" bringing out more of the positive aspects of the client. With this approach, you can make non-aligned (with higher values) behavior more alien and easier to let go of for many people. coaches and their clients. It happens all the time social service providers and people who work with domestic violence and DUI programs. A similar problem occurs when teachers make chilFailing to do this is the root dren's learning disabilities worse of much of the conflict or alien- by approaching them the wrong ation that can happen between way. Step #2. Begin a discussion that is related to the issues at hand. Step #3. Use Teframing in the style of motivational interviewing. Step H. ReitJte!pfBt what they ~ to CltN'Iifv their alignment and aliility to pursue their goalS with vigor. Step #5. Ptepare to lead. Step #6. Lead the f!etSOn to constructive ways to ad on their higher vcilues. Step #7. Reinforce the best responses. Step #8. Seal the deol. Step #9. Test 438 Step #1. Pick a person for the pattern. Try this with someone who tends to "act out." That is, they get themselves into trouble or conflicts because they have problems with authority, managing their impulses, or getting into struggles with other people. It must be a person that you are in a position to influence in some way. For example, a child of yours, an employee you supervise, or someone you are coaching. Step #2. Begin a discussion that is related to the issues at hand. Talk with them about an issue that you need to discuss, but do it in a roundabout way. Start by eliciting from them their efforts to manage the situation, or just to manage life in general so they can keep going. Focus on some struggle that they have. Step #]. Use reframing in the style of motivational interviewing. As they talk with you, notice what higher values are motivating them, even if they are acting on THE INNER HERO PATTERN those higher values in foolish or destructive ways. When you comment or respond to them, highlight the ways that they have strength and stamina in carrying on and not giving up. Also highlight all ways that their struggle is aligned with their higher values. Especially go for the highest logical level, identity. You can highlight these things by briefly acknowledging them, making facial expressions and sounds that show that you were struck by something they said, and any other method you like to use. Step #4. Reinterpret what they say to amplify their alignment and ability to pursue their goals with vigor. As you do step three, also "interpret" by saying things that emphasize or bring out these aspects. For example, "You have really chosen life, taking these steps to bring you out of feeling so low," and, "Even though the person you have this conflict with is distracted by the conflict, on some level, they have to realize that you are advocating for people having meaningfullives," and "as a person who can fight for what you believe in, 439 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES it's obvious that you are being a champion for people's rights." Step #5. Prepare to lead. If you have much experience with NlP, you can see that so far we have been doing an advanced form of pacing with priming mixed in. This is, of course, a set up for leading, as in "pacing and leading." Think of the kinds of behaviors and outcomes that would be constructive for this situation. Bear in mind that your "client" may come up with something even better, at least in the sense that they would be more motivated to do it in their own style. Make sure that the outcomes and behaviors you are thinking of are fully aligned with the higher values that you found your client acting on in step three. Step #6. Lead the person to constructive ways to act on their higher values. As you comment and interact, point out how their efforts are aligned with their values, and get them thinking about the outcomes that they ultimately want. They may come up with less constructive ideas for controlling people, getting revenge, or putting themselves in harms way just to make a statement about how bad the situation is (this is typical of people who are stuck in an adolescent level of development). Respond to these by getting them brainstorming on ways to be even more fully aligned with their higher values. For example, "That might even get you in the papers for a day, at least on page seven, anyway. But what is the long term thing that you'd like to see come out of this?" or, "/ wonder how a person might approach someone that causes this kind of trouble so that they would lighten up a little and be more fair to people?" Step #7. Reinforce the best responses. Any time the person says something that is closer to a constructive or resourceful strategy or attitude, reinforce it with a very positive response. Don't be artificial about it. For example, '7hat could really get things moving!" or, "Hal They'd never expect that. They wouldn't 440 know what to say," or '7hey would have start realizing that you've been right about this, because the proof would be right in their face!" Notice that you can help to maintain rapport and keep your reinforcement on a somewhat subliminal level by injecting some of their negativity and authority issues into your response. The responses here have a twinge of resentment in them. That's okay, because the thrust of the responses is in the right direction, while staying on the client's wavelength. You can customize the tone of your responses to match the clienfs attitude, whatever it may be. step #8. Seal the deal. Get some agreements about what you and the person will do about the issue. THE INNER HERO PATTERN If the person is only ready for a baby step, don't be judgmental; treat it with appreciation and respect. Then they will trust you on an emotional level, and make more steps with you as they test the water. Remember that you are introducing them to a very different "reality" than the one they are used to. Patterns like theirs take a lifetime to develop. Step #9. Test. Observe them and talk with them as things unfold, and see how well your "hero" style conversations are working. See if you can find new ways to gain rapport. Modify your style as they progress so that you are always helping them to push the envelope. CS10 441 125. The Wholeness Pattem "For everything there is a season,And a time for every matter under heaven:A time to be born, and a time to die;A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal;A time to break down, and a time to build up;A time to weep, and a time to laugh;A time to mourn, and a time to dance;A time to throwaway stones, and a time to gather stones together,-A. time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing,-A. time to seek, and a time to 10se;A time to keep, and a time to throwaway;A time to tear, and a time to sew;A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate,A time for war, and a time for peace." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. Experience symptoms in a profoundly new way. Move into a new state of wellness through the healing powers of your body-mind. This is an advanced pattern. I would suggest, that if you'd like to try it on yourself, have a close trusted friend or a competent NLP practitioner guiding you through the procedure. 442 THE WHOLENESS PATTERN 443 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Access a contemplative or spiritual state. Step #2. Imagine, from third person, experiencing an ideal state of health. Imagine being completely physically healthy, with a clear mind, emotional balance, and grounded physical strength. See yourself in this state from third position. Step #3. Observe your symptoms and their associated feelings and judgments. Switch your focus to your symptoms, noticing exactly where in your body you feel their presence. Notice that emotional feelings accompany that awareness. Identify what those emotions or judgments are. Step #4. Fully access this awareness, and flow the feelings and representations into your left hand and become an image. Raise your awareness of the symptoms to a full or intense level, along with their emotional or judgment aspects. Allow these feelings and representations to flow into your left hand as you your palm open. Notice this flow with all rep systems. Allow an image of the symptom and it's feelings to form an image in your left hand. Step #5. Thank the symptoms and elicit its positive intentions. Offer thanks to your symptom for revealing and offering itself. Ask your symptom what it is trying to communicate to you. Inquire as to its positive intention and its purpose. Open your mind into a quiet, passive, listening state, and notice what inner messages come through for you. Hint: If no positive intentions come through, you may be experiencing a "thought virus" expressed as symptoms. To test this, get in touch with an aspect of yourself that harbors this symptomatic state. One way to get in touch with this aspect of yourself, is to kindly tell the symptoms that you are no longer a home for them, and that it is time for them to move into pure and useful energy. If any part of you is attached to the symptoms, then you may 444 find that it becomes present and you can inquire as to the positive intentions that have led to this aspect harboring or encouraging the symptoms. If this is the case, do not be alarmed. We are going to work through it. Step #6. Thank your symptoms and recognize them for communicating. Once you have discovered these positive intentions, thank your symptoms for communicating with you. Recognize that they have been committed to the positive intentions that your harboring aspect has revealed to you. Step #7. Focus on your inner healer and its associate body area and feelings. THE WHOLENESS PATTERN Step #8. Flow the inner healer feelings into you right hand, and allow an image to emerge. Thank the aspect. Increase your sensing of your inner healer to a higher or intense level. Allow these feelings to flow into your right hand. Allow an image of this healing aspect to emerge. Thank this aspect for being present and connecting with you. Step #9. Learn of your inner healer's positive intentions. Ask your inner healer what it's positive intentions are for you now. Access an open, receptive state of mind and receive whatever messages are available now. Step #10. Appreciate your symptom's communications Shift and positive intentions. your focus to the aspect of you that want health and wellness. Turning your attention to your We'll refer to this as your inner symptom, thank it as well for comhealer. municating with you. Notice exactly where in your body this aspect most obviously resides. Offer appreciation for its commitment to its positive intentions. Notice how this area feels to Step #11. Merge the two parts .. encouraging their mutual ac- have this aspect present. ceptance. Imagine now that your symptom image and inner healer image are turning to face each other. 445 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Ask them to access states of understanding and appreciation, and to experience the other parts value, but from their own perspective. Encourage this until you feel that each part accepts the other state's positive intentions. Step #12. Encourage the states to form a cooperative relationship in service of a larger vision and their own initial higher intentions. Now explain to these states that they need to work together in new, meaningful ways in order to produce value that expresses their higher intentions. Help them to discover their common mission, in a spiritual sense. Convey how wonderful it feels to be part of a team, to build trust, and to begin to realize a great vision. Step #13. Ciet the parts to agree to this. supports them in pursuing their individual and collective aims. Step #14. Visualize healing energy as you integrate the two parts. Return to your contemplative or spiritual state, and experience energy flowing into you that is the perfect color and quality for harmonizing and balancing you. Adjust the energy so that it is the perfect intensity, vibration, and quality for your healing experience. Imagine your unbalanced energies being brought into this flow and converted into pure and useful energy. Turn your palms to face each other, and then slowly begin to bring them together. Encourage a positive integration of your inner healer and your symptom aspect. Watch them merge, bathed in your healing and balancing energies. See what new image emerges from this. Recognize the abilities and resources of each part and how they can contribute to this vision, and to realizing the higher positive vision of each part. Step #15. Affirm for yourself the significance of this new Gain an ecological and congru- wholeness. ent agreement from both parts to form a teamwork relationship that Tell yourself that you are creating personal wholeness, as 446 you join important aspects of yourself. Tune in to your motives that are aligned with this; that tell you this is what you truly desire. Take time to notice how this is congruent for you, as it creates a new level of true alignment. Tip: If you find anything incongruent or non-ecological about this, you can work forward from step three to process any remaining issues. Put the issues together as a symptom for the purpose of the pattern. Step #16. Take in these new energies, timeline to the beginning of your destiny with this energy, and move forward with this new alignment into a vision of your wellness and into the future. Now bring the image of these integrated aspects into your heart, as you notice the quality of energy or aura emanating from this new part. See it being emitted as another quality of healing energy that you can breath in with the rest of the healing energies that you are experiencing. Allow these energies to carry you back through time, prior to THE WHOLENESS PATTERN your birth, experiencing your being in the womb, and experiencing the dynamics through your lineage that led to your birth, back to the beginning of time that contained your destiny from the beginning. From that point, allow the forces of the universe to roll forward , bringing your healing and balancing energies through life, through your lineage, and into your present moment. Notice these forces bringing energy into the power of your mind, projecting a fully healed, physically able, mentally clear, calm, state from which you can savor life. Observe as this wave of energy flows out into your future. Step #17. Share this experience and a metaphor for it with trusted others, and ask them to share a healing experience and metaphor for their healing. Take some time to share these experience with others who you know to be able to talk about experiences of healing from a fairly aligned place. Ask them to share with you a brief metaphor that they feel represents a healing experience of theirs, and do the same for them. 447 126. The SCORE Pattem 'The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts': - Bertrand Russell 0YietYIer. De SCORE Puftem Step 411,. G«het: the information Step #2. Generate new insights Step #3. Test CREDITS for the creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Solve problems more effectively by organizing information in a more useful way. The SCORE model drives this pattern with a flexible, multifaceted style of thinking. This style resolves problems and gathers the information that you need. It is called multifaceted thinking. This style of thinking allows you to think in more than one mode at the same time. This allows you to benefit from multiple perspectives and styles of thinking as needed. Rexibility in thinking is a great asset. The SCORE model is based on the idea that we need , as a minimum for effective decision making, a grasp of the symptoms, causes, outcomes, resources and effects in play in a given situation. This model supports the fundamental NlP skill of conceptualizing the current state, the desired state , and the bridge from one to the other by using appropriate resources. 448 Step #1. Gather the information THE SCORE PATTERN Use a brief ecological check here. Begin by gathering the infor- c. Outcomes: mation you need according to These are the goals and objecthe SCORE model. These are as follows: a. Symptoms: Symptoms are the more obvious aspects of a' situation that cause us to define it as a problem. Once you have these, go farther, asking yourself what symptoms you have not noticed. Clarify for yourself how you conceptualize or symbolize these symptoms, and how you judge them. b. causes: Causes are the dynamics that gave rise and maintain the problem situation. The causes may not be obvious, so you may need to investigate, hypothesize, and test your conclusions. Knowing that there may be multiple causes and that not all causes are acting at any given time, and that the cause may form a domino effect or sequence can be helpful. tives that you desire. These can range from terminating a negative situation to a highly sophisticated new ecology and vision. d. Resources: Resources are whatever will assist you in realizing your outcomes. This includes information, good will, inner subconscious resources, capital, insight, and anything else that will further your efforts, even if you consider the effort itself. e. Effects: This means the results of whatever you have done, whether you got the outcome you desired or not. It includes the direct effects of your actions, and the indirect effects, that you might refer to as side effects or unintended consequences. Effects become resources when you perceive them as feedback, and create a loop from effects into feedback resources and into new Looking for ecological aspects of causes can be important as strategies and outcomes. well. 449 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Strategies can be perceived as symptoms when they are destructive or ineffective, as causes when they give rise to the situation, as outcomes when they result from new information and ideas, and as resources when they are assets for achieving the desired outcomes. Strategies are intermediary outcomes that people seek in developing mastery, so that they can achieve larger outcomes and longterm goals. step #2. Generate new insights Take all that you learn from applying the above SCORE analysis in order to generate new insights and strategies as described above. Note any ways that it can help you better visualize or define your desired outcomes, how it can help you get a better sense of where you are in the progress, dynamics, and ecology of the situation in relation to potential or known resources, and what new strategies you are developing with your new insights gained. Step #3. Test Apply your new insights and strategies. Observe the results. Use the results as additional feedback in further refining your strategies. Always keep an eye out for solutions and resources that are outside of your current frame. This is often where the greatest breakthroughs come, since most people and organizations have been approaching problems from within their current frames for some time. They have either been getting limited results, or the situation has changed without them updating their frame. Since your frame is, in a sense, a critical part of your strategy, it must be accounted for. 450 127. Life Transitions Tracking ':4 mind not to be changed by place or time, the mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven': - John Milton CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of to leverage that new relationship this NlP pattern belong to in service of our well being. various contributors. It applies NlP processes known This pattern uses archetypes to help us come to terms with a major change or perceived threat, and as spatial sorting, somatic syntax, and characterological adjectives. It uses them in relation to archetypes associated with mystery and danger. 451 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Identify your current e. The Warrior: major transition issue. Experiences the Dragon as an Identify the transition issues adversary to engage in battle that you are facing that this time. f. The Sorcerer: We will call them the "dragon." Experiences the Dragon as powerful, but as having it's own Think about the aspects of the meaning and destiny, and even as dragon. This can include changes in your status, relationships, environment, and so forth. Step #2. Spatially anchor the Dragon (transition issue). and place a series of archetypes around it as specified in this step. Choose a spatial anchor for the Dragon archetype. Place the following archetypes to form a circle around the Dragon. a. The Innocent: Does not yet consciously experience the Dragon b. The Orphan: Experiences the Dragon as an overwhelming threat a potential resource. Step #3. Determine from which archetype you are experiencing the Dragon Access an objective state (a meta state) and discover from which archetype you are experiencing your dragon. If you find it hard to accomplish, go through perceptual positions #1 to #2 and then to #3, which in essence is an objective, yet close enough to notice everything, position. Step #4. Step into that archetype and explore its somatic syntax. Step into the spatial location occupied by that archetype. c. The Martyr: Experiences the Dragon persecution d. The Wanderer: Explore the somatic syntax (the associated body movements and as posture, gesture and voice tones, expressions and stance) of that archetype. Is adverse to the Dragon, and avoids it Take your time here, it is important to work slowly. 452 Step #5. Move through each archetype and then step into the most appropriate one. Work your way through each of the archetypes in this way, discovering their experience vis a vis the dragon. Once you have completed this circuit, step into the space that felt most appropriate for your relationship with your dragon. Note that this tells you what steps in transition are coming up, based on the sequence of the archetypes provided. Step #6. From the meta-position, process your experiences. Return to your meta-position and think about your discoveries and lessons from this experience. LIFE TRANSITIONS TRACKING Step #7. Test Over the coming days and weeks, notice any changes that you are experiencing in regard to this major transition. Post the archetypes where you can see them, with the current one marked. This will inspire your thinking about how to develop the most resourceful relationship and strategies for this chapter and your next chapter. 453 128. Transformation Archetype Identification DIn a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists': - Eric Hoffer CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to various contributors. Continue the life Transitions Tracking Pattern (above) by determining which process archetype is most important in your development at this time. Before doing this exercise, do The life Transitions Tracking Pattern. Step -. 7. Pidc three items representing your core. Step *2. Share in a sma" group. Step *3. Select your hero archetype. Step *4. Select your archetype of transformation. Step *5. Create a metaphor in which, throuGh your archetype of transformation, you become your nero archetype. 454 Step #1. Pick three items representing your core. Pick three items, one from each of the three categories. It must represent something that you want to be and will always be. We'll call this your core. a. Animals b. Historical Figures c. Mythical Figure d. Plants e. Natural phenomena f. Automobiles g. Part of the body h. Other Step #2. Share in a small group. In a small group, have each member share their three symbols with the other members. Use this format: "I am like the (item) because (reason)." Step #3. Select your hero archetype. Select from the following the hero archetype that represents the person you are becoming during this step in your personal development. a. Wise old man/woman b. Mother/father TRANSFORMATION ARCHETYPE IDENTIFICATION c. Wizard d. Queen/king e. Healer, teacher, storyteller, etc. In your group, have each member share their hero symbol in the format, "/ want to be more like (symbol) because (reason)." Step #4. Select your archetype of transformation. Yourheroarchetypepresupposes an archetype of transformation. Select a symbol that represents that process archetype from the following: a. Enlightenment b. Rebirth c. Resurrection d. Metamorphosis e. Transformation f. Incremental evolution g. Transcendence h. Quantum leap i. Other symbol In your group, have the members share their symbol using this format: '7he process of my next step in my evolution will be like (symbol) because (reason)." 455 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step # 5. Create a metaphor in which, through your archetype of transformation, you become your hero archetype. Review the three archetypes that you have chosen. Create a metaphor that is strong on imagery, like a storyboard for a movie or a comic strip. In this metaphor, your core must transform into your chosen hero archetype through your archetype of transformation. Additional Advice Have your group members share their metaphoric stories. 00 456 129. The Grief Pattem "The only cure to grief is action': - G. H.lewes CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of Resolve grief in a comforting, this NlP pattern belong to healing way. Robert Dilts. 457 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Connect with your loss of a person. Pay attention to your feelings of separation, sadness, or grief. If this would be appropriate (depends on the situation and the people involved), start by thinking of the person you have lost. Step #2. Access a resourceful, objective state. Mentally move out of this, into a meta-state. Create a resourceful state of wisdom and balance. Take your time here and really associate into this resourceful state. Step #3. Think of two entities to serve as your guardian angels. Think of two persons or entities that you would like to serve as your guardian angels. They must be two mentors that, in some sense, will always be part of you as a person. Step #4. Create a hologram of the person you have lost. Use your hands and your imagination to "sculpt" a life-size hologram of the person you are missing. Imagine creating them in their ideal state. Notice any painful or negative ideas or recollections in connection with this person. Now put the negativity into balloons with baskets to carry them away as you let them go. Step #5. Enliven this lost person's image. Imagine that you can invite spiritual energy to bring the person to you in this form, with the ability to speak in their own voice. Step #6. Experience this person as a mentor, and visualize a gift from them. Experience it from their perspective. Notice how this person can be a new mentor for you. Ask this being, "What is the gift that you have wished to give me?" Go to the second perceptual position, perceiving yourself through their eyes, and allow the answer to come through. Visualize a symbol for the gift. 458 Step #7. Visualize a gift for this person, from your own perspective. Move back into your first position (seeing through your own eyes). Answer the same question, "What is the gift that you have wished to give me?" Imagine a symbol for your gift to this person. step #8. Create a heart connection with this person. Exchange these gifts, and imagine that your hearts are becoming gently connected by an eternal silver beam of energy. Step #9. Share this experience with someone. Honor this gift and it's place in your life by sharing this experience with someone you trust. For now, imagine how you might share this gift, keeping it alive. THE GRIEF PATTERN Request insight from your new mentor, who can act as a resource in helping you share this gift and all of its meaning. Step #10. Join your mentor with your other mentors. Experience your new mentor connecting with your other mentors, and being welcomed. Step #11. Bring these mentors and your gift into the loss situation to further your healing. Bring your gift, and your mentors, including your guardian angels, into the loss situation. Give yourself time to experience their healing and insightful energies as they transform your sense of balance, knowing, and expanding as a person. 0i0 459 130. lbe Pre-Grieving Pattern "If you wish me to weep, you must first show grief yourself': - Horace CREDITS FOR THE creation of Become more resilient by betthis NlP pattern belong to ter tolerating and recovering from various contributors. losses that will occur in the fuResolve fears of future losses, ture, even extreme losses, such as eliminating many worries. disability. Step .,. Focus on a ~tialloss that is diffirult to face and pre- occupies your mind at times. Step .2. Explore your experience of things that you readily accept as temP!Jrary. Indude your beliefS and values, and your memories 01 aeative/y moving on after these acceptable losses. Step .3. Map the balanci.'l9 fel'l:e5entations onto the antidpaJed loss. See )'Of!rseff~ moving forward in life after having resolved the loss. Step f:4. Future pace experiendng and expressing these gifts. Step #5. Refine as needed for ecological integrity. Step .6. Install via your timeline. Step #7. Test 460 Step #1. Focus on a potential loss that is difficult to face and preoccupies your mind at times. Focus on a future loss or potential future loss that you sometimes become preoccupied with. It may be a person, thing, or situation. Step #2. Explore your experience of things that you readily accept as temporary. Include your beliefs and values, and your memories of creatively moving on after these acceptable losses. Think of some things that you appreciate despite knowing that they are temporary. Focus on the ones for which you are most accepting that they are temporary. Notice the ways you have a balanced or positive experience of these things, and how to manage their passing. You may even look forward to replacing some things, as is the case when technology is improving. Notice how your beliefs and values support your balanced relationship to these things and their nature. THE PRE-GRIEVING PATTERN Notice how you represent the temporary nature of these things through submodalities. Add to this the actual experiences you have had of creatively moving on with your life after the losses that you were accepting of or at peace with. Notice how you carry with you an appreciation for what the person, situation, or thing meant to you. Step #3. Map the balancing representations onto the anticipated loss. See yourself creatively moving forward in life after having resolved the loss. Map the balancing representations that you explored in the previous step onto an anticipated loss (from step one) that can be more difficult to accept. You can do this, for example, by adjusting the submodalities involved in that difficult loss so that they match the most potently balancing submodalities that you experienced in the prior step. Now imagine yourself after adjusting to the loss from step one. Picture and sense yourself from the third position (dissociated) as you creatively move forward in life after having adjusted to the loss. 461 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Notice how you carrying with you an appreciation for the person, situation, or thing that you have lost, thus honoring the memories and gifts. Step #4. Future pace experiencing and expressing these gifts. Generate an even more resourceful future. Spend some time imagining future situations where you experience and express the gifts from the person, thing, or situation that you have lost. This might take the form of sharing life lessons with another person, or creating a valuable skill from a gift that the person, thing, or experience brought forth in you. Step #5. Refine as needed for ecological integrity. See if any parts of you object to creating this resourceful future. Use these objections to enhance the future that you are creating. Step #6. Install via your timeline. From a meta-state, view your timeline. Install your future representation in the appropriate time. Step #7. Test. Short of actually waiting for the projected loss to take place in order to test this pattern, you can apply it to losses that are in your immediate future, even though they may not be as serious as the one you chose this time around. Additional Advice You can repeat this exercise to better cope with the same thing, and for additional future losses. You can anchor the resourceful loss state in step two, and then do the exercise beginning from step three after triggering the resourceful state and recalling the most effective submodalities for mapping onto the new loss. You can use this exercise to have a more balanced state when you deal with a potential loss, so that you will remain objective when there is risk of loss. This kind of objectivity can sometimes prevent a loss, such as when one saves a relationship or a job because of the maturity, caring, and poise that they express. Others may experience you as less self-absorbed and more expansive as a person. 462 131. Self-Nurturing "Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect': - Marcus Aurelius CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of upon your adult resources to rethis NLP pattern belong to solve unfinished emotional develvarious contributors. opment. The value of good parentAccelerate your maturation and ing resources as conceptualized by emotional strength by drawing NLP drives this pattern. 463 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Create a chart of your unfulfilled childhood emotional needs and the corresponding characteristics your parents or caretakers needed toward constructive behavior in a constructive way, or simply to get plenty of attention and desirable activity? in order to fulfill them appro- Step #3. Visualize these parpriately. ents expressing their parenting On an imaginary blackboard gifts. or on paper, draw a line down the Visualize these parents in acmiddle. tion, handling situations that some On the left, list the emotional parents would find challenging. needs that were not fulfilled for See them being very successful you as a child. and resourceful as parents. On the other, list the character- If you are working with a study istics that your parents or caretak- group, or have friends or colers needed in order to fulfill those leagues interested in this, discuss it needs. with them to further enhance your Step #2. Build an ideal parent model and enhance it with any additional ideas. Use these characteristics to build a mental model of ideal parents. Use all representational systems to experience these parents. Add anything else that you know about good parents or what you were missing. As you think of these perfect parents, any number of ideas may come to you. What would it be like to get help with homework in a really supportive way, or to be guided model either during this pattern, or at another time for future use. Step #4. Timeline back to the day you were born. Transfer your powerful good parenting resources into your parents or caretakers. Access your timeline and float back to the day you were born. Observe that experience as your adult self, bringing with you all the resources you have developed, including your ever-increasing understanding of good parenting. Allow the momentum and magic of all the resources you have brought back to imbue your parents with perfect parenting abilities. 464 See all this resource energy flood into this time from your future, swirling as it suddenly stops at this moment, drawn to your parents as vortices for their power. Even if you are not now connected with your parents, even if one or both of them were not present, create parents or caretakers for this scene. Step #5. Watch your life move forward with magically perfect parents who fulfill your needs appropriately. Watch your life unfold forward into your timeline, but with these magically perfect parents. Observe how they fulfill you needs as an expression of their magical, yet human gifts. Step #6. Re-calibrate your prior negative experiences. Pay special attention to experiences that had been negative, and see how resourcefully your parents now deal with the situation. Let the positive outcomes build your positive abilities and personality characteristics as you develop through them. SELF-NuRTURING Step #7. Follow your timeline into your present, in the state of receiving unconditional love. Trigger your state of experiencing your parent's new unconditional love, and tell your subconscious mind that these experiences can generalize, bringing your forward more and more rapidly, to your present time. Step #8. Integrate and future pace. Continue to hold the anchor to your state of receiving unconditional love. Allow yourself to integrate these experiences and sensations, as your momentum carries you into future experiences. These future experiences show you how your expanded development will allow you to express wonderful resources for far better outcomes. Step #9. Test In the coming days or weeks, notice any ways that your relationships or care-taking behavior improve, or ways that your personal boundaries become more effective. 465 132. Awakening To Freedom "The end of wisdom is to dream high enough to lose the dream in the seeking of it': - William Faulkner CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of and mission as a catalyst for oththis NlP pattern belong to ers to experience their vision and Richard Clarke. mission. Give and receive support for awakening through personal growth in this dyadic (pair) exercise. Enhance your vision, mission and spirit through this support for awakening. With your partner in this pattern, you will bring out the best in each other by taking turns in the role of Awakener. Express your integrity and congruence to enhance the Awakener role. Align and connect with your own vision Transcend the old-fashioned style of morality and judgment that neutralizes personal expansion. Instead, maintain your perception of the other person's limitless possibilities and their innocence in doing the best that they knew in their past. This way, you keep the channel of communication open, inspiring the~ toward fresh insight, resourcefulness, and constructive personal power. 466 Step #1. Get into Awakener and Explorer roles, and give your partner instrudions. Start out in the role of Awakener, with a partner who is in the role of Explorer. Give your Explorer partner the following instructions: Think about an unproductive "self pattern." What is its basic structure? Notice any unproductive beliefs that are attached to this pattern, such as, "Oh, I have to put on a happy face and pretend I'm confident until the next big disappointment. This kind of success is for other people, not me." Think of as many examples of this self pattern as you can. There are probably many throughout your life. Some of them may be subtle, AWAKENING To FREEDOM 11;1'1_, or comprise a string of many little iterations that turned into a bigger pattern of loss, missed opportunities, or failure. Make sure you understand the consequences of this pattern. How has it affected your life? Continue with these instructions to your partner: What would it be like to be free of this pattern? What kind of results might you expect to see in the future? On the other hand, what does this pattern do for you? Is it helping you in any way? Be sure to consider any "sneaky" ways that it is helping you, that is, dysfunctional ways. 467 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES For example, see if it is helping why. Have the Explorer share any you avoid any challenges, fear, or reaction with the Awakener. responsibility. Even consider any way that it might be helping you to manipulate other people or avoid criticism. Does it simply give you a feeling of having a familiar self that you really don't need to be? step #4. Repeat step two. Repeat the statement and question of the Awakener to the Explorer as in step two. See what response the explorer has this time. Now have your Explorer part- Do this from an open-minded ner share with you, the Awakener, space that allows the Explorer to what he or she is discovering. have a fresh response each time. As Awakener, listen from a state of respectful openness, fully accepting the Explorer. Step #2. Set up and ask the Why question. As the Awakener say to the Explorer (still from a respectful, validating place), "You have the full support of my being to freely explore, because this expands and strengthens you and your meaning in the world. You are completely free to do what you will with this pattern. You are free to continue it, but, as the explorer, you also ask why you would continue such a pattern." Step #]. Get the Explorer's reaction to the question. Different aspects of your experience are likely to emerge from this, expanding your knowledge of yourself and of your potential. Step #5. Continue repeating step two. Do step four several more times, at least three times. Step #6. Switch roles. Switch roles, becoming the Explorer with your partner taking the Awakener role. Step #6. Test. In the coming days or weeks, notice any new ways that you experience this pattern, including any ways that you let go of it or innovate. Have the Explorer notice its See if you get any better results inner reaction to the question of in life from this new perspective 468 AWAKENING To FREEDOM and resourcefulness that comes Have a time set aside to disfrom these parts being more har- cuss this with your partner in this monious and able to exchange exercise. knowledge. 469 133. The Longevity Pattem "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending': - Maria Robinson CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NlP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. Develop positive beliefs and resources for almost any kind of issue. Directly install the beliefs and strategies of the vital elderly models. Step f: 1. Imagine your timeline. While this is not an advanced NlP pattern, I would still recommend that you would wait until gain confidence and skill in other Neuro linguistic Programming tools, such as anchoring and moving through perceptual positions. Step #2. Start from your meta-position. Step #3. Step into your positive future. Step #4. Access past resources. Step #5. Reframe and potentiate negative memories as appropriate. Step #6. Create a resource wrtex. Step #7. Connf!d yo,!r resources with your future goal as you expenence It 470 Step #1. Imagine your timeline. Imagine that your past, present and future are represented by a line that goes from left to right in front of you. Select a physical location in front of you, that you can step onto during this pattern. Step #2. Start from your meta-position. Look at your timeline from a meta-position (your objective or transcendent perspective). Be sure to have a physical spot for this position. Step #]. Step into your positive future. Start by stepping onto your timeline where the present time is located. Face toward your future. See how your future timeline extends into the infinite future. Elicit a relaxed physical and mental state, and walk slowly into the future. Imagine that you are moving in a positive direction, in a positive state. Focus your mind, in positive terms (what you are going toward, rather than avoiding), on your health as something that THE LONGEVITY PATTERN you enhance over time in many ways. Add elements to this sense of your future health. Include a sense of your influence and what you can actually control; the feeling of deserving excellent health; a positive representation in every sense modality; ideas and images of how you are of value to others and society, and how your age and experience are assets; a sense of the larger reality that led to your existence and that supports your continued existence; the visual representation of your physical posture and body language as being uplifting, balanced, and expressive. Step #4. Access past resources. Turn to face toward your past. Focus your mind on all feelings and experiences of vitality and well being that you have generated in this pattern, and slowly walk toward your past. Connect with many of the resources of your past, especially experiences that can remind you of your abilities and beliefs that support you in achieving your goals and in generating new positive beliefs and action. 471 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Notice any special people that helped you generate those resources, including your ability to appropriately trust and believe in others. Take the time to savor each point in your timeline where resource experiences and generation are especially noteworthy. Fully connect with these experiences and savor and relive them. You may not always remember details, but follow the good feelings that are part of this kind of experience, and they will help you access a positive state and maybe even connect you with more of the resource memories that we are focusing on. step #5. Reframe and potentiate negative memories as appropriate. Here's what to do when you encounter negative memories during your walk into the past. If the memory holds no value in supporting your resources (but bear in mind that negative memories often do hold great value), then it's find to simply step around it and continue on. However, if you feel that there may be some value in the memory, then take the following steps: a. Step off your timeline and onto your meta-position. Now you are not in a position to re-experience the memory. b. Determine what resource would have helped you derive resources from this experience. This can be as simple as getting perspective by thinking of worse experiences that people have survived and grown from. It can be as sophisticated as giving that moment your adult perspective to determine what resources are in that situation and taking them with you. In other words, you are deriving positive meaning from the negative experience. Even if it is a memory of something negative that you did, your awareness of it as a negative shows you your values and motivation to become fully aligned with them. c. See how the negative experience has contributed to positive experiences. This may have happened because it served as some kind of warning, or make you tougher or more sensitive and aware. Remember to analyze this in terms of logical levels (see appendix) to uncover dynamics that you might otherwise miss. 472 d. Think about the positive underlying motivations that have been a part of the negative event. Even if a person behaved badly, notice positive intentions or drives that you can draw upon and redirect positively in future situations. e. Find the humor in the situation. Humor tends to come from getting an unexpected shift in perspective. Surprise and variety are human needs. This will help you cultivate your sense of humor and ability to innovate. f. Once you have found one or more effective reframes, step back into the timeline and negative experience. Now imagine re-experiencing it from your expanded perspective. g. At the beginning of this step, you thought of at least one resource from your life that would have helped with this experience. Recall the time in your life in which you were most connected with this kind of resource. Find that spot on your timeline, and step into that spot. Associate into that resource experience. As you fully experience the associated resource state, experience THE LONGEVITY PATTERN it as an energy and see what color it manifests as. How does it vibrate? What other submodalities do you notice in any sense mode? How does it feel to run through your body as a healing energy? h. Beam that energy down your timeline into the negative experience, and maintain that beam of energy until you notice a positive change in that experience. See what resources are liberated by this energy. Continue until you reach the earliest supportive memory. Step #6. Create a resource vortex. Turn to face your future again. Slowly walk toward the future, and relive your supportive and resourceful memories. Collect them, taking them with you into your future. Cultivate the sense of all these supportive people and resourceful situations being with you now. Amplify the state of resourcefulness. Step around any negative memories as you go. 473 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES They do not detract in any way well as your goal and the optimal from your positive memories. state for attaining your goal. step #7. Connect your resources with your future goal as you experience it. listen for a song that captures the sense of your resourceful state and supportive memories, as well as your health and vitality. Get into the spirit of that song as you proceed into your future. Continue until you arrive at your future goal on your timeline. Experience all of the resources that you have brought with you as Integrate these sensory representations into a single, positive experience. Notice and fully feel the connection between this future and all the people and resources of your past that are connected to it in some way. Experience the congruent connection between all of your life events and your vital, healthy future. 474 134. Change Personal History "History is fables agreed upon': - Voltaire CREDITS for the creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Modify negatively coded memories so that you can realize your potential unfettered by such memories. It works especially well for a erson or situation that ushes your buttons, that is, that you have an unresourceful reaction to. Before you use the pattern, remember that it might need some modification to fit your unique needs and abilities. We cannot stress enough how important it is that you approach this pattern flexibly. 475 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Access the negatively coded memory after establishing an exit cue. Create an exit cue that will allow you to stop the pattern if you do not feel it is going in a good direction for some reason. Put a special object in front of you, where it does not belong. If you suddenly need to stop the process, grab the object to trigger the "return to previous state" cue. Anchor a more or less neutral state to this object. Access the negatively coded past experience using all rep systems, and from the first (associated) position. Anchor the state associated with this experience by using a unique gesture. Step #2. Ugly TDS As you'll recall, TDS (trance-derivational search) occurs every time you go inside your mind and search for meaning or for memories. This can lead to a trance. negatively-coded experience, you anchor that feeling and do another TDS for another memory that provides similar emotional reaction. Then you do it again, collecting more and more related negativelycoded experiences. That's why it is called "ugly" TDS. To make it easier you can write them down and mark each with the approximate age you were in during that experience. While you're doing the Ugly TDS, keep adding those to your anchor. Continue until the ugly TDS becomes slow and it is difficult to find more related memories. Step #3. Go to your earliest related memory, then break state. Stop the search and, in your mind, go directly to the earliest memory. Since you have your age written for each one, it's easy. Stay there. An "Ugly TDS" occurs when you Now break your ugly TDS state. perform a TDS inside a TDS. Since it involves TDS, it is best For example, while you're to do it actively, by getting up and searching for meaning for that shaking it off, among other things. 476 Step #4. List your present resources. Now we will group some good things together from the currently identity you chose to hold on to. Ask yourself, "What kind of resources do I have today, that I wish I had back then, so that the whole experience would have been different and to my advantage?" As an adult, or 1I0 ider you," you have plenty of resources available. How about Forgiveness, Patience, Resilience, Self Defense, Sarcasm, Devotion, Procrastination, Inner Strength, or whatever else you have there inside of you. Small or big, it does not matter, any resource that can help you should be listed. Step #5. Anchor these resources. Anchor each of these resource states. Fully feel them, and then establish a new anchor for all of them together. Choose a gesture that is very different from the one you used for the negatively-coded experience anchor. CHANGE PERSONAL HISTORY Step #6. Create your "emotritiona I" anchors salad. Emotritional is a nick name we gave to emotional resources that nourish you. Take the negatively-coded experiences anchor and the new anchor (the collection of current resources), and collapse them at the same time. While you do that, let the first negatively-coded experience float into your mind, and take all of the resources that you've anchored (the second anchor) and drop them on that memory. With all of those resources available, how would the experience have looked back then? Change the content in whatever way is useful to you. Once you're done with the first memory, go faster. Move on to other memories. It doesn't matter in which order you proceed. It may help you to avoid doing them in chronological order, however. If you find the pattern confusing, bear in mind that confusion can actually enhance its effectiveness. 477 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #7. Take a break. Break the state completely in whatever way you find appropriate. You may feel tired at this point, but maintain your alertness for a while to make sure that the pattern takes effect. This would be a good time to eat something or drink some cold water. Distract yourself with what's going on around you. step #8. Savor some inner peace. Inner peace is completed when you forgive and forget. Now that you have completed this pattern, check to see if there is any "hidden treasure" that you might find disturbing if it is not processed properly now. Calmly think about that previously negatively-coded memory. From an objective frame of mind, ask yourself if it means more than a learning experience to you when you look at it? If not, then you have most likely completed the pattern effectively. If you find that there is still a negative charge, you can make that the target of this pattern or another appropriate pattern in the future. Step #9. Future pace. What's good in the past if you can't take it into your future? Future pace an event that is likely to happen. Trigger your resources anchor, and mentally rehearse the event several times. For each mental rehearsal, have a different turn of events take place, so that you have future paced the situation from several angles. This will prepare you to respond effectively and flexibly. For each version, handle it in your imagination so that it is to your advantage. Being able to spontaneously respond to the ghosts of your past is a liberating and empowering feeling. Most people find that, having done this pattern, their new responses are quite spontaneous, yet effective. Step #10. Test. In the coming days and weeks, notice if you have more peace of mind regarding issues related to this memory, or if you experience more freedom to think about the things that really matter to you, and less about negative things of the past. 478 Additional Advice You can add a piece to this pattern when it concerns a person that pushes the client's buttons. Help the client understand the intent of the other party. This helps the client feel a sharper distinction between their reality and that of the other person. Many of the people who come to an NLP practitioner have difficulty with this particular skill; the skill of being very clear on where they leave off and other people begin. This leads to many of the problems that people use NLP for. One of them is certainly the negative reactions they experience because CHANGE PERSONAL HISTORY they cannot tolerate other people thinking or saying negative things about them. When working with a client, you can provide some instructions that help them do the pattern. Remember to say words like those I used when firing off the two anchors. "Take the resource state (as you fire the positive anchor) into the negative state (as you fire the negative anchor)... and notice ... how it has changed ... now ... And when you test the anchors, notice any changes in the client's physiology that can alert you to changes in their state. 00 479 135. The End-Ot-Day Pattem "If you create an ad, you create a habit If you create a habit, you create a charader. If you create a charader, you create a destiny': - Andre Maurois CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of ever more effective and fulfilling this NlP pattern belong to with the power of the new behavAlexander Van Buren. ior generator. Make a daily habit of generating behavior and attitudes that are Step *,. Review the day from a loving state. Step *2. Find a rough spot and freeze frame. Step *3. Identify resources from your day. Step *4. Use Iogicollevels and rqur resources to create preferied outcomes and processes. Step *5. Ploy. the scene throullh with your preferre!1 outcomes ani! processes. Momy it until you are satisfied. Step *6. Continue to the next rough spot. Step *7. Watch the most positive highlights of the day. Step *8. Test. 480 Step #1. Review the day from a loving state. Create a state of self acceptance and love. Begin reviewing your day from the beginning, as if you were watching a movie about your day. Step #2. Find a rough spot and freeze frame. When you hit a rough spot, especially one where you didn't like you own or others' behavior, freeze the image. Step #3. Identify resources from your day. Identify resources from other parts of the day. Take elements that worked well for you during the day, and briefly think about how they might be useful as resources for the trouble spot where you have frozen the image. Step #4. Use logical levels and your resources to create preferred outcomes and processes. Determine what didn't work about this spot. Compare your actual experience to one that would have been more resourceful. THE END-OF-DAY PATTERN Keep the resources that you noted in step three in mind. Using the logical levels, ask questions such as the following: a. Spirit: What effect did I have on the people involved? How would I prefer to have affected them? In other words, how do I wish I had, how should I have? b. Identity: Who was I in this situation? What sort of person would I prefer to have been? c. Values: What was important to me in this situation? What would I prefer to have valued, instead? d. Beliefs: What was I certain of? What clarity or certainty would I prefer to have had? (This can be intellectual, or a feeling or intuition. It can be a level of probability, such as, thinking something had high odds of happening.) e. Capabilities: What abilities did I use in this situation? 481 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES What capabilities would I pre- step #7. Watch the most posifer to have used? tive highlights of the day. f. Behavior: What specific actions did I take? What actions would I prefer to have taken? step #5. Play the scene through with your preferred outcomes and processes. Modify it until you are satisfied. Now play this scene with all of these preferred modes of being and resources in place. loop through this scene. Once you have made it to the end of the day, you can ask your mind to run the movie briefly, showing you highlights of the best parts, and including the improved scenes in place of the original versions. step #8. Test. In the coming days and weeks, see if you find yourself handling new situations with the resourcefulness that you have been generating in these daily (or nightly) sessions. Modify the scene each time Additional Advice through until you are satisfied You can briefly review your day with it. and select just one or a few scenes The scene should make you feel good as you see yourself getting positive results with behavior and an attitude that you can take pride in. When the scene passes a basic ecology check, you are ready for the next step. step #6. Continue to the next rough spot. Now continue with your movie until you find another spot to freeze, and repeat steps two through five. in advance to work on, in order to manage your time effectively. Do the pattern sitting up is a spot where you won't fall asleep if you are doing it before bed time. 0}2) 482 136. Negative Associated Emotions Dissolving 'Virtue, dear friend, needs no defense, The surest guard is innocence: None knew, till guilt created fear, What darts or poisoned arrows were': - Horace CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Transform any mistakes you make from sources of shame and recrimination to sources of learning and empowerment. 483 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select your mistake. Select a mistake which you are highly motivated not to repeat. Step #2. Clarify what why it a mistake. Think over the criteria you used to decide that it was a mistake. For example, what values did this mistake fall short of? Think back on the mistake and notice if you have violated a higher hierarchy value. Step #3. Access its negative feelings and intensify them. Step #4. Learn from this mistake. Shift your awareness to all that you can learn from the mistake. Shift your discomfort into intensity and a drive for learning. Modulate the intensity so that you can learn without panicking. It is very valuable to learn to manage intensity such as this, especially negative intensity, so that you can transform it into positive passion and drive. Use different lenses to derive these learnings. Access the negative feelings a. the history of the that you have associated with this mistake: mistake. What lead to it? Amplify them until they are How did the sequence take fairly intense, adding to your moti- place from it's earliest roots? vation not to repeat the mistake. b. Psychodynamics: Use all driver submodalities What parts were involved and you have worked with successfully until now. what where their positive motives? Especially focus on the kinesthetic submodalities, since we want to amplify the feelings directly and not just indirectly by intensifying the event that triggers them. c. Behavior Mod: What secondary benefits came from the patterns that contributed to this mistake? For example, is there a pattern of needing to be rescued, vindicated, avenged, or given attention? Finally, think about how learning from this will benefit you. 484 Step #5. Reduce the negative emotions and apply resources to the mistake, including what you can learn from it. NEGATIVE ASSOCIATED EMOTIONS DISSOLVING Step #6. Test. Bring your attention back to the original mistake. As you review it, notice whether Shift your focus to the emotions ·1 you stll have any negative feelings coming from all of this. about it. Bring the negative emotions into the foreground. If so, see what learning and resources that you can apply to reImagine a big box with a heavy solve those feelings. lid. Move the negative emotions into that box. Now bring the positive lessons into the foreground and take them with you as you float back over your timeline to the point at which this mistake occurred. Saturate that experience with these lessons and reconfigure the lessons so that they become active resource in this scenario. When you are satisfied, make all similar mistakes stand out along your timeline. Cruise your entire timeline, beaming these lessons into each of those points in time, as you did with the main mistake. They may even be an ecological problem of some kind to work out. As you apply your resources, run the scene as a movie from third position (dissociated) until you are satisfied that it is a fully positive experience. Step #7. Test again. Over the coming days and weeks, see how your work on this mistake opens new perspectives and resourceful behavior for you. What new results are you getting? Do you feel better about any of your circumstances, or do you feel new hope for any pattern in your life? 485 137. Core Transformation "The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at al/'~ - Leo Rosten CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Connirae Andreas. Live from a new center that comes from a practical, yet spiritual or expanded experience of life. By discovering the core state at the center of each part, overcome serious limitations. Thispatternismorefullyaddressed in the book Core Transformation by Connirae Andreas. The "core state" gives you a valuable compass that helps you know whether you are on your path, and whether you are coming from a spiritual or expanded place. When you are dealing with a conflict, it is much easier to envision a positive outcome and approach when you are connected with your core state. It can be a simple as checking in, and seeing whether your strategy for handling the conflict resonates well with your core, or if it feels more like a distraction from your path, that is, like drama or unnecessary harm. This is just one example of an understanding that can create a very meaningful foundation for your life and contribute greatly to your personal philosophy. Note: This pattern has many steps and involves some fairly abstract or advanced ideas. It's a good idea to read it through and make sure that you grasp it before actually trying it out. 486 CORE TRANSFORMATION However, you don't need to un- that is best understood through derstand what the core state expe- experience. rience is up front. That is something 487 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Determine what part you will be working with. a. Select an issue that you can experience as a part of yourself, with specific motives that drives behavior that is limited in some way; behavior that is not doing enough to get you through the issue. You can start simply with a behavior, feeling, or response, if you wish. Give this behavior, feeling or response pattern a name for the purpose of this exercise. Jot down this name. We'll refer to it here as your part. b. Get to know the part better as a collection of behaviors, feelings, or reactions. Think about what tends to trigger this pattern. Ask yourself what places, times, and people tend to help trigger this pattern. Make some basic notes about this. c. Experience the pattern in terms of how you are triggered to react. Select a specific point in time when this pattern took place. Mentally step into this scene and re-experience it. Pay careful attention to what submodalities comprise the mindset that drives your reaction to the situation. d. Access this part. Remember that the behavior, feelings, and responses that come from you in connection with the issue or issues in question are an old pattern that you did not consciously orchestrate or develop. Instead, experience them as coming from your part, and having a collective life as this part. Discover how this part "lives" inside of you as a body experience. Where in your body do you mostly feel it? Describe those feelings. What inner voice expresses it? Hear or come up with the words that express its message, fears, or motivations. What mental images are part of this? They may be symbols or scenes that are fearful or motivating. Carry this out with an inviting state of mind, and invite this part to emerge into your awareness more completely. e. Thank the part. Thank this part for coming into awareness and being part of your path. 488 Tell it that you are looking forward to understanding its purposes and having it as part of the more aligned and fulfilling existence that you and it will create. step #2. Begin the Outcome Deepening pattern: Find out what your part desires, and thank it. a. Ask your part what it desires in connection with this issue. Be gently direct and open, asking, 'What do you want? What is the highest purpose of having this issue? How does it serve you and I?" Note the answer as an intended outcome. b. Thank the part. Express thanks for providing this answer. If you like the outcome stated or implied by the answer, say so. If not, then express your appreciation for joining on a path of discovery for greater fulfillment and alignment. You can say this because you are committed to this kind of outcome, and because you have vast, untapped resources to realize such an outcome. You can have the CORE TRANSFORMATION kind of certainty that comes from commitment. This is not the certainty of a guarantee that comes from the outside, it is an inner certainty that you cultivate in order to be more resourceful, creative, motivated, and vibrantly happy. Note: The term "Outcome Deepening pattern" was created for this book. Andreas refers to this phase (steps two through four) with a separate name for each step. step #3. Continue the Outcome Deepening pattern by deriving deeper outcomes until you experience your core state. a. Ask your part for a deeper outcome. Ask the part, "When you fully experience and have this outcome, what, beyond that, becomes important to have?" Note the answer and thank the part as you did before. b. Keep repeating step "a," deriving deeper outcomes, until you reach your core state. Name it based on the deep outcome that produced it. We will refer to this outcome-state combination as your "core state outcome." 489 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Although Andreas refers to it as your core state, we use the term core state outcome to disambiguate the core state from the outcome, since this pattern can involve more than one outcome that triggers the core state. Keep repeating step three, getting a new outcome each time. It may not be obvious at first, but each new outcome brings you closer to your core state. You could say that you are moving through to deeper outcomes. Write down each answer in order. Notice that your core state came when your most recent outcome came up. From this point, we will be using the combination of your core state and this outcome. We will refer to it as your core state outcome. Give it a brief name based on the outcome that you noted. Whenever the text says core state outcome, use the brief name or phrase for your outcome in its place. Step #5. Begin the Core Emergence pattern: Understand the core state as a source rather than result. When you reach your core state, Transform each of the outyou will experience a centered, yet comes in reverse order in conexpanded sense of peace. nection with your core state outcome. You might describe it as coming home to yourself. When people get there, they tend to be very sure that they know they are there, even though it is hard to describe with words. Step #4. Complete the Outcome Deepening pattern: Enjoy and meditate upon your core state. Name your core state outcome. Once you experience the core state, take some time to enjoy it. It is a healing experience in itself. a. Set up your Core Emergence pattern by thinking of your core state not as an end result of striving, but rather, as a beginning or source. Your parts may think you have to jump through a lot of hoops before you can get to your core state. Imagine that this is backwards. Imagine turning it so that your core state is your beginning; the wellspring of your actions. b. Begin the Core Evolution pattern, by noticing how your 490 core state outcome expands your experience. From this point, where you see (core state outcome), remember to say the name or phrase for the outcome that connected you to your core state this time around. Ask your part, '/lls you experience your (core state outcome) and know (core state outcome) as a way of being, knowing that (core state outcome) is a beginning, how does already having (core state outcome) expand your experience right now?" Just notice. CORE TRANSFORMATION part, "How does already having (core state outcome) as a way of being expand your experience of (briefly state the situation you selected in step one)?" Note: Core Emergence is a term originated for this reference. Andreas actually calls this, "reversing the outcome chain," but this conflicts with the metaphor of "core" since getting to a core means deepening. Also, this work involves several levels of consciousness, implying gaining depth. c. Have the core state outcome Step #6. Continue the Core Emergence Pattern: Move your transform each of the outcomes part up to your current age. that you noted, one at a time, from the most recent backwards. a. Get your part's age. Ask your part, "Can you notice how your experience of (core state outcome) as a way of being expands (outcome)?" Outcome refers to the most recent outcome from 3a. Do this step for each outcome backwards until you complete this for the first of the outcomes. d. Expand your experience of the original context with your core state outcome. Now that you have gone through each outcome, ask the Ask your part, "How old are you?" Note the age. Since if formed some time ago, it should be younger than you. Usually, it is an age from childhood. b. Get agreement from your part to move up to your current age. Ask your part, "Would you like to experience the wonderful things that come from moving forward to (your current age), as you experience (core state outcome)? If the answer is no, work with the state 491 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES to resolve any issues. There may be an ecological problem to handle. c. Move your part up to your current age, while fully accessing the core state outcome. Maintaining your connection with your core state outcome, imagine your part moving forward in time, infused with the core state outcome experience, until it reaches the present. step #7. Complete the Core Emergence Pattern: Bring your part into your body, if it is located outside of it. a. With your part in the present, observe how you represent it. Now that your part is in the present, infused with your core state outcome, notice how you are experiencing your part. Where is it located, in or outside of your body, (perhaps in your visual field or primarily as a kinesthetic experience)? b. Bring the part into your body, if it is outside it. If your part is outside of your body, invite it to move into the area of your body in which it feels most at home. Welcome it and notice how this allows you to experience your core state outcome more fully. c. Expand the resulting sensation. Invite the part and this sensation to expand throughout your body, so that every cell resonates to this quality of energy. Does the original area in your body feel this sensation in a way that is richer? As you experience this expansion, know that you are making this an experience that you can access, and one that will serve as an emotional compass to which you can refer in choosing new directions. Step #8. Core Emergence pattern II: Repeat step five, but with your part in a grown up state. You can do it briefly this time around. a. Set up your Core Evolution pattern by thinking of your core state not an end result of striving, but rather, as a beginning or source. Ask your part, '~s you experience your (core state) and know (core state) as a way of being, knowing that (core state) is a beginning, how does already having (core state) expand your experience right now?" Just notice. b. Have the core state transform each of the outcomes that you noted, one at a time, from the most recent backwards. 492 CORE TRANSFORMATION Ask your part, ~~Notice how your Take that part through the Core experience of (core state) as a way patterns as you did in steps two of being expands (outcome)". through seven. Outcome refers to the most re- b. Repeat "a" for any additional cent outcome from 3a. parts. Do this for any additional parts involved in the issue. If any of these parts get to a different core state outcome, write it c. Expand your experience of down. Do this step for each outcome backwards until you complete this step all the way to the first of your outcomes. the original context with your core state. Now that you have gone through each outcome, ask the part, "How does already having (core state) as a way of being expand your experience of (briefly state the situation you seleded in step one)?" Step #9. Additional Core Deepening and Emergence patterns: Elicit any parts that object to your core state as a way of being. Take them through the core patterns. a. Take an objecting part Do this step if you have the time to expand this exercise. Think of any additional parts that are involved in this issue. Take each of them through step five, the Core Emergence part of the pattern, as you did with the main part. Note: Since the Core Transformation pattern may be time consuming the first time through, you may wish to leave out step nine until you are efficient with this pattern. through the Core patterns, steps Step #10. Optional progress - for two through seven. additional core state outcomes Ask yourself if there is any part that objects to your core state as a way of being now. If you get a "no" answer, then experience the part that is saying, "no," and remember that it is a valuable part of you. Note: Do this step if you have gotten additional core state outcomes (that is, outcomes that connected you with your core state) from step nine. 493 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES This can happen when you identify additional parts and take them through the Core Deepening pattern, as you did for the first part during step two. a. Experience your timeline. Access your awareness of your timeline. Experience how it is a flow of all of your experiences leading up to the person you are now. b. Take your core state outcomes with you as you float back to the moment before you were conceived. Look at your notes, and bring into your awareness the additional core state outcomes that you got from step nine. Take each of them with you as you float back to the moment before you were conceived. c. Flow your core state outcomes into this point in time. Attract your core state outcomes into this point in time, as though its limitless energy flows into this time and builds, being swept into the momentum of time, beginning to move forward with time. Your core state transcends all outcomes. It doesn't depend on them. It is a wellspring for insight, harmonious action, and creativity. Notice how your core state is a universal experience flowing into your timeline. d.Moveforward inyourtimeline with your core state outcomes. Descend into that moment, catching the wave of you core state, riding it forward, and continuing to take your core state outcomes with you in your awareness. Have these core state outcomes flow through your life experiences. e. Experience the benefit to your timeline. As you move forward through time, notice how your core state outcomes enrich your life. f. Experience the benefit to your future. Have this wave of core state energy move through your present and into the future. Notice how this energizes and enriches your future. g. Repeat several times, going faster each time. Repeat this timeline flow from lib" through lIe ll several times, allowing it to go faster each time. 494 Each time you finish, become associated into the present before proceeding with another round. This pattern of repeated and accelerated timeline travel builds the durability and accessibility of the core state, brings your positive life memories into the foreground to enhance your self esteem and resourcefulness, and improves your motivation and mood in facing the future. Needless to say, the results will be seen as you experience the growth that comes from using such a set of actions on your philosophy and life strategies. It is a combination of aspects of the swish pattern, the anchoring pattern, and the Timeline pattern. CORE TRANSFORMATION There are many other processes involved, but it is not for us here to be dealing with theories. We will leave the academic discussions to someone else or to another book. Step #11. Savor your core state, think about the value you have created, and take a break. You have created access to your core state. This is of profound value. Take some time to meditate upon your core state. We recommend that you take a break and contemplate this process and outcome by taking a walk or enjoying some other physical activity. 495 138. Mapping Anyone's Brain '70 effectively communicate, we must realize that we are 0/1 different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others': - Anthony Robbins, author of Awaken The Giant Within CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Build your modeling skill with this form of analysis. This skill will dramatically improve your ability to understand the world of another person, as well as your own, so that you can influence with excellence. In this skill, you will be finding and structuring the keys to people subjective experience. It can be done in less than three minutes, non-verbally, using eye accessing cues. Step #: 1. Arrange things with your partner. Step #:2. Get VISUal Remembered rues.. Step #:3. Get VISUOI Construded rues.. Step #:4. Get Auditory Remembered cues. Step #:5. Get Auditory Constructed rues. Step #:6. Get Kinesthetic Constructed rues.. Step #:7. Test. 496 Step #1. Arrange things with your partner. Select a partner for the exercise. Establish that you will be creating the mind map, and that the person can best cooperate by following your instructions and without answering verbally. As you proceed with the following steps, not the person's eye movements. You may want to take notes to review. When I elicit the accessing cues, I use my 5 fingers: 1 for Vr (Visual Remembered), 2 for Vc (Visual Constructed), 3 for Ar (Auditory Remembered), 4 for Ac (AuditIJry Constructed) and 5 for K (Kinesthetic). I then imagine key points around their head as they speak. For example, if their eyes went up and to the left for Vr, I imagine a floating point there. Then I make an arrow between that point and the position of their Vc, and so on. This way I can even guess the movements they'll make ahead of time. MAPPING ANYONE'S BRAIN Step #2. Get Visual Remembered cues. Have your partner recall a pleasant memory, and then ask them focus on the visual aspect. Prompt them to access visual cues with questions such as: Can you see yourself yesterday? What did you wear? Step #3. Get Visual Constructed cues. Have your partner construct a visual impression that they do not already remember, with a question such as: Now imagine yourself with blue eyebrows. What if the room lost gravity and everything started floating around? Step #4. Get Auditory Remembered cues. Have your partner recall the audio aspect of a memory. "Listen for a bit to your favorite song. How does it sound in your mind?" Step #5. Get Auditory Constructed cues. Have your partner create an internal auditory experience, by imagining something they have not heard before. 497 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Illmagine that BMW is testing their motorcycles by having one hundred riders drive their motorbikes into a four foot deep reservoir of water all at once. How does that sound?" step #6. Get Kinesthetic Constructed cues. We skipped Kinesthetic Remembered, because people generally do not recall kinesthetic memories, rather they re-construct the feeling according to visual or auditory cues in the memory. Try a cue such as, "Imagine that you are rolling around on an ice berg in light c1othing'~ Step #7. Test. As you develop skill in this area, see how well you can observe and predict eye movements, and how well you can remember which eye movements are associated with each strategy. Additional Advice When you work with a partner, practicing any NlP pattern or tool, it is better if you go through the process completely as a client, a few times, and then give it a few days before you change places and work on it as the practitioner. The reason is that we tend to get caught with the need to complete steps or to work methodically through a pattern, that we miss on the non-verbal cues of our "client", and that is crucial sometimes for the success of the session. Another advise on the same subject would be, that if you work with another practitioner, practicing a pattern that is destined to create a change, work on real problems. Do not invent a scenario or a problem just for reciting a pattern; do it for real. Then, the testing step is also real and you would see results and get really convinced that this "stuff" is really working. 00 498 139. Undetermined State Integration "If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place': - Nora Roberts CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Help your subject describe his sure what I'm feeling", "It seems vague" or "I feel dull" (indicating that they are also becoming fatigued, physically or mentally). or her state. This pattern comes to get a Sometimes people simply can't clearer statement that will enable connect with their state to describe you, their practitioner, to set a well it. They will say things like, "I'm not defined outcome for the session. 499 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Put your finger about one foot from the subject's eyes. Position yourself in front of the person and on eye level. Put your right hand about one foot in front of his eyes with your finger pointed laterally (not toward either of you). step #2. Guide the eye movement and blinking pattern. Ask him to take a few deep breaths and then to close and open his eyes according to your finger's movement rhythm. Start very slow, moving your finger from 90 degrees to about 45 degrees (downward motion), and then back up again. Step #3. Alter the movements as indicated, and break state. Repeat 5 to 6 times with increased rhythm until normal blinking rhythm is reached again. Then keep the finger motion but move the hand to accessing cues Visual Constructed (up left) and later to Visual Remembered (up right). Now let him stretch and move freely, blinking fast several times and breathing normally. step #4. Ask the questions in the manner indicated. Ask the following questions and wait only two seconds for the reply. If he or she doesn't respond immediately, offer the possible answers provided in the parentheses. Speak in the same rhythm as his blinking. Questions: 1. What would be the best feeling you'd like to have right now? (curiosity, passion, calmness, excitement, decisiveness, relaxation, security, etc.) 2. How would you know if you felt it? What would be an evidence for you, on the inside, that you're really feeling X (the state they chose)? 3. What would happen once you feel X? 4. If you felt x: in which situations would it be most useful for you? (At work? With your kids? With your spouse? While you're waking up?) The purpose here is to activate 5. In which situations wouldn't it the person's brain through con- be useful for you to feel X? And with trolled eye movements. which feeling would you replace it? 500 Step #5. Continuous fatigue state If your subject is still feeling fatigue and dull-minded, ask the following elicitation questions: Was there a time in your past in UNDETERMINED STATE INTEGRATION comfortable. Different people will have different comfort lones. If there is a possibility of epilepsy, such as when there is a family history, then refrain from using eye movement exercises. which you recall feeling X? Have the person discuss with How did you know back then their physician whether such exerthat you felt X? cises are appropriate for them. Could you show me how you The first set of questions should be would look like if you were feeling asked and answered fairly quickly. X right now? If you give the person time to What was it like to have that think, their own self criticism is feeling? Can you feel it now? likely to inhibit them. Additional Advice Make sure your hand is not so close that it makes the person un501 If the person is agitated, this is not the right pattern to use. Consider using the "State Chaining" technique or "Collapsing Anchors". GV2) 140. Choice Expansion "We cannot truly face life until we face the fad that it will be taken away from us': - Billy Graham CREDITS FOR THE creation of or literally, makes it difficult to turn this NLP pattern belong to back. Robert Dilts. For example, when you sign an Generate motivation by harnessing the power of choice points. You could say that choice points occur when you consciously or unconsciously make a commitment of some kind. A defining characteristic of a choice point is that it, symbolically Step * 1. Scan through your day. agreement, take marriage vows, or shake on a bet, you have passed a choice point lhis pattern will also help you identify and use the many smaller choice points that, collectively, have a big impact on our lives. Step *2 Root bock to that choice point, viewing it from the third (dissociated) perceptual position. Step *3. Select choice points Step *4. Imagine the likely outcomes of each of these imaginary chOIces. Step *5. For each outcome, imagine experiencing it in first person. Step *6. Test 502 Step #1. Scan through your day. What choice points did you go through and what choices did you make? What outcome did you intend to produce at those points? For the choices that produced results of some kind today, how effective were your choices? Step #2. Float back to that choice point, viewing it from the third (dissociated) perceptual position. Step #]. Select choice points Select the two or three most important choice points (or more if you have time). For each, think of three different choices that you could have made. Imagine actually making those choice and taking actions based on those choices, one choice at a time. CHOICE EXPANSION Step #4. Imagine the likely outcomes of each of these imaginary choices. Step #5. For each outcome, imagine experiencing it in first person. Step #6. Test As you experience the next few days, notice if your acuity for sizing up choices has improved, and whether your results are any better. Note any ways that you could enhance this pattern, and use it on key choices that have caused problems. Also, be sure to use it on upcoming choices, to develop your ability to predict outcomes, and to simply become more conscious of the outcomes you project, since many of our choice points (and choices) slip by us unnoticed until it is too late. 503 141. The FIB Pattem "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense'~ - Ralph Waldo Emerson CREDITS FOR THE creation of tween the problem state and the this NLP pattern belong to ideal state. Robert Dilts. This pattern is unique in that it Create resource states in people who tend to focus on the negative or disabling aspect of a situation. This technique utilizes the tendency of negative and resource experiences to have a great deal in common. They seem quite different because their differences are in the foreground of our awareness. This pattern is a good example of creating resourceful states by linking there from unresourceful states. This pattern is good for people who are too caught up in a negative reality because it works with sensory representations that are shared bedoes not focus on the foreground, or "driver" submodalities, as you would with the swish pattern and others. It also for this reason that you should work slowly and methodically through the steps and note your client's abreaction to the process. With the approach of the FIB pattern, you do not have a fight for dominance between the two foreground experiences. Many users find this pattern to be a gentle and almost magical experience. In my own private practice, the clients 504 THE FIB PATTERN who have experienced this process sourceful perception, you can tell reported it has been one of the it in their eyes and their posture. most self-comforting experiences Relaxation is one of the immedithey've ever had. ate benefits of this pattern, but it is When their focus changes from also just the beginning of the wona limiting or limited frame to a re- derful results it brings about. 505 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Chose a limiting response. Choose a clearly definable situation in which you have an automatic limiting response. An example of this is flying in an aircraft when this causes panic attacks. step #2. Notice your foreground and background awareness. 2A. Notice your foreground awareness. As you imagine this experience, notice what is in the foreground of your awareness. What aspects are you most aware of at the time that you experience your limiting response? The panicking air passenger may be aware of the sound of the engines rewing up in preparation for take off. Check all rep systems and submodalities for what is standing out. 2B. Notice your background awareness. Notice what is in the background of your awareness. What are you not typically very aware of during your unresourceful automatic response? These must be things that are not limited to the situation, or that you might experience in a situation in which you have a very resourceful response. Typically, you focus on the most pleasant body sensations that you can find, such as the aliveness of the soles of your feet, or the color of the walls. Step #3. Seled a counterexample. Find a good counter-example to your unresourceful response. This will be a time when you could well have had the unresou rcefu I or limiting response, but you did not. For example, memories of flying without panicking would provide counter-examples. If there is no counter-example, you want to find the closest situation that you can. For example, if you have been in a bus or tram without anxiety, then you have a good counter-example because of the similarities between the interior of a plane and that of a bus (seating, other people, length, engine sounds, jostling). Associate into the experience. 506 Step #4. Explore the foreground and background of the counter-example. 4A. Explore the foreground of the counter-example. Discover the aspects of this experience of which you are most aware, that is, that are in the foreground. Intensify the positive experience and anchor it. (We'll call this anchor Al.) Foreground experiences may be things like a curious internal voice, or a dissociated image of the environment, or a sense of desire for the engine to wind up because it means that you are going to move forward. 4B. Explore the background of the counter-example. Get in touch with the features that are in the background of both situations (this is the common ground experience). This may range from body sensations such as the soles of the feet to similarities between the external perceptions. THE FIB PATTERN Step #5. Associate the background and the foreground feature of the counter-example, and connect this state with the foreground of the original situation. Weld a strong association between the background and foreground feature in your counter-example situation. You can do this be focusing on the background feature and firing the A 1 resource anchor. Now connect this with the foreground of the original situation. You can use suggestions to accomplish this. For example, '7he more you attend to the feeling of the soles of your feet the more you can experience how your curious internal voice becomes louder and clearer. And as your awareness shifts to the environment of the bus and its engine increasing in speed, you more easily maintain an image of the inside of the airplane." As you can see, we are linking the common background and the positive state with the foreground of the situation in which you had experienced a limiting response. 507 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #6. Focus on the common ground experience of the original experience. Return to the original experience, and focus on the common ground experience that you found in 4B. For example, you could place yourself back into the airplane as the engines are beginning to rev, and focus your awareness on the soles of your feet and the color of the walls there. If this does not improve the limiting response, then try one of these strategies: Option 1. Find a more powerful fitting counter-example, and repeat the pattern from step 2A. Or ... option 2. Return to step 2B, and strengthen the association between the common ground elements and the background features of the counter-example. Step #7. Test. Focus on the foreground features of the original situation from step lA. You should experience the positive state from your counterexample experience. You can use instructions such as: "Now you can place yourself into the seat in the airline, actually focusing your full attention on the sound of the engine and the sense of acceleration of the plane. 508 142. Memory De-Energizing "One should guard against preaching to young people success in the customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community". - Albert Einstein CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of Free yourself from troubling this NLP pattern belong to memories. Turn them into sources Dr. Maralee Platt. of wisdom. 509 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Choose a memory that troubles you sometimes. Step #2. Explonre the submodalities you notice in the memory. Step #3. Use a frame as a symbol of the memory and modify. Select a single frame from your mental movie of the memory, and use it as a symbol for the entire memory. Push that frame back to the farthest periphery of your awareness and change it to black and white. this pattern. Just know that you are taking wisdom from this image. Imagine this knowledge flowing into your personal mental library. Step #5. Put the image behind you. Now push the image back behind you, symbolically telling your body mind that the experience is behind you, that is, in the past. Step #6. Have this process generalize. Instruct your mind to do this with all aspects of the troubling Notice that there is a younger memory. you in the image. Shrink it down to a small size and surround it with a Step #7. Enjoy happy memories frame. and put them behind you. Step #4. Bring the image to your left. and extract the learning. Reach out and grasp the small image with your left hand, and bring it to your left side. Use the opposite hand and side if you tend to store your memories on the right. Extract all the learnings available from this memory as represented by the small image. You may not know what these learnings consist of, but that is okay for Spend some time with happy memories in big, bright, full color. Place them to the right. Enjoy them, then push them back behind you as well. Step #8. Test. In the coming days, notice if this memory has been de-energized. Notice any ways that this frees your creativity and ability to enjoy life and create a more meaningful future. 510 143. Somatic Fractal '7ake advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people". -Jim Rohn C REOITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. Practice intuiting deep structure, and explore how this is a useful skill and understanding. This pattern draws upon Somatic Syntax. 511 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Select a shape. Do this pattern with a partner. Select a simple shape, such as a triangle or figure eight, but keep it a secret for now. Step #2. Make the pattern with your finger. As your partner keeps their eyes closed, make the pattern with your finger. step #3. Add body parts to create a more complex movement pattern. Keep this up, and begin adding body parts. Start small, perhaps with your wrist, and expand out until your entire body is involved as much as possible. Explore this as though you were creating some kind of new dance. Don't try to make your body express the original pattern as an imitation. Instead, you are allowing it to act as a seed move that inspires new movements, step #4. Have your partner guess the original pattern. Have your partner open their eyes and try to guess the deep structure pattern (the original shape you started with) that led to your somatic fractal (the end result of your movement expansion into a more complex move). This is called a fractal because, metaphorically, it is a complex expression or result of an underlying formula (the original shape). Instruct your partner to, "Notice how you must call upon a kind of intuition in order to seek the deep structure that leads to the more complex movement. Get a sense of how this intuition lives in you and how to access it." Step #5. Switch roles. Switch roles and do the exercise again. Step #6. Test In the coming days and weeks, notice any ways that accessing this intuition becomes easier and useful. Notice any ways that this metaphoric way of seeking deep structure can play out in life situations and be valuable. 512 144. Resource Fractal 'What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him': - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search For Meaning CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of of life by creating a synesthetic this NlP pattern belong to (multi representational system) exRobert Dilts. pression of an optimal state. Enhance your problem solving, creativity, or simply your enjoyment 513 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Access the resource state. Select and access a resourceful state. Step #2. Initiate a related movement pattern. Find within yourself a pattern or kind of body movement that seems to somehow express this state. You may find a pattern, or the movement may evolve more like a free-form dance. Give yourself permission to do it your own way, without the burden of judgement or preconceptions. Step #3. Vary the movements. With care and mindfulness, make gentle and subtle variations of this pattern. notice how this affects how you experience your resourceful state. Explore how this connects you to its deeper structure. step #4. Transfer the movements. step #5. Extend the movements to more areas. Extend this movement quality out to many parts of your body, perhaps the totality of your body. Even invite it to come out in your facial expression. step #6. Use another rep system. Repeat this using another rep system. This time, you used the kinesthetic in four dimensions (by adding time expression through movement). You could swap that for visual, by drifting through memories and created images that express the state. You could create an auditory expression by singing and tapping, or by remembering and inventing sound environments in your mind. You can add words to it, impressionistically and poetically, or by describing the sound sea pes. There are plenty of possibilities for your creativity. Transfer this movement pattern Step #7. Test and quality to another part of your body. For example, if you started with your hand, shift it up into your shoulders and neck. Be gentle if you are not much of a dancer. In the coming days and weeks, notice any ways that you are using your intelligence and creativity across rep systems (synesthetically) to solve problems, be creative, or simply experience a richer world. 514 145. Changing Beliefs - The Logic Approach "Reality leaves a lot to the imagination': - John Lennon I F YOU'RE A good listener, you might notice you have friends who dump their sorrows on you in every possible chance. It's not because they're looking for pity or abuse your friendship, it's because they know you listen and talking gives them some temporary relief from the emotional pain they cause to themselves. They are also very logical. They can firmly convince you how stuck they are. They can prove that their range of choices is limited. They refuse to listen to anything that contradicts their twisted logic, and the worst part is - they are depressively optimistic about the near future. To make it softer, they express themselves as if their values and integrity are on the line, and their suffering is a result of them trying to stay moral and honest and generous. They tend to believe that the world is doing THIS or THAT to them, and surely they cannot see their responsibility in the stream of events. From day to day, the more you listen to them, you get the feeling that they're not really trying to change their situation. At first, you may think they are just stuck for a moment or two and then they'd come back turned over 180 degrees, all well and better. But they do not. They stay stuck in the third and fourth moment and continuously. They may develop some unknown and unexplained physical weakness and tendency to sickness. Their doctors will say they're still doing tests, but have no clue what the reasons for the sickness 515 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES is. They would hide an extra information from you, one that the doctor says for sure - there is nothing wrong with your body; you are healthy". They seek attention. They seek the caring look. They seek the emotional punching bag. They want to unload their emotional burden, but within a day or two, they have it all back. But they are your friends. If you only have one of those, great. If you have more, it is surely a time for a different strategy to handle them, because eventually they may get better while you get worst. The solution is simpler than you may think. Aristotle thought about it ages ago, but in a different context. Aristotle came up with the concept of Deduction. It's opposite, Abduction, was added to this thought model as well. Deduction is the common logic which depressed optimists use to confine themselves in their problems. The logic is obvious but absurd if you dissect it objectively. "I am a foreigner". "Foreigners can't get a good job in this country" "I will never get a good job here'~ The equation of deduction is simple: A = B; B = ( ; therefore - A=( And it is logical, because the minute you accept the B = ( statement, the belief is set in motion. The challenging part here is to handle the fact that they are convinced already before they made this statement. So even if you try to negate B = ( and claim that B = D and not (, it is not accepted and even ridiculed by the depressed optimist. The "cure" for this is using the other process which is called Abduction. ''You are an educated and experienced person" "Foreigners in this country are not equal one to another in education and experience" "As long as you are superior to other foreigners, it gives you a higher chance to get a better job in this country" A = B; ( = D < B ; therefore - (B > C) = A If you run this formula thoughtfully and design it to fit the depressed optimist you're dealing with, it will get them thinking. If 516 they come up with another excuse, make a decision if it's a valid excuse or a miserable try to get you to think they're hopeless. If it's the second case, give them that nonbeliever doubting look and they suddenly change a tune. Friends are there for each other, in better and most importantly in worst. When someone behaves in a destructive way, it is also your responsibility to shake CHANGING BELIEFS - THE LOGIC ApPROACH them off and kick them back into normal and healthy way of living. If it restricts your life and limits your own possibilities, push them away. Sometimes the fear of losing a good friend drives people into a major positive change. But use that as a last resort. Besides, it's always more fun to twist and distort a friend's mind and see them curl in discomfort all the way to the "Aha!" and wanton motivation. 517 146. Logical Levels Co-Alignment 'Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others': - Jonathan Swift C REOITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Robert Dilts. Discover and align with your vision and values through the power of metaphor and logical levels. Help your team succeed when you form a common identity together through this kind of alignment. If you refer to the appendix on logical levels, you'll see how this pattern uses the levels. 0ttewIew: Jhl.oglalll.ettels Co-AlIg • ...." l'allel'll Step # 1. Select the location. Step #2. Answer the "doing" question. Step #3. Answer the "skills and abilities" question. Step #4. Answer the "values and beliefs" question. Step #5. Answer the "identity" question. Step #6. Answer the "vision" question. Step #7. Explore the vision overlap. Step H. Bring the related state to the identity level. Step #9. Move to the identity level. Step # 10. Move to the behavior level. Explore the significance at that level. Step #, ,. Explore the full results at the location level. Step #'2. Test 518 Step # 1. Select the location. Select for this pattern an environment that you and your team share with a common purpose. When you just begin using this pattern, select a place that is neutral and not knowingly holding negative anchors for members of the team. Step #2. Answer the ""doing" question. Have each team member answer the question, "What do I desire to do or accomplish in that placer Ask them to go into some detail in their answers. Step #]. Answer the ""skills and abilities" question. Have each member describe the tools, skills, authority, and abilities that they feel will best empower them to accomplish their aims in this place. It does not have to be public at first; they can each work on their own list without sharing with the rest of the group until they feel comfortable enough to do so. Step #4. Answer the ""values and beliefs'" question. Have each member describe the values, attitudes and beliefs LOGICAL LEVELS CO-ALIGNMENT that drive their desire to exercise these resources to accomplish their aims in this place. Step #5. Answer the ""identity" question. Have them explain who they are as individuals with these motivations and beliefs driving their use of skills and other resources to create the desired actions in this place. Step #6. Answer the ""vision" question. Have them describe the vision that they wish to manifest, and that gives dimension to their identity as a person with beliefs and attitudes that drive their use of skills and abilities toward specific actions and results in this place. Step #7. Explore the vision overlap. Discuss the ways that your individual vision statements are similar. What do they share? Be sure to explore them for overlaps that are not obvious. Step #8. Bring the related state to the identity level. Access the positive state associated with this vision and sharing. In that state, return to your identity level, experiencing the vision 519 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES and sense of identity and mission simultaneously. Step #9. Move to the identity level. levels you have explored, right up to the level of vision. Now ask, IIWhat collective actions shall we take together?" With this sense of vision, iden- Step #11. Explore the full retity, beliefs and values, return to suits at the location level. your capability space. Place all the levels you have exExplore what capabilities you plored into the location. have as a team that go beyond your individual identities. Experience how these insights, understandings, and feelings transform and enrich this space and Step #10. Move to the behavior mission. level. Explore the significance at that level. Take your sense of vision, identity, beliefs, values and capabilities back to the behavior level. Explore how all of your behaviors, even seemingly trivial ones, affect and reflect upon all the higher Step #12. Test Over the coming days and months, observe any ways that this pattern has influenced or expanded the team and your individual contribution to it's work. 520 147. The Embedded Command In A Question Method the right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously': - Hubert H. Humphrey CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Milton Erickson, modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. When embedded commands appear in questions, they have the added benefit of priming a more open, curious state. The question helps to conceal the embedded command as well. Here are examples: "I'm wondering whether you can feel completely comfortable speaking with me?" "00 you know if you can quietly allow your subconscious mind to come out and talk to me?" 521 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step # 1. Select a situation for using embedded commands. Step #2. Choose what you will communicate with this approach. Write down a number of things that you would like to communicate, but that might arouse inappropriate defenses. Continue accumulating these until you have a several that you feel can be converted into embedded messages. Make sure that your approach is ethical. You must not attempt to manipulate a person in a manner that is not in their best interest. Step #3. Prepare the communications. Create questions that could be normal-sounding parts of your communication with this person, and that include your embedded commands. Remember, embedded commands are usually very short sentences or sentence fragments with the meaning that you want. If necessary, review material on Milton Erickson's use of embedded commands. Step #4. Practice the approach. Before using this approach, practice delivering these communications. Try them with several different embedded commands. Add analogical marking (see the pattern above) such as including changing your inflection, tempo, body language, and volume. Step #5. Apply the approach. Once you feel that this can be done in a way that is very natural, use this approach in the actual situation. Step #6. Assess the results. Notice how the person responds. Were there any awkward moments or looks? Did the person respond in any way that suggests your approach was helpful? Continue to refine and practice your use of analogical marking until you are able to do it without preparing in advance. 00 522 148. The Double Bind Method "English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say': - Garrison Keillor CREDITS for the creation of this NlP pattern belong to Milton Erickson, modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Improve cooperation in many situations. The double bind is a basic communication pattern that requires that the person you are communicating with accepts a presupposition. This is followed with choices. For example, the most classic and simple version, ''Would you like to pay cash or credit?" 523 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Define the context for your communication. Think of a situation in which you would like to increase others' cooperation. Sales and coaching are great situations for this. However, even a simple persuasion situation, such as convincing your 10 years old son to go to bed at 10pm instead of watching another movie, would do. Get a clear idea of how you would know the person was being cooperative, which in essence means that you need to establish a quick, well-defined outcome to your communication with that person in that context. Step #2. Identify the presupposition. Identify a basic presupposition upon which this cooperation would be predicated. Now, this is not an embedded command, but this should be the conclusion the other person will come to after you apply the double bind in your conversation with them. Here are some examples: You are going to buy this, you need this, you are definitely going to base this decision upon your higher values, you can prove yourself by getting a constructive outcome here. Step #]. Align the situation to the presupposition. Imagine communicating with people in this kind of situation. Think of ways you can get them aligned with your basic presuppositions, the ones you've established in Step #2. The mostelegantwaysare largely or completely subconscious. If you are talking to a street kid who is used to proving himself by being touch, you might use numerous anchoring and hypnotic methods to get him primed to prove his manhood by being a constructive leader in a situation that could turn violent without his help. Notice that this last phrase already distances him from the violence. Instead of saying, "Don't do it," the presupposition is that he is separate from the situation and has a choice whether or not to help. It also implies that he is needed, by appealing to his heroic fantasies. Step #4. Construct a 22-catch choice. Once the presupposition is firmly in place, construct a choice that is predicated upon this presupposition. 524 For example, you could keep the circle of revenge going around and around, killing more people on various sides of various conflicts, as if there isn't a bigger world out there for everybody, or you could run and hide, but I'm wondering what you're going to do to turn them around and save some lives. Keep some of those pretty girls prettier, keep the party going. It isn't whether you have the stuff. You've proven yourself. But how are you going to take it to another level. Maybe using some of that fast talk of yours to mess with their heads a little and get them thinking about other stuff. Maybe get them thinking about the lives they could have if they weren't on this merry-go-round. I dunno. Step #5. Test. Try this approach in the situation and, as you improve your skill, notice how much your results improve. Additional Advice Communication skills are not based on tricks or memorized techTHE DOUBLE BIND METHOD niques. What we do in NLP is trying to get all of this "practice" into real practice, by working to make the skills move to the level of subconscious competence. Then, every opportunity to practice the skill becomes another brick on the road to mastery. Instead of memorizing techniques, practice them in your imagination. When I just began studying these concepts, I went on a long imaginary journey every day. I practiced only in my mind, making up thousands of possible situations in which I would need to be persuasive and influential. What is so good about your imagination? You can slow the process down. In real life, people are not going to wait for you to think about a presupposition that will help you build a double bind. They might also become suspicious if you use techniques that you have memorized. But they're going to be mesmerized if you're not using a technique consciously, if these ideas and concepts are expressed in your words without your intention to use them... as if they were always your natural way of communication. 525 149. The Ambiguity Method "The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished': - George Bernard Show CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Milton H. Erickson, modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Learn to use ambiguity for motivational and healing purposes. Milton Erickson was brilliant at using ambiguity to induce trance, and to guide the subconscious mind in its work during therapy. This pattern will focus on using ambiguity to induce light trance during TDS's. Do not try this exercise while operating any machinery or doing anything that could be dangerous, you may put yourself into a trance. If you are comfortable with hypnotic communication, you can try this on a partner for practice and get their feedback. You can also record your efforts and try them on yourself. Step # 1. Create an ambiguous statement pertaining to stages of hypnotic communication. Step #2. Refine it to be more hypnotic. Step #3. Engineer ambiguity for specific situations. Step #4. Modify what you came up with to prime the person. 526 Step #1. Create an ambiguous statement pertaining to stages of hypnotic communication. Write down or verbalize statements that would guide a person through hypnotic communication for at least the following stages: Body positioning, paying attention, going inward, focusing on an issue, developing a state, going deeper into relaxation, going into trance. For example, for body positioning, here is an unambiguous statement: "Please sit with your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, and breath slowly." Made ambiguous, it could be: 1:45 you sit there, you can untangle your legs, finding a position that your mind prefers you to experience as it guides your hands to come to rest as they find you giving even more of your weight to the chair as it suspends you there in balance ... now.' Step #2. Refine it to be more hypnotic. Practice this again, and emphasize ways of being ambiguous that will enhance the experience of relaxation and trance. Try various wordings. Step #]. Engineer ambiguity for specific situations. Try the same thing for a practical situation. This removes you and THE AMBIGUITY METHOD your agenda from causing the person to feel that there is anything to push against. Step #4. Modify what you came up with to prime the person. Add an element or two to the communication that will prime this person to act in the manner that you prefer. Remember that priming is triggering a state that is conducive to a particular way of thinking or acting. That is different from a direct command. For example, "/ know most people's fondest memories are of the vacations they have been having with their families. They would never trade those memories away for any work memories, as they treasure them." In this case, we are not talking directly about him during our timeshare presentation. We are, however, priming our listeners regarding the many values of vacations, including family ties. Money is now less of an obstacle, especially if we have a well-orchestrated presentation with many such primes. Gt0 527 150. The Presupposition Method "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind': - Rudyard Kipling CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Milton H. Erickson, modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Learn to make your communication more persuasive with presuppositions. A presupposition is an assumption that your listener perceives from your communication. For example, a very common presupposition I used with clients in my hypnotherapy practice was, "before you go deeper (into hypnosis), I would like you to notice how your breathing seems to be deeper .. . ". That line had 2 presuppositions in it, that even if the client has consciously negated one, the other is still accepted. Milton Erickson was able to embed his communications with presuppositions that were often quite well hidden. Step * 1. Select your presuppositions. Step '2. Embed them in sentences. Step *3. Create a conversational approach with the sentences and set ups. Step *4. Practice on people. 528 THE PRESUPPOSITION METHOD Step #1. Select your presupposition. You get bonus presuppositions. points for preceding each senImagine that you are about to tence with a sentence or two that encourage a trance state while in a set up the presupposition to make conversational format. it more stealthy. Think of at least five things that you could presuppose (assume is a close synonym) about the person and their experience that you could leverage for relaxation, rapport, healing, and trance. For example: '~ .. this allows you to more fully feel the relaxation spreading from your shoulders," (presupposing that the person is already relaxing and that it is spreading from their shoulders, making it possible to feel sensations that can be interpreted as relaxation and increase awareness there that will induce relaxation) or, at a higher logical level, '~s you go into your day, your subconscious will continue to heal you and build you," (presupposing that the subconscious has this agenda and is already healing and building). Step #2. Embed them in sentences. Create sentences that, as I showed in step one, include these For example, '~s you inhale, you can feel your shoulders spread very slightly, with your exhale allowing them to feel their natural weight. This allows you to more fully feel the relaxation spreading from your shoulders, into the weight of your hands, through the ends of your fingers." Step #3. Create a conversational approach with the sentences and set ups. String these presuppositionbearing sentences together into a conversational approach to trance. Step #4. Practice on people. Try this on a willing participant, or record it and try it on yourself. Observe your subjects for signs of trance. Notice how your use of presuppositions can encourage what you presuppose to actually take place or become the basis for other behavior. 529 151. The Metaphor Method 'The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young': - Willa Cather CREDITS FOR Tl-IE creation of this debate about going off of the gold NlP pattern belong to MiI- standard in the 1900's. ton H. Erickson, modeled by Kafka's Metamorphosis is a Richard Bandler and John Grinder. metaphor for the denial of self imPractice using metaphors to plicated in conformity to a harsh achieve therapeutic ends. Metaphor capitalist society. In coaching and is essentially the use of symbolic psychotherapy, healing metaevents or items to symbolize some- phors can bypass conscious filters thing else. The Wizard of Oz was and rally subconscious resources. a metaphor for the United States' Metaphors such as those in little 0nrrtIer.1JIe MelfI""., Method Step # 1. Choose a situation that you can apply a healing metaphor to. Step #2. Decide what is key to healing. Step #3. Create your metaphor os a story situation. Step #4. Complete the metaphor for healing. Step #5. Prodice the stoty. Step #6. Tell the stoty. Step #7. Test 530 THE METAPHOR METHOD Annie Stories can be used to help Step #4. Complete the children navigate developmental metaphor for healing. challenges and fears. Find a way to propel the stoStep #1. Choose a situation that you can apply a healing metaphor to. Think of a situation in your own or someone else's life that is creating fear or difficulty in adjusting. It can be an adult or child. Step #2. Decide what is key to healing. Jot down a core idea that would be healing or useful for that situation. Jot down some ideas that support it. Step #3. Create your metaphor as a story situation. Think of a story situation that resembles this, but does not directly say it. For example, a child who is afraid of the dark could be transformed into a story about prince who must get to the castle in order to become the next king, but he must pass through a dark forest that he is sure is full of goblins and witches. ry and reach a resolution with a healing meaning. For example, you could enthrall your child with the prince's travels through the dark forest, with his certainty that sounds he is hearing means he is about to be eaten by goblins or turned into a toad by witches. He could have close calls with things that turn out to be birds and rabbits. (The metaphor is saying that those fears aren't really of bad things, in fact, they might be cute or harmless). Step #5. Practice the story. Practice telling the story until it feels fairly smooth Step #6. Tell the story. Tell the story to the person who needs to hear it. Step #7. Test. Notice if it has a positive impact on the person regarding the situation that they were having trouble with. 531 152. Shared Resource "If you have one true friend you have more than your share': - Thomas Fuller C REOITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Robert Dilts and Robert McDonald. Improve the value of resourceful states by using various perceptual positions to experience and explore them. This pattern uses a novel fourth position by invoking a felt sense of sameness between people that results from having been through the other three perceptual positions. We'll draw from the principles of spatial sorting, psycho-geography, and somatic syntax. Step # 1. Select a resourceful experience and express it in body movements. Step #2. Face your pattner and begin imitating their movements. Step #3. Take on your partner's experience and movements. Step K Compare and contrast this with your own movements. Step #5. Faong the same directions. blend the two resource state movement patterns in a ~ field:' Step #6. Repeat with another pair, but with ~ fields." Step #7. Test 532 SHARED RESOURCE Step #1. Select a resourceful Step #5. Facing the same experience and express it in directions, blend the two body movements. resource state movement Do this exercise in pairs the first patterns in a 66we field." time through. Choose a recent experi- Go back to first position. ence that you found to be resourceful. Turn to be side by side with Review it from first position (through your own eyes, etc.) Explore the body movements that somehow express that resourceful state. Step #2. Face your partner and begin imitating their movements. Face your partner and do this movement pattern. Now, continuing in first position, imitate your partner's body movements. your partner. Make your resource movements again. Hqve your partner make their own version of movements. Together, make small adjustments in your movements until you blend the two resource states through movement. What is it like to experience this shared space? We'll call it the fourth position, or a "we field." Step #6. Repeat with another Step #3. Take on your partner's pair, but with 66we fields." experience and movements. Switch positions and go into second position, experiencing things through your partners eyes. Express your partner's movements as though you were them. Notice any ways that this changes how you experience these movements. Step #4. Compare and contrast this with your own movements. From the third position (outside observer), sense what makes your partner's movements similar to and different from your own. The two of you are now to find another pair and repeatthe pattern. This time, start with the movement that you created together. Continue to expand these joinings until the entire group is experiencing this fourth position. Step #7. Test. Explore with the group what this "we field" is like. Notice in the coming days and weeks any ways that this pattern has contributed to your ability to empathize, create rapport, and be intuitive. 533 153. The Dancing SCORE PaHem "It's not what you're doing that's the problem, it's what you're doing when you're not doing what you're meant to be doing, that's the problem'~ - Wyatt Woodsmall CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NlP pattern belong to Judith Delosier, based on the S.C.O.R.E model by R. Dilts & T. Epstein. Solve problems by enhancing your intuition and body wisdom through movement. This pattern promotes the mind-body relationship in a way that accesses and mobilizes deep resources, creating a self-organizing pathway toward a resourceful and relevant state. In this pattern, we will think of a challenge as existing in a problem space. The key elements that we will consider for this are in the acronym S.C.O.R.E., which stands for Symptoms, Causes, Outcomes, Resources, and Effects. We will ask you to express yourself in movement and dance, but we are talking about a personal form of expression for which there is no pressure to perform for anyone else. These are expressions that you find within yourself and express in whatever way you discover. 534 Step #1. Select a problem. Select a problem that you would like to solve. THE DANCING SCORE PATTERN Symptom, Outcome, Desired Effect. Think of them as being in chronological order. Choose a problem that seems as though it will require an expanded frame or insight in order to be solved. Remember that Symptom means the thing that tells you the Step #2. Create your four spaces. problem is there. Go to a meta-position, and se- Desired Effects refers to lect a location for each of the fol- the long-term effects of the lowing four items: outcome. Cause, 535 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #3. Find a movement pattern expressing the symptoms. Step onto the Symptom space. Access the symptom (problem) experience. Find within yourself a pattern of movement that somehow expresses that experience. Step #4. Find a movement pattern expressing the cause. Step into the Cause space. Discover how the feeling and movement associated with the Symptom space can guide you to a sense of the Cause of the Symptom. Find the movements that express the Cause state. Step # 5. Break state, the go to the Outcomes space, and find a movement pattern expressing the desired outcomes. Break state and move to the meta-position. Step into the Outcome space. Create a fully associated experience of the solution state; the state that you desire. Discover and express the movements that express this state. Step #6. Find a movement pattern expressing the eHeds of the desired outcomes. Step into the Desired Effect space. Explore how it feels to fully experience the results of your desired outcome. Spend enough time to deeply experience this. Step #7. Moving through all spaces, discover a dance that integrates the movement from cause to effeds. a. Step into the Cause location and slowly walk through all four spaces. b. Especially notice how your body can intuitively connect the Symptom and Outcome locations. c. Repeat this complete walk several times until you feel that the dance is a single dance that carries you from the Cause space to the Desired Effect space. Step #8. Discover a missing resource. Move out into a meta-position, and explore what feels like your dance is missing. See if there is a sense of a missing resource that this feeling can bring your attention to. 536 step #9. Find a movement for the missing resource and integrate it into your movement expression. Go through your spaces, finding a movement expression of that missing resource, and add it to your dance. with this new dance. Find a movement expression of that missing resource, and adding it to your dance. step #10. Repeat this to fully integrate the movement expression. Repeat the movement through the spaces until it feels like a fully THE DANCING SCORE PATTERN integrated personal movement expression. Step #11. Test. In the coming days, notice if new solutions occur to you, or if you spontaneously act them out in some way. As you encounter challenging situations, explore how your way of being physically can express more of your resources in some way through body language or how you move your own internal sense of energy and emotion. 0S 537 154. Advantageous N LP Beliefs "If you hit every time, the target is either too big or too near'~ - Tom Hirshfield T HE NLP presuppositions (or core beliefs) are the most important guidelines for learning and doing NLP, and for being successful in life. Some people have published are larger number than we have here, some have published less. We feel that this list below is the best, most useful collection. The word presupposition means something that you may not be able to prove, but that you base your behavior on. As a thinking person, you can see if there are exceptions to these rules, or situations where they don't apply. 538 ADVANTAGEOUS NLP BELIEFS ......... ,IIIIIU'",.. pu rlslloes: 539 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 1. The "map' is not the "territory'. We base our actions on our mental map of the world. If you understand this, you understand that there are always ways to improve your map. People who are stuck in life don't know this. They get angry or passive when you talk about improving their view of the world. Can you see how knowing that the map is not the territory can make you more flexible and adaptable? As in evolution, flexibility and adaptability are powerful traits for survival and satisfaction. 2. People respond according to their internal maps. If you don't understand someone, you don't understand their mental map. You may understand what they should do, but you can only understand their internal map by learning about it. Can you imagine what kind of connection you will be able to make with people, and how much better you will react to people when you have all the curiosity and tools that come from this point of view? 3. Meaning operates context-dependently. If you really want to understand what something means to someone, you have to understand the situation, that is, the context. Context has many sides to it. You must understand a politician's motives to understand the real meaning of their speech. You must understand what a person has gone through in order to understand why they are reacting strongly to someone they hardly know. If someone in an artist commune says they love you, it may mean something different than an "I love you" from your aunt. Think of the ways you can expand your view of the world and your understanding of human behavior by delving into context. 4. Mind-and-body affect each other. We are not brains in jars, like in some science fiction movie. We don't just think with our brains, we think with our bodies. Science is revealing more about this all the time. Successful leaders, sales people and others intuitively understand this. Can you think of some ways you can use this know/edge to your advantage? Some of the basic applications of this are the value of eating the right food, and getting good physical exercise. These have a great impact on your mind. 540 If you are trying to have a talk with an uncooperative teenager, see how they act if you take a walk with them. More advanced use of this know-how lies in fields such as body mind, or somatic, psychotherapy, participatory learning methods, and the use of evolutionary psychology in marketing, where primitive drives and instincts are brought into play. 5. Individual skills function by developing and sequencing of rep systems. You have already gotten a taste of this powerful knowledge. The submodality techniques we tried are used to create many kinds of behavior change and success. Imagine what your life would be like if you applied one or more tools from a rich toolbox full of such methods every day. What experts or successful person would you most like to model using this insight? 6. We respect each person's model of the world. You may not agree with everyone, but if you respect their model of the world, you can understand it and find ways to create more understanding, less conflict, and more good outcomes. Think of some of the people that you have reacted to too quickly or too harshADVANTAGEOUS NLP BELIEFS Iy. People that you judged. Some of those situations caused you to lose opportunities. Imagine what genuine interest and concern for people's models of the world can do for you in a world that is very diverse, political, and charged with sensitive issues? You can become a great navigator, and fare better than many people who are quite smart, but fail to understand this wisdom. 7. Person and behavior describe different phenomena. We ""are" more than our behavior. The idea that we are more than our behavior is a very profound idea. You could write many volumes about this from your own life once you unlock this insight. Let's just look at how deeply people are able to change, and why they change. Most people are on the verge of a very expanded way of being in the world, and don't even know it. We have no idea what any person's true potential or destiny are. Whenever someone tells someone that they will not amount to anything, that person is failing to understand the truth of this proposition; the truth that we are more than our behavior. 541 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES In many places, a pattern of behavior or even a single act can define you. The idea of a human birth right, or inalienable rights that many constitutional governments are charged with supporting, is really a profound philosophical position that NLP expresses as well. Whatever you have done wrong, learn from it, don't let it define you. Whatever your limitations are, get clear on how to move forward in harmony with your abilities and limits, don't just use will power to try harder, or sentence yourself to a life of shame. You are bigger than that, whether you know it or not. Imagine the talent and energy that can be liberated in the world as this idea becomes better understood and more widely expressed. 8. Every behavior has utility and usefulnessin some context. This idea can be very counterintuitive. There are many behaviors that seem to make no sense, and are simply irritating and inconvenient at best, or criminal and threatening at worst. Milton Erickson, the famous psychiatrist and hypnotherapist that NLP has studied was a great model for this wisdom. He did something called utilization. Often it involved finding the hidden power or motivation within the behavior that was the most easy to try to stop or ignore. Do you know someone who does something that troubles you or otherwise seems to be a problem? Think about ways that the behavior might be used to support some kind of change, or how it may reveal motivations that you could somehow connect with a more effective behavior. You can even take this approach with yourself. What kind of potentials might you release by having an attitude like that about yourself? 9. We evaluate behavior It change in terms of context and ecology. NLP has been influenced by a very important approach called systems theory. The basic idea of systems theory is that we must consider how the parts of the world interact with each other. When you make a change in one part, how does this cause a domino eRect. Systems theory applies to the human body, to families, organizations, ecology, nations, and the world. We could never do justice to 542 systems theory in this course, but we will share this with you. Consider the systems impact or, as we say, the ecological impact of any change you consider, or of any behavior you want to understand. It is an added dimension to behavior that gives you a larger and more interesting world, and gives you much more power for making change. It can also help to protect you from unexpected reactions from a system. 10. We cannot not communicate. So true! Your clothes, your accent, your body language, subtle expressions that flit across your face, all communicate, all signal things to the people around you. We all size each other up all the time. If someone tells you never to judge people, perhaps they mean not to limit that person or to be harsh, but you can't stop interpreting other's behavior and signals. You do this from the most primitive parts of your brain that have radar for danger, to your more sophisticated abilities to determine who can offer the best relationships to you. This is an important reason for NlP to exist. The more you can align your subconscious and ADVANTAGEOUS NLP BELIEFS conscious motives, the more your subtle behaviors will communicate the right message. One of the biggest ingredients for charisma is this alignment, or coherence. 11. The way we communicate affeds perception It reception. You don't just communicate a digital message. You send out your own collection of submodalities that affect how you are perceived, and even others' ability to perceive you accurately. If you use conservative language to express liberal ideas or vice versa, peoples' filters will screen out the content of your message and just hear that you are conservative or liberal, unless they are very analytical types, and those are in the minority. Even the analytical types will probably feel uncomfortable with you, despite hearing what you were actually saying. The will only be comfortable if they are in on the joke. As a communicator, part of your job is to know about your listeners filters. What are the keys that will open their minds to what you have to say? The valuable lessons of NlP on creating rapport are a great contribution to this quest. 543 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES 12. The meaning of communication lies in the response you get. This is one of the most fundamental and early lessons to get from your study of NlP. Regardless of what you intended to say, the communication is what the other person heard. By carefully observing the other person's response, you can determine whether you have communicated effectively. People who fail to take responsibility for this fail to communicate effectively. You could say that they don't care if they are broadcasting on the wrong station and nobody is hearing them. Of course, you will not be able to do this if the person is purposely misunderstanding you. That is a tactic that some people use when they want to cast doubt on what you are saying or manipulate you. But as a sensitive communicator, you will learn to tell the difference, and develop creative responses to that kind of thing. NlP is a wonderful art to help you deal with manipulative people. 13. The one who sets the frame for the communication controls the action. like our brains, communication doesn't exist in a vacuum. You can exert much more influence when you understand the frame around a communication. The frame consists of things like the assumptions about why the discussion is taking place, what the environment means about it, that sort of thing. The presuppositions were covering here set the stage for NlP. Every communication comes in a package of presuppositions. Presuppositions can be constructive when they provide positive guidance. But they can cause harm, as they do when they serve to filter and bias propaganda. Instead of being a sitting duck, you can be proactive. Before an important discussion, ask yourself what the frame will be if you do nothing. Consider how it may support or defeat your objectives. Then think about how that frame might be improved. 14. "There is no failure, only feedback." This is a philosophy, not a scientific fact. As a philosophy, it is something you can live. If you turn your failures into learning experiences, you gain so many benefits, we can't list them all here. But consider these: Instead of losing sleep and feeling ashamed, 544 you will be inspired and focused; you will build confidence as you learn from your experiences. Instead of procrastinating and getting caught up in trivial matters, you will act on what is truly important to you. Why? Because you will not fear failure. When postponing your destiny becomes more uncomfortable than the risks you take in pursuing success, then you are ready to live this philosophy. 15. The person with the most flexibility exercises the most influence in the system. We have all seen the way inflexible people can only function in a certain culture or lifestyle. Take them out of their element, and they cannot adapt. Well, life is about change. That means that you will need flexibility in order to adapt to change. Since you can depend on change, you must depend on your adaptive creativity. NlP stresses the importance of meta level thinking. That is, looking at the situation from a higher level; not being caught up in the obvious. From a meta level, you can see how things are changing, and you can free yourself from rigid roles and seize upon opportunities that are invisible to everyone else. ADVANTAGEOUS NLP BELIEFS A good place to start is to as yourself who you think you are; maybe in terms of your career. Then ask how that self-definition may be limiting your. As yourself how your world or your career field is changing and creating opportunities that adaptable people can benefit from. 16. Resistance indicates the lack of rapport. This is especially important for sales people, consultants, coaches and psychotherapists. If your customer is resisting doing what is best, don't get mad, get rapport. As soon as you start seeing the person as resistant, you have locked onto your agenda and become inflexible. Remember what we just said about flexibility. This is a perfect example. Not only do you want to use the NlP rapport-building skills in general, but in situations with resistance, you need to better understand their motives, their values, and their ecology. Resistance often comes because the change you want to see would conflict with something you don't even know about. This is why sales people qualify their customers. Part of qualifying a customer is to ask them how a product or service would or would 545 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES not work in their lives. Often, people are resisting what they THINK you are trying to do, rather than what you ARE trying to do. This takes us back to the importance of framing. If someone is quick to misjudge you, this is part of the frame. Once critical way to prevent or cure this kind of bad frame is rapport. Erase resistance from your vocabulary and focus on what is driving the person and on gaining rapport with them. 17. People have the internal resources they need to succeed. This belief generates excellence, because when you believe in people's internal resources, you believe in your clients and your respect your competitors. This is a very powerful position. With clients, one will dig deeper to find the creativity and doggedness that they need in order to become a master consultant or coach. With yourself, you will never give up. If you do not succeed, you will not collapse into failure, you will call upon your creativity. This kind of creativity is the force that brings out your hidden resources. One of the greatest things about NLP is that is can help you surprise yourself in wonderful way. 18. Humans have the ability to experience one-trial leaming. You have seen people fail to learn the same life lesson over and over again. Perhaps you've seen them date or marry the wrong person time and again. People do this because they have not liberated the kind of insight and creativity that the NLP presuppositions encourage. Living with a meta level view, living in a truly awake state, and living with inspiring objectives before you give you too much momentum to fall into the same hole over and over again. Ask yourself about a negative life experience that you have had more than once. With that in mind, review the NLP presuppositions and I guarantee you, you will find several that can come to your aid. Failure is extinct when you liberate your learning potential. 19. All communication should increase choice. When you pay attention to the frame of communication, and when you develop the learning and flexibility that NLP teaches, you become a master communicator. You develop the ability to ex546 pand choices. Hidden frames limit choices. Rigidity limits choices. Failing to see people's inner resources limit choices. All of the presuppositions in some way expand choice-fulness. By infusing your communication with the lessons of NLP, you can expand your own and others' choices. Listen carefully to the next conversation you overhear. There are probably various ways that one or both parties are limiting their choices. Ask yourself - What you detect in that conversation that limits choice? How can you do a conversation like that differently? How can you knock down barriers to choice when you communicate? 20. People make the best choices open to them when they act. Never take for granted that other people know what you know. They may have all the options that you have, but they don't know it. People make bad choices and limit themselves because they have not connected to the inner resources that will liberate them. This applies to people who end up in jail, in dead-end careers, ADVANTAGEOUS NLP BELIEFS and in endless arguments. Don't get mad at them, especially if you are a supervisor or coach. Often, very simple and direct instruction and training is all that is needed. Other times, the person needs to get involved in something more psychological, like working with a successful NLP practitioner. 21. As response-able persons, we can run our own brain and control our results. This is the most fundamental discovery that people make as they become truly conscious. Waking up to this choice gives you an entirely different fate. You have heard people who sound like juvenile delinquents. When they do something wrong, they always have someone to blame. When they are held accountable, everyone is being unfair to them. Well, even mature adults fall into this thinking at times, as they do when they say that someone has made them feel a certain way. If you have learned to run your own brain, you have better things to do than complain about how someone made you feel. You take that situation as a call to expand your choices; a call to experience a creative, confident, resourceful state when you 547 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES are dealing with that person and their attitude; a call to know what your objectives really are in that situation. You need to know what a truly great outcome would be, so that you can bring it about. That is about controlling your results. You may not have a magic wand, but you have something close to a magic wand when you are very clear about your ideal outcomes. People who lack this are rudderless ships, spending too much time complaining about their bad results and bad feelings. No one needs to live like that. And you are learning many tools and perspectives that can take you light years beyond that existence, and into a far more successful way of being. 548 155. The D.V.P Pattem "Some minds remain open long enough for the truth not only to enter but to pass on through by way of a ready exit without pausing anywhere along the route'~ - Elizabeth Kenny CREDITS FOR THE creation of have, in order to communicate in a this NLP pattern belong to compelling way. Robert A. Yourell. This is an excellent way to preD.V.P stands for Distillation Plus Vision Plus Passion. This process allows you to take a cloud of reactions and ideas, and turn them into very tight talking points, like the ones politicians and sales people pare for a situation in which you feel that you have too much to try to say to a manipulative person, or to many emotions to manage for clearer communication. 549 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step *'. Select the ~-lfIIIy.,...,ss your thoughts about it Step *2. Repeat the ,."."",_ belIer 0TgQIJizati0n andpriorily. Step M. Ptddlt:e i~ (Iff Of your taIkirtg points. Step *7. Continue, but WIth more Of a challenge. Step *8. Add vision and passion. Step *9. Have more pradice sessions on this material in the coming da)is. Step * 10. Test. Step #1. Select the situation, Step #2. Repeat the thoughts and fully express your thoughts with better organization and about it. priority. Think of a situation such as those mentioned in the description of this pattern. Run everything that you think about the situation through your mind, or write it down, or say it out loud by yourself or to a friend who can help you with the exercise. Do this again, but allow your thoughts, now that you have run them through your mind, to fall together in a more orderly fashion, with a better sense of your priorities. Step #3. Distill the thoughts by leaving out unnecessary detail. Especially include those Do this again, but this time thoughts that you would like to leave out any unnecessary communicate, whether or not you details. actually should. 550 Step #4. Distill the thoughts further. Do this again, but leave out more details that aren't absolutely necessary for you to say what is most important. Step # 5. Continue distilling until you end up with a slogan. Keep doing this "distilling" process, until you have boiled it down to something that resembles an ad slogan, such as Apple's '7hink Different" or Dolly Madison's "Nothing says lovin' like something in the oven." It's okay to risk going to far, since you'll have no trouble beefing up the message with more details. Step #6. Practice improvising off of your talking points. Imagine the situation in which you will want to communicate your message. At first, make it easy. After you are comfortable with this, try bringing out various aspects of your message, improvising off of the key points that you have boiled your message down to. Remember to limit yourself to only the most important and compelling aspects. Step #7. Continue, but with more of a challenge. Imagine the person you need to communicate this to. THE D.V.P PATTERN Have them try various manipulative gambits to throw you off. This is how they manipulate you and abuse their power, most likely. Improvise from your key talking points, no matter what they say. You probably know them, or people like them, well enough to imagine a good variety of distracting, intimidating, or simply irritating comments that they might make. Step #8. Add vision and passion. Get in touch with the positive vision and emotion that you have in connection with each talking point. Really get in your mind the outcome and values behind the talking point, and how you really feel. You have positive emotions driving you to care enough to communicate about this. Even if it was a negative situation and set of emotions such as being fed up with intimidation or other boundary crossings, you can work your way back to positive vision, such as respect for boundaries, human dignity, and productive relationships toward whatever your common goal is. Be sure you are only connecting with the positive vision and the 551 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES positive, inspiring emotions that ling emotion and vision into their flow from that connection. voices. Infuse your voice with this, and Step #10. Test. practice speaking from this emotional place. Practice until it comes out in a smooth, compelling, grounded manner. If this is a challenge. It's good to sleep on it, since your subconscious will be working with this pattern in your sleep. Step #9. Have more practice sessions on this material in the coming days. Sleep will do wonders for this. After doing this pattern, your subconscious mind will be working to extend your intimacy with these talking points, and your ability to improvise in communicating from them. Keep practicing in the coming days when you get a chance to fantasize, such as while doing dishes or driving. Practice out loud now, because good muscle memory, and actually experiencing your own voice and vibration in this pattern builds your personal power and ability. In between, listen to some of the great speeches by people who were good at putting compelAs you take this skill into the real world, notice how people listen to you and respond to your vision, emotions and talking points. Continue to use this pattern for other important communications. Any conflict or leadership situation is a good one for this pattern. Any sensitive communications with difficult people are good for practice. Additional Advice When you are practicing in your mind, you can show your subconscious mind that it can be confident. For example, you can imagine the other person being just one in a crowd of a thousand listening to you up on a podium with a microphone. Then accept a Nobel Peace Prize after your speech. When you hear ad slogans, think about how much work went into boiling down a rich message into it. Notice how the commercials, and many nuances of the product and its presentation are aligned with this. 552 156. Belief Systems Dis-Integration '7here are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt evetything; both ways save us from thinking': - Alfred Korzybski CREDITS FOR THE creation of who lash out with hurtful words this NLP pattern belong to or violence discover that they are Robert Dilts. being controlled by impulses that Improve automatic reactions that come from multiple rep systems firing off a negative state. This pattern separates the parts of a negative synesthesia pattern so that it can be addressed. Many problems come from this kind of reaction. Most people cut across multiple rep systems. In this case, it is likely to include very strong non-verbal thoughts (auditory digital) that, when turned into words, become less powerful, as well as a hot rush of emotions (kinesthetic). 553 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select the situation and state. Pick a situation in which you have a rapid, automatic, negative reaction of some kind. The more irrational it is, the better. tions your mind recalled or created, what you heard, any auditory material that you recalled or created, and what you felt, including any feelings that you recalled or created. Understand it fully. Think of the most recent situ- Step #4. Position the material ation in which you rapidly expe- according to EAC. rienced this negative state in a strong way. Step #2. Clarify the verbal representation at the belief level. Place each representation in its appropriate position in your field of awareness according to eye accessing cues. Notice all the thoughts that you Step #5. Create a more had immediately before, during, eRective response. and after the incident. Look for the thoughts that where most strongly related to the situation and your behavior. Notice how they have a part in driving the behavior. Look at the aspect of the thoughts that could best be described as beliefs. State them as beliefs. If you have trouble finding these beliefs, go to the next step and return here during the last step, and come back to this pattern a few times, as well. Step #]. Identify all rep system material. What happened in your mind during the incident? Notice what you saw, any visual representaBrainstorm until you have a more effective response. Imagine going through the situation again, but with the more effective response. Notice anything that could make that response difficult, including any ecological issues and any rep system material that you have not positioned according to eye accessing cues. Step #6. Test As similar situations arise, notice how well you respond to them. Repeat this exercise as needed to respond effectively to the situation. 554 157. Criteria Installation "Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday': - Don Marquis CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors. Clarify your values to bring more ar ment to an area of life that seems unclear. Resolve indecisiveness, procrastination, and waffling that stems from unclear or misaligned criteria. 555 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Select a life area in which your values seem unclear. Select a life area such as career, finances, or relationships, in which you feel that your decision-making or actions are not based on a firm foundation of values or criteria. At this point, you think of a condition that would reverse your stance. c. Think of a condition that would stop you from doing it. d. State the value that would apply. For example, perhaps you Step #2. Create a hierarchy of would not replace the bulb if you criteria. had to meet an urgent deadline a. Start by thinking of a trivial and didn't need to be in the kitchact that you could do but wouldn't en for that. bother to. Ask what you wou Id accomplish by refraining from this action. Typically, you would save time. Be sure to state the criteria in positive terms. b. Now ask what might get you to take this action anyway. Note what you find important about this condition. For example, if you said that you would stand on a chair because you needed to replace light bulb, you might feel that being able to see and function in your kitchen is more important than two minutes of time. This pattern can be summarized so far as starting with a trivial act you would not do, citing the value that would prevent you from doing it, then stating the condition that would get you to do it. The value might be the importance of maintaining your accounts, staying out of jail, or being on time for an appointment. Try to summarize the value in one word, in addition to the brief statement of the value. For being on time, you might add, "punctuality." e. Repeat this pattern. Each time you state the criterion for your decision, come up with a condition that would get you to reverse your decision to do or not to do the action. Then state the value behind that decision. Step #]. Complete the continuum. As you proceed, you are creating a continuum of criteria from least to most important. 556 Continue until you are certain you have identified the most important criteria of all. This will be one that you can't trump with any condition. step #4. Clarify the submodalities. Explore the differences between the submodalities between the highest and lowest priority criteria. Notice how you represent various values such as "excellence," "healing," and "integrity." Pay attention to the analog submodalities that vary as you describe the criteria in all primary submodalities. Step #5. Confirm the appropriate position and submodalities for each criterion. For each criterion, decide whether you need raise or lower it, and where it should go on the scale. Shift its submodalities to match those of the next lower criterion. Code the criterion for the degree of importance it should have by adjusting the submodalities. CRITERIA INSTALLATION Step #6. Review again, emphasizing the value and position of the criteria. From a meta-position, evaluate your hierarchy of values. Ask how well these values serve you, and how well the function in their current sequence. How well do they enable you to make resourceful decisions and experience peace of mind? Note any criteria that you need to shift to another position, or change in any other way. Step #7. Select the criterion to shift. Determine which criterion you wish to shift. Determine where you want it to be. Think about what sequence of values will move you ahead as you desire. Step #8. Revise submodalities based on the final positions. Gradually shift the criterion to the appropriate place on your continuum. Based on the importance that the criterion should have, apply the submodalities that you feel are appropriate. Notice which submodalities appear in the criteria before and after it. Code it. 557 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #9. Complete step #8. Continue until you are satisfied that your value hierarchy will help guide you toward the most resourceful behaviors and decisions. Step #10. Future Pace. Imagine a situation in which your new criterion makes a difference. Imagine yourself in that situation fully experiencing this. Step #11. Test. Notice over the coming days and weeks how accessible you find resourceful states for challenging situations. 558 158. Kinesthetic Criteria "Don't fool yourself that important things can be put off till tomorrow; they can be put off forever, or not at a//': - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook CREDITS FOR THE creation of Start taking action by overcomthis NLP pattern belong to ing the criteria that get in the way. various contributors. 559 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #1. Select a behavior that is desired but not taken. Identify a behavior the person says they want to do, but does not do for some reason. Place it in location # 1 . This can also be something they want to stop doing, such as smoking or biting nails or yelling at their kids. Step #2. Identify the criteria for taking the desired action. Have the person clarify the values and meta-outcomes behind their desire to take the action. Ask why they want to take the action, and then, why that outcome itself is important to them. What you're looking for here is the 'toward' motivation. In this step they actually begin the change-work. Place these in location #2. Step #3. Identify the criteria that stop the desired behavior. Solicit the criteria for not doing the behavior. What stops them? Identify the values and metaoutcomes that support NOT taking the desired action. Put these in location #3. Try to identify values that are at a higher level than those found in step #2. Remember that the hierarchy is set by the person you're working with, not by your own values hierarchy or logic. We assume that such values or criteria exist, because they are overcoming the values that the person has for taking the desired action. Step #4. Generate higher-level criteria that support taking the desired action. Determine what higher-level criteria can override the criteria in location #3 in favor of taking the desired action. For example, if position #3 values like relaxation are getting in the way of smoking cessation, ask what values are more important than that. Come up with answers such as avoiding emphysema. Step #5. Anchor the state. Amplify the state associated with these overriding positive values and anchor it. You do not have to use a full anchoring procedure here; it is enough if you remind them of the state, ask them to enhance certain driver submodalities, and establish a kinesthetic anchor 560 KINESTHETIC CRITERIA without explaining what an 'an- the person moves to these lower chor' is. levels. Step #6. Imbue the lower levels with the positive state. It is important to make these lower levels very rich with this positive state. Hold the anchor and move into position #3 while in the state. Step #7. Make an ecology Continue in this state, moving check, adjusting as needed. to positions #2 and # 1. As the person walks through these positions have them come up with new, ideas for making sure that they take the desired action. For each good idea, have them imagine carrying it out, and then adjust their submodalities to match those of the highest criterion from step #4. Make every effort to ensure that the higher state is compelling as Check ecology as you future pace these creative ideas to see if you can make any additional adjustments. Step #8. Test. In the coming days and weeks, see how well this pattern has allowed the person to take the desired action. 561 159. The Spinning Icons Pattern "My alphabet starts with this letter called yuzz. It's the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz. You'll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond 'Z' and start poking around!" - Dr. Seuss CREDITS for the creation of this NlP pattern belong to Nelson link and Joe Munshaw. Prevent or escape negative states. Solve problems and be creative. This pattern draws upon the power of imagery to create a valuable meta-state. This pattern has also been called "Synthesizing Generalizations." Step # 1. Select a negative and positive state. Step #2. Get a visual representation of the negative and positive states. Step #.3. Create a symbol for the negative state. Step H. Repeat for the positive state. Step #5. Rotate the images around each other, accelerating to an extreme rate. Step #6. Blend the images into one image. Step #7. Tell a story. Step #8. Test. 562 Step #1. Select a negative and positive state. Identify two states. One should be a state you are in, or sometimes find yourself in, that is not desirable. If this is your first time working with this pattern, choose a relatively "weak" state. Once you get more comfortable work on the stronger, more disturbing, ones. The other state should be a very desirable state that you might think of as an "antidote" to the negative state. For example, you could take "irritated easily when hearing a squeaky noise" as the negative state, and its "antidote" state, "hearing music in every seemingly inharmonic set of sounds'~ Step #2. Get a visual representation of the negative and positive states. Access this negative state, and get a visual representation. Notice where in your sensory field it exists, and explore its submodalities. Be certain to explore the driver submodalities in the major modalities, visual, kinesthetic and auditory. The driver submodalities will give you the most elegant path for the change-work to be successful. THE SPINNING ICONS PATTERN Do the same for the positive state. Step #3. Create a symbol for the negative state. Have the person create an icon or symbol for the visual representations of the negative state. You can ask the person to, "Create a simple image that represents the negative state, such as a cartoon or icon." Step #4. Repeat for the positive state. Do the same for the positive state. Step #5. Rotate the images around each other, accelerating to an extreme rate. Have the person begin to rotate the two icons around each other, as if they were two planets in each other's gravitational field. The images will exchange locations and continue. Have them gradually speed up until they reach an extreme speed. Step #6. Blend the images into one image. Have them allow the images to blend into a single image. Ask the person to briefly describe the image. Do not get caught 563 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES in too many details here, the idea is just to get the general feeling of the image in order to work with it elegantly. Pace their description, but quickly move to the next step. step #7. Tell a story. Begin telling a story. Pick any story from your life or anywhere else that suits you. The purpose is to break state. If you have additional skiIls such as those from Ericksonian language then use these advanced skills as appropriate. Step #8. Test. In the coming days and weeks, see how this process has make the positive state more accessible, and how well the pattern has reduced incidences of being in the negative state. See whether the person has begun employing more creative ways of coping with situations that had been arousing the negative state, or more resourceful ways of preventing or getting out of the negative state. Additional Advice NlP, in general, is all about changing your state according to whatever is suitable and appropriate for the outcome at hand. What I would advice you, especially at this point in the book, is to understand how this pattern works from a 3rd or 4th perceptual position. This is something that is extremely hard to explain in writing, and unfortunately many Neuro linguistic Programming training programs are designed to certificate people, not to really train them in this art. Feel free to contact me for a recommendation on high quality NlP training programs. No, I'm not selling them, I had been in enough of those to learn to differentiate the good ones from the money-oriented ones. 00 564 160. Basic Belief Chaining nown many troubles, but most of them have never happened" - Mark Twain 5 HIFT A BELIEF from an unresourceful one to a resourceful one. 565 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #1. Get the somatic syntax. step #]. Attach reframes to each step. a. Select a limiting belief and a Walk through the belief change resourceful alternative belief. steps, and decide which reframe is most useful at each step. b. Identify steps between the two extremes of belief. Step #4. Practice the shift. c. Walk through each of the steps from the limiting belief state to the resourceful belief state. Pay attention to the changes in kinesthetic sensations and body language that you experience from step to step. Step #2. Use verbal reframes to assist with the shift. Try several verbal reframes that help make the shift between these beliefs. Notice which ones have the most positive impact in giving you a constructive and resourceful perspective. Walk through the steps several times, experiencing the kinesthetics and belie frame that you have associated with each step. Continue until you feel that the transition is easy and smooth. Step #5. Test. Over the coming days and weeks, notice any increased ease you experience in flexible thinking, and any increase in your use of positive frames and resourcefulness in your beliefs about any challenges that you experience. G0 566 161. Advanced Belief Chaining nown many troubles, but most of them have never happened" - Mark Twain CARRY OUT THE Belief Chaining Pattern with a Guide and in a more advanced form. 567 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES Step #3. Access a positive, resourceful and wise state from Choose a location for each of step location four. the following steps: Step #1. Create four steps. 1. Negative/unresourceful belief. 2. Somewhat negative/ unresourceful belief. 3. Somewhat positive negative/ unresourceful belief. 4. Positive/resourceful belief. Step #2. Express the limiting belief from position one. a. Both Explorer and Guide stand in the first step location, "negative/unresourceful belief." b. The Explorer expresses the negative belief. For example, III can It spend time with my family, because I always replay old behaviors that are really disturbing. I canlt cope with them.rI c. The Guide goes to the second perceptual position, and identifies the positive intentions or presuppositions behind the belief. For example, III value my emotional stability and the productivity that results from that. I value the people in my life who contribute in constructive ways to my developmen t.rI Explorer and Guide step into position four, "positive/resourceful belief' and, without attempting to create the positive belief, access a positive, resourceful and wise state. Step #4. Return to location one. Explorer and Guide return to location one, "Negative/ unresourceful belief." Step #5. The Guide helps the Explorer experience position two. a. The Guide steps to area two, "somewhat negative / unresourceful belief' and uses the positive presuppositions or intentions that were identified in order to produce a less negative belief. The belief must reflect the positive intentions or presuppositions. For example, Iyou are preventing contact with toxic people in order to avoid negative emotional states." Notice how this statement moves from "I can't" to an intention clyou are preventing ... I '), and from fate CII always ... I,) to an active role, Clln order to avoid ... '') 568 The frame is negative ("toxic people" and "negative emotional states'') but is less negative than the original belief because it brings in intention and action, that is, an internal locus of control and a sense of a meaningful identity and need. b. The Guide invites the Explorer to step into area two and experience this belief. c. If the Explorer feels that the beADVANCED BELIEF CHAINING from your family, to establish and maintain your boundaries in service of your emotional well being." b. The Guide invites the Explorer into the position to try out this belief. c. If the belief needs improvement, the Explorer asks the Guide to rework it. lief needs more work, then the Guide Step #7. The Guide helps the Exreworks the belief and tries again. plorer experience position four. For example, the positive presupposition may need to be adjusted to more accurately reflect the motives of the Explorer. The Guide can step into area four to reinforce the positive state in order to be more effective. Step #6. The Guide helps the Explorer experience position three. a. The Guide steps into position three, "somewhat positive/ resourceful belief" and creates a belief that crosses into being positive, and is based on the positive intentions and presuppositions of the Explorer. a. The Guide steps into position four, "positive/resourceful belief' and creates a positive belief that is based on the positive intentions and presuppositions of the Explorer. For example, ':4s your skill in using the resources you have gained, including those from your family, increases, you will expand the range of people that you can experience while fully benefiting from your boundaries and increasingly buoyant emotional well being." b. The Guide invites the Explorer into the position to try out this belief. c. If the belief needs improve- For example, ''Yiou are inde- ment, the Explorer asks the Guide pendently using the resources to rework it. you have gained, including those 569 THE BIG BOOK OF NLP TECHNIQUES step #8. The Explorer shares what was learned. The Explorer shares with the guide what lessons came from this experience. step #9. Test Overthe coming days and weeks, notice notice any increased ease you experience in flexible thinking, and any increase in your use of positive frames and resourcefulness in your beliefs about any challenges that you experience.